Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.
A/N: Warning: Character death! So, this is an AU and I have never written anything for the OutlawQueen fandom before so please be kind if you decide to leave a review. I planned on writing something completely different when I sat down, but I got out of control and went down this path. Also, all mistakes are mine!
She feels empty, everything in her head is cotton and her body feels heavy; dry and hot. Everything is numb; it's all grey and dull. The drugs she takes allow her to relax for a while, to make her mind go blank for some time. No pain, no sadness. Sometimes she forgets she used to have a life, only 3 weeks ago, but it feels much longer. Her whole world has shifted, people know, but she isn't ready to go out and talk about it. Actually she's far from it; she doubts she ever will be.
Robin is her rock, all day every day when she's just lying on the couch watching some silly television, he's there. For a moment she wonders if he's silently moved in, but then she decides that it doesn't matter.
Henry's dead and nothing will ever matter to her again. Nothing will ever be able describe the way her heart used to ache, to physically hurt, before the doctor prescribed her those drugs that prevented her from going completely crazy.
At the funeral her knees went weak and Robin had to hold her upright while she was silently sobbing. She was so ashamed, embarrassed beyond telling, but in that moment Regina didn't have any control over whatsoever. Cora, of course, on the other hand was standing like a frozen ice sculpture next to her in front of Henry's grave.
However, Robin is sitting beside her on the leather couch, she's wrapped into a blanket and some cushions support her body. Regina is looking out of the window, watches as the flocks of ice crystal fall down and join the snow on the ground. It's late January, so thank god Christmas is over. Robin did have Roland over the weekend after Christmas Eve and the four of them would make some hot cocoa with cinnamon and play cards or literally any game. They've had the best time during the holidays; Regina tries to think about something else quickly, but it's already too late. She feels twin tears rolling down her cheeks and she hates herself, because now Robin will see how weak she is, again, and he will be all sweet and caring. It's just she wants none of it.
Leaning against his side, she answers his question about if she's hurting too much again, and says "No." She looks down onto her fingers and whispers, "I am feeling nothing." Actually, she does feel something. Even though it's all numb, she feels like utter shit, like crap on a cracker. It's a difficult situation, she's absolutely powerless to the pain and grief and so that's a whole other way to drive her crazy.
Robin is walking around her on eggshells and she loves him, she does, but oh how she wishes he would just talk to her normally, or touch her, make her crazy with his touch and want, sadly she knows he wouldn't take advantage of her. That's what he'd say, Regina thinks.
Now she's the poor mother whose son died in a car accident, people will put her in the bottom drawer of a desk; the one that never gets opened because there's stuff inside you would rather not deal with in your life. Regina feels hysterical, without any hold and the only way to feel something again, something good, is to bring that warm prickling feeling of love back into her belly.
Regina thinks Robin's probably said something to her statement earlier but she didn't listen. She looks up into the loveliest eyes and the love breaking down over her chokes her.
"Kiss me." Her voice sounds desperate and broken and maybe that's the reason why Robin obliges, she doesn't know, but when his mouth covers her mouth she thinks he understands.
Normally she isn't needy or selfish but today she just wants him to work his magic on her. She is rushing; not taking any time, the need to feel alive again has taken over her. Regina takes off her grey sweatshirt and the camisole she's wearing in one quick motion and moves to do the same to Robin's clothes but he catches her hands and presses his forehead to her brow. "Shh, is this really what you need?" Drawing in a shaky breath she takes his head into her hands. His lips, his mouth kissing every inch of her body is all she craves right now; though at the same time she wants something quick and sharp, because she's not herself. She feels confused and doesn't know how to deal with this situation.
Because, well, how do you deal with the loss of a child?
Looking him right into the eye Regina murmurs that yes, she does need to feel something, to make sure she's alive and still capable of loving and "would you please take me, take good care of me?"
She trusts him completely and she sees the look in Robin's eyes change. He looks soft and she knows he's appreciating her honesty. "Nothing I'd rather do, milady." He presses a chaste kiss to her quavering lips and removes his shirt.
He takes her hands and leads them to his bare chest before getting rid of the blanket. Then, Robin takes a look at her just before he gets lost in her beauty. This person in front of him looks like a broken, small queen, nothing like the mayor that she is to this town. It's obvious what Regina needs and demands and he sure as hell is going to give it to her, because there's nothing worse than seeing the ones you love suffer.
From there on things get heated pretty quickly.