There's really nothing to say guys… This was unexpected. I just had to write it.

I've always had trust issues, for as long as I can remember. Many have hurt me before. Even those who said they loved me and called themselves my friends. I learned to not trust everyone that came into my life. I learned to keep my distance from the rest of the world, and only let those who truly deserve my love to come as close as to touching me.

I've always been shy. Making friends is a hard task for me to accomplish. I dread the times we are assigned group projects or projects as pairs because I am always the last one to get chosen. That is, if I even get chosen. Most of the time the teacher has to assign me a partner, just because I'm too scared to talk to anybody, and everyone seems to avoid me as if I were the plague.

And then, there are times when I don't even get a partner. It's fine with me though; I prefer to work on my own. By myself. A loner. Invisible to everyone's eyes. Deaf to anyone's ears. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel.

Sometimes I sit by myself, pencil held tightly in my fingers and I begin to write. Writing my feelings on paper sure helps a lot, but it's never enough. Talking to someone would help. But who do you turn to when you're in the bottom of the food chain. Where do you find a friend when everyone makes it their mission to ignore you?

Nowhere.

Being alone is something you never really get used to, no matter how many months or years may pass, it will always bring ache to your heart when you see friends talking and laughing, giggling and smiling. You envy them, wishing you had something so beautiful. Something you can't have.

Then, you find someone who is willing to take you in. Someone you can talk to and confide in whenever things get rough.

But what happens when that someone practically slips away from your grasp?

There's nothing to do. Nothing you can do, except hope they come back to you. But the pain is always there, hidden behind those smiles you use to cover up the pain. It's hidden behind in your soul; a place no one can reach unless they truly know you.

It never fades away. Slowly but surely it begins to grow, until you feel like you're dying inside. You want that someone back, but what else can you do besides mourn the fact that they are no longer by your side; at arm's reach?

Absolutely nothing.

Because the pain is always there. It never fades away.

I feel like I'm dying inside. My soul is slowly deteriorating into nothing. There's no one to save me. No one to reach me on time. I am falling. The question is: Who will catch me before it's too late?

*gulp* Darkest thing I've written. Or at least it is to me…

~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)