CHAPTER ONE

Rachel's hand shot into the air, "Mr. Schue, I think I have a perfect song that is guaranteed to win us any competition this year. Brad, could you play A Piece of Sky in E Minor?"

"I'm sorry Rachel," Mr. Schue interrupted, "Brad made me sign a contract that he wouldn't have to play another Barbra Streisand song."

"Why?" Rachel pleaded, "Barbra is like my power animal!"

Brad just looked at her.

"Ok, well then, how about Send in the Clowns?"

"Hasn't Barbra sung that one before?" asked Mr. Schue. Brad nodded.

"But she wasn't the first," Rachel protested.

"If I may," Kurt interrupted, "It would seem that our judges are usually hip, or at least they pretend to be. So, I suggest we find a pretentiously hip song to perform at the competitions. That may connect with our judges a little better. I was thinking maybe I could sing Cinema Italiano from the movie-adaptation of the musical Nine. It's honestly the most pretentiously hip song I have ever heard."

Brad nodded.

"Take it away boys!" Kurt shouted as the band burst into symphonic perfection.

As Kurt finished his number the classroom became a cacophony of praise.

"Wow, Kurt, that was really good," Mr. Schue smiled, "All right, settle down, everyone," he continued, "We have a few things to go over real quick. This year's competition is going to be a little different. The show-choir committee has ruled out original songs due to the fact that they found them too annoying. Also, there is now a state competition held right between Sectionals and Regionals, meaning that Sectionals are a month earlier than usual, giving us less time to prepare."

"Hold up," shouted Finn, "They found my song annoying?"

"Now, they didn't say anything specific," started Mr. Schue.

"Do they realize how difficult it is to write a song in complete staccato? I didn't even know what that word meant until Rachel explained it to me," Finn finished.

"I, personally found the song annoying," Lauren jumped in, "and that kiss was gross."

"How would you know," Finn argued, "your back was facing us the whole time!"

"I could hear it, man-boobs, it was gross."

"Yeah, it did kind of sound like you two were in no control of your saliva," Santana stated, "I swear I could hear dribble going everywhere."

"That's enough!" Mr. Schue shouted, "We don't have time to discuss Finn and Rachel's out-of-place kissing, we have to start working now for sectionals. Your assignment this week is to find a song that is hip, fun, and not sung by Barbra Streisand to perform in front of the club next Tuesday."

"I can't believe Mr. Schue would do this to me!" Rachel threw her teddy-bear across her bedroom.

"I don't even really know what he did," Finn deadpanned.

"Finn, this is our senior year. The last chance I'll ever have at winning any glee club competition and Mr. Schuester had to take it away."

"What do you mean, 'he took it away'?" Finn could feel his impatience starting to show.

"He took away Barbra from me. Now everything I sing will simply sound... Not Barbra."

"Hey," Finn put on his seductive face, "How long did you say your dads will be out?"

"All night—they're at a Liza Minelli sing-along marathon. By now they're probably half-way through New York, New York."

"I think I may know what will make you feel better." Finn started massaging her shoulders.

"Finn," Rachel hesitated, "what did you have for lunch today?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He continued the back-rub.

"Well, the last time we got intimate like this, you were under the impression that a grilled-cheese sandwich was the reason why. I just want you to know, if anything happens here, it's only because you and I made a choice."

"What do you mean 'anything'?" Excitement was tingling through Finn's head.

"Finn, stop," Rachel pushed his hands away, "I don't think this is right. I know from Quinn that if you don't draw a line somewhere, things go too far."

"I wasn't planning on anything serious, I just wanted to touch your boobs," Finn argued.

"Well, my boobs are through being fiddled with, besides, it's late and I need to start memorizing Bernadette Peters' entire repertoire. Perhaps it really is time Barbra and I parted ways."