AN: ...Another one-shot. Convince me I don't suck half as much as I actually do.
Making Changes:
"I believe in the brotherhood of man, all men, but I don't believe in a brotherhood with anybody who doesn't want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I'm not going to waste my time treating someone right who doesn't know how to return the treatment." -Malcolm X
Johnny sat on his couch, staring at the TV, wondering where it went wrong. Why the changes he craved could not be made...
Sixteen years of being on this Earth, and he still couldn't find a reason to savor his time there.
A teenage Nny walked down the sidewalk, listening to the sounds of his city. The sounds everything made. He could hear the stereo's blasting. For a moment, he listened to the words of the musician.
"...Give 'em guns, step back, and watch 'em kill each other. It's time to fight back, that's what Huey said. Two shots in the dark, now Huey's dead. I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start making changes. Learn to see me as your brother instead of two distant strangers..."
How true this man's words were. He stood by the lamp post not far from the group of people listening to the stereo. He decided that if they could listen to that, this infinite wisdom of the artist singing, then they could themselves be enlightened enough not to snicker at him as he passed.
But no. Two or three laughed outright, and called derogatory remarks to him.
He could remember at least one being dismembered there on the sidewalk. The rest methodically stalked and destroyed for their hypocrisy and lies.
Now, sometime in his twenties, he sat in a filthy, broken down house with seemingly infinite floors, tunnels and secret passages, knowing not how he came to reside there.
16 was an exceptionally horrible age. Nail Bunny became a voice, slowly but surely. Especially after he nailed him to the wall.
Nny tried to change according to Nail Bunny's logic and reasoning. Nny had been trying for months to stop rampaging and destroying.
Destroying.
He couldn't change. This was the way it would always be. He would always be as low as the people he killed for the simple fact that he was destroying in general. Destroying lives, loves, and emotions.
The very same thing they did to him.
He was, in some sick, condescending way, lowering himself to their level to have his revenge on them. These thought's made him sick, gave him orbs of awkward discomfort in his guts. Made him wish he never had to talk to anyone ever again.
"Violent, destructive, addicted creatures..." he muttered.
He couldn't remember when the Doughboy's arrived on the scene of things, but he knew he had become oblivious to their power.
"FOOK!" he screamed, throwing a handful of chips at the blank TV screen.
He couldn't make the connection. He couldn't figure out where it went wrong. What happened. There was no connection to be made. No reality in what was happening to him. But it was all too real to be in his head. Devi and that Tess girl had proved that, Mr. Vargas he needlessly killed. And anyone he'd had mild contact with between when he could remember remembering and now.
"I hate this." He hissed out loud.
"That's good!" Reverend Meat said.
"...Why? Hate is good! Hate has caused every genocide, suicide, homicide, war, and any other bad thing that could ever happen to the human race. Hate is a contemptuous motivation that makes me sick."
"But it's an emotion."
"A mock-emotion."
"But it resembles an emotion. You need emotions. You need-"
"I NEED NOTHING." Johnny said in a low voice.
"You need so much." Reverend Meat said.
"...No. I only need one thing."
"YES! That's a start! One thing! What would that thing be, Nny? Enlighten me on your ever present needs."
"I need to make changes."
"Yes, that's the spirit!"
"Changes for everything, starting with you. You won't taint my thoughts like those other voices. You won't try to control me like those other voices." Nny said, advancing on the knick-knack.
"Nny, don't be silly. You're misguided without-"
"I'm not misguided. I'm not misguided without you, I navigate better without you, as a matter of fact." He said, picking it up and throwing it.
"You're making a terrible mist-!" Reverend Meat was cut off when he crumbled against the wall.
"I know he's a voice, and I know he'll come back."
Nny, have you ever considered the fact that all these voices are your way of dealing with something? Some issue you have? Think. You wanted to murder all those people. You did. There was always something telling you not to, something telling you to. You just gave them personalities. Motivations. Nail Bunny was rational because he had no motivation. Reverend Meat appeared when you decided you couldn't feel for anything anymore. When you wanted to get rid of your emotions and needs. You can't handle any minor problem on your own, so you create characters to help you cope. You see everything through a camera lens. That's why you're so attracted to movies. You like the idea of something being a story, something having an ending, a beginning, and a climax, with resolutions to all the conflicts in the plotline.
Nny looked around.
This voice...
Was his.
It was on him to do what he had to do to survive. He understood. Make his own decisions.
This voice was his. He knew it was somewhere inside him, but he couldn't summon it for a long, long time.
But now...
Now he could. Now he knew what it sounded like.
These changes were happening already.
He and himself and no one else would make the changes needed, and that's how it'd be from that moment on.