America sighed as he trudged into the meeting with his awesome brother, the invisible ninja Canada. Meetings were the place where the rest of the world got to listen to his amazing ideas, but they never agreed with him and the meetings usually ended in complete chaos and England threatening to blow up half of everyone. Or just France.
It depended on how many nations had aggravated him that day. He never actually did, of course. England almost never carried out his threats.
America pushed open the heavy door to the meeting room - which was currently being held at China's place.
"Sup guys!~ Y'all can all relax now because the hero is here for reals!" America called cheerily from the entrance.
"You're late again, America..." Germany grumbled. He didn't even notice that Canada was late too. Being invisible did have its merits.
When the North Americans came in, the nations had begun to chatter loudly, so while Germany yelled at them to all "SHUT UP!~" the awesome hero took his usual seat between Canada and England. Canada looked very happy, and America gave him a strange look.
"Mattie dude, why do you look so happy? You look like you're eating pancakes with maple syrup and Swiss chocolate!" America said, in the quieter voice he used with his sensitive brother. He gave a big grin as he saw Canada wiping the drool away from his mouth.
"Paaancaaaaakes..." he whispered happily. America gave a loud belly laugh, earning him a few glares from the few nations who were actually paying attention to the meeting.
"Eek! Erm... Sorry aboot that Alfred!" Canada whispered, slightly embarrassed at what he had just been caught doing. America just wiped away his tears of laughter and shook his head.
"It's okay Mattie my man! Now why were you looking so happy?"
"Oh, you silly! I was laughing, couldn't you hear?" Mattie said, smiling at his southern brother. His smile didn't even fade when Alfred shook his head.
"I was laughing at their conversation." Canada giggled in a rather un-manly way. He nodded subtly toward England and France, who were having a very heated discussion. England was wearing his old pirate smirk and France was looking like he was about to murder the Englishman.
America leaned in a little closer, just so he could hear them a bit easier.
"Bâtard! Angleterre! Bâtard!"
"Et vous."
"Mattie dude! You speak like every language and the hero doesn't know which one that is! Translation!" Alfred exclaimed loudly, grinning.
"Actually, I only speak French and English..." Mattie said, slightly annoyed by America's ignorance. He tugged in his hair curl - Quebec - to try and make his brother remember. But America just grinned with that slightly idiotic look on his face that implied no, he didn't remember at all.
"Well anyway, they're arguing in French." Mattie said, grinning.
"Dude! That's hilarious! Artie speaks French?" America said, begin to laugh. Canada cackled.
"Yes! I don't think he wants anyone to know though. However I've got an idea." he said, and leaned over, whispering in America's ear.
"Mattie, not only are you the master of pancakes but you are the master of evil. I knew we were related!" he said, giving the Canadian a high five.
The two brothers sat patiently, waiting until England had to give a speech. It took some time, as he was one of the last nations to give a speech that day and it was boring. They passed the time by playing rock paper scissors and drawing on their notes. But suddenly in the middle of England's speech, they leaped onto the table at the same time and began to sing.
"Frere Jaqcues, Frere Jaqcues
Dormez-vous? Dormez-Vous?
Sonnez le matines, sonnez le matines!
Din dan don, din dan don!"
A couple of nations laughed awkwardly, the rest were just annoyed. England's speech was very good and rather interesting. But suddenly they launched into a second verse.
"Parlais Français? Parlais Français?
Yes you do! Yes you do!
Iggy loves the Frenchy! And he speaks his language!
Woo woo woo! Woo woo woo!" they sang, laughing the whole way through the last line.
America scanned his cerulean blue eyes through the room. Germany was livid. Italy was "vee"ing happily and applauding, and the other nations were grinning as they worked out what they had said.
France was absolutely laughing his ass off. He was clutching his sides and his eyes were streaming. In fact, he was guffawing so much that he wasn't even making the silly "Honhon" noise. Suddenly Sealand popped out from nowhere.
America's eyes swivelled round to England. He looked like he was out for blood. The Brit was absolutely livid. He dived across the table, trying to throttle the North Americans.
"Haha! Jerk Iggy speaks Frog!" he cried in his adorable Cockney accent.
"You wankers!" he screeched.
"Fucking run Mattie!" America cried.
They ran out the door, cackling like madmen as the nations began egging England on. But doing it in French. This just enraged him further and Canada and America soon found themselves legging it to the nearest forest to hide. Preferably up a tree.
(A/N) I was bored. So have a crappy one-shot about a headcanon I have that England speaks French. I reckon he'd speak the language of anyone who's managed to successfully invade. Or he just felt like learning. He also speaks Norwegian (or whatever language the Vikings spoke) German, Welsh, and Gaelic. Maybe Spanish xD Even though he does fuck-all to ensure his people learn a second language -.-