I don't own The Hunger Games.
It hurts her. It hurts her so much but she can't even begin to describe it to anyone else. She can't explain her pain away because they expect her to be strong to be tough, to be a strong support to the others. But nobody ever asks her how she's feeling. No one, and she could really do with it right now.
Not that she'd, you know, actually share her problems with others. Not unless she really thought that they genuinely cared. The only person she ever wants to talk to properly is him, and he's leaving. It's like he's already gone- she misses him already. It isn't fair and she doesn't understand why this has to happen, why life happens in such strange ways to such normal people. She knows that he'll be happy, that he'll have a ton of fun and that he'll shine in their eyes like he always shone in hers. But she was the one who saw it from the very start, and now she's the one that has to start again without him.
And she's not okay with it. She closes her eyes and she can his face smiling that beautiful smile, eyes bright as he laughed. She tries to fall asleep at night and all she can see is their time together in the sun. How they laughed, how they played, how they lived lives to be envied by all because they were just so damn happy all the time. Now he'll be happy in this exciting new place that she knows he's always wanted to be in, and she'll be cold and alone. She'll get bitter, and he'll get famous.
All she really wants is for him to be happy though. She tells herself it'll be okay, that she can live with it because all she wants is to love him and for him to be enjoying life. She wants his happiness, his laughter, his smile. Who cares if she won't be there to see it?
She does, of course. If you knew him, you'd understand. Memories will never quite be enough and no matter who she stumbles across in life and who she falls in love with, he'll always be in the back of her mind. Her first love. Her best love. All she can ever think about is the time they spent together going to new places, lounging in the sun, sat side by side in the middle of nowhere as life carried on all around them outside of their little haven.
How is she supposed to cope now? She'll be around his friends and she doesn't know if that's good or bad because they remind her of him too much and not enough all at the same time. He fits with them, like Cinderella and her glass slipper and in turn she fit with him like a hand into a glove.
She doesn't want to sound like she's moaning, she's like weak and needs a man to survive. It's just that she's known him for him nearly half her life- she doesn't remember what life was like before him. All the people she met there, she loves them all. They're her family. She would react badly to losing anyone of them, but this is the one person she never thought she'd have to lose. He was her constant and some sick sort of way it makes sense that he's leaving because everybody has to wake up from their good dreams at some point.
So he'll go off and be a superstar, and she'll be happy for him. Honestly, she will be. All she wants is for him to smile that gorgeous smile and the storm inside of her settles. She'll be okay if he'll be okay, and she knows that he will be.
Because he shines no matter where he goes, and she'll always have the memories.