The Lie In Your Smile
When a doctor diagnosed her with that, Lucy could only stare.
Stare at the white, empty walls, the fake hurting face of that man with the glasses, and the tears in both of her parents' eyes. The lights hanging on the ceiling, and the sun rays leaking into the room as if those pitied her.
She knew that maybe she should feel sad -maybe she did. But it was dull, and that was what made her sad. Because she was so used to the pain that nowadays it had no effect on her.
And maybe she saw it all coming, too. Despite popular belief, she was smart. She knew some things. What happened to her body, the exact pain that tortured her for the past few weeks. She didn't need a bunch of men with white scrubs to tell her such a thing.
But they did, and now her parents knew.
What could be sadder than being the cause of someone's sadness?
"That can't be," her father gasped, close to break down in sobs.
She knew it was super selfish, but she couldn't help but think why did they want to cry. She was the one sick, the one that was going to die. Shouldn't it be her the one that lost all hope? Weren't they the selfish ones? They would continue, after all. They'd move one, forget about her most of the time and just… continue to live.
Her mother was silent, her pretty eyes glued to the floor. Lucy knew she was in shock. Was that motherly love, who couldn't believe such things about her daughter?
Lucy was amazed by it. It was nothing compared to all the faces she'd seen on her mom's features. Even when Lucy got the worst grade, her mom received her with a sweet smile and a pat on the head.
And again, was it selfish to only want a pat on the head that moment?
"We're going to need to send her to the hospital right now," the man said. Lucy hated him, and those eyes, those lips, those fingers. "Maybe we can try looking for a small ray of hope."
Jude, her ever innocent father, asked, "Can we really save her?"
Lucy, for the first time in her life, wanted to shut him up. Didn't he realize she was still there?
Layla's hands were trembling so much it literally hurt Lucy, who couldn't tear her eyes off. So much pain, and she was the cause. So unfair.
The doctor sighed, intertwining his fingers over the desk. Gross. It made Lucy's head ache. "I can't say for sure, but you know how technology grows every second. Maybe we can do something about it."
Was it bad to hate someone who was trying to save your life? She didn't know, or wanted to know. Her mood was the worst and she didn't need any scold at the moment. Maybe when she calmed down her mind would work properly, but not there, not there.
"The best we can do now is calm down. It's sudden and it hurts, I understand," He didn't. "But I need you both to put her health as a priority. The best hospital in Fiore is Fairy Tail, bu-"
"Fairy Tail?" Jude asked. "Is it expensive? It doesn't matter. Anything for my daughter."
Part of Lucy just wanted to say to don't try so hard, because it would be in vain after all. The desperation in her father's voice was the only thing to keep her quiet.
"It's in Magnolia."
The room suddenly fell quiet. Magnolia was a lovely city, as of what she'd heard, but so far away.
The problem wasn't the money, they were the owners of the Heartfilia Company after all. But for the very same reason, her parents couldn't move. Even less her father. If they wanted to hospitalize her there, they needed to continue working. It was like… a merciless cycle.
Lucy tightened her fists, taking in the deepest of breaths. And then, she formed a smile, talking for the first time since the news were given to them.
"Don't worry, Mom, Dad. Even if you can't be with me the whole time, I know that you love me. I'm going to do my best there, so work your hardest here, okay? We don't need the three of us going down at the same time, right?"
People often complimented her way with words. With one word coming from her lips, they said, she could make them smile or cry. It was her power, they told.
She could see it now.
Jude and Layla finally started crying. With every tear that fell, she saw how wrong she had been minutes before. Of course they'd be sad. She was their daughter, and they loved her as much as she loved them. It had not a single drop of selfishness.
"Let's do our best, yes?" Lucy said, patting their heads.
Even if she could not see that ray of hope, she still could create it for them, right? It's not like she had things to lose at this point.
There was no going back now.
The nurse who greeted her was stunningly beautiful.
In Lucy's opinion, she could meet all those weird fantasies of the elder men about nurses, even if she wasn't so sure about what those were.
She said her name was Mirajane Strauss, and that she'd do her best to help her in every need. She was different of Lucy's expectations. Maybe being in a hospital for a while wouldn't be as hard as she thought.
Her mom had accompanied her. She'd be one whole week with her, then leave for about two days, and come back with Jude as well. Layla had said that maybe other relatives would visit, but Lucy didn't really look forward to it.
"Well, then," Mirajane said, opening one door. "This will be your room from now on! We're used to work with people in the same condition as you, so please tell us all your needs. Oh, and if any means someone makes you uncomfortable, tell us and we'll kick them out!"
She said it with such a gentle smile it took Lucy a few seconds to process. And then she laughed, because that sure was something she wasn't waiting.
"Okay!" she said.
The nurse winked at her. "Now, now, you can rest here. I heard that you're from Crocus, am I right?" Lucy nodded. "Then it must had been a tiring trip. Lady, are you going to spend the night here?"
Lucy looked shyly at the dark circles under the red eyes of her mother. It was a look she should never have, but now she did, and it was Lucy's fault.
Unable to look at her anymore, Lucy's gaze lowered. Such a beautiful, loving woman like her mother should never be so sad.
Stupid illness. Only bringing pain all of sudden as if someone gave it permission.
"You look tired, Mrs. Heartfilia," Mirajane said. "Maybe you should rest? It'd help Lucy to feel better as well."
Lucy's eyes widened. It felt as if the nurse had read her mind for a brief moment. Seeing her mom so sad was definitely not good for her already broken health. Even if she needed her there, she shouldn't be as selfish as to force her mother to stay.
Layla looked at Lucy, an explosion of feelings in her eyes. "Are you sure, Lucy? Or do you need me to stay with you? I'm not tired at all-"
"Mom," Lucy said, trying to show her best smile. "I know it's difficult, but I don't want you to get sick because of me. You need to worry more about yourself,"
The look on Layla's eyes made Lucy think that she'd cry her eyes out again. But Layla ran and hugged her tightly against her chest, snuggling her face into Lucy's hair.
"Forgive me, Lucy," Layla cried. "It's all my fault that you're like this…"
Lucy put a hand over Layla's arm. She smiled, "It's no one's fault. Mom, you're doing your best, and I'm so thankful for everything. I could never be angry with you. Never. So please, go rest, or you'll make me sad."
"You're so strong, Lucy," Layla said. "I know you'll make it."
Lucy stood speechless at her words. It was the first time someone had called her strong with true meaning.
And when Layla crossed the door and closed it behind her, Lucy fell to her knees and cried.
It was a horrible week.
She could only remember flash of things, mostly white. So monotone. She'd heard black was the sad color, but for her it was white. Everything was white.
Even Mira's hair was white. It was somewhat frustrating.
All the meetings with the doctors, analysis, blood samples… they all turned to be more exhausting than she'd thought. Or maybe the illness had started to pay off.
"Lucy?" Mira asked. "Are you feeling okay?"
Lucy blinked, focusing her gaze on the blue eyes staring back at her. Kind, worried. Mira could be an amazing mother, it was a shame that she was still single.
"I want to go outside," Lucy confessed. "I think I need fresh air."
Mira smiled, visibly relaxing. "Well, I would worry if you didn't ask me that soon. I can't believe you resisted a long week inside this place."
Lucy chuckled. "Yeah… But Fairy Tail looks more entertaining than others hospitals I've seen."
"Have you been in hospitals before?" Mira asked, worry in her eyes.
Lucy shrugged, trying to give it no importance. "A few. My health was never the best if I'm honest. But it seems like now… I've reached the limit."
A flash of pain crossed Mira's face. For Lucy's relief, it only lasted a brief second, or else she wouldn't be able to support any more pity. All those faces looking at her only made her worse. Why did they pity her? Only because she was young and not free?
"Can I go outside?" Lucy repeated. She really needed fresh air now.
"Of course," Mira said. "Fairy Tail has a beautiful garden, and now that it's spring, all the blossom flowers will take your breath away."
"I'm excited to see it." Lucy smiled.
"Okay," Mira said. "Here's a jacket, just in case. Your mom said not to leave you alone, but I guess you just want to be alone?"
"Mom worries too much," Lucy said, grabbing the offered cloth.
Mira's expression changed suddenly. It was now only sadness written all over her face. "Don't say that, Lucy. A mother, or a sister, never worries too much. Don't dismiss that, okay?"
Lucy nodded, speechless. "Okay. Sorry."
Lucy was grateful for the jacket. The chill breeze of spring made her hair blew, which was rather annoying. But aside from that, she was able to enjoy the view.
Sakura trees, ready to blossom at any moment. Hopefully soon, when spring reached its point of full beauty. An enormous garden of colorful flowers, reminding all of them the beauty of life. Which, in an horrible thought, was kind of ironic.
What saddened Lucy more, was the fact that there were so many children. Some of them were still able to play, and oh how she loved seeing their smiles. Others weren't so lucky, and were in wheelchairs, with their little heads covered in hats.
There were other teenagers, too. Most of them looking with hatred at the world. Lucy knew, and understood. In some benches there were older people too. She couldn't exactly read their faces, but she guessed it was better that way.
Lucy bit her lower lip, tightening her grip on her jacket. Breathing new air was refreshing, but what now? She even forgot to ask for a pen and a paper, since writing made her feel calm. And even if she was used to being alone, it didn't mean she enjoyed it.
She sighed.
"Wheelchair race!" Someone shouted. Closer than she wanted the person to be. "C'mon, Romeo! Or you'll loose!"
Lucy turned around, frantic, but it was too late. The face of horror that the boy did probably mimicked hers. But thank God for his fast reflexes, or else both of them would be doomed.
When he saw her, his eyes opened in terror. Quickly, he started stopping his wheelchair, but due to its velocity, it still wasn't enough. Lucy closed her eyes, waiting for the impact. It sure would be a pain in her legs if he crushed her.
But what she felt was nothing like that. She felt warm hands wrapping around her, and when she opened her eyes, she was met with a pair of happy green ones staring back. Much closer than she had ever seen eyes. It was like she could stare at every shade of green that formed his eyes.
And maybe, who knows, hours or minutes or seconds later, she realized that she was, in fact, sitting in his lap.
"Yo, you okay there?" he asked. His deep voice didn't match his childish, happy grin at all.
Lucy's face turned all red. She had never been so close to a boy before, it made her nervous.
"Ah… Ah, yes! I'm okay!"
"Good!" he said. "Now, it's okay that I don't really feel my legs, but-"
"Ah!" Lucy squealed. Of course it'd hurt him, he was in a wheelchair, after all. What kind of person was she?
She got up as fast as lighting, her cheeks burning in shame. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
"What's with the apologize?" he said, still grinning. She could see his fangs. "It's my fault, after all."
He still had that big smile on his face. The wind blew his rare pink hair, while he scratched the back of his neck. His skin was a bit tanned, and she liked the slightly muscled arm of his.
"So I'm sorry,"
Her face got even more heated when she realized she had been staring. She hoped he didn't notice.
"Are you a new patient here or a visit?" he asked. Lucy lowered her gaze, because even if she played strong, she still couldn't come to fully accept her fate. "Hmm, judging by that pajamas, you're the same as me."
Lucy took a deep breath. Geez, he talked about it so easily. It was kind of admirable.
"There's nothing I can say, I'm also bad with words," he chuckled. "But if you go around like that even the kids will get sad, don't you think?"
Lucy's eyes widened. Looking at him again, he appeared to be as her age. He couldn't be much older, but his words… it seemed like he had become wise for a second there, even if he had been doing wheelchairs races moments before. She wondered if his own illness had made him like that.
"Hey! Natsu!" a kid's voice said, "I won! You lose!" He sounded so happy.
"Argh! I won't lose again Romeo! I'm all fired up for another round!" he shouted back, and just like that, he went off.
Lucy wondered if the sakura petals would be a pink as bright as his hair.
The second time she saw that boy, two more week had passed. Spring had officially started, but nothing looked brighter. It was just the same as always, that boring, white rutine.
Her parents had been a constant company, always making sure to give her the best. It warmed her heart.
The pain didn't grow, but it didn't disappear either. Doctors had told them that it may be like that for a while, but they should be alert just in case. It sounded stupid, in her opinion. If the illness attacked her, no warning would be given. It'd attack, and make her suffer. Nothing else.
So the second time she went to the garden, she made sure no one saw her. Not even Mirajane, who had gone to take care of another patient for a few minutes.
And when she finally arrived, she noticed that there were a lot of less people now. Just a few older men sitting around, and about four kids. And under a tree, there he was.
Not like she had remembered every single trait of him, but his hair was truly outstanding. It was her favorite color, as well. And it kind of… suited his smile.
She looked away, feeling her cheeks burn at the memory of having him so close. Really, she had never been like that with a boy, and even less a stranger. She never had a boyfriend before, and never kissed anyone. Not like she wanted to, she was barely fifteen years old.
If possible, she would like to have her first kiss in a romantic scene with someone special, like in the books she loved. Her mom said that if she kept on dreaming that, it may come true. She hoped so. After all, she saw no pleasure in kissing strangers at parties like some of her classmates did. Where was the love? And the magic?
"Oh, it's the blonde!"
Lucy turned around to see him looking back. He was smiling again, in that wheelchair of his.
Lucy took a deep breath. Even if he was a stranger, there was no need to panic. He was in the same condition as her, so it had to be okay.
She smiled and waved back in his direction. That seemed to encourage him, just like a little kid.
"Yo! Wanna talk?" he shouted. She was sure everyone in the hospital heard him.
She chuckled nervously, wondering what to do, the possibilities.
All patients are super nice here!. Mira had said. Well, if that was true, she could give it a try. Would it hurt, gaining her first friend now?
She wondered.
Lucy walked towards him, and in return, she received an even more excited face.
"Woah, you looked so nervous, I thought you'd never talk to me!" he laughed. "But you proved my theory,"
"Theory?" she asked curiously.
"Yes! You're a weirdo!"
"Hey!" she protested, while he laughed out loud in her face. Wasn't he the weird one there?
Lucy wrinkled her nose, fixing her gaze on the grass. He laughed, and looked comfortable, but she had no idea of what to say now. One of the worst consequences of never having a friend; she had zero social skills.
"So," he started, with practically no emotion in his face. "What exactly brought you here?"
There was no need to ask further, she knew exactly what he meant. And it's not like she kept it a secret, she just was listless about it.
Lucy sighed, putting a lock of hair behind her ear. "Hepatitis C," she said. "You?"
"Osteosarcoma," he said, "behind my knee."
Lucy nodded, not sure about what to say. He was ill, like her, so she knew there were no words to feel better. Both their illness were severe, with little chance of surviving. They knew their fate.
If she remembered well, the chances of survival of osteosarcoma were around thirty percent if diagnosed late, and seeing him in a wheelchair, it seemed it was the case.
"Ah, shit," he said. "I made you think sad things."
Lucy was shocked. He apologized for that.
"It's okay," she said, trying to calm him down. He actually looked desperate for his 'mistake'. "This whole place is what makes you think sad things,"
He shut up, blinking curiously. And then he broke into an awkward, nervous chuckle. "Ah, you're right. Even though this is by far the best hospital I've been in,"
"Really?" she asked.
"Yeah," he shrugged. "It's pretty cheerful, and kind of funny."
Lucy couldn't find his reasonings, but she was in no mood to fight. "Oh,"
"Natsu Dragneel!" an angry voice shouted from afar, "Come here this instant! Your doctor is waiting for you!"
"Shit."
Lucy looked at her companion. He had visibly paled, obviously terrified of the voice. It was rather amusing, and she suddenly had the urge to laugh.
"Natsu!" the voice shouted. "Where are you?"
"Oh shit," Natsu looked desperately… at her. Lucy had already started to imagine what he'd say, so immediately she started shaking her head. "Please…?" he asked, puppy dog eyes active.
"I can't…" she denied.
"Pretty pretty please… uh... " he looked at her, waiting for her answer.
She sighed. Not like she was about to agree because of those eyes, nothing like that. It was just… "I'm Lucy,"
His eyes lit up happily. "Yosh! Lucy, let's run away from here!"
"W-What's with you all of sudden?" she asked, all too nervous. "What are you talking about?"
"Miss Heartfilia! Are you here?" Ah. Mira had come to find her with the other nurse. Lucy bit her lip in nervousness, she knew she would be super scolded.
"C'mon, Lucy! Quick!" Natsu, as she heard was his name, looked in the verge of laughter. "I'm all fired up for running away of Igneel… again!"
Igneel? Probably the person looking for him.
Lucy looked around, seeing an older man and Mira coming for them. She didn't want to go to more analysis at the moment, she was tired of them. Was a break ask for too much? And it seemed that Natsu thought the same as her.
Yelling out in exasperation, she murmured, "You better make up for this, Natsu Dragneel."
He laughed, so easily and relaxing, like a soft breeze of summer. "Of course! Push me quick, then!"
She grabbed his wheelchair and started walking as fast as she could, making sure not to make him fall. The shouts of the two people behind them became louder, but farthest. The adrenaline inside Lucy made her forget her own worries, and just midway to nowhere, she found herself laughing along with him.
"Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly -all these make for great stories." said Chuck Palahniuk.
Maybe he was right.
"It's no good,"
"It got even worse."
"Poor thing. Only fifteen,"
"But it's useless to pity, the illness still has no cure. There's nothing we can do about it."
"What about a transfusion? Is it still of no use?"
"The thing is, even if we do that, it's useless. The illness has reached its worst point, and the carcinogenic cells have already spread out."
"So young, it's a shame."
Five months passed. And Lucy was breathing by a miracle.
The first month of her stay in the hospital was boring, with little adventures here and there thanks to her pure desire of being free of all that.
The second one, and the rest, could almost be called happy, with the only inconvenient that she was facing death every single day, just like him.
Natsu, who proved to be really friendly and extrovert, despite his moments of silence, became her first friend. It was all spontaneous, she knew, but she couldn't call him a stranger now. He was always there, waiting for her under the tree. And when she arrived, he started to talk a lot, from the kids there to the most trivial things she could imagine.
And she liked hearing him talk. He had a gift when he did, always making her laugh. It made her feel more at ease with the events of life, like it brushed off some of the weight on her shoulders. She appreciated it.
He always seemed curious about her. He tended to ask a lot of things, listening to her answers carefully. Without even noticing, she found herself confessing things she had never told anybody.
The fifth month, things started to go downhill.
She had been walking from the garden back to her room, as usual. Lights were on, another patients wandered around, doctors and nurses passed by as fast as they could, families cried. It was the common. It was right, in a way.
Her head wasn't.
It started to throb half way, as if a brick had hit her. Her vision became fuzzy, and suddenly the lights were on the floor. Her legs shook, and cold travelled in her veins.
She fainted, not without first hitting her head against the floor.
What happened when everything turned black was a mystery to her. She could only remembering being in a void, for a long time. And then a voice, calling her.
"Lucy, Lucy!" Mira had said, her blue eyes filled with fear and nervousness. "You're finally awake!"
Lucy blinked, trying to focus her gaze. Everything hurt, specially her head.
"Lucy!"
That voice. Surprised, and despite the pain, she turned her head around to the other side. There he was, all worried face and green eyes and wrinkled nose.
"Nat… su?" she asked, her voice harsh, her throat dry.
"Lucy, don't push yourself," Mira warned her. "You've been unconscious for the past two days. And you've been through an emergency operation. It'd be wiser to rest for a while, okay?"
Her mind felt numb. Unconscious? Emergency operation? The last thing she remembered was falling down and hitting the ground. Oh.
"What…?" she tried, but it hurt so much.
Mira understood right away, nevertheless. Her eyes darkened, and she didn't speak for a long moment. The anxiety killed Lucy. Even Natsu didn't meet her gaze.
"Your Hepatitis… it got worse." Mirajane said.
Lucy's heart stopped.
"It developed into liver cancer."
"Oh."
It was a murmur under her breath, but the only thing she could muster. Everything hurt so much, she couldn't difference between physical pain and the one from her heart. Her eyes slowly got filled with tears. The sheets got curled into her fists.
"Lucy…" It was Natsu.
When she looked at him, she found him at the edge of crying as well. His loving eyes were wide, with little tears appearing in the corners. He, in his wheelchair, was about to cry for her. And it broke her, but at the same time, she got the urge to calm him.
He was sentimental as that, she had gotten to know it very well.
With her pajamas, and the bandages on her head, she did her best to give a sweet smile. "It's okay, Natsu. This was always a possibility, so I'm not that surprised," she lied. "So don't cry, okay?"
"Lucy!" Those were her parents. They came crashing in, desperate expressions on their faces. They looked so frightened and sad, it was distressful. Would it hurt, to receive a ray of happiness between that storm? "You're awake!"
Layla ran to her directly, holding her hand and crying, murmuring incomprehensible things. Maybe to reassure her, or herself.
Jude, who couldn't stop crying, stood by the bed, not without giving a scrutinize glance towards Natsu. In a parallel world, it would have been rather amusing.
Lucy failed to smile. Even the muscles of her face hurt, and she wondered what the heck had happened while she was unconscious. But in the end she decided not to ask right there, because she didn't want to put them all in a worse mood.
"I'm going to call the doctor," Mira said. "So Natsu, you better go to your room now or else he'll also scold you,"
Lucy wanted to laugh. That was so typical of him. Her smile probably came out as a painful grimace.
She turned her head to mock him about it, but she ended up gasping in surprise.
He was looking at her, like always. But this time, his gaze held so much meaning, like never before. The dark green iris seemed dark, maybe for the light, but she knew it was not it. There was a secret message in his gaze, like he wanted to do something but he couldn't.
Lucy could only stare back, wondering what was going through his mind.
And before she could rip her mind off trying to find an answer, he smiled. "See ya, Lucy!"
"Uh… bye," she said, too shocked.
Mirajane opened the door for him, who didn't leave without a last curious glance. The nurse followed right after, surely to call the doctor.
The room fell silent, only her mom's last sobs ruining it. Lucy tried to avoid Jude's inquiring eyes, at the same time she tried to stop her cheeks from blushing.
"Uh…" Jude started. Lucy's heart stopped. "So, who…"
There was no stopping the red on her face. And with mixed feelings, she realized this was her first awkward moment with her parents regarding a boy. Even her mom had wiped her tears off and was carefully listening.
"Ah… that was a friend." she said vaguely.
Her dad's eyes widened. "Really? You made a friend here?"
Lucy tried to shrug, but the effort hurt. "Yeah." Her parents knew about her school life very well, that's why they were so surprised. She couldn't blame them, though.
Jude smiled. "Well, that makes me happy. If it doesn't go beyond friendship…"
"Dad!" Lucy squealed, blushing furiously. Her heartbeat increased, making her confused and nervous.
"Your dad is joking," Layla intervened. "We just want you to feel better,"
Lucy looked at her; at all the love inside her mother's eyes. It was simply beautiful, in her opinion. She could only feel grateful towards them.
Illness and pain could wait a little bit. Right now, she only cared about her loved ones.
One month after, Lucy felt good enough to go for a little walk around. And of course, she headed to her newfound favorite place: under the sakura tree in the garden.
Autumn was just starting now. Tree's leaves had already started falling, and everything turned into warm colors. A season where both warm and cold coexisted. The season what warned about falls, snow and cold.
He was not there.
Lucy bit her lip, searching for Natsu with her eyes. She wanted to see him now what she had recovered from her relapse. He had been only able to visit her two times in that month, and it felt weird not to have him by her side.
Not spotting pink hair anywhere made fear start to clung in her chest. She tightened her fists, trying to inhale and exhale properly, or else she may collapse. That's what the doctor told her, anyways. Strong emotions would not be any good.
But this was off her limits.
Lucy started to walk fast, gulping down her anxiety. Would there be any reason of why he wouldn't be there, like every day?
She tried not to dwell much of her dark thoughts.
Lucy turned around, determined to search inside the hospital now. But even before she could take one step, she collided into someone's chest.
"Kya!" she squealed. The man grabbed her by the shoulders before she fell in her butt.
She looked up, finding warm brown eyes behind a pair of glasses. Red hair, and a beard that adorned his tired face. But even so, there was kind inside him. She knew it very well since a couple of months ago.
"Igneel!" she said, surprised, and at the same time, looking for answers.
He gave her a sweet smile, but it was obvious he was hiding a lot of pain. "Hello, Lucy! I'm so happy to see you lively again!"
"Where's Natsu?" she asked, trying to hide the desperation in her voice. Since when had she become like that?
Igneel looked shocked for a brief moment. When she realized what she did, she lowered her head in embarrassment. Ah, she made her worry sound the wrong way.
Igneel laughed, snapping her out of her trance. "Ah, my, my. Young people these days sure are another thing."
Lucy stared in disbelief at Igneel, who took his time to calm down. When he did, he cleared his throat, a shadow of nervousness and sadness falling over him for a moment.
"Natsu…" he started, his voice shaky. "Last night, he woke up screaming, scaring us all. When doctors analyzed him, well…"
Lucy widened her eyes, her heart every word. Imaging him, who was all smiles and kind talks, in pain, was something almost impossible.
"The cancer got worse without anyone noticing. They… had to amputate his left leg. The operation is going on now."
Both of them fell silent. Lucy's chest burned, and she didn't know what to do. If this is what felt to have friends… she wasn't sure about anything anymore. She put her hand over her chest to see if it softened the pain.
But then she realized, that Igneel got it worse. It was his son, his family. Lucy's pain may be nothing compared to his.
Lucy hugged him. Maybe it was meaningless to him, but if there was anything she could do to help that family, she'd gladly do so. Igneel seemed stiff at first, but he quickly relaxed. It was as if Lucy could hear his confused smile appearing.
"Lucy? What's wrong?" he asked.
Lucy bit her lip, now unsure of her actions. Maybe a hug was too much? "I wanted to help you bear with the pain. It must hurt a lot, having your son sick with damned cancer."
The faces of her own parents, crying and smiling, flashed in her mind.
Igneel let out a deep breath. "It hurts, sure. It does. But you are the ones who got it worse, right? That's why us, parents, need to remain like strong pillars for you, and hold you tight in your suffering. Thank you, Lucy, for your support."
Lucy blinked tears as she looked up to him. Igneel was warm and soft, unlike Natsu, who was a hot storm. So similar, and yet so different.
"I'm sure Natsu wants to see you too." Igneel continued. "He'll need you there as well, Lucy. Let's go see him"
Her cheeks turned pink, and she broke the hug, completely ashamed. "Ah… No! I'm not sure about that, maybe I'll be a bother. I'm not that important."
Igneel chuckled. "Ah, so young. The operation should end around this time, if everything goes well. And I don't know what Natsu tells you, but I'm pretty sure you're important to him, just as he is important to you. Am I right?"
Lucy stared. She had not realized how true that was until now, when he could be gone in the blink of an eye. It struck her, as if she had woken up from a dream.
"Right… let's go," she admitted.
But under all her embarrassment and nervous heart, she could only pray for him to be okay.
The operation finished two hours after.
In those hours, talking to Igneel to try keep him distracted, she heard lots of stories about the Dragneel family. Some were sad, some were fun. Hearing about his mother, who died at birth, and then about his first steps and his first fight with a classmate. Everything about Natsu's love for fire things, which Igneel pointed out to be inherited because of his own love. All the times Igneel got called from school because Natsu had started another fight, another trouble.
Natsu loved sports. Igneel took pride in all the times he went to watch him play.
Doctors theorized that sports were also the cause of the osteosarcoma. They said they were pretty sure that was the reason, but there was nothing to do about it now.
Lucy had found out even more about him, and she loved it.
When the doctors finally came out of the operation room, took Natsu to his own room again, and told them it was okay to see him now, Lucy and Igneel rushed in.
He was laying in the bed, his gaze fixed on the window by the side. For a short second, Lucy saw a Natsu she had never gotten to see so far. But as soon as he heard them in, he turned his head around and smiled brightly at them.
Igneel ran to his side, invading him with questions. Lucy stood there, trying to accept reality as it hit her.
He looked fine; pale, with bandages and tubes, but okay.
It was just that his leg wasn't there anymore.
Lucy gulped, remembering that she had to act strong for his sake. So trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall, she smiled as huge as she could when their eyes met again.
"Lucy! What are you doing standing there? Come closer!" he said, chuckling.
It was only then that she realized that she may looked weird staring so openly at him. Flushing in embarrassment, yet again, she walked to the other side of the bed.
"Are you feeling better?" Lucy asked, trying not to sound too awkward.
"Of course!" he grinned. "I'm still numb from the anesthesia a bit, but I'm all fired up to leave this room!"
Igneel hit him in the head before Lucy could open her mouth to scold him. "Don't even think about doing that, young boy."
Natsu pouted, his bottom lip curling. "But! I want to go out and go in another ninja mission with Lucy! After it'll be winter and we won't be able to go outside!"
Lucy chuckled, feeling a bit more relaxed. He sounded fine, after all. She was glad.
Even though that for being a year older than her, he was the one who sounded more like a little kid.
"Your ninja missions can wait," Igneel sighed. "The doctor said you can't get out of the room for about two more weeks. Now I'm going to get some drink for Lucy. Stay still."
Natsu growled at the last words, making Lucy giggle. Igneel left the room with the last warning glance.
Her giggle finished when he returned his full attention to her. His eyes met hers directly, causing her to gasp in surprise. And then she blushed harder, thinking that she looked like an idiot just now.
But he had other things in mind, it seemed. "Are you okay? You should sit down, you've been feeling more tired recently." The worry reflected on his face was… warm, and sweet.
Lucy dismissed it with her hand. "Don't worry, I'm okay! I've been sitting for two hours just now."
He blinked, surprised. "Uh? Were you… waiting for my operation to be over?"
Lucy put her hands over her cheeks, trying to calm herself down. Her face was hot. "Ah… yes… I got really worried when Igneel told me what happened."
"You did?" he asked, hope and something else mixed on his voice.
"Y-Yeah," Lucy admitted.
The room suddenly fell quiet. It was weird, since Natsu always had something to say or do. But maybe now his body hurt too much, or he didn't feel like talking to her.
When she opened her mouth to excuse herself, he interrupted, with a rather serious expression and fists clenching the sheets of his bed. "When you heard about me… did you think I'd die?"
"What?" she asked, her eyes wide with shock.
He didn't answer, but he kept his gaze fixed on her. Lucy took a moment, trying to understand his sudden outburst, but he didn't give in.
Lucy smiled sweetly at him, because for her the answer was simple and she just knew it.
"Of course I didn't believe that. I believe in you. I think I always did."
Only when she finished saying it, she realized how embarrassing it was. But while she was internally screaming and dying, he just stared at her wide-eyed for a moment, before smiling.
"Ah, that makes me happy!" he said. Never had she seen such a pure and big smile.
Lucy intertwined her fingers together behind her back, avoiding his gaze. Didn't he realize how awkward her words made the situation?
"Hey, Lucy," Natsu said.
Lucy forced herself to look at him again. His expression was still serious, but he was biting his lower lip.
"Yes?" she asked. Ah, she really hoped he didn't see how nervous she actually was.
"Would you… uh…" he said, frowning. It looked like he struggled with his own words. "Ah, I suck at talking."
She blinked surprised before chuckling. He looked… cute, fighting with his own self.
"So," he started again, clearing his throat. "Would you like… to have dinner together one of these days?"
Lucy blinked.
And she died.
Her heart exploded inside her chest, beating faster than ever. Her stomach did weird things, and her whole face turned bright red. So much for not feeling strong emotions for her own sake. Being close to him was dangerous for her health, literally.
"W-What?" she asked, if only to make sure of what she heard.
Natsu gulped down visibly. "I said… if you'd like to have dinner together one of these days?"
For the first time since she entered the hospital, she saw pink dust on his cheeks.
She didn't know boys blushed too, but now that she saw it, it was cute. Really cute.
She gulped down, nervous. But she was hundred percent sure of her answer.
"Yes!"
Natsu blinked, as if he had not been expecting a positive answer. "Uh… Oh… Great then!"
Lucy nodded, trying to stop the big smile that was coming its way into her lips. How could he always turn a sad situation into a happy one? He had a gift, that was for sure.
If only their happiness would last forever.
The door opened abruptly, startling both of them. Igneel came back with more than the promised drink, and he smiled apologetically.
"Sorry it took me so long! I saw a lot of delicious things and I couldn't help myself," he scratched the back of his neck, chuckling. "Ah, I bought too much. Lucy dear, would you like to stay and eat with me? Since Natsu can't…"
"Why did you bought if I can't?" Natsu yelled angrily, only to end up coughing.
Igneel hit him lightly in the head again. "Don't force yourself, idiot boy. And being jealous isn't good,"
"Jealous? Of what?" Natsu growled.
Igneel only smirked. Lucy giggled. Natsu scowled.
There were funny moments inside the blackness they lived in, as well. Lucy wanted to appreciate every single chance she had before it was too late.
Natsu had said 'these days', so Lucy waited for over a week to receive the news. Since he was operated recently, he couldn't leave his room for a time. But he had promised her to do his best to leave as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, Lucy had been receiving her own treatment as well. Her condition didn't get better, but it didn't get worse for now.
Her mind was elsewhere. She had kept in touch with Igneel for anything related to Natsu's condition. After all, he had just lost a leg. Who knew what was he feeling? She wanted to help more, but Mira and her parents told her there was nothing else beside that for her to do. Just to keep being safe for his sake as well.
And then, one Saturday, Mira delivered her the message.
"He says he can go out tonight," Mira squealed, because if there was anyone more excited than Lucy, it was her nurse. "You have to go!"
Lucy blushed. "Of course I'll go! I promised him!"
"Ah, this is so sweet!" Mira said, "Never seen of the history of this hospital!"
Lucy buried her face in the palm of her hands, "Mira! Stop it!" she said. "That's embarrassing!"
Mira giggled. "So cute. Is it your first date?"
Lucy swallowed hard, biting her lip. Even though she knew it wasn't any good to her, she was unable to calm her erratic heart. It hurt, but at the same time, she wanted more of it.
Since Natsu appeared, she'd become greedy like that.
Lucy slowly nodded, blushing harder at Mira's squeals. For the first time, she was thankful her parents were back to Crocus for the time. She wouldn't be able to deal with their questions and warnings.
"We need to make you look cute for tonight!" Mira declared.
"I don't have more clothes," Lucy said, touching her light pink pajama of the hospital. "And doctors don't allow me to put on make up,"
Mirajane approached her in the bed, with a sincere smile. "Lucy, you don't need clothes or makeup to look cute. You're already beautiful as you are."
"Then…"
"I meant this!" Mira said, holding out a hairpin for her. "It's mine, but I'll give this to you for tonight!"
The hairpin was simple, shaped as a white pearl wing. It was small, but beautiful. Lucy was grateful for the gift.
"Thank you, Mira, it's really pretty!"
Mira smiled. "I can't wear it due to my already white hair, but it'll go perfectly along your golden one! Here, let me comb your hair!"
"Thank you!" Lucy smiled again.
She was looking forwards the night.
At the determine hour, Lucy went to the determine place.
She giggled at the cliché, but it also warmed her heart. Natsu had a sweet side, after all. She walked towards the sakura tree in the garden, their place, where he was already waiting for her.
She took her time to eye him. His spiky pink hair was as messy as always, and he wore his white hospital pajamas. It seemed he had no other clothes either -not that they were able to change into other thing, anyways. His pants hang loose in his left leg, and he was in his wheelchair. She liked what she saw.
"Hi," she said, trying to push her shyness aside.
"Yo!" Natsu greeted, smiling. And as always, it made her smile too.
Lucy licked her lips, waiting nervously for him to say something. Natsu took his sweet time to continue, as if he sensed her anxiety.
"Let's go!" he said. "Igneel helped me prepare things in my secret spot!"
"Secret spot?" Lucy asked curiously. "You have one?"
"Of course," Natsu said, smugly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lucy reproached.
"Because it's a secret, weirdo. Duh," Natsu rolled his eyes.
"Don't call me a weirdo," Lucy said, with no meaning. Because no matter how many times she told him that, he'd repeat it. It was like a nickname he made for me.
"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed, as usual. "Now let's go! I'm starving!"
He started moving the wheels to move. Lucy watched him go, but in a sudden urge to help him, she grabbed the wheelchair and started pushing him. He never asked her to do that unless they were in a hurry, running away from doctors and nurses.
But when she looked at him now, who was breathing heavily after advancing two meters on his own, she knew she made the right decision.
"Natsu," she asked, trying to push down her bad feeling. "Are you okay?"
Natsu was smart. She had gotten to know his ways well in the past months. He knew what she meant.
He grinned carelessly, "Of course I am!"
"Nat-"
"I'm just starving! Let's go!" he repeated.
Lucy swallowed her insecurities. She didn't want to ruin their night only because she had a feeling. She was going to enjoy this, for the sake of them both.
"Okay," she smiled.
As she pushed, Natsu gave her the directions. She feared he'd lead her somewhere outside the hospital, because they had prohibited to exit, but he lead her into a beautiful small garden.
It was separated from the bigger one, behind the emergency building. It was small, with a fountain in the corner, and a table with two chairs in the center, where they would eat. The light came from the candles over it, which made her blush, since it was pretty romantic. The food was already there; salad and rice for them both. Cancer also crushed down their possibilities to eat chicken or fries like normal teenagers.
Lucy put Natsu beside his chair and helped him sit on eat. It was the first time she saw a grimace on his face, and she didn't want to see it again if she could.
"You okay there?" she asked, once both of them settled.
"Sure," he said. "I'm still not used to do that…"
It was weird of him to trail off like that. Lucy frowned, "Natsu?"
"Yeah?" he grinned again, as if nothing happened.
"Don't lie to me!" Lucy said. "Tell me if you don't feel good, we can leave this for another day! After all, you just got your leg-"
"Lucy," he said, effectively shutting her up. His smile, this time, was sincere, mixed with beg. "I'm okay, really, don't worry."
Lucy didn't say more, but she pouted in silence. She didn't understand why he needed to lie to her… or maybe he wasn't lying at all, and it was just her imagination.
"I just want to enjoy this," he added, after a moment of quiet.
Lucy blushed at his sudden statement. It was so him, to say something so… so that and leave her like a flustered mess without even noticing. She wondered when all of that started, but she had no idea. Maybe from the beginning, or maybe along the way.
"M-Me too!" Lucy answered. She wanted to run when she noticed how high pitched her voice had sounded, but Natsu looked shocked, and… happy.
"Great!" Natsu smiled. "Then let's start!"
They started eating while talking about everything. It was like always, natural, like them. Natsu talked, with food slipping out of the corner of his mouth, making her laugh like she never did.
She was having such a great time, after all. If only time would freeze and allow them a few minutes more of life.
"Say, Lucy," he said, "how do you pay this hospital? It's pretty expensive,"
With embarrassment, she realized how little she had told him about herself and her family.
"Well," she said, putting a lock of hair behind her ear, "my family owns the Heartfilia Company, so…"
Every word left a linger of fear inside her. What if like everyone else, they pretended to be her friend so they could take advantage of her money?
"Really? That's awesome!" he said, excited.
But he was Natsu. Of course he'd never do that.
"And you?" Lucy asked. "How do you do it?"
Natsu avoided her eyes, playing with the food. "Hmm, well, dad had to sell our house and car to pay," he said, trying to sound nonchalant, but with hurt beneath his facade.
Lucy widened her eyes. "What? And then where does Igneel…"
"The owner of this, Makarov, was a bit touched, so he let him stay in his house." Natsu shrugged. "That old man is pretty awesome as well."
Lucy pursed her lips. That was sad, but he said he wanted to make a happy memory out of it. She'd help him, just like he did with her.
"Oh, he sounds interesting! Tell me more about him!" Lucy said, smiling.
Effectively, Natsu's eyes lit up. He then started to tell everything he knew about Makarov, who she hadn't met yet.
She was just glad she could see him happy again.
Next day, Lucy woke up with a smile.
The memories of the last night filled her with warm, made her heart go all cozy and fast, and for a moment she even forgot about her own health.
If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his forehead against hers, when they were about to say goodbye.
"We'll meet again, this, I promise you," he'd whispered.
It was a miracle that she had not melted right there. But she was just… so happy. Which was pretty ironic, because as far as she knew, her life could end in the blink of an eye.
Lucy sat in her bed. Her stomach hurt, as if she had been kicked. She grimaced in pain.
As if she had read her mind, Mira came in. Her face was dark, sad, completely different of what Lucy imagined it would be. Mira, who looked so excited yesterday, was unable to meet her eyes.
"Mira?" Lucy asked, even though it pained her a bit to talk. "What's wrong?"
The nurse avoided her gaze. "Does anything hurt?"
Lucy frowned. Mira was never one to avoid her questions. "Yeah, a bit. My stomach."
"I'll call the doctor." Mirajane said. And with that, she left.
Lucy spent those minutes alone to try and figure out the reason of Mira's attitude, but it was useless. When the doctor came, he analyzed her, as usual, and gave her some medication to stop her pain. He said some deeper analysis would come in the afternoon.
"Mira," Lucy repeated, once the doctor left and the two were alone again. "Did something happen?"
Mira grabbed her hand. With tears in the corner of her eyes, she said, "Natsu… he's being operated right now… his leg… it got infested, and the cancer got worse."
Lucy's heart stopped.
"There's a ninety five percent probability that he will not make it."
Lucy ran to the room Mira indicated her. She didn't care about her own health right now, or that her stomach hurt.
She needed to go there, needed to know what was happening.
Her chest hurt too, making it hard to breath, and she was pretty sure it had nothing to do with her illness.
When she arrived, she saw Igneel. The man who was suffering alone in that hallway, watching the clock move slower than it should. Lucy immediately hugged him.
"Lucy," he said. "You're here."
She hadn't noticed she was crying out loud until her voice cracked countless times before she could say anything. Ah, it hurt so much. "Of course I'd be here! Why didn't he tell me last night! Why…"
Igneel tightened their hug and pat her in the head, comforting her. "He didn't say anything to anyone, Lucy. He's just like that."
Lucy sobbed. "That idiot…"
Igneel let out a painful, humorless chuckle. "He was the biggest idiot. That's why… no matter how it ends… I'm glad he could be happy with you in his last moment."
Lucy was unable to say further. She just cried and cried, and in that moment, she found out that love was, indeed, very painful.
In the end, Natsu didn't make it.
Lucy was carried by doctors back to her room, since she couldn't do anything else that cry.
It's just that it hurt, so, so much. How would she be okay again? That seemed impossible to her now, because how could she be okay without the only friend she ever had?
Doctors left her alone in her room. She could only stare at the boring white ceiling, wondering if everything would be monotone again, like it was before?
The only thing she had now was that note Igneel put in her pocket before she was carried out. Igneel, who should be suffering even more than her, who was alone, with no home to go back to.
Lucy tried wiping off tears from her eyes. "This is from Natsu," he'd say.
Lucy opened the messy paper, amazed by the horrible handwriting. It was barely legible, but the note smelled just like him. It hurt.
Yo, Lucy!
So, you already know I suck with words. Thankfully we got enough time to get to know a few things about each other, right?
But that enough is not the enough I wanted, if that makes sense.
Sorry for lying to you. I just didn't want to make you worried and sad before you needed to be, because you also have to worry about you. You have this tendency of looking for others before you, and while that is really nice, I want you to take care of yourself. Now that I'm not there, I wonder who will be chasing after your well being…
Can I ask you for a favor, one last time? Watch out for my old man. He's like you in some way, so he'll probably forget about himself for a while. If you can, please remind him to eat and shower properly!
Thank you for giving me the best happy last memory I'll have! You're the best, Lucy!
Bye!
Natsu.
P.S.: I'm all fired up to see what's the afterlife like!
P.S. 2: I hope I can meet you there and smile with you again.
Dear Mother and Father:
I hope you the best now. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused, but know that I'm grateful with everything you did for me.
I could never ask for better parents than you. The love you gave me every day kept me alive, and I didn't die because you weren't here. I died because that's the life I got, and I'm sorry for all the pain. In my last weeks, I got to know what losing a dear person is like, so I'm truly sorry that you got to feel that as well.
I'll never forget the memories I have with you, so all I can ask is for you to never forget them as well, even if it hurts.
I hope the company goes well, and that you can find happiness again.
Love, Lucy.
P.S.: Please watch out for Igneel! He needs to eat and shower properly! Also, I'd love if you can give him a home again. He suffers like you do now, so I hope you can help him!
Natsu Dragneel
7/7/X777 - 6/28/X793
Lucy Heartfilia
2/24/X778 - 7/7/X793
For my Gon, yearofthenalu on Tumblr! She's one of my best friends and it was her birthday around two months ago! This was extremely late lol.
Anyways, I hope you liked it! Fufufu, sorry for the angst! Well... not sorry tbh! Also, the seasons were made like in the South hemisphere, and I just realized that when I finished. So that's why Lucy died in June, and she got into the hosptial at the start of September. Sorry I made a mess with the time! I kinda forgot things while I wrote, 'cause it took me one week to write this!
Reviews are highly appreaciated! Thank you so much for reading!