Am I Missing?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.
Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke.
Authors Note: I am a total Java Junkie. Well junkie. I intend for this to be happy, and it's insured, don't you worry about that. I am just playing around with them for a little bit, I will put them back where they were, don't you worry!
Lorelai Gilmore had gone through a lot of things in her life. She had learnt that not every child grows up feeling loved and cherished by their parents. She had learnt that being witty and energetic didn't always guarantee you the friends you yearn for and the loves you wait for. And even the surest thing you ever felt can disappear in a second.
With each man that she was with, it had made her feel satisfied for a little while, but she always knew that there was something out there for her. She knew that a man was feeling the same as she was, and that when she found that, she had to make sure held onto him.
Being with Luke was easy. She knew you weren't supposed to be able to count on the guy you were dating, but she did. She knew Luke would never lie to her or to hide things from her. She was the one who did that. Luke was the kind of guy who she knew would have stuck by her through thick and thin, and late at night, she would stare at him, wondering how she became so lucky.
That is until one cold afternoon, she had learnt that not everything was perfect. She had lied to him before. But never would she hide something to the same extent that Luke had hidden from her.
The minute she had heard the words that Luke had a daughter, she had gone numb. She had secretly looked forward to the day that she would have his kids, and some faceless woman had taken that away from her. She would be a hypocrite to say she was upset that he had a kid.
She wasn't the paragon of virtue; she was glad that he had found about her. She didn't hate April, and she knew that if she ever met Anna, she probably wouldn't hate her either. But what she hated was Luke's decisions.
At first he acted like there was nothing wrong. He forced a smile, and he figured that she wouldn't notice. He stayed awake at nights and thought of all the ways he could tell Lorelai, but when the sun rose, he would put on a happy face, and continue to scare Lorelai.
She thought it was because no decisions were made about the wedding. So that's when she decided to humor Sookie about the napkins, and suddenly everything fell into place. And when she had planned everything, that feeling that Luke gave off became stronger.
If she hadn't walked into that diner when she did, she would have stated to believe it was her. Now that he had her, no holds barred, suddenly that allure that compelled him for so long vanished. She found herself editing her comments, and trying to be more like everyone else. She didn't come up with nicknames for him, she tried to be the kind of girlfriend/fiancé that he would be proud of, and then she walked into that diner and found out that it didn't matter what she did or said, he wasn't even concerned about her.
He said he didn't know how to tell her, but frankly she didn't buy that. He knew her history, he knew that the minute Chris told her that Sherry was pregnant, she was supportive and she made sure that Chris gave this life a chance.
At night now with Luke sound asleep, she would stay awake and try to figure out when things went so wrong? Was it the minute Christopher walked back into her life? She would have never talked to Chris ever again if it were possible. Or was it the minute she proposed? They had been on track, and suddenly that brought a whole new realm of problems? Or was it simply always there and she had never noticed it.
She found herself sad all the time. Each day that Luke kept secrets about April; a little bit of Lorelai was chipped off. He would come to bed and he wouldn't kiss and hug her like he did. There love life was non existent, and simply they became just spectators in each others lives, and then one day Lorelai woke up and she knew she couldn't do it anymore.
She got up and showered and put on her pretty shoes, thinking that this would be another day. A day of her avoiding the diner and Luke not noticing. And the townspeople asking her about April, when they probably knew more than she did. They knew about her before Lorelai did.
And looking at Luke's side of the bed, cold and distant, she sighed and looked at her ring. When she had first gotten it, it was a symbol of their commitment. And now it just seemed to mock her. A little memory of how good things were briefly, so she sighed and took it off and put it in the black velvet box it had been in. She walked with purpose and handed it to a stunned Luke, with April watching.
She had approached April stuck her hand out and shook April's hand. 'Hi, I'm Lorelai. You've got a great dad.' And she had turned around and left the Diner and she got into her jeep and didn't look back.
Her cell phone rang from distressed people. Too many calls from Luke questioning her, and some from Rory who was just concerned and even a message from Sookie with a slight 'told ya so' tone to her voice, but she just ignored them and she turned over in the floral happy print duvet on the bed she was on.
After all, who would ever guess that Lorelai Victoria Gilmore would ever go to the Cheshire Cat willingly ever again, but then again, most people thought that she was meant to be with Luke. But if she were really meant to be, would she feel so run down?