Who's Going To Marry Mr. Incredible?
By Ms. Kinnikufan
Disclaimer: Pixar or Brad Bird owns the characters.
It was a bright sunny recess at Municiberg Elementary.
There was a gaggle of second grade girls gathered by the jungle gym. They discussed who they were going to marry when they grew up.
"I'm gonna marry Mr. Incredible when I grow up!" giggled a girl named Nicole.
"No! I'm gonna marry Mr. Incredible when I grow up. I'm prettier then you are and a better cook! Besides you're too fat!" screeched a girl named Mary Sue, her blonde pigtails bouncing in the air.
"No! I'm gonna marry him! I'm richer and my dad's a politician!" interjected Jane with flourish.
"Ha! You're all wrong!" Buddy Pines made a dramatic appearance by the jungle gym.
"I'm gonna marry Mr. Incredible!"
"Don't be stupid, Buddy Pines, you're a boy. Boys can't marry other boys!"
"Ha! Mary Sue, things are different for supers! Everybody knows that!"
"But you're not a super hero Buddy! Besides, your mommy drinks way too much and your dad is a bum who nobody likes!"
"But I'm gonna be a super-hero (Buddy did not brother debating his mother's drinking problem or that no one liked his father, since it was true) I'm going to start out as Me. Incredible's sidekick, Incrediboy. Then when I grew up, I''ll become a real superheros. 'Cause when sidekicks grow up, they become super heros. Just like Macroburst become a superheros and Icicle Lad become Frozone when they grew up! It's a proven fact.
My name's going to be Syndrome and I'll have a really cool cape. When I'm Syndrome, I'm gonna marry Mr. Incredible. Frozone and my friend Ben (who has to go to a Jewish school) are going to be the best men. My sister Mae and Elasti-Girl will be the maids of honor and my sister Theresa will be the flower girl.
Then we'll move into an orange and red house with multiple "i"s are over it and have lots of robots.
No girls will be allowed to visit except for my sisters and Elasti-Girl, because she seems okay for a girl. And on Wednesdays evening, we'll go bowling with Frozone unless crime is afoot." Buddy explained this without pausing for air or passing out.
"Even if Mr. Incredible would want to marry a boy, you're too fat and probably got cooties!" from this moment on, Mary Sue considered Buddy Pines her mortal enemy.
"They're called head lice you stupid girl! Besides, everyone knows they originated with you!" Buddy announced to the whole playground, and gave his butt a shake.
And so the greatest fist fight of Municberg Elementary occurred over a debate over who would marry Mr. Incredible. Many bloody noses happen and it went on Buddy Pines's permanent record. He would later erase it, using a combination of bribery and hacking.