Series Title: The Bryan Adams Series

Title: How Do You Feel Tonight? – Story Nineteen

Author: ANNE (the insane one)
Rating: R
Summary: Catherine pays a visit to Paul Newsome. Post – Justice Is Served

Disclaimer: Characters et al belong to the people that make CSI. "How Do You Feel Tonight" belongs to Bryan Adams.

Cath's POV

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is there anybody out there?
anyone that's loved in vain
anyone that feels the same

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People automatically think a fuck buddy is just there for the sex. And granted, that's what Paul was at first. But as time goes along, and cases get harder, sometimes I just need someone to hold me in the middle of the night when the nightmares come.

And tonight, they're coming before I've even closed my eyes.

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is there anybody waiting?
waiting for a chance to win
to give it up and start again

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Paul and I aren't a relationship that's going to last. I've known that from the start. I think he knows it too.

So when my orgasm washes over me and I don't call his name, he's not offended.

In fact, I don't say anything. But I'm thinking it.

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we all need something new
something that is true
and someone else to feel it too

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I didn't tell him about the case. I never do. I made the mistake of telling Eddie about a case once.

He wouldn't touch me for a week.

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i feel so high - no one else would know it
i don't know why i feel the way i do
i can't let got - and i'm not scared to show it
cuz being here feels right
tell me - how do you feel tonight?

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I wanted to hold my daughter tonight. I wanted to smell her childlike smell, and feel her small arms surround me. I wanted to bury my face in her hair, and feel the complete rush of joy run throughout me when she says, "I love you, Mommy."

But tonight she's with her dad.

So her Mommy is here. She's had sex with a man who she doesn't love and she's felt the brief pleasure of orgasm. And now she's lying here, with his arm draped across her, afraid to close her eyes.

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is there anybody out there?
anyone that can't explain
anyone that feels no pain

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I didn't see Grissom today, and by god, I wish I had. It was him I was thinking about tonight, throughout the case, and throughout the evening with Paul.

He barely blinked when I took the case tonight, and while I'm sure his little spy Sara has run back to him, telling him that Catherine couldn't stay at the scene….I'm hurt that he hasn't called or even beeped me.

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is there anybody dreaming
dreaming of a better day
when everything goes your way

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So I can't sleep, because I can't close my eyes.

When I close my eyes the nightmare comes.

But that pain, that hollow ache that Grissom is oblivious to when I need him…it's there whether I open my eyes or keep them closed.

I wish something would make it go away.

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we all need something new
someting that is true
and someone else to feel it too
someone just like you

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FINIS