The Fangirl Song

Not sure if we've met before, but if you know who's who

We're the fangirls and fanboys with an occasional Mary Sue

We like to take our characters, see, and put them all through hell

We snap their necks, we make them cry, and then throw 'em down a well

Sometimes we like some good romantic fluff with a happy pretty end

Where we make enemies forget it all and then they wind up friends

But what we REALLY love to do is just beyond compare

We love to find a nice villain and stare at his underwear

Look at his eyes! They shine so bright! So bright I can barely see

Look at his pants! Look at his chest! Don't they just make you wanna squee?

Nope, you say? How can this be? We thought we chose the one

'Cause what's the best in all the world is to make the villains have fun!

Deep down inside, they're not so bad, if only you can look past their sins

Just forget all the bad he's done and stare at his shining skin

So sweet, we say! So beautiful! So wonderful and clever!

How could it be that he's so mean? Well, for all we care, it's never!

We know what makes them naughty and we know what makes them nice

If only we know what makes them tick, we can turn that salt to spice!

Fictional villains, for you see, are never really mean

In fact, if you look beneath the skin, they really are a dream!

So all we've got to do is clip a few strands of his hair

Shave off his chin, improve his grin, and then tidy up his lair

Now he's so nice! He smells so clean! His smile is pure delight

Now he's so proper and so fair he could light up the darkest night!

But no, you say, it can never be! He's a villain in proper canon!

But for all we know, he's always been a gentleman in fanon!

So yes, he killed his mother's friend and buried his daughter alive

But how do you know he couldn't be a baker if he tried?

Genocide? It never happened! Murder? Don't see any

In fact, if he really wanted, he could model for a pretty penny!

Really, why must you stuffy shirts always kick up such a stink?

It never matters what creators say-it's always what WE think!

For if he's super super hot and has a touch of tragic fate

Then in our minds he's secretly good and impossible to hate

Those chubby cheeks and cutesy faces could never belong to a meanie

Instead, let's dress him up like a maid or girl and put him in a beanie!

When such a delicious boy arrives or such a pretty girl

We take them up into our hands and give 'em quite a whirl

In our fics, they save the day and are kissed by all the crowds

'Cause when we seem 'em in the movies we always cheer really loud!

Not his fault his actor's sexy, not her fault she couldn't make it

If you don't like our version of the baddie, then just sit back and take it!

For we're the fangirls and fanboys and fictional stories are our toys

And if you try and stop it now we'll take you out in our murder ploys!

So sit back and relax as you enjoy the villain show

'Cause if you just don't like it we can always make it snow!

Fangirls and fanboys rule the world and call all the shots as we see

So bow down now and relieve the pain so we can truly-SQUEE!