... sorry, I just glanced at the clock on my computer and got majorly confuzzleated. OO ack. I suppose that was the shortest... ten? minutes of my life or something?
Here! A ...-nother random one shot written by me and Tom. Or Tom and I if you want to get all grammatical and all. Actually, TOM only wrote like, what, a couple sentences before moving to a different seat and whatever! We were on a bus from Hannibal, MO. Yeah. And people were singing songs from All American Rejects. TT Why are they so popular all of a sudden or something?! Blah! Asian Kung Fu Generation rules!!!
Only hey, I rewrote most of it. yeah. Cos there wasn't originally an epilogue. But there is now! In the same chapter. There fore, it is a one shot. Not a two shot.
End Rant.
oh wait- P.S. Tom. You're spelling really sucks. xD (not the first time I've said it and it probably won't be the last... IMPROVE YOUR SPELLING!...I'm a hypocrite. French origin words are EVIL. OMG I missed FIVE words out of TWENTY.
Yet I still did better than the other people in the class, according to the teacher.)
One evening, Itachi was bored and found a Sharpie in Sasuke's closet amongst underwear (briefs, to be exact) and socks. Fuzzy ones. No, just kidding. Wait, Sasuke's a ninja. They don't usually wear socks. But we digress. Sort of.
The Sharpie was nice and black (although slightly blue if you looked at it a certain way) and somewhat pointy. It had been dulled from days of use. Days. Orochimaru and the Sound Four came over for a play date and went a bit crazy with Sharpies and drew all over the left half of Sasuke. They left him with one Sharpie to do it himself if he wanted.
Well, Itachi was being a bad brother and nosing through his dearly beloved little brother's stuff and discovered that Sharpie. He picked it up and dotted himself once, and found it was fun and repeated that process.
Suddenly Sasuke Suzuki Suzy came in with a wooden gun and cork ammo and shot his dearly beloved older bro in the gluteus maximus.
"What the (bleep) are you doing with me (bleep)ing Sharpie?!!" Sasuke Suzuki Suzy screamed.
Clutching the Sharpie with one hand and his pained gluteus maximus with his other hand, Itachi whimpered, "Dearly beloved lil bro... I LUFF YOU!!!" He...flew...over to his brother and glomped him, tears freely falling from his girly eyes.
"You were so adorable the first day I saw you all bloody and all, right out of Mom's--"
"Hey, Itachi's crying, yeah!" Deidara voiced over.
"Yes he is. Now get back to making my frappuchino thing a ma bobber. You know I don't like to wait," Sasori growled.
End voice over.
The waves were crashing behind the two and the citrus colored sunset glowed vibrantly. A couple of seagulls cawed or whatever somewhere in the distance. It was truly like a genuinely picturesquely inspirational Gai-Lee moment. Only it wasn't Gai-sensei and Lee-san.
Suddenly the sunset fell down and revealed Neji at a synthesizer. Who knew Neji was a musician? Psh, put your hands down; you SO did NOT.
Now, where were we? Ah, right, Itachi declared his brotherly love to Sasuke and they embraced lovingly. They still are. Neji was still pushing buttons on his handy not so little synthesizer, making invisible seagulls caw and waves crash in the background. Which wasn't much of a background, because it was a black wall and Neji in front of it behind his synthesizer. It only counts partly as a background just because Neji is in it.
"Hell yeah!" Neji temporarily pauses from his synthesizer and punches the air. Or pokes. Whichever floats your yacht. Boat. Ship. Titanic.
Suddenly Sasuke Suzuki Suzy (Yo, it's called pronouns) pulled back and whacked Itachi upside the head with a very familiar looking red and white fan.
"Do not change the subject dearly beloved older brother! Now answer my question!" Sasuke Suzuki Suzy (pronouns...) stood tiptoe to glare at Itachi, who gulped. What was the question again?
"Do. You. Like. Pie?"
Neji did a faceplant on the synthesizer and a whole range of ...sounds were emitted. Gasp! Neji, you should know better than to treat it like a toy; it is a very expensive thing! Neji muttered incoherently into the keys and then fell silent, as if he passed out.
Itachi answered in a very small voice, almost like a squeak, "...yes...?"
Sasuke Suzuki Suzy (ARE YOU PURPOSELY IGNORING ME? USE THE (BLEEP)ING PRONOUNS!!!) broke into a very big cheesy (Gasp, cheese! It makes a reappearance, if you read on to the next sentence) smile.
"Good, dearly beloved older brother, because I made you delicious CHEESY SHARK PIE!"
Sasuke Suzuki Suzy whipped out a hot, steaming pie. Neji regained consciousness but sadly, he fainted again from puking too much.
Sasuke Suzuki Suzy gave his brother a lovely shiny silver (because gold is ugly, bleh. Or not) spork to eat with and he had such a pleading look on his face. But no matter the cute puppy look on Sasuke's face, Itachi had to refuse.
"I'm so sorry dearly beloved lil bro, but I cannot eat your delicious CHEESY SHARK PIE! I promised Kisame-chan that I would no longer eat sea food anymore."
"You didn't promise; you never could promise! You just can't eat seafood cos you lost a bet with Tobi!"
"Gasp!" Itachi exclaimed. "How did you know?!"
"I am Tobi, the good boy. I know everything."
"Oh. Well, it is such a tragedy. I cannot eat seafood with Sasuke Suzuki Suzy-chan anymore. Oh, our precious family time is broken now!" Itachi sobbed.
Tears welled in Sasuke Suzuki Suzy's eyes as well. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but!! I made it just for you! For YOU!! It's fate was to be made and to be eaten and digested and then--"
"Hey, what was the bet?" Kisame asked in a voice over.
"None of you business," Tobi said, and stuck out his tongue. Kisame shaves it with his big (bleep) sword.
"Ha! Brat."
"Blelll thuck you."
"Gasp! Such foul language cannot be allowed, Tobi! TOBI IS A BAD BOY!!"
End second voice over.
Itachi embraced Sasuke Suzuki Suzy again.
"It's okay dearly beloved lil bro. I'm sure we will find a better use for this...er, pie."
So they both skipped together hand in hand to Kakashi Shitake's house and force fed it to him through tubes and up his nose like they did in a movie about suffragists.
The end.
"I like PIZZA HUT! NOT CHEESE!"
Oh, sorry, that wasn't supposed to be typed.
But it is anyway.
Epilogue: Kakashi's Revenge
Um... well... Kakashi accidentally got rabies from one of his summoning dogs and went all wild and crazy and bit Sasuke Suzuki Suzy and Itachi and somehow they both died from the rabies.
Oh pity.
But the good news was...
There's good news?
Oh yes.
Everyone in Konoha got to see Kakashi without his mask on! (They also got to see him foaming a strange purple from his mouth.)
The bad news was...
There's bad news?
Of course.
No one lived to draw a portrait of what the infamous Kakashi Shitake looked like without his mask on.
No, not even me.
But we did see Kakashi Shitake with just the mask on and it's attached to a sleeveless shirt of some sort and one could say he was kind of hot. But that was actually Kakashi HATAKE, Kakashi Shitake's good twin. So the evil rabid Kakashi Shitake is loose around a simulated Konoha while the good Kakashi Hatake is...sipping hot frappuchino that he stole from Sasori and Deidara.
The end. Owari.