You don't really remember why you thought you had to make a choice but you did. Being torn between best friends; the boy you love and the boy you almost love, it was never easy, never fun. You made the choice because you didn't see any other options. Your innocence had been taken without much knowledge and no legal consent but he gave it back; showed you what it had been like and forgiveness was never an issue.
You don't remember what made him snap and come to you; you were waiting for the other shoe to drop and it did but not how you thought it would. He said he wanted you, wanted both of you and you can't remember being disgusted like the world expected you to be.
It's even harder to remember why the two of you even entertained the notion, but you did and you took him into your life again; the both of you and everything spiraled from there. Taking him into your shared bed wasn't as awkward as you thought it should have been, instead it was natural like that's how it was suppose to be all along.
You wonder what Lilly thinks about it. You got both her boys and she's still dead, but you never forget her; the three of you talk about her, celebrate her birthday and mourn her death.
School started again and you remember being worried, not about what would be said about you because the world already thought you were a slut. You didn't know if the rumors and glares were out of disgust or jealousy but you didn't care because they were directed at you and not them.
The day you realized that even though you were the center of their world; they loved each other too you thought you should be jealous but you weren't. When they got caught making out in the janitor's closet without you the rumors got worse. Half the school was still afraid of the Kane name and never confronted them; instead you got the jokes and the disgusted looks. You didn't care though, you wanted to protect them and that was what you were going to do.
Logan cared less than Duncan; it wasn't that he wasn't hurt by his so called friends' reactions, he just loved you both and didn't care who knew it. Duncan was subdued and you entertained the notion that he was ashamed for only a second before you realized that he didn't like to share; it was ironic to you because he shared you with Logan often and shared Logan with you equally.
It was never about sex for you; though the limits and extreme's they'd taken you were numerous and wonderful and sometimes made you wonder if your slut status wasn't so far off. Your dad wasn't happy but he trusted you, even when he probably shouldn't have.
You were jealous when they moved in together not minutes after Duncan finally turned 18 and you longed to wake up between them every morning, you knew it would come but being patient was never really your virtue and you had to keep yourself from sneaking out every night.
You wondered why he was never angry with you for choosing his best friend in the first place; why he could forgive all the things you'd said and done in the year and a half before. He did though and you never pressed it, you just loved him and let him love you the way you'd known he could.
Sometimes you want to ask him how he came up with the idea of the three of you. You would never complain, but it hadn't seemed like something he'd ask for. If it had been you and Lilly, that you could have seen but you and his best friend? Had they always had some underlying feelings for each other?
You remember watching in fascination the first time they kissed in front of you, you imagined maybe your gut was suppose to clench in disgust instead of lust but it didn't and you went with your base emotion.
It was years together that took your breath away and when your precious darling was born the Kane's wanted a paternity test but dropped the pursuit when threatened bodily harm by both your lovers. It didn't matter which one of them actually fathered your baby girl, it only matter that they were both her father and that's the way you liked it.
You don't know how they decided that legally you should become a Kane. They wanted their daughter to have the security that the Echolls name no longer held and Logan was alright with it. Sometimes you think it was his idea, so you and Duncan were married in a little ceremony in a Justice of the Peace's office and then the real wedding happened. You were never sure which of them managed to find someone who'd perform a ceremony like the one you had, but you were glad of it.
More family and friends showed up than you'd expected, even people who'd written each of you off individually and then again when you were together.
Your mother showed up, but theirs didn't. They were both dead, only one literally as the other was just too prudish and unfeeling to care about her son's happiness. The man who could have been your father if the fates had been cruel enough was there, he'd given you a sad smile, and you think he accepted this because it wasn't that surprising. Lilly's death had changed a lot of things, torn things apart and pulled them back together. You think he'd even forgiven Logan for it; even though everyone knew it was his father who'd taken away the glue that held the world of Neptune together.
Your second child was a boy and even a year into his life and two into your little girls you still couldn't have guessed who the father was. Sometimes your afraid they'll start to see the other more in your babies and the jealousy and bitterness people warned you about will start to show, but it doesn't and you love them even more.
When you sleep you have two sets of arms around you and though you can still find comfort in one, you never sleep your best if they both aren't surrounding you.
You never knew something so strange could shape and form your life. You feel guilty because without Lilly's death you wouldn't know this kind of love and then you regret the thought because she was your best friend.
Your love celebrates her memory because Lilly always liked to shock people and when you and your lovers take your daughter to the first day of preschool the jaws drop and Logan sneers and you still remember Lilly how much you all loved her.
And you still know that the three of you will never part because in some strange way Lilly is still the glue that keeps you together, but your love supplies the reason, the want and the need to stay that way.