For always.
AN: it's never been ideal like everyone puts it. Remus does not believe in Sirius' devil-handsomeness, and Sirius doesn't love him for his bookworm-look. They're not in love, they just happen to have sex sometimes. And even if that's a lie, it's all that ever worked for them.
Contrary to popular believes, Sirius Orion Black is not that fabulous. Books could be written about all the things people do not know about Sirius Orion Black. For one, he did not ask Remus out on any sort of date. They never proclaimed their love for each other under the starry sky, they did not hold hands and shared a first kiss. Sirius did not taste like sugar, and his eyes did not sparkle.
Sirius was not a gentleman. So when Remus offered him the one-time-only deal, all he did was unfasten his belt, zip open his jeans, and bend the brunette over the side of the bed. There was nothing all love-and daisies-like about it—he tugged off the boy's pants and pulled his hips back. And then they fucked. It wasn't cute and sweet and it was not a squeally moment. Remus' legs were trembling and he was trying to keep himself up, leaning heavily on his arms, but it didn't matter either way, because Sirius' grip was nearly breaking him, but they never spoke a word of it. It was fast and rough, not slow and sweet, and within moments they both came.
Now when Remus tipped down against the bed, his knees bucking, his arms were the only thing keeping him up. No snuggle, no Sirius to keep him from falling. He was breathing loudly, and swallowed a couple of times, as the raven nervously pulled up his own pants. His friend was sweaty on the bed, ass pointing deliciously up into the air, the only thing covering his body his white shirt. Sirius felt slightly guilty—Remus did not. He was a werewolf after all, and this close to the full moon the tension was wearing him off. Animalistic raw passion, and he was a teenager so he had to succumb to it. Sirius liked fucking, Remus liked being fucked—so why the hell not. He'd rather have Sirius taking him from behind than some man he didn't even like. Remus did not feel guilty.
Sirius wanted to apologise. But their romance was not that from a fairytale, and Remus was still telling himself he was not in love—so when Sirius started babbling about being sorry and not meaning to hurt his friend in any way, all Remus did was grunt: "shut up. Let's go again."
And now maybe that wasn't the most flattering thing to say when you've just had sex with your best friend, but it sure worked for them. Remus never told himself he was in love—oh no—Remus always said sex with Sirius was just too addictive. Even if that was completely rubbish because he'd just always loved Sirius.
But loving him hurt so much, he couldn't admit it. And this love in a dark room was all they ever had, though both would spend their lives wondering, 'what if?' never willing to talk about it or even feel how could it could have been. They hid in dark desires but in the end it would always be true—because no love was purer than theirs, so fine like gold, even if it was their secret. For always.
AN: hmm.