AN: Takes place before we meet our characters in S1E1 of Chicago PD. This was inspired by the episode where Erin, Jay, and Burgess are at Molly's and Burgess asks if Jay saw action while in the military then Erin and Jay share a look like she knows something about that. Enjoy!
Two weeks into being on the intelligence unit and Jay Halstead had not shown up to work for the past 2 days. Hank Voight made team pairing and have orders as though nothing was wrong, but Erin Lindsay was pissed. Jay had been her partner for the last two weeks, and while their partnership wasn't perfect, they had just begun finding a rhythm before his mysterious disappearance.
At the end of shift, Erin made her way to Hank's office.
"Did you fire Jay?" she asked bluntly as soon as she was in the door.
"No, of course not. He's good police." Hank answered with a little bit of humor dancing in his eyes. "And I'm hurt that you jumped to that conclusion," he joked.
"Well, then, where is he?"
"For your information, he called out sick yesterday and today. He assured me that he'll be better by Thursday."
Thirty minutes later, Erin found herself standing outside Jay's apartment with a grocery bag containing ginger ale, Gatorade, crackers, and soup. Hank hadn't elaborated on what might be wrong with him exactly, so she had grabbed the whole arsenal of things she usually wanted when sick. She knocked twice before she heard someone shuffling to the door. As soon as it opened, she barged right into the kitchen and began unpacking her bag.
"I heard you were sick, so I brought nourishment. I know we haven't been partners long, but I'm tired of having to ride with Hank, so you need to get better..." she trailed off, taking in Jay's disheveled appearance and the beer can in his hand. "You don't look sick, you look drunk!"
"Nice detective work, Detective." He responded sarcastically.
"Jay, you haven't shown up to work for two days. Have you been drunk this whole time?"
"Yep," he replied, "Gonna be drunk tomorrow too." he mumbled, grabbing the package of crackers off the counter. Without another word, he wandered out of the kitchen to plop on the couch in front of the TV. Erin grabbed two of the bottles of Gatorade, and followed him. She took in the large collection of beer cans and bottles on the table, the empty pizza box, and some Chinese food containers from the place down the street that they had ordered from when her and Antonio had watched a Blackhawks game at his place. "At least he's been eating," she thought to herself.
Even though the TV was on, the glazed over look in Jay's eyes made it clear his mind was thousands of miles away. Knowing she couldn't leave him like this, Erin carefully fit herself into the space next to him on the couch. Placing the Gatorade on the coffee table, she tucked one leg up and turned so she was facing his side.
"Jay, I can't help you figure this out if you don't tell me what's going on."
"There's nothing to figure out." He turned to look at her. The look of pain in his eyes made her heart break for the partner she had only known for a short time.
"Jay…"
He let out a big sigh and returned his gaze back towards the TV. They sat like that in silence for a few long moments. Finally, when it was clear he wasn't going to say anything, Erin spoke. "Well, if you decide you want to talk, or need something, you know my number." She placed her hand on his forearm with the intention of pushing herself up off the couch, but before she could stand, Jay placed his hand over hers. His gaze didn't leave the direction of the TV, but he began to talk.
"Before I joined CPD, I was in Army, Rangers, Fifth Infantry Division. We were nearing the end of a mission, on our way back to base. We only had about 3 weeks left in that deployment and we were all looking forward to getting back stateside. About 10 minutes before base, we hit an IED. All I remember is seeing the initial explosion then everything went black. I woke up 5 days later already moved stateside to a Medical Center. I had a concussion and had taken a lot of shrapnel to my legs, but otherwise I was fine after some rehab. Most of my company wasn't so lucky. We lost a lot of guys that day, and more suffered injuries way worse than mine. But knowing I was helpless for those 5 days, and even worse, not able to help them kills me. So every year for those 5 days, I do nothing but sit on the couch and drink. I remember them, their lives, and then on the 6th day, I go back to living my life. This year, it started on a Saturday so I only had to call out these's few days. I would have been worthless to you at work, and I would never do anything that would intentionally put you at risk." At the end of this speech things settled into silence again, but this time it felt lighter.
After a few minutes, Erin moved to stand again, but Jay stopped her.
"Do you think you could stay for a bit?"
"Yeah," Erin said. "But only if you put something better on the TV." She added lightheartedly.
Confused, Jay focused on the TV for the first time in a while and noticed that it was playing an informercial for a spray to re-grow your hair.
"Yeah," he said with a little laugh, "you pick." Erin began flipping channels until she found a movie she wanted to watch. She settled into a more comfortable position on the couch then smiled to herself when Jay started to drink the Gatorade she'd brought from the kitchen instead of his beer. Hopefully, this was a good sign she would have her partner back by Thursday like he promised.