It is simple. Simple, painfully so. This is what she has been raised to do. This is the reason why she left the safe beauty of the Wilds. This is why her mother risked her to fight alongside the Wardens, risked contracting the Taint and perishing.
The moment has come. So, why does she hesitate? She has no fancies of being a kind person. She is selfish, ambitious, and prickly at best. She believes only the strongest must survive, the weak must perish. Sometimes, she is more of a beast than a human.
"Why am I lying to myself?" she whispers into the empty hallway. "I know why." It's because she has to admit, at long last, that she has lied to people that she respects, that care for her. That she cares for. She fears what they might think. What they will say. Do.
Even though what she plans will save their lives.
She knows what will happen to a Warden who slays an Archdemon. Her mother went into great detail, more than she would ever expect. The thought of that occurring to the Wardens she travels with… it is enough to make her ill.
The worst is Serenity. The noblewoman whose cold and stoic mask hides a mind as cunning as any fox, yet the gentle and righteous heart of a lion. Dragon, her mother called her as she rested in the hut. Dragon, she calls her, for her fury in battle and her deep set loyalty and protection of things that are hers. Her friends, her family, her people, her country. Things that are hers, she guards with everything she has, leaving others to ruin if that is what she must. She saw the woman and thought them the same, only to see the noblewoman soften as she stopped seeing other people as pieces, and chose solutions that benefited more than just her own. But even at the beginning, at her coldest, the dragon queen held out her hand and took her under protection. Her friend, her sister.
It is due to Serenity that she cannot bear to see Alistair die. She loathes the new king. Hates him with an intensity that surprises her. His humor bothers her at best, and his refusal to take responsibility way back when they started out makes her think of him as weak, weaker than a newborn kitten even, and nothing more, despite his subtle growth. However, so long as she was being honest to herself, she will admit the main reason why she hates him is because he knows she's here for some other reason, knows that she is a liar and a monster, knows she's selfish. He knows these things, and doesn't let her forget. She hates him for seeing through her, even as she tries to change. But as much as she hates him, she knows that Serenity loves him. While the thought of Alistair's death makes her smile (if bitterly and sardonically), the thought of Serenity mourning him is one she refuses to keep for more than a second. She refuses to let Serenity be harmed like that. Let her sister mourn like that. For Serenity's sake alone, she will keep Alistair alive.
So, why not let the last one go? Why reveal that she'd been lying, deceiving? Let the third Warden take control and kill the Archdemon. Let the third go and die. Except that the third is Agrona, and she cannot bring herself to let Agrona die like that. Their relationship started bad and they were rarely around each other long enough to reconcile fully, becoming comrades, but not necessarily friends. But she respects Agrona, whose loyalty and fierceness reminds her of the alpha wolf of the pack. She respects Agrona, who walks her own path. Respects that when life kicks her, she hits back ten times as hard. Respects that as she traveled, she matured and grew into the strength she always had. Her mother never taught her how to respect, but watching Agrona, she learned.
So, that is it. There are only three choices to kill the Archdemon. Oh, there is a fourth, but he is older, less agile, and she highly doubts he'll kill the Archdemon. Her mother never mentioned a fourth, after all, though she talked of much everything else. She knows the fourth will fail. If not, she'll be pleasantly surprised. But she will not count on him. She doesn't love him, know him, respect him. She will go through the ritual, even if she must tie down Alistair and fully betray the people she's grown fond of.
"Don't you knock," an annoyed voice grumbles. She looks up to see Alistair glaring at her. She sees the traces of despair in his face. They have learned the truth. It is almost time.
"Tis a hallway," she snarks, refusing to be cowed.
"Yes, well…" He sighs, no retort available in the face of what he'd learned. In his view, either he will die, or he will lose someone close to him. Fiance or little sister. "We march tomorrow. So get some sleep. Well, if you witches sleep, that is. Maybe you turn into a cat and chase mice! That might be fun." She cannot bring herself to reply. "Right, then. Obviously, something's bothering you." He walks to the stairs, no doubt preparing for sleep. "Why not go talk to Serenity or something?"
But she cannot talk to Serenity about this. No, when she next talks to Serenity, she must have her decision made. So… "Alistar," she calls. She's already at her lowest point, so she has no qualms in letting her pride disappear. "If asking a friend to do something terrible might help, would you do it?"
"You… what?" He freezes on the steps and stares. "You're really asking me?"
"Tis come to that, yes."
"Why are you even asking? You don't have friends."
"I have one. You know that well."
"Yeah, whatever." He sighs. "If I thought it would help, then absolutely. We need everything we can get."
He walks away after giving her only a brief suspicious look. She stares at the walls again and feels tears slip from her eyes. She hates this. She hates what she must do.
But it will save them. It will save them. That, more than her own ambitions, is why she'll go along with Alistair's advice. Go along with her mother's plan. Go along with the Ritual.
She will bear whatever is thrown at her, so long as they are alive.
Author's notes - Short little oneshot from Morrigan's POV. Inspired by my recent re-reading of the Revelation comic, this shows my interpretation of how Morrigan comes into her decision. It ties in to Wardens' Tale, but mostly in the Human Noble and City Elf Wardens that are mentioned. Wouldn't leave me alone at all.