Author's Note: WARNING! Angst ahead! You have been warned. This is also a Female Tony Dinozzo fic, it goes with the others that I have written, kinda. I do not own the song Dream On, Aerosmith does. I just thought that it would go good with the story.
Dream On
Leroy Jethro Gibbs grimaced as he slammed back another shot of whiskey. The past few months had been hell on the entire family. The sudden illness, the diagnosis, and finally the realization that he would not be growing old with his wife. His Toni was going to die. The girl that he had loved since he first saw her at five. The girl that he had proposed to before they graduated high school. His angel, his everything.
Every time I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Motioning for another drink from bartender, Jethro thought back to the start of it all. Toni had been sure that it was nothing to worry about. Had put off going to the doctor for days and he had let her.
Isn't that the way?
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay
What if he had made her go? Would that have changed anything? Would they have caught this thing faster? Would Toni still be alive?
Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win
Gripping the glass tightly in his hand, Jethro thought about throwing it. It would be satisfying to watch it shatter, just like his life shattered. Instead he threw some money on the counter and made his way out into the cold winter night.
Half my life's in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you
He couldn't go back to the hospital. Not yet. He couldn't see Toni, so vibrate and animated, hooked up to machines. He couldn't see her so close to death. Taking a deep breath, he started to walk aimlessly away from the bar and away from Toni.
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away
Ignoring the falling snow, Jethro just wandered around, until he came to a cemetery. Gazing at it blankly, he wandered into the graveyard and began to imagine his life without Toni. Imagine Toni laying forever beneath the frozen ground. Lifeless, cold, silent.
Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away
Dropping to his knees, Jethro finally allowed himself to cry. His life was falling apart and Toni was being taken from him. They had so many things planned. They wanted to start a family together. Toni had a list of names that she wanted to give their future babies. She wanted to travel the world with their children and show them a world outside their backyard.
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dreams come true
Toni had been devastated to learn that she had been pregnant before the treatment had started. The fetus had been too small, it wouldn't have survived what her body had been about to go through. It would have killed her to try and keep it, only to lose it.
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream on, dream on,
Dream on, dream on, ah
Now, despite everything that they had tried to do. It seemed like it had been for nothing. Toni was dying, slowly. The doctors said it was only a matter of time. Her body could no longer sustain her life. It was time to say good bye.
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...