"Please," Came the pleading cry, yet Miranda refused to be moved by the puppy dog eyes, or the pout that pulled their lips.
"No, and that's final."
"But-"
"No 'buts' Shepard – the Normandy is a warship not a bloody petting zoo!"
Shepard just continued to look up at the irritated Cerberus Operative from where she was kneeling on the ground, her arms wrapped around the surprisingly placid varren that had taken to following them around Tuchanka.
Miranda turned away from the Commander with a sigh, determined not to give in to the childish antics of her commanding officer. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tried to unclench her teeth before she gave herself yet another migraine.
Dealing with Shepard was probably the most difficult part of her job as XO – she was always running off when Miranda asked her to stay close, always begging for some new pet or toy or treat whenever they docked; you would never have guessed that she was a full grown adult after hearing Miranda complain about her to anyone who would listen.
So here they were once again, having docked at a foreign country and the first thing Shepard does is make a new four-legged friend, before promptly begging the Cerberus Officer to let her keep it and bring it back to the Normandy.
"Please Miranda… I won't ask for anything else if you just let me keep him…"
Miranda scoffed at the Commander… yeah right, like I haven't heard THAT before.
Realising that she was getting nowhere, Miranda turned to Kasumi who was quietly standing next to the door of the shuttle, trying to hide the smile on her face.
"Kasumi, perhaps you could explain to Shepard why we are not bringing that thing back with us."
"Hey, leave me out of this – this is between the two of you."
"Eh? Sumi-chan… "Shepard cried, turning her sulking gaze onto her best friend.
Throwing up her hands in disgust, Miranda turned away from both of them.
"Shepard, you can't even look after fish. Fish! How the hell are you going to be able to look after a varren? Or are you just going to flush him down the toilet too when you forget to feed him and he dies?"
Frowning at her XO, Shepard looked down at the varren in her arms.
"Miranda," She said slowly, as if speaking to a small child, "you can't flush a varren down the toilet, it wouldn't fit… and I don't think Gardner would appreciate the mess if I tried."
Glaring at Kasumi who was trying to disguise her snort of laughter as a cough, Miranda snapped at her CO, her patience having reached its limit.
"You're missing the point, Shepard." She ground out between clenched teeth. "I have never met anyone who is less qualified to look after a pet than you."
"But think of all the benefits! We could bring him into battle, use him to terrify our enemies, and, and… and Grunt would love to have a reminder of home!"
"Really?" Disbelief clearly evident in the way she crossed her arms beneath her chest.
"Really," Shepard replied, nodding her head enthusiastically.
"And what if I told you Grunt would be more likely to use it for target practice than treat it as a housewarming gift?"
Shepard paused.
"Well, maybe it wouldn't be best to let him bunk with Grunt…" She conceded.
"And where exactly are you going to put him? In your room?" She snorted in disbelief. There was no way she was sharing Shepard's room with a varren, no matter how placid.
Seeing Shepard hesitate, she realised that was exactly what the Commander planned to do with him.
"No. No way. I refuse."
"Come on Miranda, it wouldn't be that bad." Shepard insisted, a coy smile pulling at her features.
"No." Miranda cried, backing away from the kneeling figure on the ground. "I am not having that, that thing, in your bedroom." She hissed.
Sighing in defeat, Shepard unwrapped her arms from her failed pet applicant, giving Urz a last pat before standing upright.
"Ah well, you heard the lady, looks like there's nothing we can do." The varren, as if realizing it was to be left behind, hung its head, snuffling loudly.
"Now look what you've done." Shepard accused, pointing at the despondent figure.
Raising a single arched eyebrow, Miranda simply turned away from the sulking animal, choosing instead to board the shuttle, knowing the others would follow shortly.
.
.
.
"And you're positive I can't keep him?"
Miranda rolled over in the Commander's arms, turning to face her before answering.
"Shepard, we live on a ship, we spend days at a time flying between destinations, he may have had plenty of space in the cargo hold, but I don't think Gardner would like having to clean up after him."
Sighing quietly, Shepard threaded her fingers through the dark tresses of the woman in her arms, pulling her closer.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…"
"I normally am." Miranda replied, pressing a soft kiss into the Commander's exposed collarbone.
"Tell you what," she continued a moment later, "next time we dock at the Citadel I'll buy you some new fish, ok?"
"Promise?" Shepard's eyes lighting up at the prospect of once again having a full aquarium
"Promise." Her XO replied, snuggling deeper into the embrace, preparing for sleep.
Several minutes passed in silence as the two lay there, settling down in a tangle of limbs and sheets, both starting to drift off until…
"Hey,"
"Mmm?"
"Can I get a pyjak?"