Synopsis: When you came on Neverland to save Henry from Peter Pan, you didn't expect to find your home there. Unsuspected memories come back and slowly your old self returns, wiping away any trace of who you were for the last hundred years you spent stuck in Storybrooke because of the dark curse.
A/N: This is an AU, very largely inspired from the events of OUAT. It doesn't take in account Peter Pan's back story as Rumple's father (and this Henry's grandfather) neither his death (I live in denial, sue me). It's, of course, completely made up, I didn't take this idea from any myth (at least, not purposely?). This is pretty far from everything else I've written, I hope you'll enjoy anyway!
Info: Italicsis for the past!
Word count: 4,9k
Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless
Among the stars that have a different birth,
And ever-changing like a joyless eye
That finds no object worth its constancy?1
The shores of Neverland had something unique. Everything about this place was unreal; from the ever so clear sky to the soft and warm sand of the beach. Steady waves of azure water crashed against the rocks of the mermaid lagoon, a few miles away from were you sat.
You sat in the sand three hours ago and you hadn't moved a muscle since then, apart from occasionally shifting positions when your limbs grew numb. The zephyr blew lightly through your hair, but you had stopped trying to fix it two hours ago and now let it fly around. The weather was so nice, and the nature so calm... Pan must be in an particularly good mood. You leaned back and dug yours fingers in the sand, searching for a few minutes before finding a sea shell.
Whenever you came here, you always wished the time would stop so you could enjoy the view forever, before remembering how silly it was. It made you laugh, and just like every time you laughed, it felt like the whole island silenced so the only sound left was the crystalline laughter falling from your lips.
It's been four months since Henry's family came to save him, and when you accompanied them on Neverland, you thought it was the first time you came here. To say that it was a surprise to have Peter Pan talk to you like you were an old friend of him was an understatement. At first, your friends turned their back on you, they pushed you away, thinking they had been tricked. Back in Storybrooke, when they had all lost their memories, you were known under the name of (Y/N).
A name so unlike you, you would later understand. In the dim light of the sunset, your hair beheld a fiery glow and with the wind, it looked like a ring of fire surrounded you. (Y/N). A name that screamed soft, innocent and pure. When you saw Pan, and he realized that you couldn't remember him, he looked utterly dismayed, but then he asked what your name was and when he heard it, he laughed. He called it ironic, told you your old name suited you better.
You demanded he told you what it was many times, but he refused. Pan wanted you to remember your old self – to remember him. You asked him why you were still here, why he hadn't allowed you to leave on the Jollyroger with the others, but this question, like all the others, was ignored and you started to get tired of being treated like a child – like a clueless little girl who had to learn by herself and was denied any kind of explanation. That's why you came to the beach: to be alone, to think, to remember. It was a tiring process.
"I told you not to go near the mermaids," Peter's stark voice said behind you. Anger shone through his tone and you could tell he was standing straight, fists clenched and teeth gritting. A sigh fell from your lips; you knew your moment of privacy was over.
"And I asked you why but you said I should know better than anyone," you replied.
"And since you cannot, you deemed it was a good idea to come here and find out by yourself?" He snarled. "Rich idea."
Rich, indeed. You stood up in a sandstorm, spinning around. Your naked feet were dirty with the wet ground of Neverland, dried by the sand. you were only covered with a white sheet wrapped around yourself like a strapless dress. It was stained too, and it smelt like the sea after the many swims you took.
"You're different," Peter frowned, studying you from head to toe. "Something's-" he trailed, bringing his hand up to your cheek, but barely brushing it with the tip of his fingers. "-changed," he finished, dropping his hand.
A quick spark in your eyes made him flinch and step back.
"Or has it?" He wondered out loud, a shocked yet satisfied smirk painting over his face.
"I wouldn't know," (Y/N) barked back. Since you set foot on the island, you were overwhelmed with a strong sense of déjà-vu, and it felt like your old identity was slowly gaining control over the new one. Which one you liked best, that was still a question to debate.
"Mmhum," Peter hummed in response, obviously not convinced.
"If you don't want me near the Lagoon, and since you're... the King of Neverland, why don't you do something? You could forbid me, right?" you asked, stepping closer to him.
You almost saw Peter mentally connecting the dots, although you weren't truly surprised – you knew he could outsmart you – but it was still sufficiently funny to watch him struggle for once that he wasn't the one with all the cards in his hands.
"You are recovering your memories," he stated.
"Slowly, but certainly," you nodded. Very slowly, but he didn't need that piece of information. "But there's something else I'm recovering," you shot him a playful smile and lifted your hand up in the air, making a swift motion with your thin wrist. Vines and branches suddenly flew towards Peter, and he was too taken aback by this sudden reversal of situations to duck and move out of their grasp. Before he knew it, he was pinned against a tree trunk, with natural ropes around his neck, practically chocking him, making him scratch and struggle to get rid of them, but when he saw that it was to no avail, he stopped and relaxed, knowing that you weren't going to kill him. He seemed profoundly disturbed by the realization that he wasn't in control of Neverland's greenery anymore. The island was so deeply connected to him that it was nearly impossible, and yet...
You walked forward, your feet leaving the sand for the ground. When you reached Pan, you put your hands either side of his head and leaned in so close that your cheeks brushed.
"My powers," you whispered seductively in his ear, giving a small bite to his lob.
You stepped back to look at him and your confusion was difficult to hide when you saw that the look of betrayal in Pan's eyes was nothing compared to the pride.
0000
It all started with a star. It wasn't the biggest, nor the brightest, but it sparked with determination, and therefore, you followed it. The strangest feature was that it had a green glow to it. It was a long journey, you followed it all night long every night for the longest time – through time and space, you floated, as if sliding on an ice surface, your feet not once touching the ground.
It felt like forever had passed when you finally reached the star, but you did, and with the tip of your finger, you touched it. A shower of green sparks erupted from the spot you touched and it flew around you like hummingbirds, before diving down towards the earth.
There was water, water everywhere. Before losing track of the green sparks, you followed them, and when they touched the surface of the ocean, a bright light momentarily blinded you. When you opened her eyes again, there was a luxurious island before her eyes. The foreign feeling of her feet in the lukewarm water of the island's shore made her smile.
Smiling. What a strange feeling. Bringing her hands up to her face, you touched her lips, trying to figure out why it felt so right to do this with her face. Everything, absolutely everything here felt perfect and so you decided to sit down and never get up. And that's what you did. You sat down on the sand of this island that you made appear out of stardust, and you stayed there watching the horizon, humming softly to yourself an old song you didn't know where you heard but always knew.
The bright orb in the sky that warmed your skin rose and set a thousand times and even after you decided it was to be called the Sun, it rose and set another thousand time all the while you sat there, humming an unearthly lullaby to the world around you, never once growing tired of admiring the beauty of it.
One day you decided that it was too marvelous of a place to ever lose but a leaf from its trees, and that it shall always remain luxurious and lively like it was now. You forbid the time to pass. Never again did you see the nature fade to brown and the plants perish, nor did you see the miraculous rebirth of the island in Spring.
"Never!" You screamed to the sky. You never wanted to see death on this little slice of earth you had claimed as your own. "Neverland."
But a new feeling was staining this picture and you couldn't quite name it until one day, something happened: you weren't the only one on the island anymore. It was like every fiber of your being tingled and was set ablaze. Neverland was tellingyou that you weren't alone anymore.
0000
"You had no right to claim my land!" You shouted, tightening the vine around Peter's neck, watching his signature smug smirk appear on his face. This infuriated you beyond words. How dared he?!
"I knew you'd remember! Your spirit couldn't be crushed by some dark curse, hexed by a poor excuse of a witch!" He rejoiced although you were clearly threatening his life.
Throwing your head back, you had a fit of laughter, though it was a bitter one. "Oh please Peter, tell me you planned a little farther ahead than that, I'd be very disappointed in you if you thought bringing me here would do the trick."
Oh, how the tables have turned, you thought. Once upon a time, you were the one bringing him here, and you still couldn't remember why, you just knew it was you. The Sun was long gone now that both of the people claiming control over Neverland were in a gloomier mood.
"(Y/N)," Peter whispered your name. You shook your head. It sounded dreadful! You couldn't put your finger on what was wrong, but something was definitely off about this replacement name. "You seek answers? Let me bring them to you." The last thing you saw was the boyish grin on his face before he disappeared and then you felt his hands on your waist, massaging you through the piece of clothing you wore. "Do you remember this?" He hushed in your ear, letting his arms travel up and down your sides. You tensed up and closed your eyes, not allowing yourself to shiver in response of his caresses. "I do. I remember you liked it, a lot."
"I like many things, however I can assure you, you are not among them," you snapped at him, even though you didn't make a move to free yourself from his embrace.
"Is that so?" He snickered behind you, pressing his chest against your back to distract you further. "That's what I thought."
"You said you would provide me answers," you reminded him. "Speak up or leave me alone."
His body detached from yours, and you almost covered your mouth with your hand to prevent the sigh from escaping your lips. The cold air that now hit your back was a great contrast to the familiar warmness of his body against yours. Pushing that fact to the back of your mind, you focused on the current situation.
"You frustrate me to no end," he commented, his hand rubbing his jaw as he walked a couple steps back, the waves licking his boots.
"Are you implying that you and I were in a relationship?" You finally asked, unable to keep the question for yourself any longer.
"A relationship," he laughed mockingly. He said the word like he had never used it before. "That's not the word I would use. Star-crossed lovers maybe? Soul-mates?" Once again, he disappeared and when you turned your head to the right, his face was inches away from yours. "Perhaps it was even True Love?"
"You are mocking me," you spat, glaring daggers to the mischievous boy who was toying with you. "I said I wanted answers! If you have nothing to give me in exchange of my time then don't waste any more of it and leave!" You dismissed him with a wave of your hand.
"And let you contemplate the sea like you always do? You do remember doing that, don't you?" Peter asked.
"I do," you obliged and answered him. "It was far more beautiful the first time I sat here," you walked until you reached the exact spot where you sat down the very first time you came on the island. "You tarnished my paradise. Claiming my kingdom wasn't enough, you wouldn't be satisfied until there was nothing left but violence and obscurity. You even allow the Shadow to lurk in the dark places of the island!"
Resent veiled his green eyes and a twisted expression replaced the confident smirk he always used to destabilize his interlocutor. His hand grabbed your wrist and he started leading you towards the lagoon, his grip on you too strong to make him let go. "You want to know why I told you not to approach the mermaids?!" He barked, anger washing over his face, making him look older than he was – at least, older than his body was. "Time to get your answers!"
And with one forceful pull at your arm, he threw you down the rock atop which you both stood, letting you sink in the deep blue mermaid filled lagoon. Before he could even catch his breath, he saw the shimmering tails of the ghastly creatures he had awaken, as your body sank deeper, and the bubbles on the surface disappeared.
0000
You remember running – as fast as your feet allowed you to. It was the first time you did this, since you had all the time in the world, but the feeling was strangely freeing. A loud thump in your chest was deafening you and for a second you wondered if you should worry but to be completely honest, you didn't have a worry in the world. Your feet knew the way better than you and they jumped over the logs and avoided the holes for you, and within minutes, you had reached the place.
How you knew you had reached your destination? You had no idea. It's like you could hear the heart of Neverland beating under your feet, as if the ground on which you stood was its chest. The sight before your eyes was one of dreams. The colors were so vivid your eyes had to adjust, but you couldn't bring yourself to close them. The water was bluer than the sky above, and the sound of the waterfall was incredibly soothing. But the object of your attention was underthe water. It moved.
In an instant, you flew over to the rock towering over the limpid water and laid down to have a closer look. Something swam quickly right below the surface, too fast to let you see. The water was troubled for a moment before stilling again, allowing you to catch a glimpse of your own reflection. Marvel and curiosity overwhelmed you as your heard the distinctive sound of a water splash. The urge to join the foreign creatures in the water was strong, but something told you not to do it.
Mesmerizing laughter filled your ears yet when you looked up there was no one. Your patience was wearing thin and before you could suppress the reflex, you outstretched your hand to touch the water. A flash of anger washed over you when you realized that your arm wasn't long enough. Your fingers were inches away from the surface but not quite touching it.
"No!" You shouted, furious against yourself for not being capable to do this. Focusing on your body, you closed your eyes, searching deep inside to find the energy to grow, to evolve. You felt your body develop, your childish like form turn into a more feminine version of yourself and your limbs grow.
Suddenly your fingers were long enough to touch the water and even go knuckles deep. A genuine smile stretched your lips and just when you started laughing, you felt a hand grab your wrist. The smile disappeared just as quick as it arrived and your scream was muffled by the water when the hand around your forearm pulled you under the surface. And then the nightmare begun.
Experiencing drowning was one of the most dreadful things you'd live in your very, very long life. They were all around you – the half female half fish creatures with sharp nails and crazed eyes – they surrounded you to prevent you from swimming away, though you wouldn't stand a chance against them. The grip on your wrist tightened abruptly, causing you to let out a scream, muted by the water and when you realized you released all your oxygen, you wanted to cry.
Crying underwater was just about the most pointless thing to do, but you deemed it was a human thing to do.
Where you human? Probably not, but still, sometimes it felt like you were. Could you even die? That was a question you didn't want to answer just yet.
A scratch on your cheek sent a flash of pain through your body, and another one along your thigh and your leg. Your arms flapped around, desperately trying to find hold on something or even fight back and hit one of the creatures – the mermaids. Horror paralyzed you when you saw the waters around you darken, and realized that your wounds were bleeding a black substance.
In that moment, everything clicked and you came back to your senses. A new level of fury and resent filled you up, pulsing through your veins making your heart beat faster. The atmosphere grew colder and darker. You couldn't see it but you knew for a fact that the sun set and the night replaced the bright daylight. When your gaze locked with the eyes of one of the murderous creatures, it flinched and hesitated a second, and that second was enough to give you confidence.
"It's over," you mouthed.
Releasing the accumulated energy you stocked in your core, you sent a wave of magic through the water, causing the fish-women to be pulled back, away from you. This was your cue. Before they came back to their senses the swam towards you again, you took your leave and crawled out of the water, walking up the beach and as far away from the ocean as your feet could carry you. You couldn't remember how long you walked or how deep into the forest you went, but at some point, you just fell down, your knees hitting hard the cold ground and your hands quickly grabbing the nearest trunk to steady yourself.
Tears were streaming down your pale cheeks and your silvery hair glowed in the stark darkness of the night. Black blood was still dripping from your flesh wounds, staining the ground and poisoning the soil. With your back against the tree you let yourself sink down to the ground and when you looked back from where you came, blinking the tears away, you saw what you had done.
In your path grew a new sort of plant that wasn't there before. As your eyes drifted to the ground, watching the small pool of fresh blood accumulate at your feet, you witnessed it transform, shaping itself in the form of a black, thorny plant. With one last fit of crying, you ripped it out of the ground, your grip so tight that the thorns dug into your palm and suddenly, everything around you transformed into a shapeless phantasmagoria.
Right before losing all touch with reality, you felt sweat trickle down your forehead, and you named this dreadful poison Dreamshade.
0000
"Was it really necessary?" You yelled at Peter, stomping towards him, your hair and dress dripping wet. It took you time to get rid of these god awful creatures in the Lagoon, but you weren't as clueless as the first time you fell into the grasp of their claws.
He was sitting on a log, playing of his piper for his Lost Boys. They were dancing and running in circles around him, in this sort of trance the music put them in. You never heard Peter Pan's music, and sometimes, it saddened you.
"It was entertaining at least," he sent a boyish grin your way, enchanting his piper so it played alone. He stood up to come to you and placed a hand in the small of your back to gently lead you away. "(Y/N)," he started when you were out of ear-shot of the boys. "You know I wouldn't have done it if I thought it was dangerous for you."
"Do I?" You replied. "I'm not so sure. You seem to think that I should trust you, but you do everything in your power to make me doubt you. Throwing me to the mermaids was a bold move."
"Was it fruitful?" He asked, hoping it worked. Hurting you was the last thing he wanted, but there was no other way to make you remember. How would you believe him?
"What does it change?" You snapped at him. Three months and still no answers. Three months of endless frustration and conflicted feelings. "You know what infuriates me the most Peter?"
The boy stopped in his track to smile at the use of his name. You never used his name anymore – he missed it. You failed to notice though, you were too caught up in your anger.
"I don't know how to feel! Everything feels familiar and distant at the same time! I go and visit a place I've never been before and I have this sense of déjà-vu that never leave me! I see you and I immediately want to run in your arms before remembering that I hate you!" You rambled, feeling a weight on your chest as if your heart was being squeezed in somebody's palm. "I can't cope with this feeling! Make it stop!" You pleaded. It was a desperate call, something you wouldn't usually do but it was unbearable. With your memories coming back to you in waves, it was hard to put the pieces together. You recovered your powers slowly, you felt the spark of magic running through your body, setting your nerves afire, but you could hardly control them as for now. The little trick you did earlier to tie Peter against a tree was nothing compared what you knew you were capable of.
"Everything will make sense (Y/N), I promise," Peter said, his hand massaging your neck, bringing you a bit of comfort.
"Your promise is void, Peter. I don't know you," you trailed sadly. But unaware of your own action, you brought your hand up to place your hand over his, on your shoulder. His fingers intertwined with yours, gently stroking your knuckles. Despite the growing of your body that fateful day at the mermaid lagoon, you never reached adulthood. You chose to remain between the state of childhood and maturity. Peter was slightly taller than you, and it troubled you that you found that attractive.
Carefully, Peter leaned in and placed a kiss on the back of your hand. You withdrew it quickly. "Peter..." you sighed. "Tell me who I am. I see things, I remember things, but they seem... impossible."
"But you already know," he assured you, combing your wet hair with his fingers. "And you wouldn't believe me. You said it yourself, you don't trust me," he reminded you, letting his hand fall down to his side.
"Let me be judge of that," you argued. "Anything. Tell me anything. Prove me I can trust you. Win my trust," you demanded, turning around to look at him, diving your eyes into his own, green ones. You took his hand in yours, not wanting to feel this distance between you, although you knew you should consider him your enemy.
You saw hesitation flicker through his eyes, but then he smiled – not one of his treacherous smirks or boyish grins meant to charm you – but a real honest smile.
"The first time we met-" Peter begun, not knowing how to start. "I was five years old. My parents had been killed by brigands the week before and I would have done anything to find my way out of the orphanage my brother and I'd been placed into." He shot you a glare meaning 'don't you dare say you're sorry for me', and you shook your head, showing him that it wasn't your intention. "I saw Neverland in my dreams, and you were there. Every night for years, you let me walk with you and you played with me and told me stories."
"What stories?" You asked. He chuckled, because of course, it was the one thing you wanted to know.
"How the Moon was jealous of the Sun leading the sky, so she decided to run away," he grinned, enjoying seeing you smile like that. "You were a really good story-teller."
"I wish I could remember this story," you said, nostalgically, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. You froze when you saw something new in your hair. It was silver. The color of your hair was changing.
"It's going back to its original color," he explained, answering your silent question and taking the strand in his hand. "And I promise to tell you the whole story if you can't remember it."
You looked at him, startled and pleased at the same time, because for some reason when he talked to you, he didn't use the same patronizing tone than with the boys, and he didn't use his magic on you, even to throw you into the Lagoon. Peter was himself with you.
"I believe you," you eventually said.
0000
"Peter!" You whispered. "Peter, wake up!" You reached out for him, gently shaking the small boy curled up into a ball. His dirty blond hair stuck out in many different directions, he looked as if you just awoke him from a very deep slumber. His small form crawled out of his thin worn out blanket, and the young boy rubbed tiredness away from his eyes before opening them. They lit up at the sight of you.
"You came back!" He cheered hopping on his straw mattress. You hushed him and gestured him to be silent so the other boys sharing his dorms wouldn't wake up. He stilled and pouted slightly but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
"Of course I came back," you said, offering him your hand. "I promised, didn't I?" You asked him and he nodded energetically. The boy slipped his small hand in yours, holding it for his dear life when you started floating away with Peter following suit. You still remembered the first time he saw you flying, his eyes filled with wonder and curiosity. "Ready?" You asked, earning another eager nod and a beautiful ear-to-ear smile. Caressing his full cheeks, you returned the smile, then gestured him to follow you in silence. The journey to Neverland was always his favorite part – Peter loved to fly, he had asked you several times to let go of his hand so he could try alone, but you couldn't bring yourself to risk having him fall.
Both of you flew out of the window, not uttering a word. The night was particularly cold, and even wrapped in his blanket, Peter was cold, so you didn't say anything when he found shelter in yours arms while you made both of you fly over to Neverland.
You lived lonely days on the island, and this piercing solitude was only strengthened since the mermaids attack you suffered. Other creatures slowly made the island their home, but still, you were one of a kind, and no other living thing dared to approach you. You resorted to this to find company. Peter and other children you visited in their dreams were your solace. They were innocent and kind and they were eager to visit your island. You loved every single one of them, but it only lasted so long. When the night changed into daylight, you brought them back home.
"Peter, look!" You pointed to the horizon, seeing Neverland in the far distance.
"We're here!" He laughed, his big green eyes lighting up.
"Yes," you nodded. "What do you want to do today?"
"Tell me a story!" He requested as you landed on an empty clearing.
A large smile drew on your face and you sat down on the tender grass, patting the spot next to you to gesture him to join you. Peter cradled in your lap and you placed your hand on his head, running your fingers through his locks.
"Do you know the story of how the Moon fled from the sky because it was jealous of the Sun?"
Peter shook his head, watching you like you were the unique holder of the universe's secrets and you were about to tell him.
0000
A few days passed before you went to Peter Pan. He had vowed to leave you alone to allow you to recover your wiped memories, yet it as torture for him to know you were one your own, wandering on the island. An island you used to know better than him, but then the dark curse occurred while you were on a journey in the Enchanted Forest and you got caught up in the magic storm.
This day marked the beginning of the end for Peter. His pain was earth-quaking and the whole island shook and the Sun hadn't been seen in months before finally, his hurt eased a bit – he came to terms with your death.
Then, everything changed. A hundred years later, you came back on Neverland, with not a single memory left of your time here.
"You still come here," you chuckled, observing Peter from the ground. You stood at the foot of Peter's thinking tree. His legs hang down one of the strongest branches. He didn't acknowledge you so you took upon yourself to get his attention and decided to climb up the tree. Disregarding your unfit piece of clothing, you climbed anyway, soon joining him on that branch he was sitting on. By the time you had reached him, he was staring at you so intently that you blushed.
A comfortable silence settled in, but you didn't come here to listen the the soothing sound of the sleeping forest. "Why did you kidnap Henry?" You wondered, curiosity taking over any kind of reproach your tone might have contained.
"I needed his heart," Peter said de facto.
"Yes, I know. But why? What happened? This place isn't supposed to wear out, I made it immortal. You're immortal," you said, confused as to what the circumstances were at the time of your arrival with the heroes. The very thought of you creating Neverland was mind blowing to you, but your recently recovered memories didn't lie. Peter claimed Henry's heart because the boy was the Truest Believer, but why did he need the power of such a heart in the first place?
"It feeds on your energy though," Peter stated flatly. "Without you everything... fades. You accused me of staining Neverland, said that I spoiled it during your absence, but it wasn't me. You've been away for such a long time... The island feels your absence just like I feel it," he explained, bringing a hand over his heart to illustrate his words. "And it languishes," he finished, his eyes leaving yours to fixate the ground before jumping off the branch. You joined him as fast as your attire allowed you to move.
"Causing you pain was the last thing I wanted Peter, believe me. But taking the life of an innocent child as a means to an end was wrong and unjustified," you answered sternly. You loathed the feeling of causing him sorrow – and you couldn't quite figure out why you were wary of him in the first place.
It's true that he showed quite an amount of animosity to your companionship when you arrived to take Henry back from him, but you had replayed in your head the moment he recognized you; he was shocked beyond words, genuinely enraptured at the very sight of you, even though you were unaware of the reason behind it. The merciless boy known for taking children from their homes to bring them here and play tricks with people's minds, was not the Peter standing in front of you.
Only a dark mind like his could have done what he did, only Peter and his twisted way of dealing with things could keep Neverland while you were gone. Yet you feared that this task destroyed the spirit of the boy, and that he wasn't the same as when you left.
"Yet you did," he looked up, the deep and shadowy green of his eyes reflecting the stars above, shining like so many bits of silver. "As for what I've done, I don't owe you an explanation. You must have figured out by now that I'm no longer on the light side of magic," he chuckled somberly, his euphemism being source of amusement to him.
He tried to keep away from you, although you didn't know if it was a gallant way of giving you space or for his own benefit. With one long step you closed the space between you two and detailed him, much to his confusion. No warning given, your vision troubled. To your astonishment, you realized you were brought to tears. For a solid ten seconds, both of your hands stayed in the air, inches from Peter's shoulders, as if scared to touch him, but paradoxically needing to touch him more than anything in the world. Finally, you placed them on him, feeling him tense up the moment you came into contact. One of your hands moved up to his face.
"Evil isn't born," you said, smiling through your tears as you caressed Peter's cheek, like you used to do when he was little. "-it is made, Peter. I made you evil," you finished, your voice breaking in the middle of the sentence before finally the first tear tumbled down your pale cheeks.
"You made me. Period," Peter corrected you, his eyes filled with fury. "I should be thanking you for that. In fact, I do. Before you found me I was just a defenseless orphan, the world would have torn me to pieces!"
"You were just a little boy when I found you!" You argued. "You were strong, I know it! I had no right to do what I did."
"Make me fierce and feared? Powerful?" Peter asked. "Evil isn't half as bad as being a victim!"
"You had a family!" You cried out, trying to reason him.
"My family was dead!" He shouted, pushing you away from him and causing you to trip and fall. He froze right on the spot, suddenly seeming to realize that he was going too far. Kneeling down to help you up, Peter offered you his hand and you saw remorse in his eyes for making you fall.
"Your brother though," you insisted. Something light fell on your cheek, and you brushed it off.
"He died too," he reminded you, his eyes darkening. "I do not wish to talk about it now (Y/N), I just-" the words were suspended in the air as the rest of the sentence stayed stuck in his throat. Peter looked up towards the sky, which made you follow his gaze to see what had caught his attention.
That's when you felt something fall on your forehead. You frowned, bringing your fingers up to wipe it away and see what it was. A small drop of something light and crystalline rested on the tip of your forefinger. The crevice between your brows deepened.
"Is it- is it snowing?" You wondered out loud, realizing that you must have sounded really dumb. Could it even snow on Neverland? No, it couldn't, it wasn't nearly cold enough and there hadn't been seasons since you stopped the time. It wasn't exactly like snow. It sparked. When it touched your skin, the drop, the snowflake – whatever it was – disappeared in a flicker of light and a 'pst' sound, leaving you with more questions than answers, as usual. Another one landed on the back of your hand and third on your cheek, both changing into a tiny firework, resulting in a spray of shiny dust.
"Of course not," Peter groaned, as if growing tired of having to explain you everything.
"Then what is it?" You insisted, suddenly becoming aware that you had slipped your hand in his as a reflex when the surprise of seeing magic dust fall from the sky had you starting. "Answer me at once!"
"I'll make a deal with you," he grinned and you recognized the smirk he used when he had something on his mind. "I'll answer whatever you want if you give me something in exchange."
This was typical of Peter, you just knew it in your heart, despite not having all the piece of your puzzled memory yet. It made no sense though, you clearly were in no position of power here, and there wasn't a thing you could think of that he wasn't already aware of. What could he want? You nodded slightly, gesturing him to continue, that you were listening to his offer.
"There's something you never wanted to tell me. Now I want to know," he told you, his lips brought together in a thin line as he glared at you threateningly, his nostrils flaring and his blood pulsing in his veins like a wild torrent.
"Ask," you told him.
"Why me?" His question was elusive, but you knew exactly what he meant. Why did you chose him amid all the other boys you could have brought here?
Your features soften when you heard his request, relieved that it was only that. You might not remember why you hid this information from him, but at least, you had the answer.
"As soon as you regain that piece of memory, that is," he resumed. He seemed to deem he had made his point and Peter was through with giving you his sharp look.
"I don't need to, Peter. Looking at you is enough," you responded, once again taking him aback. His reaction gave you the confidence to completely suppress the remaining space between your two bodies. His hands naturally found your waist before he could stop himself, and you felt his hot breath on your neck when he let out a deep sigh. Goosebumps arose on your skin and a shiver ran down your spine, reminding you of how chilly it was tonight. Your slender fingers tugged at Peter's green leather shirt, gripping tightly at the material, desperately holding onto him. If it was possible to press your body further into his you would have done it.
The tip of your nose brushed along his neck and jaw. Not daring to put your lips against his neck yet, you let your irregular breath caress his skin, making Peter lean his head towards you, unconsciously asking for more attention.
"It's because of your eyes," you uttered in his ear as your hand moved up to his neck, fiddling with the hair on the back of his head. Peter's eyes snapped open and he pulled back just enough to look at you quizzically. "They are the same breath-taking color as the star from which Neverland was born," you told him.
Whereupon you were both caught in a storm of shimmering star-dust, hiding you away from the world as the wind purposely made it twirl around your two intertwined bodies at the exact moment your lips grazed against each other, slowly remembering what it felt like to be in each others' arms.
0000
The young boy sniffled and used his the sleeve of his worn out linen shirt to wipe his nose, all the while his green eyes stared at his feet, as if ashamed of his crying fit.
"Peter," you silently made your way towards the boy, your bare feet making no sound on Neverland's tender ground. Bringing you hand to his head to stroke it comfortingly, you sat down next to him. Peter had grown so much in the last years... He was now eight years old, and you could tell he would be taller than you soon. "What is it that causes you sorrow? Neverland is no place for such anguish, my boy," you tried to soothe him.
Peter dived his head in your bosom, finding comfort in your kind presence and soft voice. He was much stronger than he looked like, and if he cried in front of you, it must have been serious.
"My big brother is sick," he sniveled.
That's right, Peter had an older brother, David. He was thirteen and he had caught bad fever nobody seemed to know what to do.
"Can't you bring him here?" He suddenly asked you, sitting straight up and looking right into your astonished eyes. "You could take away his pain, right? You could do it on Neverland?"
After a minute or so you had no other choice but to look away from him, to escape from the hopeful eyes he darted on you. He was right, in theory. But you would have to keep him here at all times and then the two brothers would be separated just the same. He might not like it here, find it lonely – it was, after all. Not to mention that you knew he had a crush on the baker's daughter and he wouldn't want to live away from her – bringing him here, forcing him to be alive without being able to live his life might be more cruel than to let him die. That being said, you had never brought a sick person on your island, and there was no guarantee that Peter's brother would heal.
"I cannot do that Peter," you sighed achingly. "There's nothing I can do. Death is part of life, and nobody gets to escape their death. When your time has come, you have to accept it; tomorrow morning, if your brother has made it through the night, you will tell him how much you love him and say goodbye."
The little boy frowned his brows and shook his head to show his disagreement, but your mind was made. With your fingers you traced the outline of his jaw, taking his chin in your hand to steady his shifty eyes.
"Peter- Peter! Look at me!" You demanded sternly, although it was difficult for you to raise your voice against this teary-eyed boy who wanted to save his big brother. "There is no pain that time cannot erase. You might not believe me now, but eventually you'll see."
"Why is it that we have to die?!" He shouted, suddenly raising to his feet and stomping away. "It's not fair!"
You stayed where you sat, watching him struggle to keep his angry tears from flowing, admiring the boy's fierceness. Only eight and already so proud that he didn't want you to see him cry.
"You're right, but my powers have their limits and I can only control what happens on Neverland. Do not dwell upon what is out of your control Peter, focus your energy on the things you can change," you wisely told him. For a second, his shoulders stopped shaking and he seemed to let your words sink in.
A foreign coldness invaded your body and you felt as though your heart was frozen still in your chest. A strand of your shimmering silver hair fell down your shoulder, provoking a shiver that caused goosebumps to erupt on your skin. "Come here," you said. Peter swirled around and you gestured him to come back to you, which he did. He crawled in your lap as you demanded and you rested your chin atop his thick curls of disheveled dirty blond hair. You wiped off a stain of dried mud on his full cheek, making him protest but mostly out of pride. A soft yet pained laughter made it past your lips, and it surprised you to note that it was a real heart ache for you to laugh in this situation.
If there was a way to spare Peter from the loss he was about to experience, you would do it, but sometimes things just didn't go the way you wanted. That was something you had yet to accept, and the advice you gave Peter earlier applied to you as well.
Unbeknownst to you both, a thin rain of glittering dust started falling from the sky. Your eyes darted upwards to the stars and if you looked closely you could see them shattering and crying along to the silent weeps of your agonizing heart. The dust fell and fell, covering everything with a thin layer of sparkling glitters that brought a new sense of liveliness to everything it touched.
"Peter, look up!" You enjoined the boy to leave the comforting shelter of your arms to see what was happening.
"Wow!" He suddenly beamed, momentarily pushing aside his worries. "What is it?" He asked, his fingers already reaching out to try and catch a speck of the magic dust.
"It's stardust," you explained, pointing to the stars above. "They know when I'm sad, and they cry for me." For the little boy it must have been complicated to understand your bound with the island, but he accepted your explanation nonetheless, blindly trusting your words.
"Why are you sad?" Peter asked innocently. "Can I make you feel better?"
"No Peter," you said, gently pushing a lock of his hair from his forehead. His big green eyes laid upon you a worried look, as if the roles were traded and you were the child. "My pain is only mine to carry. And I am sad because I don't like to see you so worrisome, it brings misery to my heart."
"I promise I won't be sad anymore then!" The boy stated with determination, forcefully removing the last remains of dried tears off his cheeks.
Another laugh fell from your lips and you kissed his temple.
"Oh Peter," you said to yourself, your hand lingering on his head, playing with his messy hair. "What will I do when you're not there anymore?" You wondered out loud.
"I will always be there!" He argued, seeming upset that you could ever think he wouldn't.
"There will come a time where you will be too old to believe and you won't be able to come back to Neverland," you sadly told him, although you weren't sure he could understand what it meant. "You'll grow old, find a nice girl to marry and have kids. You'll die at an old age, in the comfort of your bed. And I'll still be here," you couldn't help yourself from dwelling in your own melancholy. Over the years you had found a great listener in Peter – kids were so clueless of the world's cruelty and free of judgment. But you didn't want to make Peter feel bad.
"No!" He exclaimed, protesting vividly. "I don't want to make you sad! I'll never grow old and I'll never die!"
The will and determination in his tone were so strong - he truly did believe he could decide not to grow up at all and live forever – that you didn't find the courage to contradict him and simply opened your arms for him to cradle in your lap again.
0000
When you pulled away from Peter, you shook your head to rid yourself of the stardust – that you now remembered, was actually what Peter liked to call pixie dust – and to your amazement, you found yourself having completely silver hair falling down your back to your lower back.
"One of the greatest property of the pixie dust is its ability to return everything to its original state. It reveals the true nature of what it touches," Peter patiently explained when he met your confused gaze.
"I just got a memory back," you whispered, not exactly for him to hear, but out of joy.
"What was it?" Peter asked, apparently genuinely curious as to what came back to you.
"Do you remember the day you first saw this?" You asked him, grinning madly as you collected a bit of stardust in the palm of your hand. You blew on it, causing it to spread everywhere.
"Yes," Peter nodded, a quick and almost unnoticeable flash of grief sparked in his beautiful green eyes and your smile dropped. "The day my brother died," he recalled.
Right after Peter got back to the orphanage, his brother passed away as you predicted. In a mechanical gesture to bring him comfort, you placed your hand on the back of his head and pulled him down gently to allow your foreheads to touch.
"You told me you'd never grow old and never die so you could stay with me forever," you reminded him, the image of the young boy full of hope still printed in your brain.
"Yes, I remember clearly saying that. I didn't want to be the reason for your sadness. Even back then I was in love with you," he snickered, offering you his crooked smirk that made his charm. You raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking him to explain himself. "Darling, this expression only flatters me," he commented on you using his signature eyebrow move. "You can't be oblivious to the fact that I was a young boy with a crush on you," he said, although it sounded more like a question than a statement.
"I'm sure I would remember if I did know that," you argued, frowning for good this time. You stepped in front of Peter, immediately catching his gaze upon you. Something about you felt off since the last memory flowed back to you, and before he could protest, Peter felt your hands unbuckled his belt and whip it off. His puzzled eyes never left you as he watched you put on the belt and steadying the dress you had made yourself, finally allowing you to move freely without the constant fear of losing it. Still speechless, Peter's mouth fell open when you ripped the skirt of your dress open over your right leg, to be freer of your movements.
"Better," you huffed, pushing your hair back so it wouldn't fall in front of your eyes.
"(Y/N)," Peter started.
"No," you said. "Not (Y/N)," you shook your head. "My real name, Peter. What's my real name?"
He hesitated. "You said you'd give me whatever answers I asked for if I told you why I chose you," you reminded him your deal.
"I know. Don't you want to remember it by yourself?" He smirked. "Where's the fun if I tell you?"
"The fun is that I don't kick your ass for lying to me," you narrowed your eyes at him. You could act soft and nice but if Peter intended to play you, you'd make sure to return the favor. "C'mon," you chuckled faintly. "You just confessed your love for me, saying a name shouldn't be that hard."
"Like I said," Peter began to say, closing the space between you two and bringing his hands to your hips, preventing your from escaping his intense stare. "Where's the fun in telling you? I promised I would answer your questions, I didn't say I would do it immediately."
Instead of pushing him away as he would have expected, you placed your palms on his chest, your small hands gripping on his shirt like your life depended on it and you stood on your tiptoes so you'd be at eye level with the tall boy.
"I will show you fun," you uttered before brushing your nose along his jawline, feeling him stiffen in your arms.
"Is that a promise?" Peter managed to breath out as one of your hands traveled upwards to mingled with the hair at the back of his head, gently playing with it and never once pulling him closer, to his utmost frustration.
You didn't need to answer his question for the said promise still floated in the air around you two. Suddenly, your tangled bodies were plunged in the water and for a second or so, Peter let go of you out of shock. You swam to the surface and opened your eyes to see that you had managed to transport the both of you where you wanted – the waterfall. Lost Boys weren't allowed here, it was you and Peter's special place.
Not waiting for your approval, Peter grabbed you by the arm and led you closer to the edge, where he could stand in the water and not drown – he knew your little games by heart and didn't mind at all, but drowning wasn't part of his plan. A satisfied grin cracked his face, wiping away all trace of seriousness, and he was all over you before you could even catch your breath.
It was only when his lips collided with yours and started moving slowly, letting you time to remember them, time to remember the way he felt on your lips, the way he tasted, that you realized just how incomplete you had felt during your stay in Storybrooke. It was as if the last piece of a giant puzzle was put back in its right place, and finally the drawing was complete, the picture was whole – and so were you.
A smile appeared on your lips and you responded to Peter's urgent kiss, returning all the passion, devotion and need he tried to convey through that single act of love. Your arms looped around his neck to steady yourself as you deepened the kiss, parting your lips to allow him inside your mouth. Your wet dress clung to your body, it's light and bluish material not hiding much anymore. Your bare leg stuck through the rip in the skirts and you quickly wrapped it around Peter's hips to prevent the water from making you drift away from his body.
This ignited something within you that made you moan a little when eventually you broke the kiss to catch your breath, panting in Peter's arms.
0000
It took all your strength to push him away, but you managed to break the kiss and pull back before getting carried away.
"No! Peter, don't do that," you requested, stepping back as you said so. You hands that formerly rested on his shoulders had dropped on your sides, limply hanging there. The Peter in front of you had grown, exactly as you predicted – he was slightly taller than you. Of age eighteen, he was chased by the orphanage and had once again come back to you. It was a miracle that he could still come to Neverland in regards of his advanced age.
"Why not? You want it too, I can feel it!" He shouted, deceit leaving place for anger in his ever so green eyes. Every time you took a look at them, you remembered why you started doing what you did.
"Of course I want it, but that's not relevant!" You argued patiently, trying to reason him.
"It certainly is to me," he replied. "If I remember well – and I know I do – I once promised I would always stay by your side," Peter told you, not letting you forget that day when he was eight and swore to you that he would always be there. "Peter Pan never goes back on a promise."
"Peter Pan doesn't exist!" You harshly reminded him. "That Peter is only real here, but you have a life, I can't take this from you!"
"You're not taking anything away from me!" He protested, closing the gap separating you with one large step. Taking your wrists in his hands, he brought your palms to his chest, right above his heart. You could tell it was breaking speed records. He was scared. Nervous maybe. And terribly honest.
"I do not aspire to have a long and dull life with a boring wife and annoying children to care for, Luna," Peter eventually continued, his voice quieter than before. "I want to be with you. Let me be the one who doesn't leave. Allow me to spend eternity by your side."
0000
"Luna," you uttered in between kisses. "Luna."
Peter blinked a couple time after pulling away just enough to allow him to have a better look at you. Your eyes were smiling as wide as your lips, and you were glowing brighter than your hair ever could. The calming sound of the waterfall behind you was the only thing to be heard for a solid minute, until Peter broke into a laughter so heartfelt that you felt your vital organ miss a beat.
"My Luna," he whispered against your skin, his mouth finding your weak spot right where your shoulder met your neck, causing a soft sigh to tumble down your lips. "Oh, how I have missed you."
"I'm never leaving you again," you scarcely managed to moan out when Peter's fingers dug in the flesh of your thighs, still wrapped around him, to lift you up and walk out of the water with you in his arms. As gently as he could, Peter laid you down on the grass before ridding himself of his drenched clothes, running a hand through his wild hair to push it out of his sight.
"Now, do you remember who you are?" He asked, his left eyebrow flying up.
"Is there more to it than my name?" You replied with another question. But your mind was foggy and distracted by the sight of him hovering over you and your hands fumbled with the belt you stole from him to take it off and throw it aside with Peter's wet shirt and water filled boots.
There was tacit rule between you two, and if you showed so much as a second of hesitation, Peter would have backed off immediately, but you leaned on your elbows to capture his lips once again, pulling him down with you as you kissed him deeply. Within minutes, you had ballasted Peter of his pants and he had slipped the dress off of you, all the while strewing kisses on your body, biting here and there, teasing you and enjoyed the sounds you made in response to his touch.
You clasped your legs each side of his waist, grinding into him to urge him to take you. It has been so long since you felt this way – completely and utterly content, happy and well. Peter's mischievous green eyes shimmered with malice and joy when he looked down on you, as if feeding on the very sight of you, not believing his eyes.
"Luna-" He started but you cut him off.
"Peter, take me at once!" You ordered him, once again grinding into him, earning a groan in response. Suddenly, you could feel Peter slip inside you swiftly, in one thrust. You threw your head against your mattress of grass, closing your eyes under the wave of pleasure and giddiness. Little gasps and deep moans fell from your lips, out of your control, and you welcomed the feeling of him.
Your fingers moved up to his face, cupping his face and kissing him yet again, not having enough of him. His rhythmic and deep thrusts had you panting within minutes, the pace slowly driving yo to the edge. Your pale and China-like skin glowed in the light of the moon, still covered in trickles of water and sweat as your body shook under Peter's relentless pace and his muffled grunts against the skin of your neck.
You were made to me together, that you were certain of, and to you nothing could compare to the feeling of behind in this position with Peter. Sex was the most beautiful mean of self-expression you could think of, and if it was to be compared to art, you two sure were a masterpiece. It felt like you'd been carved to be together, each and every nook and curve of your body fit his, and the very thought of losing this special bond had you desperate. The familiar warmness in the pit of your stomach started building up. With his face buried in the crook of your neck, Peter fastened his rhythm and your eyes shot open, only to meet the infinite sky with its stars and the breathtaking moon – only witness of your intimacy.
"Peter," you sighed contentedly, feeling the knots in your stomach all untangle at once. You tipped over the edge, soon followed by your lover who collapsed next to you on the soft ground. Your eyes were still fixated upon the sky, as if mesmerized and suddenly it clicked. Peter's stare on you was intense, you could feel him trying to memorize your features. Your head snapped to the right to face him, and everything was once again silent apart from the water hitting the rocks at the bottom of the fall. Peter's hand had never left your waist and you shifted to your side to face him, throwing a leg over his to try and keep the warmth of your bodies.
"Peter," you whispered again, as if afraid someone could hear you.
"Mmh," he hummed in response, waiting for you to continue. Mindlessly, his fingers ran up and down your side. "What is it, my beloved Luna?"
"I am the spirit of the Moon," you stated just like that. His hand froze mid-air and he stared at you in confusion, before that familiar and irresistible smirk returned to his face.
"I'm glad you remember dear," he chuckled lowly.
"And I love you too," you felt the need to tell him as if he would need more than actions to understand just how deeply you care for him.
There were still some shadowy parts of your past that you haven't remembered but as soon as the words crossed your lips, you knew that you had never told them before. And just like that, Peter Pan knew that this time, there was no separating you.
1Poem To The Moon, by Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 – 1822)