('Naruto' belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.)

Antidepressant

Prologue

I'd always wondered what would have happened if Kakashi had actually made it to us that day, the day Naruto and Sasuke had fought on the rooftop, the day they had intent to kill, the day I tried to stop them, the day I'd been hit with two S-rank jutsu.

Picking at my bandages, I doubted I would have cared. I didn't regret it. It seemed… fair, in a cruel sort of way. She had owed a lot of life to those boys, the boys whom had saved her countless times. Hell, without them she probably wouldn't have made it this far. Chuckling humorlessly to herself, she felt a tear slip from her eye and onto her stomach, the sensation was uncomfortable and admittedly stung a bit. Most of her internal organs had been falling out of her when Kakashi found them.

She couldn't remember, but Tsunade had told her that Kakashi had to get help to move her and her intestines safely. She wondered if she should be embarrassed about that or not. Staring out of her hospital room window, she doubted it.

She hadn't been Naruto or Sasuke since the 'incident', she assumed Naruto felt bad and Sasuke just didn't care. So she didn't mind their absence, she understood. Kakashi had stopped by once but realizing that she hardly knew her own Sensei, conversation was sparse and awkward, so he'd left her be.

She really didn't want to sit and wallow in pity for herself, but it was just the way she felt. Looking down at her hands she cringed… or, she should say hand. The hand used to catch Naruto's rasengan had been… destroyed. It was a stub now, bandaged neatly. It made her stomach flip.

The other hand was scared and her fingernails had been lost in the intense heat of the chidori. Her short choppy locks had been burned off almost to a buzz cut on the right side. She was kind of happy Naruto and Sasuke weren't around, she didn't want them to see her like this. In reality, she didn't want anyone to see her like this.

She felt her chest shudder as she held in a sob, biting down hard on her lower lip. She stared upwards and held her breath. She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to cry. She would. not. cry.

Her chest shook violently but she didn't move or cry out. One, because the pain of movement would be unbearable even with the medical attention she had received. Two, because she'd promised herself she wouldn't get upset about this. She didn't want Naruto or Sasuke to feel guilty, it was her choice to try to break them up and it was better than both of them getting hurt.

"Let's face it… one of you are worth six of me…" She sighed to herself. Knowing it to be true.

She remembered the moments perfectly. They repeated in her mind over and over.

Naruto and Sasuke howled as their hands were lit up with their signature attacks. Sakura watched in horror. She couldn't believe this. Her eyes filled with tears, they were going to kill each other! Her legs trembled violently and her body began moving on instinct.

She could stop them, she could. She repeated this in her mind over and over as she jumped in between the boys. She swore time had slowed just for them. Because she could see fear pass through Naruto's eyes and panic through Sasuke's. She held her breath, trying her best to give a small smile. "You're friends. Stop, please." She managed to choke out through tears just as the attacks hit her.

She'd been holding up her hand to stop Naruto's and it had soon disappeared in a tornado of blood, skin and bone fragments, splattering against his whiskered cheeks, his pupils had swallowed up all the blue in his eye as his sun tanned skin lost color. As he lost balance he fell before her, the heat from the crossfire of the attack burned deep into her stomach, her elbow had been extended to Sasuke and as his attack drilled into her stomach, her remaining hand was burned and some of her hair.

She remembered falling to her knees, a wet, slimy sensation on her knees as her face fell forward, smacking against the rough cement. She realized she could not hear, or speak, the pain that was going through her was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Her body was going cold, she wondered if she was dying. The thought brought terror to her, at first, she wondered what she had done to deserve such a violent death.

But in her last moments of consciousness, she decided that her death wouldn't be so bad. She managed to save her teammates, her Naruto and Sasuke, her friends, her comrades, they were safe. She'd finally been able to save them. As her mind slipped to black, she felt the corners of her numb lips pull upwards into a pained smile.

After that, everything had gone black. Tsunade had told her that Kakashi showed up during her last couple of minutes of consciousness. They told her she had been screaming the entire time, though she didn't remember screaming even once. Naruto had gone into shock and passed out, Sasuke hadn't spoken a word since the incident. At least, that's what's been said. She felt really bad for worrying them.

She felt bad in general.

To be honest… she didn't... she didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to be okay. Looking down at her bandaged body and amputated hand, she felt tears start welling up once again. She doesn't want to see them again, not like this, she felt so wrong. Like a broken toy.

A small knock at the door made her rip the covers up over her face. Her breath was stuck in her throat as she peeked out, it was… Tsunade.

"Don't worry, it's just me." Tsunade had whispered, creeping in and sitting down at the foot of the bed, being gentle obviously wasn't her forte, but she felt great compassion for the little girl that she'd spent the better portion of the evening pretty much putting back together. Honestly, it was a miracle she had lived, and was still alive. The damage to her internal organs was beyond full repair. Tsunade still feared the girl would pass at any moment, but tried not to let it show, for the girl's sake.

Sakura let out a small puff of breath, stiffly letting the sheet fall with a pained hiss as it touched the surface of her stomach.

Noticing her discomfort, Tsunade leaned forward, a small amount of her chakra had recovered after the girl's first healing yesterday evening, doing her best to heal some of the scorched flesh of the girl's stomach. "Do you want to try some more pain medication" She questioned, focused on the healing.

Sakura shook her head stiffly, "Why did you leave the village?" She questioned.

Tsunade froze, taken back from the girl's intrusive question. "I had my reasons, kid." She said stiffly, not meeting the girl's eyes.

"Do you think… Do you think this is a reason?" Sakura spoke, just barely above a whisper.

Tsunade's body froze. She couldn't process what the girl was saying, her blonde brows knitted together, "What?"

"Don't get me wrong… I know it would hurt Naruto and Sasuke and even Kakashi -Sensei… but… would this be a reason?" She whispered, tears flowing down her face. "Is it selfish to want that?" She cried softly.

She raised a hand to wipe away her own tears, but realized it was no longer a hand… her sobs came harder after that. Tsunade felt pain and confusion budding in her chest out of empathy for the girl. She was speechless. Only able to nod and softly stroke what was left of the girl's choppy, pink locks.

"It's okay." She whispered softly. Well aware it was not. Well aware this girl could die at any moment, well aware that her life would be forever changed. Well aware that this girl had been immensely wounded, as would her team.

"Is it selfish to want to flee? Is it cowardly to not want to have to face Naruto or Sasuke, to be their guilty reminder everytime they see me?" The girl cried.

"Sakura, you know they don't think that-"

"I'm not stupid." Sakura cut her off, "You know Naruto, you know how stubborn he is, you know how much this hurt him. And Sasuke… he has enough sadness in his life without feeling in every time he looks at me." She sobbed.

Rain began pouring violently outside her hospital room, as if the skies were crying the tears she could not.

Tsunade was confused. What was this girl looking for? Approval to leave the village? Comfort? Closure? Did she just need to let out her emotions? From the desperate, fearful voice in the small, broken girl's face as she began crying harder and harder. Tsunade felt a strange awkwardness in the situation. She knew this girl. She'd seen her prove to be a strong willed and confident girl. Seeing her this way was too odd for her to fathom.

The heart monitor reflected the girl's unsteady heartbeat. Tsunade felt a bit of panic in the situation, unsure of what to do. She bit the inside of her mouth. Did this girl not realize how close to death she was?

"I…" Sakura whimpered through cries, "I know I shouldn't be alive right now." She said, stunting Tsunade. "I really wish I wasn't…"

A harsh snap sounded through the room as Tsunade had snapped the metal siding of the hospital bed beneath her grip. "Don't ever say that." The older woman said in a low tone.

"How am I supposed to live like this?" Sakura bellowed, shoving her stump in the woman's face. Tsunade felt pain in her chest, seeing the girl this way. It was a saddening sight she felt as though she should not be seeing. But most of all, it reminded her of her own pain, after Dan had died, she saw the same sadness resting in the girls eyes. Losing him… was like losing a limb. She remembered the pity her friends would show to her for her loss, and how it almost hurt worse than being alone through it.

As Hokage, she could not tell her she had permission to leave the village. She was a kunoichi, and thus, could not simply leave. She would be considered a rogue and Tsunade would be forced to mark her a missing nin whether she wanted to or not. The woman could only sit in silence, listening to the pained cries of the girl, so different, yet so alike to herself.

"If you leave, Sakura, you would die." Tsunade spoke silently, the harsh truth hanging heavily in the air, she didn't want to have to say this, but she truly believed it was the only thing to bring this girl to the reality of the situation. "Medical Ninjutsu can only do so much, the damage to your internal organs is severe… you need to stay here. You being alive right now is a miracle."

To Tsunade's horror, the girl did not calm, nor did she seem to become more distraught. She didn't care. Tsunade's heart ached painfully for the girl. What was the right thing to do? What was she even able to do? Obviously she couldn't let the girl leave, not like this.

"You're right, Tsunade-Sama. I'm…. I'm just feeling really down on myself right now." The girl hiccuped, offering a small smile that made Tsunade's heart calm.

"Thatta' girl." Tsunade smiled, patting the small girl softly on the back and pulling the covers up over her small girl as she seemed to calm herself down. "Get some sleep, kid. Everyone has been waiting to see you" She winked, turning her back to leave the room, as she did, a single tear rolled down her cheek. She left the room, peering into the empty waiting room with a sad look.

Hours ago every rookie sat here, anxiously waiting for news on whether or not Sakura had survived, crying friends and worried allies all sat in wait. The girl had denied all visitors. Tsunade understood why, of course, she was beaten up pretty bad, she… she wouldn't look the same. It was a very painful realization for the young girl, and the loss of a limb as a young shinobi? Devestating.

Tsunade imagined the girl wasn't in her right mind, but felt as though their little talk at least quelled the girl's pain for the meantime. With a soft smile, she pushed open the doors to the Hospital's lounge, where a familiar blonde and brunette sat patiently, as they had been, all evening. "Visiting hours are over." She sighed to the young boys.

Naruto said nothing, just stared blankly at the floor, "Can I go see her?" He whispered hoarsely. The Uchiha a couple seats down from him said nothing, Simply sat with a blank expression on his face, Tsunade assumed he too, was waiting on an answer to Naruto's question to see if they were allowed admittance yet.

After Naruto had woken up he had almost released the nine tails trying to get to his teammate, and tried to burst into her hospital room despite her own wishes several times, therefore he was removed from the waiting room and told to wait in the lobby. As for the Uchiha, who had actually been conscious when the girl was taken, and tried to follow her into the emergency room. Thus resulting in being removed from the waiting room as well.

Sighing, Tsunade took a seat between the two boys, both obviously beyond destroyed with the realization they had wounded their teammate and earlier, the possibility that they had killed their teammate was racing through their minds, as a medic, she could understand a bit of their perspective as well as Sakura's. She'd lost patients and blamed herself, although, that was a different side of the coin.

"You know, Sakura's going to need a lot of support after this." She prompted to the two boys, who remained silent as the death with a miasma of guilt hanging heavy on them. "She's not upset with you guys, you know that? She wanted to protect both of you. And she doesn't regret doing so." Tsunade sighed, standing and waving a final goodbye to the boys.

Her heart clenched painfully as she left the hospital, a weird, foreboding feeling hanging heavy on her chest as she left the hospital.

…

Naruto sank lower in his seat. He didn't feel tired, though he'd been sitting in an uncomfortable wooden hospital chair for over twelve hours, staring at the same white, green speckled floor. He wanted to talk himself out of this funk, but his mouth was too dry, his heart too heavy.

He'd always taken pride in protecting his teammates, Sakura, the girl he liked, especially. It seemed stupid, but in the young mind of a boy, he thought he appeared heroic to her when he came to her rescue. That she'd start to see him as more than just her friend….and now… his chest tightened as his eyes began watering. He'd cried so much that his eyes were swollen and angry red, cheeks stained and sticky with all the tears he had shed. He'd almost killed Sakura, he'd been covered in her blood. Looking down at his favorite orange jumpsuit, he felt his stomach churn violently. He was still covered in her blood.

His fingers dug violently into his scalp as he remembered… her screams of pain. Watching her hand evaporate into a whirlwind of blood just before he hit the ground. The pain in his chest he had never felt before. He rocked back and forth on feet. Trying to wish and pray and beg for some answer as to how he could ever fix this. How he could ever make this up to Sakura. Her words, still fresh in his mind; "You're friends. Stop, please.".

It repeated over and over in his mind. She knew that she was going to get hurt, even die, and she still tried to stop them. She still wanted them to remember that they were all friends in the end. She just wanted to keep them safe. She… she always put them first. Naruto found himself sobbing as he ripped at the roots of his hair. How could he do this to her? How could he do this to one of his precious people? He was supposed to protect them dammit! The sobs hurt, and were just as painful to watch. Nurses sat silently, knowing his pain in silence, having seen loved ones hurt and even lost before, they knew that their presence wouldn't help.

Sasuke, mere feet away, was digging his fingernails into his knees until they bled. Outwardly, he looked the more put together our of the two, but inwardly, his mind screamed violently. His mind was filled with rage, hatred, at himself. Weak weak Weak Weak WEAK! Screamed over and over and over in his own mind. His body was stiff and if you looked ever so slightly, you could see him tremble with rage.

He kept his eyes closed, his sharingan was violently activating and deactivating behind his eyelids. He did his best to contort himself into a less ominous state when he'd first arrived but once he'd seen her…. his mind had changed and he lost control.

His stomach was in a tight knot, his emotions tightening it to the point of pain as her face, her blood, her smile, all ran through his head at an alarming pace. He couldn't sit still, either twitching violently or pacing, he could not sit idly, the adrenaline fueled rage inside him made him want nothing more than to tear apart a few people… himself included.

Gnawing at the inside of his lip he scathed. Why? Why would Sakura make such a foolish decision? Did she honestly think she could survive that? She is so annoying… Always following him and trying to spend time with him, smiling at him… saving him.

'

Damn it! He thought, slamming his fight against his thigh. Why couldn't he stop his attack? Why? Why was he so weak that he couldn't stop one chidori? He couldn't save one single person. Not his family, not Sakura and definitely not himself.

Wallowing, the two boys cried violently into the night. Pushed by either crushing guilt or crippling rage, they mourned together.

…..

Kakashi came by the lobby to get the boys in the early morning, noticing they both looked like they had not only not left the hospital, but had not slept. Naruto's eyes looked infected and crusted with tears, deep bags forming beneath them. Sasuke looked stiff and his aura was off, motions snappy and eyes sharp.

The boys were treated with silence. Kakashi did not blame them, however, he needed them to know that their actions caused this, perhaps it was not their intention, but had they not decided to try and kill each other, Sakura wouldn't have been hurt in the crossfire. Though, looking at their absolutely destroyed forms, Kakashi figured they were punishing themselves for him.

He head the silent pair past the doors and into the waiting room for the ICU wing of the hospital, and just outside the green, double-doors of Sakura's hospital room. Taking a deep breath, he stood as a barrier between the boys and the door. Noticing their wide eyes staring right past him, he feared they would just run around him and bolt through the doors.

"There is something you should know." He said silently, hearing no noise from the other side of the door, he assumed she was sleeping. "Sakura looks…. different. The damage she took yesterday will greatly affect her life, and,,, career… therefore, I suggest you be sensitive to her, this is a hard time for her and you two owe her some compassion at the very least." He said with a sharp expression.

Naruto looked as if he would start crying again, but held back the tears. Kakashi nodded at him for his attempt, turning to Sasuke. He seemed to have forced himself into a less stiff looking stance, but his fingers drummed violently against his leg and his eyes remained filled with his frantic emotions. Though, Kakashi sighed, that was probably the best he would get out of Sasuke compassion-wise.

"Alright," Kakashi nodded, "You two stay right here, I'll-"

He never got time to finish that sentence as both boys, moving in synch, hurried past the silver-haired man, the doors flew open, and seconds turned to minutes as the three men froze into place, horror written all over their faces at the sight before them.

The bed was empty. The only signs of Sakura's existence in the room, was the small trail of blood that lead from the bed, to the window.

….

Really hope you liked the first chapter, this story is based on 'Sunflowers for Sakura', a fanfic written by the author 'TinkerBellaTeamSwiss', the fanfic itself has three chapters and I loved every one of them, however, the fic hasn't been updated since 2012 and I really wanted to see more, so I decided to tweak a little story similar to theirs in the meantime. Please follow to stay updated, and review to tell me what you think so far. Also, there will obviously be some spelling/grammatical errors, I did this all on Google Docs and had no beta. Hopefully, as this is my second rough draft, It will do for the meantime. If the story progresses, I'll go back and fix mistakes and etc.