Snake Lords

"Takes place around when Naruto comes back with Jiriya. Sasuke is still with Orochimaru. So yeah, they're all around 15 or 16. A Naruto and Harry Potter Crossover. I'm not sticking to the plots of either series."

Thinking

"Yelling"

Chpt 1: Return Home and surprises

"Itakimas!" yelled a rather loud-mouthed teen that had shockingly blond hair.

"Please Naruto, slow down! You're going to get sick at this rate!" exclaimed Sakura.

"Don't worry about Naruto," said Iruka, "You've never seen him eat in overdrive. And trust me it's a scary sight." Naruto, Sakura, Iruka, Jiriya and Kakashi were all at Ichiraku Ramen's, celebrating Naruto's homecoming. ( A/N: No one but those 5, Ayame and her Father Ichiraku owners, and of course Tsunade-sama know that Naruto is back in Konoha.)

"Yeah Sakura, I'm only on my 5th bowl anyways so don't worry!" Sakura nervously looked back, twitching, to find 4 empty bowls and 1 bowl half full of ramen where she distinctly remembers there only being 1 bowl of ramen just a few seconds ago.

My God he's going to need a stomach pump after this! Sakura thought worriedly. Meanwhile, Kakashi-sensei was giggling profusely at his Come Come Paradise with Jiriya grinning perversely at some women also eating at Ichiraku's, both completely oblivious to the conversation happening right next to them.

"You know, I'll be right back you guys. I have to do some intense information gathering." Jiriya said that really creepy typing thing he does with his hands.

"Aaahhhh! Not again! Quick you guys, hide under the counter!" yelped Naruto. This actually brought Kakashi out of his giggling fit and all four of them dove under the counter.

"What is it Naruto? Why do we all have to be crouched under the counter?" asked Sakura.

"Just watch ero-sennin and plug your ears. 5...4...3...2...1."

Jiriya went flying out of Ichiraku's with colorful language, and a pained expression on his face that looked as if he had just been hit by 'A Thousand Years of Pain'. Apparently, Konoha's women still disliked extremely perverted men, especially really old ones.

"If you're going to be a perv, ero-sennin, you might wanna be a little less upfront about it."

"Naruto, do me just one, teensy, favor, STOP CALLING ME ERO-SENNIN! AND DON'T TELL ME HOW TO GATHER INFORMATION!" Screamed Jiriya.

"Ne, whatever ero-sennin. I'm going to bed I'm stuffed." 0.o They all gawked at Naruto was sitting. It looked as if he had inhaled around another 20 bowls of ramen while Jiriya was being attacked by Konoha's vicious women.

"That will be $150 please." (A/N: Sorry, not familiar with Yen.) All of a sudden, the only remaining person at the ramen stand was Iruka and a winking, plushie frog.

All throughout Konoha, people heard only one thing.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO FOOT THE BILL!"

…………………………

"YOSH! NEJI! TIME TO WAKE UP! TSUNADE-SAMA HAS A NEW MISSION FOR US!" yelled Rock Lee, dodging a flying lamp.

"Lee…"

"YES, NEJI?"

"Do you know what time it is?"

"YES NEJI! IT IS…5 O'CLOCK!" He said glancing at the clock that was aimed for his head.

"Then… GET OUT!"

"SEE YOU LATER NEJI! OH, AND BRING TEN-TEN WITH YOU!" Lee shouted as he jumped out the window.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Lee. As soon as I get there, I'm going to rip those uncannily loud vocal cords right out of his throat so I can for once, just sleep until 7. Neji thought murderously as he got dressed. Almost sleep-walking down the stairs he opened the door, only to find a sleep-standing Ten-ten right against the wall.

"Ohyo Neji. Iherd Lee fremmi house and jes decided ta comeova to save ya da trouble ef wakin meup." She mumbled. For those of you who don't understand it means: (Ohiyo Neji. I heard Lee from my house and just decided to come over to save you the trouble of waking me up.)

"Ten-ten, don't mumble. I can barely understand you. Oh, and you still look like you need waking up."

"Forget it. Lets just get there and maybe we'll have extra time to rest." voiced Ten-ten much clearer than she had before. Off they went, stumbling away from from Hyuuga Manor.

…………………………

"Glad to see you up all bright and early everyone!" said Shizune cheerily. She luckily was a morning person. Team Kurenai, Asuma, Gai (and Sakura) were evidently all summoned here as well. Everyone glared rather annoyed at Shizune. --' "Well then… Tsunade-sama has been waiting for you all. Come along with me. Oh and Neji, please stop that." Neji regretfully stopped throttling Lee on the spot, but still gave dangerous glances every few seconds.

"No offense, but it looks like Tsunade-sama didn't really care if we were here or not." said Kiba. The Hokage that was "supposedly waiting for them" was currently drooling all over a stack of paperwork. She was currently enjoying a dream where she repeatedly punched Jiriya through several brick walls.

"Oh dear," whispered Shizune, "Hey, Hashi. Is this your first time guarding here?" She asked the recently new ANBU member. He nodded nervously. "Good. Then your first task is to go wake up Tsunade-sama."

"Why?" Hashi asked.

"Because if you don't, I'm going to throw you out the window." Shizune said with a completely serious look in her eye. They were on the 6th floor.

"Well… fair enough." Agreed Hashi He poked Tsunade in the back. "Tsunade-sama, please wakAIEEEEE!"

"I got you now Jiriya! Darn, it was a dream again? Man for once I wish it was real. Oh Shizune, can you go outside and heal Hashi? I don't think he landed right." Shizune had purposely left out the part that no matter what Hashi chose, he would end up plummeting to the Earth very painfully.

"Now I have called you all here for a very important purpose…"

"Well I hope there was a purpose!" screamed Ino, "Do you know what time it is? I didn't even have time to brush my hair!"

"How troublesome…" Shikamaru said dazedly.

"SHUT UP INO! AND YOU TOO SHIKAMARU! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR WHINING!" blasted the Hokage. "Hey, wait a second we're missing some people…"

At that very moment, all the Jounins were dragging stubborn Kakashi and Jiriya who were both reading Come Come Paradise through the door.

"We'll say it for them," all the Jounins said at once, "They were late because they finally got to the good part in Come Come Paradise."

"Hey, you guys do a pretty good imitation of Kakashi-sensei." said an orange and black clad figure.

"HEY! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN BACK NARUTO?" shouted (almost) everyone.

"Oh I only got back last night, did you guys miss me?" asked Naruto.

"Of course not, what would ever make you think that we would miss you? It only finally got quiet around here and you just had to come back and ruin it didn't you? And you know what I…" Shikamaru droned on and on and on and eventually got pounded on the head by an agitated Ino. "Hey what was that for?" wailed Shikamaru.

"It was a message for your thick head to shut the hell up!" Ino shouted back.

While the two bickered on an odd shaped thingymawhoozit floated outside the window.

"Hi everyone! Sorry we're late. A certain somebody refused to move their lazy ass out of bed!" Everyone looked up. There were the sand siblings floating outside the window on a big cloud of sand. Actually, only two were floating outside, Kankaru was sprawled on the cloud wearing pink kitty-cat PJ's and holding a puppet doll.

"Huh? Whazat?" groaned a sleepy Kankaru, "AHHHHH! WHY AM I IN MY PJ'S IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! AHHHHH!"

"Wow, two girly shrieks in one sentence. I'm not even that bad." stated Neji.

0.o Everyone started staring at Neji looking very panicky. "Pardon me? What did you just say?" said an anonymous voice.

"Eerr, forget I said anything…" said Neji, a faint pink rising up around his cheekbones.

"Excuse me, may I please continue speaking now that everyone's here?" said Tsunade.

"May I get dressed first?" asked Kankaru.

"Oh just use Henge no jutsu for a minute you baby." Tsunade wearily stated. Kankaru, having transformed, everyone was now listening intently to Tsunade.

"I have a new and very dangerous mission for all of you. Every single one of you have to work together for this to succeed. And Kakashi, is Naruto tied down securely? I don't want a hole in my ceiling."

"Yes he is. I don't even think you could escape them Tsunade."

"WHAT THE HELL?" bellowed Naruto who was currently tied down to the armchair he was sitting in, "WHY THE HECK DID YOU TIE ME TO A CHAIR?"

"Because Orochimaru has…" at this name Naruto exploded in anger.

"OHMIGOD! HE DID IT DIDN'T HE? HE TOOK OVER SASUKE'S BODY DIDN'T HE! I'M RIGHT AREN'T I?"

"This is why I tied you to a chair and please let me finish what I was saying. Orochimaru has not taken over Sasuke's body," at this Naruto cooled down and everyone else instantly relaxed, "but has found an accomplice that goes by the name of Voldemort." Everyone looked confusedly at Tsunade.

"WHO THE HECK IS VOLDEWART TSUNADE-SAMA?" yelled Lee.

"She said Voldemort Lee…" sighed Ten-ten

"No way," Sakura said shakily. Every head turned towards Sakura. "That's not possible. I read that name in a book once. Since the book talked about magic, I thought it was all a hoax. Magic doesn't exist. It can't. If magic doesn't exist, that this Voldemort guy can't exist either." She stated simply.

"Sakura's right, magic doesn't exist. That's only in fairytales." Agreed Gaara.

"Unfortunately, you're all wrong. Magic is all too real. I know from past expirence." Said Tsunade.

"GAI-SENSEI, IS IT TRUE?" shouted Lee who had waterfall tears puring out.

"I'M AFRAID SO MY BEAUTIFUL, YOUTHFUL STUDENT!" shouted back a weeping Gai.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. Eventually Gaara pulled the tearful couple apart with his sand, sick of the rather disconcerting spectacle.

"Oi, Tsunade baa-chan, how do you know magic is real?" whispered a rather nerve-wracked Naruto.

"Well, I'll let our visitor tell you about that." As soon as she said that, the lights went out and a giant figure suddenly loomed out of the darkness in the middle of the room.

Well this is my first fic. Please review and tell me what you think. I may not be able to update very often so don't be too mad.