Title: Criminal Masterminds
Summary: The Adventures of Spike and Flower. An unofficial response to the "Dog Days of Summer" challenge. Part 1/2.
Rating: T, just in case.
Category: Criminal Minds, OC's with a side of Garcia, Reid, and Morgan. Everyone else makes a quick appearance as well.
Disclaimer: I own nothing remotely related to Criminal Minds.
A/N: I'm not a regular fan of CM (I watched the first 2 seasons), nor did I sign up for the "Dog Days of Summer" challenge. But I have an appreciation for the show, and a friend told me about the challenge-I couldn't resist after coming up with pets for Garcia and Reid. Thank SunnyinOregon for the craziness that has resulted.
There's a lot of backstory not detailed, though I worked out the details with a friend (you know who you are) and they're hilarious. I'd like to write them, but I'm starting back up with school in a couple weeks, so I don't want to promise anything.
...
Part 1: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Flower Scorned
...
"Well, Flower, here's where I work," Garcia informed as she opened the door and flipped the light switch. Flower peered through the mesh of her carrier, taking in the large desk with multiple screens and other computer equipment. She turned around, spying another table with more equipment.
"Looks kind of like home," Flower yipped, pressing against the mesh to look at Garcia.
"It's not exactly home, but sometimes I have to work long hours. I'd rather have you close by so I can take care of you." Garcia gently set the carrier on the floor and Flower could see more things under the tables. Flower waited patiently for Garcia to unzip her bag, sticking her nose out slowly when the flap fell open.
"I've got a new little bed for you," Garcia said as she busied herself taking things out of her large shoulder bag. "And I'm going to put your water here," she added, setting a small ceramic bowl by the door. Flower ventured out of the carrier and over to the bowl, sniffing it. She noticed the pictures on the outside of the bowl matched the ones on her collar and she pawed at the design, wagging her tail.
"Flowers!" she barked happily.
"I'm glad you like it," Garcia said.
"Flowers!" the Jack Russell terrier repeated. Garcia laughed and crouched to pat the dog's head. Flower jumped up, leaning her front paws gently on the woman's knee, and licked her chin. When Garcia stood up again, Flower followed her back to the chair.
"So, where would you like your bed?" Garcia asked, offering a fluffy pillow much like the one Flower had at home. Flower looked around the room, sniffing at the air, before trotting over to a space just under the edge of the desk. The thrum of the machine nearby sounded soothing and as she approached, she could feel a warmth coming from it.
"Here," Flower said, turning on the spot a couple of times.
"Okay," Garcia agreed, setting the small bed at Flower's feet. "But just not too close to the CPU," she added.
"Okay," Flower yipped her understanding. Having lived with Garcia for a week now, she already knew something about computers. As Garcia tucked her bag under the other table and sat on her chair, Flower tugged and pawed at the bed until it was in just the right spot-not to close to the CPU as to block the fan but close enough to feel the warmth. Stepping onto the pillow, Flower curled her toes into the fluffiness and turned around, surveying her work. "Perfect," she said, plopping down. Garcia looked down with a smile, and Flower wagged her tail. "Thanks!"
...
Spike slowly lifted his head, pushing the flap of the bag up as he went. He looked around, seeing several people sitting at desks all over the room and more people quickly walking along what looked like a balcony. He ducked his head as someone passed by, only venturing back up after counting to ten. After ensuring that no one was paying attention to him, he slunk out of the bag and quickly jumped off the chair and scurried under the closest desk. Before he could chance a glance out from under the piece of furniture, something shiny caught his eye.
"Excellent," he chittered, running over to the glittering object. He pawed at it-it was cool and hard, and looked like a string looped around twice in an oval shape. He bit into it, definitely hard. Spike was still excited by his discovery, so much so that he hadn't looked around after initially spying the pretty item. But now that he had lifted his head, he saw a pile of the same objects lying nearby, spilling out of a small box.
"So many!" he exclaimed as he ran over, jumping excitedly into the pile. He pawed at the box, spilling more items from the opening, and experimentally chewed on the edge. "Now I need somewhere to put them," he said quietly as he scanned the area under the desk. Finding no potential hiding place, he pushed the objects back together into a pile, clumsily tugging the paper box atop. With a quick circle around his treasure while he sniffed the air, he determined it would be safe to leave them unattended.
Slinking over to the edge of the desk, and partially hiding behind the leg, he peered out into the rest of the room. Light glittered off items on the desks and floor. Spike risked sticking his head out to get a better look. More shiny objects flashed into view.
"Which one should I get first?" he muttered to himself. He pulled his head back into the shadow as he deliberated. Deciding he should see where he was before collecting any more treasures, he scurried out from his hiding place and darted to the end of the room. Another glance around from under the closest desk and he was off up a small flight of staircases and frantically running along the wall. He passed a couple closed doors before the wall turned sharply to the left, luckily not encountering anyone. He ducked into an open doorway when he felt the floor trembling, and peered around the corner as a woman walked by.
"I'd love to get some of that for my collection," Spike muttered, admiring the woman's blond hair as she disappeared down the hallway. Spike sniffed the air and started as a loud scraping noise came from behind him. Whirling around, he saw a man with his back to him, getting up from a chair. Spike whipped back to the doorway, and careened down the hallway. He slipped into the first door he could, it being open just enough for him to get his nose in and shove it open. Panting, he peered back out the door but no one followed.
When Spike's breathing returned to normal, he became aware of someone else breathing in the room. He turned slowly, fearfully, and came face to face with a dog.
"Ah!" he screamed, running around the room.
The dog followed, barking so fast Spike couldn't understand it. After another lap of the room, he jumped onto the chair and desk, ducking behind a large flat object. The dog followed, stopping short of jumping on the table, paws gripping the edge of the desk as it continued to bark.
"What are you doing? Get off there! You shouldn't be up there!" the dog said urgently. Spike shook his head, eyeing teeth and claws. "Who are you? What are you doing here? You're not allowed!" the dog persisted.
"Who the hell are you?" Spike retorted, fleeing to the other side of the desk behind another box-like object. When he peeked back out from his new hiding spot, he saw the dog still in the same position, looking scandalized.
"You shouldn't swear," the dog said.
"What?"
"You shouldn't swear," the dog repeated.
"What, you mean saying 'hell'?" Spike teased.
"Stop that!" Spike shrugged and ventured to stick his whole head out.
"You going to answer my question?" Spike said after a second. When the dog didn't reply, he rolled his eyes. "Who are you?"
"The polite thing to do would be to offer your name, seeing as this is my room," the dog countered.
"If I come out, are you going to chase me again?" Spike asked, intentionally ignoring the dog's indirect request.
"Maybe," the dog said smugly, "maybe not, if you come down. You're not allowed up there." Spike eyed the dog for a long moment, then stepped out from his hiding place. He risked getting closer to the dog, but not close enough for the dog to catch him. The dog huffed, clearly aware of what he was doing. Spike crouched down, ready to run if necessary.
"I'm Flower," the dog said haughtily. Spike couldn't resist the chuckle that came out.
"What kind of name is 'Flower'?"
"It's a perfectly fine name. My Mom gave it to me."
"Can I call you Flo?"
"No."
"Okay, then," Spike relented, seeing Flower tense her paws again.
"So, what's your name?"
"I'm Spike."
"What are you doing here?"
"I hitched a ride with my Dad."
"Does he know you're here?"
"Nope."
"Why'd you come then?"
"I was looking for things."
"What things?"
"What is this, twenty questions?" Spike snarked. "I think I'd rather you chase me again."
"That can be arranged." Spike quirked an eyebrow and slunk backwards. Flower narrowed her eyes and growled, but didn't move from her spot.
"That's what I thought," Spike said with a smirk. "So, what are you doing here?" he shot back.
"I'm here with my Mom. She takes me to work all the time," Flower replied proudly. Spike risked moving forward again, closer to Flower, who'd relaxed her stance.
"You stay here all day?"
Flower answered with a nod. "Sometimes at night too," she elaborated.
"What do you do?"
"I help my Mom," Flower said indignantly.
"How?"
"I pick up her pens when she drops them. I make sure she eats and sleeps when she's on a long case, and I cheer her up when a case makes her sad."
"Boring," Spike sing-songed.
"No it's not," Flower pouted.
"We should go find some stuff." Spike moved closer, ready to jump off the table if he saw anything interesting.
"Find stuff?"
"Yeah, and see if we can hitch a ride somewhere."
"Hitch a ride? We're not on the highway!"
"Oh, come on, Flo, where's your sense of adventure?"
"Don't call me Flo." Spike hopped off the table then, deeming the dog to be sufficiently distracted. Flower followed.
"Let's go," Spike persisted.
"No."
"You're no fun." With that, Spike darted back out of the room, glancing quickly both ways to ensure he was alone.
"Come back," Flower whispered loudly after the ferret, trailing hesitantly behind him. Spike made his way back down the hallway and into the open doorway he encountered earlier. "We're not supposed to go in there without permission," Flower said from the door.
"You might not be, but no one's told me not too," Spike countered, ducking under a chair and table.
"Because you snuck in," Flower argued.
"Details," Spike said distractedly. Looking around yielded nothing interesting at floor level, so Spike turned back to the door. He slipped down the hallway back toward the big room. Flower followed close behind, looking around frantically.
"Spike," she hissed angrily, "we're going to get in trouble." The ferret ignored Flower, peering around the corner into the large room.
"Where are we anyway?" Spike asked.
"It's the bullpen," Flower answered, pressing herself against the wall and poking her head over Spike's to take a look. They watched the various people working at desks. No one was walking around at the moment. "It's where all the teams have desks."
"Teams?"
"Yes, teams," Flower huffed, exasperated. "BAU investigative teams. They work on different cases. Mommy works on the top team," she added that last comment proudly.
"Whatever," Spike shot back, annoyed that he'd asked the question. "From what I've seen, there's a lot of potential for finding things. Know any good hiding places?"
"Hiding places for what?" Flower asked, looking down at the ferret with narrowed eyes.
"Things," Spike replied simply. "Let's go." With that, Spike darted from their hiding place and slunk quickly along the wall to the stairs.
"Wait," Flower called loudly after him. She spared a glance around before continuing, "what are you doing? We're not supposed to be here either!" After hesitating for a second and with a loud sigh, Flower followed.
Spike managed to get down the short flight of stairs and find the desk he initially hid under without being noticed. He ducked into the shadow and scampered to his pile of shiny objects he'd made earlier. Flower was there seconds later, circling the desk.
"Spike, get out from under there," Flower ordered. She ducked her head down to look at the ferret. "If you get caught, everyone's going to be mad." Spike grabbed one of the shiny objects.
"Wherf can ve hide fis?" Spike asked, his voice muffled by the fact that he held the shiny object in his mouth.
"What?"
"Where can we hide this?" Spike repeated after dropping the object back onto the floor.
"Why would you want to hide a paperclip?"
"What the hell is a paperclip?" Spike asked, looking down at his latest acquisition.
"Don't swear!" Flower said authoritatively.
"Answer the question!"
"You answer mine!"
The two stared at each other a moment before Spike relented, "Because it's mine."
"It's not yours," Flower said indignantly. "The people have to use it."
"I found it on the floor," Spike countered petulantly, carrying it protectively back to the pile. Flower rounded the desk to get closer, and ducked her head down again.
"Give it back," Flower ordered.
"Mafe me," Spike taunted, running around the small heap with the paperclip still in his mouth. Flower scrambled under the desk, and Spike fled to another corner.
"Get back here!" Flower yelled as she banged her head on the underside of the desk. Spike darted out from the shadow of the desk and ran around her. Flower crawled out from under the drawer part of the desk and followed. "Give it back!" They ran around the desk a few more times, Spike weaving in and out of the shadow while Flower barked out her frustration.
"What are you doing out here, little lady?" Dark hands swooped around Flower and lifted her off the floor.
"Get him! He's trying to steal a paperclip!" Flower barked out furiously and tried to scramble out of the hold.
"Hey, there, what's got you all riled up?"
"It's a ferret! And he's not supposed to be here!" Flower yipped some more, staring pointedly at the corner of the desk Spike had most recently fled under. He poked his head out and stuck out his tongue. Flower growled.
"Okay, okay, let's see what's under there." But before the man could release her, another set of hands were pulling her away.
"Mommy, it's a ferret, and he's stealing things!" Flower appealed to Garcia, still trying to get back to the floor.
"Flower, you know you're not supposed to be out here," Garcia admonished. Flower immediately stopped struggling.
"But Mommy," she whined. Seeing Garcia make no move to release her, Flower turned to Morgan. "Uncle Derek," she tried.
"Let me check," Morgan said with a chuckle.
"Well, any chance to see that fine ass," Garcia sassed.
"I aim to please," Morgan volleyed back, grinning. Flower rolled her eyes at the typical flirty interaction.
"Hurry up," she urged, looking back down at the desk. Morgan got down on his knees and leaned close to the desk. Garcia crouched, still holding Flower tightly in her arms. But just as Morgan's head disappeared under the desk, Spike slinked out from under the other side. Carrying the paperclip in his mouth, he climbed up the chair and slipped into the bag he'd hitched a ride in earlier. Morgan reached an arm under the desk and Flower held her breath in anticipation.
"It's just a pile of spilled paperclips," Morgan said as he withdrew his arm, revealing a smushed paper box and a handful of the office supplies. Flower huffed as Garcia and Morgan stood, and Morgan scratched under her left ear. "I can't believe Reid still uses these," Morgan commented as he dropped the paperclips on the desk.
Flower looked around, spying movement on the chair. She could just make out Spike's head under the flap of the bag sitting on the chair. He stuck his tongue out at her again.
"Mommy, Uncle Derek, he's over there!" she yelled again, trying to break away from Garcia's grip. But the woman held on tighter.
"What's gotten into you?" Garcia asked, tucking Flower more securely in her arms. Flower gave up struggling and looked around, seeing a few other people standing nearby, watching them. She was suddenly embarrassed at her outburst, and for disobeying Garcia. She laid her head down in the crook of Garcia's elbow and stayed silent. "Let's get back to my office." With a quick goodbye to Morgan, the woman walked away. Flower narrowed her eyes at the bag as she watched the flap slowly lower.
...
"I'm going to grab some lunch. I'll be back soon," Garcia said as she grabbed her purse and stood. "Don't get into any trouble."
"I won't," Flower yipped, wagging her tail. Garcia smiled and shut the door firmly on her way out. It hadn't taken long for Garcia to forgive Flower her unscheduled outing, but the woman had still told Flower she would be keeping the door closed for a while just to make sure. Flower had barked her understanding, and licked Garcia's fingers, before spending the rest of the morning sitting on her pillow and planning.
Waiting a few seconds after Garcia's departure, Flower got up quickly and jumped up on the other table, the one Garcia stored her extra equipment on. She scooted close to the wall and backed up as far as she dared so as not to damage anything, and took a deep breath. Running toward the edge, she launched herself at the door, specifically the door handle. Flower managed to paw at the handle, but couldn't get ahold of it, falling to the floor. She rubbed her nose where it had come into contact with the cold metal and scurried to try again. Three more attempts and she managed to grab the handle and pull it down with her weight long enough to hear the latch release and the door to shift slightly.
"Victory," she called out as she landed on the floor. Flower nosed the door open just a bit more, so that a thin line of the outside hallway was visible. Satisfied, Flower jumped back onto the table and walked daintily among the various items. She grabbed a flash drive, one of Garcia's colorful but used up pens, and several tiny screws that fit into the back of one of the various CPU's. Setting them in her carrier, Flower then set to tugging the zipper of the flap so that it was positioned almost closed.
Taking another quick look at the door and the carrier, Flower returned to her pillow and plopped down. She laid her head down and closed her eyes, but kept her ears up, alert for any noises.
Flower laughed silently a few minutes later, when the telltale scampering could be heard coming closer. The ferret couldn't resist coming back, couldn't resist the potential for trouble. The door creaked further open ever so slightly and Flower spared a quick peak before closing her eyes again.
Spike entered the room and quickly moved to the carrier.
"Shiny things," he whispered as he spied the objects reflecting the light. Without hesitation, he slipped into the carrier. Flower smirked and opened her eyes. She stood and tiptoed over to the carrier. She almost made it all the way before Spike noticed her, but she was close enough that he didn't have a clear escape route.
"You like shiny things right?" Flower asked, keeping her tone friendly.
"Yeah," Spike answered slowly, suspiciously.
"I found a few. I hid them in there," Flower added nonchalantly. "Do you like the pen? That's my favorite," Flower said conversationally as she stepped closer. When Spike looked down at the various objects, Flower grabbed the zipper between her teeth and sealed the flap shut. Spike raced over, clawing at the mesh door.
"Let me out," he chittered angrily, running around the small space looking for a way out.
"Got you," Flower returned smugly.
"Let me out," Spike repeated.
"Not a chance," she sing-songed as she pranced over to the door and nosed it shut.
"Flo," Spike began.
"Don't call me 'Flo'," she ordered, heading back to her bed. Spike made another frantic lap around the carrier's interior. He pawed at the zipper uselessly.
"Flower," Spike started again, more desperate. Flower merely smirked at the helpless ferret and sat down on her bed.
"Don't worry. Mommy will be back soon." With that she laid her head between her paws and closed her eyes.
...
(end of part 1)