Velociraptors.
A RWBY fanfiction.
Prologue.
As with any other day in the kingdom of Vale the day had started out clear for the most part, though with an undeniably foreboding blanket of clouds in the foreground that may have warned of rain. It was curious truly, that given these frequent observations not once had even the slightest of showers ever graced his schools grandiose courtyards. The courtyards of which he traversed now whilst giving ponderation to such thought.
The children stood around whilst conversing. Those who had survived at least.
It was as Professor Ozpin rolled, as though an autobot, up with his heelys of which he oft advised students to utilize to escape their feelies that he inquired quizzically "Yo, the fuckles uples mah muggles?" to his non wizard students.
"W-what?" Asked the confused and virginal jaune, who had yet to materialize his semblance. He had failed yet Ozpin gave to him an "A" for effort. The fact that effort started with an "E" aside, it was such an "A"ish "A" that he might almost allow him to bang Pyrrha. For his effort.
Almost.
"P-profesor?"
"Da fuq" Ozpin replied, thus validating jaunes existence.
"T-the attack- I mean there's still so much we don't know! Who was behind it? How did the White Fang get those Grimm into their planes? WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?" Screeched jaune.
The wise Professor replied to such "Because I said so?" much to the confusion of everyone. And like that Ozpin was Ozpout.
The trials of trying to comprehend the machinations of those youthful minds were too great for the Headmaster, who was already tired from bitch-slapping Cinder to death with the corpse of the Fall Maiden.
He had slain Cinder as well as Jaunes chance at saving the day and doing the frick-frack with magnets and poles n shit. The old Professor roller-bladed his way up the empty elevator shaft he had installed to fuckle with Glynda, who scared everyone. Upon reconvening outside his door he stumble into his office to find a scene not to out of place for Ozpin's secret "Education Dungeons". It was James Ironwood wielding the power of the Devil Buster and channeling Han Solo engaged in an epic battle against the fearsome Druncle Qrow. "I'm really feeling it!" Qrowbro exclaimed.
"That's no moon!" kernel Oaksteel announced cryptically, slashing one of Qrows many whiskeys to death. Thus preventing the fates of a thousand unQrowed virgins. In a rage against all of creation Qrow unleashed the power of his Sword-Scythe-Shotgun. Lo and behold, for it twas metal. Literally a fucking Guitar made out of stone carved statues of defiled innocence, and wreathed in an aura of its own. An aura of hate and all things that bring forth the screaming of babes on the cold winds of a dead days false hopes. The resulting outpour of shattered innocence of both emo and metal varieties was enough to force abortions of hate on all pregnant Moon Dragons from the future.
Commander Birchbrass could only stand helplessly as his draconic moon womb imploded in an instant of sheer fucking metal. Lieutenant Palmtreecopper declared "Fuckle it." and committed suicide in space for the future of mankind.
"Yo yo yo, where da black coffee at?" The surprised Professor inquired.
"Are you asking for the drink or the team currently stored in the Education Dungeons?" offered back Glynda, lord of student abuse.
"No… they shall wait for the cane."
"Very well. The drink then?"
"As assuredly as Jaunes virgin status."
"Commence th3 ProcCess!1!1"
"Glynda why the fuckle do you speak as such."
With great care, Glynda tore a tin can of coffee grinds out of a nearby flaming gargoyle and infused the brown incense with a great deluge of Grimm's tears.
A legion of living Whiskey looked on at their victorious father, frozen in awe of the fearsome drunkard. "T-thank you!" they exclaimed.
Drunkle Qrow drank it in thanks. "So Ozzy-P what is it that we know of those terrorists?"
With that Ozpin headed to his desk, inserting his Scroll into the receptacle and bringing to life its projection machines. In all the chaos that had unfurled during the attack, he had remembered a faint voice echoing through the halls as he bitch-slapped Cinder. A nearly forgotten voice declaring "You had expected her to be plot relevant, but it was me! Dio!"
Upon investigation of the phrase the Headmaster of Beacon had discovered its links to a mysterious mercenary group.
"Diamond Dogs."
"What?"
"We have learned of this mysterious mercenary group lead by a council of mysterious dragonborn super wizards. The leaders as we know them are Big Boss, Revolver Ocelot, Gilgamesh, and Dio Brando."
Qrowdle asked who was trusted enough for this monumental task. For the task of learning of and stopping this organization.
"Oh do I have an idea." He retorted.
And as such was said the empty elevation shaft opened to reveal team RWBY, standing at attention. All four member as follows, Soma Cruz, Colonel Volgin, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Gooseman.