Hurting Soda was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I loved him. But, sometimes, the hard thing and the right thing are the same thing.

Monday afternoon, I found out I was pregnant. I had started to suspect it a couple weeks ago, but now I was almost certain. Of course, Soda was the father. I had lost my virginity to him, and never saw any reason to be with anyone else.

My first reaction was fear. Fear of the unknown, of what the future would hold for me as a sixteen-year-old mother. What would my parents say? Not that I really cared, I just didn't want them kicking me out of their house. Apart from Soda, I really needed them right now.

After the initial shock wore off, it dawned on me that I should tell Soda. After all, it would be his child, too. It was a quarter after four, and I knew that he would be closing up at work tonight, so he wouldn't be home 'til around nine.

I passed the time by laying in bed, watching the clock, and just thinking. I thought about how this would all play out, where I'd live, if Soda's job at the gas station would be enough to provide for me and the baby.. Maybe Darry would let me come and live with them while I got through the pregnancy, then Soda and I could get a place of our own. I knew we'd make it through this.

I awoke in my bedroom, which was now dark. I glanced at the clock, and seeing it was nearing nine, I scrambled out of bed. My parents were in the living room. Quiet as possible, I slid my shoes on and slipped out the back door, undetected.

It was a chilly night, the wind nipped at my face, and I wrapped my arms around myself. It didn't help much, so I sped up my fast pace.

Steve and Soda were walking through the gate as I came up, their heads down. Light shown in the windows, and I saw Two-Bit sitting on the front porch, smoking.

"Soda!"

All three boys looked my way, and when he recognized me, Soda came loping over. He shrugged his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"Hey, babe." His voice sounded rough, and as I took a better look at him, I noticed how he didn't seem like himself. More like a ghost of his former self. He wasn't smiling, his brown eyes dull and lifeless.

"Everythin' alright?" I asked, concerned.

He sighed, and led me a little ways down the street. We sat down on the curb.

"Sandy.. no. Nothing's alright. Ponyboy's gone."

"What?" I gasped. What was he talking about?

"He.. got home late on Saturday night, and Darry was so worried and upset.. he, he hit him, Sandy. You should of seen the looks on both their faces.. it was terrible."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Darry hit Pony? Soda gulped, and continued.

"Pony just.. ran. He ran off. I guess he met up with Johnny, 'cause next thing we knew, there was a dead Soc in the park, and those two are gone. We don't know where, and everyone's about to go nuts."

Tears ran down Soda's cheeks. I knew how close he and Pony were, and not knowing where his brother was must have been killing him. It must have been killing everyone. That was when I knew, I couldn't go through with this.

Soda had way too much on his plate already; Darry too, and throwing a baby in the mix would have been too much. Soda may not act like it, but after the baby was born, he would soon figure out how much work it was gunna be. Not a walk in the park, that's for sure.

But I couldn't just not tell him; I was gunna be huge.

"Soda.." I started, not quite sure how to start it off. "I'm.."

He looked at me, tears still shining in his eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

Silence. I kept looking at him, but no words were spoken. In my mind, I was begging him to say something.

"Really?"

I looked down at the ground. "Yes."

"That's great. I've actually been wanting to get married for a while now, and this is the perfect reason to. You can come live with us, and I'll get a second job.."

Soda babbled on and on, the Ponyboy-situation forgotten for the moment. For a few minutes, I started to doubt my decision in not staying with him. Soda would obviously be a great father, and I really couldn't bear to go through this alone.

But then.. thoughts of having me to take care of, me to feed, the baby to feed.. it was just too much. I already felt guilty for telling Soda in the midst of all this misery he had to of been going through. So, I did something that I had to do, something that would kill me as much as it would probably hurt him..

I lied.

"It's.. not yours.." I couldn't even look at him. Another painful silence ensued. Tears threatened to fall, but instead of resisting, I let them. I stood, Soda's jacket still around my shoulders, and left. I knew I couldn't stay in Tulsa any longer, I had to get away from here.

I cried the whole way home. I squeezed the coat to my chest, his scent lingering on it, but not providing any sort of comfort.

I hoped that one day Soda would realize that I never wanted to hurt him.