Cleansing
By xxkoffeexx
Disclaimer: I don't own.
Summary: Time heals everything, but he never has time anymore. Not even to cry. YamaxHaru.
A/N: I was heavily inspired by The Afters - Beautiful Love. Garowyn understands.
Sometimes, Haru wonders why her childhood memories seem golden. Not every memory is happy, and most are actually very painful. But somehow, even the scratches and falls and sobs glow with a bittersweet radiance, and she smiles wistfully for the carefree, innocent days.
One such memory is when she is in middle school, and she, Kyoko and Hana go to the bakery after school, only to find that the store is closed. They walk back home, disappointed, but still hopeful. The next day, they go to the bakery again. It is open, and they are relieved.
Another such memory is when she is in high school, and stops by the batting cage to watch Yamamoto hit baseball after baseball for one hour. After two hours, he stops and offers to walk her home.
She remembers baking a cake for Hana's 18th birthday. She remembers burning three cakes in her home stove before she finally makes it right.
She remembers Lambo and I-pin fighting because she shared lunch with another boy.
She remembers punching Ryohei in the face when he is teaching her boxing.
Her childhood is golden, and her memories of it are wonderful. There is so much fun, so much time, so much laughter, and her ears still ring with the ghost-like echoes of past.
Haru wonders where the time has gone.
.
Yamamoto knows where the time has gone.
With a flick of his wrist, the katana sings silently through the night. Moonlight strains to catch glimpses of the beautiful metal, and it beams with success when the sword gleams in the darkness.
Others are not as successful.
Almost carelessly, he swings in an arc and greets his enemies (Vongola's enemies) with hardly a breath of air as warning. His steps are fluent and sure, silent and precise, and the deadly calm in his dark eyes is the last image his enemies see.
The katana stops singing, almost as soon as it begins to rain. It is his rain, and Yamamoto closes his eyes to allow the water to heal his injuries.
Clouds part way for the moon to shine on him, illuminating the katana in his loose grip. He almost expects blood to flow from the blade point, but the silver metal is clean.
Yamamoto feels dirty.
The rain is supposed to heal and cleanse, but his heart is clouded with blood and death. He doesn't have the time to mourn for himself because the rain stops and it is time for the next mission. Vongola. That is where the time always goes.
He has no time to heal everything.
.
They meet by chance (at least that's what Haru thinks) on the street. She is walking to her apartment and he is on his way to nowhere, and soon they are walking together.
They catch up on lost time but cannot catch all of it because Haru's apartment is in front of them and Yamamoto must go back to work.
"Let's catch up later," he promises with a shadow of a grin.
"Well, you know where I live," Haru says cheerfully, omitting her third-person speech because they are adults now and the golden days are gone. His grin is less of a shadow, and they don't say goodbye because they know they will meet again.
Haru thinks about him for the next few days, wondering how he grew and changed into a handsome man and is sad that his smile is not a smile anymore. And then she forgets because it is time to study for exams.
He knocks on her door a month later, asking if she has time to catch up. Of course she has time, and she lets him inside for a cup of tea and a fresh batch of cookies.
A week later, she has time to stop at a café with him, and they talk for three hours.
Two months later, she has time to eat a late lunch with him at a restaurant.
Haru actually barely has time to study for college, but she realizes she has all the time in the world for Yamamoto.
.
Yamamoto never follows a schedule. He shows up in Haru's life when she least expects him, and doesn't show up when she expects him. He is an infrequent visitor.
On one such visit, Haru is making a light dinner for herself. "Ramen," Yamamoto states with raised eyebrows when she lets him in. "Why am I not surprised?"
"You don't want any?" Haru asks huffily, masking the good mood that comes along with Yamamoto's presence. "Fine."
"I do," he grins, quickly sliding into one of Haru's two chairs. She feels her mask crumble at his boyish mannerism and smiles back.
He helps her wash the dishes, and they joke about Gokudera sharing an apartment with his sister because Bianchi doesn't trust her brother to clean by himself. As she laughs, Haru notices Yamamoto silently cupping water in his hands.
"It's just sad," Yamamoto explains when she asks why. "Water is so clean and pure, but we end up using it for our own needs. We mix it with soap, we drink it, we waste it—we destroy it." His eyes are distant and there is an underlying current of regret in his tone that Haru catches.
She frowns at his words. "But water evaporates, doesn't it? So we don't destroy it. It just returns to its natural form and becomes pure again." Haru doesn't see him pause and she purses her lips. "Haru thought we all learn the water cycle in middle school. How strange." She reverts back to her old speech without even realizing.
Yamamoto chuckles and flicks water at her. "Are you saying I'm strange Haru?"
"Hahi! You are!" She splashes water back, but he escapes into the living room. She follows with laughter bubbling in her throat.
After five minutes, Yamamoto announces somberly that it is time for him to go, and Haru just as somberly agrees. She knows he has no time to stay, and she wishes her heart understood this. Yamamoto looks at her downcast eyes and wishes he could stay in her apartment forever.
There is no time, but he hugs her a moment longer.
.
A week passes. Two weeks. A month goes by and Yamamoto does not come.
Kyoko visits Haru on the second month. Haru takes one look at the smile on her friend's tired but calm face, and breaks down. The honey-haired woman lets her cry and fixes a warm cup of cinnamon tea.
"He'll be back. Don't worry." Kyoko doesn't need to ask in order to know why Haru is crying. "The boys always come back to us. Remember?"
Haru nods, but doesn't lift her wet face. "It's just… so hard."
Kyoko pauses. "It's hard for them too."
"But then why are they gone?"
"Simple."
Haru blinks and looks up at her friend, who smiles gently.
"Because they care for us."
With a sniffle, Haru sighs into Kyoko's wet shoulder. "But I care for him too."
"Then wait, Haru."
.
Six months roll by and Haru wonders if she should get her hair cut. It is long, almost down to her bellybutton, and now that she has graduated she has too much time on her hands.
But she doesn't want to cut her hair. She thinks Yamamoto might not recognize her if she did.
"The older women get, the shorter their hair is," remarks Hana when they meet for coffee. The married woman fingers her own short locks absently. Haru stares because Hana looks so mature and kind of sexy in the married-woman kind of way.
The next month arrives. Haru cuts her hair up to her chin and applies for a job.
.
Giving up baseball is not the easiest thing Yamamoto's done in his life. Neither is the choice to commit his life to la famiglia instead of his father's sushi restaurant. Time has done little to heal his pain, and the rain only cleanses his body. For ten years he struggles to smile.
But spending a year without seeing Haru is the hardest yet, he thinks.
He thinks a lot while he is at Vongola's headquarters, and the nights in Italy are not as bloody as they are a year ago. He has more time on his hands than before, and sometimes he does not know what to do with it.
The rain stops. Yamamoto watches it evaporate.
And then he knows.
Before he hears the go-ahead from Tsuna's mouth, before he can see the scowl forming on Gokudera's face, Yamamoto is racing to the airport, heart in his throat.
There is still time.
.
One year and two months.
Haru works at a small company and is fairly content with her life. She is proud of her achievements and wants to tell him, but the apartment remains quiet and empty.
She wonders what Yamamoto is doing. She hopes he thinks about her half as much as she thinks about him, and even that is asking for a lot.
Gray clouds gather. An ominous rumble.
As she takes a detour to her apartment, thinking of what groceries to buy for dinner, Haru doesn't realize she has passed him until he suddenly snags her hand. Her eyes widen and her heart jumps.
"Yama—"
"Sh," he orders quietly, even though he already claps a hand over her mouth. Much to her bewilderment, he glances around, then firmly pulls her into a dim, narrow alley. There, he sighs in relief and tells her, "That's better. They won't find us here."
Haru takes his hand off her mouth and demands, "Why are you being followed?" More rumbling in the distance. The air feels heavy and expectant.
Yamamoto shakes his head. "That's not important. I want to tell you something, Haru."
She wants him to tell her a lot of things. She wants to yell at him for not telling her anything. She wants to put her old boxing lessons to practice and hit him really hard. She wants to know why he's still holding her hand, why they are standing in an isolated alleyway, why he is looking at her with those eyes, why he recognizes her even though she cut her hair.
She waits instead.
He takes a deep breath. "Will you wait for me?" He closes his eyes and says hurriedly, "I know it's painful, and you probably don't want to wait that long, but give me a—"
"Yes."
"What?"
Haru smiles at the shock in his eyes. "I'll wait for you. A hundred years, if you want." And she knows in her heart that she'll give him all the time she can offer and more. "Because... I love you and I—hahi!"
Yamamoto tugs, pressing her head against his warm chest so she could hear the steady beating of his heart. She holds back a sob because this is the memory of him that lingers in her dreams, and now it isn't a dream any longer.
"I have to go," he says softly.
"Then go." She pulls away slowly and gives him a sunny smile. "I'm not going anywhere."
In reply, he reaches up to touch the short ends of her hair. Haru realizes he doesn't want to say goodbye, and tilts her head to the side cutely.
"How does Haru look?"
His hand brushes her jaw and he leans forward to smile at her.
"Beautiful."
Rain falls, but he doesn't care.
Because while time or rain doesn't heal him, Haru's smile does.
END
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A/N: It's been so long since my fingers have typed Yamamoto and Haru's names. I don't think that's a good sign, but I hope to remedy it in the near future. Meanwhile, I also hope this one shot did the Spring Rain couple justice.
Thank you for reading.