A/N - Well, I've got some stuff to say first. I've been really stressed out for the last couple of weeks. The most peace I've had was the hour I spent locked in the bathroom in a hot bubble bath the other night. That was nice. Anyway… I tried to work on "There You Are" in some of the free time I've managed to come up with, but I keep writing for much later chapters - and I'm not even sure that I want to take it that far. But writing is a stress reliever for me and, even though what I've written in the past couple of days isn't ready to be posted, it was good for me. Hopefully I'll figure out what I'm doing and get the next chapter of that one up soon. Okay, enough of that. I was looking through some of the stuff I had written before, just to see what was here, and I found this. I wrote it months ago, but I never really knew where to take it, so I left it. I'm posting it just so somebody else can read it. I've got a little bit after this written, but I don't know if I'll ever post it. So, if you just need something to do, take a look at this and let me know what you think…
Um, this is set in season five. I'm not exactly sure what made me write this, but I'm thinking it started from the episode "The One With All the Kips" - or "The One With the Kips." I'm not sure about the title, but I think you'll know what I'm talking about when you start reading. And, of course, things are changed, and I think you'll figure everything out as you read. Please let me know what you think…
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Friends. They belong to their brilliant creators. I also have no claims to the song. It's not mine, but I highly recommend listening to it...
==========
I Miss My Friend
The feeling was normal for Chandler. He'd had his heart broken over and over again, and he knew exactly what it was supposed to feel like. The only problem this time around was that it didn't feel right. Well, it never felt right, but this time it was different. He hadn't just lost a lover; he'd lost a friend. He'd lost Monica.
Since their rendezvous in London, they'd continued to sneak around, behind the backs of their friends. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. To Chandler, at least. He'd never been more excited about a new girlfriend. He'd shrugged it off, allowing himself to believe that it was just the thrill of knowing they could be caught in their lies at any moment or knowing that he'd somehow managed to win over the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. Either way, he wasn't going to let himself believe that he was falling for her. Until now. Until he'd let her slip through his fingers. The best thing that had ever happened to him was gone.
Their weekend together in New Jersey had been a complete disaster. Monica had been looking forward to a weekend where they could be alone, just enjoying that precious time together. But he hadn't allowed it to happen, all because of that stupid high-speed car chase. If only the guy had run out of gas sooner. She was right; that guy was an idiot. If only Monica hadn't been so insistent on dragging their things to room after room, searching for one that satisfied her. Clean glasses or dirty glasses, garden view or ocean view - it didn't really matter to him. What did matter was that Chandler now considered that weekend the beginning of the end.
Although they had reconciled afterwards, Joey had managed to ruin their whole plan by blurting out what he had learned to everyone. Chandler was surprised that he had managed to figure that one out. Donald Trump and the elevator. The eyelash curler. As soon as he'd deciphered that one, he'd been more than willing to let everyone else know. The one time he actually figured something out - it just had to be this, didn't it? Chandler and Monica had tried to convince him to keep quiet about it, but the second he left Monica's bedroom, the cat was out of the bag. Seconds after Joey found out, so did Rachel and Phoebe.
As if that weren't bad enough, Rachel had managed to let the secret slip to Ross, of all people. The morning after was not a happy one. Chandler woke up the next day with a black eye and a throbbing headache. Ross had finally calmed down, but not before he got in a couple of punches. Chandler had slept at Monica's that night, and she had tended to his aches and pains - which was very helpful. But things just went downhill from there.
They were under constant scrutiny, just as they had feared in the beginning. Nothing they did was just about them. The whole group felt that they had a stake in the relationship. Once everyone else knew, Chandler's commitment phobia kicked right back in. He had been making progress with Monica, but that was out the window the second Rachel and Phoebe started picking out wedding presents and Ross and Joey started fighting over godfather duties. He wasn't ready for that, and he wouldn't be any time soon. Monica had assured him that she wasn't asking for that right away, and he seemed to handle that well - for awhile.
==========
"Monica, I'm not ready for this," he said quietly, lying in his bedroom with his girlfriend of several months. "I can't do this. I really can't." He couldn't believe what she had just said to him. Was she really expecting him to be okay with this when she had dropped such a huge bombshell on him minutes earlier?
"Do you think I'm ready for this?" she retorted, sitting up in bed. "Chandler, you're being such a baby."
"Funny you should mention that," he said, propping himself up on his elbow to look up at her.
"Can't you be a little more understanding about this? I don't even know if it's true. I just said that I might be pregnant."
"Then why didn't you wait before you said anything to me?!" he yelled.
"Don't yell at me, Chandler," she said, getting out of bed and pulling on her robe. "I don't need this right now. I don't need you," she continued as she opened his bedroom door and walked out, slamming it behind her.
He immediately followed her in his boxer shorts. "Monica, wait," he called after her just as she reached the door of the apartment. She turned around to see Joey standing at his bedroom door and Chandler standing in the middle of the living room. "Don't go. We need to talk about this. Please don't go," he pleaded, noticing the tears in her eyes.
"We're not talking about anything until you grow up and start acting like the adult you're supposed to be," she replied. "I thought that you'd be a little more supportive, Chandler. I thought you were a good guy... I guess I was wrong," she said and turned around to face the door, then reached for the doorknob.
"Monica, -"
"No, Chandler," she said, her back still turned to him. "I don't want to see you anymore tonight," she said quietly. "Good night, Joey," she said and exited the apartment.
It was then that Chandler noticed their audience. Joey looked at his roommate, wondering what had just happened. Before he could ask, Chandler held up his hand to stop him. "I don't want to talk about it. Night, Joe," he said before going back to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.
==========
"Have you seen Monica?" Chandler asked the next afternoon when he entered Central Perk.
"She had a doctor's appointment," Rachel informed him, not even looking up from the magazine she was reading. "Didn't she tell you?"
"Um... No, she didn't," Chandler replied, sitting down on one end of the orange couch.
"She's not talking to him," Joey informed everyone. Another cat out of the bag, another slip of the tongue.
"She's not? Why?" Ross asked, looking directly at Chandler, waiting for an answer.
"They had a fight last night. Let me tell you, it was a doozy," Joey said, picking up his coffee cup and taking a drink.
Chandler gave him the evil eye, then looked back at Ross. "It's not that big of a deal. It'll be fine," he assured the angry older brother. "I think I'm gonna go and wait for her. Bye," he said quickly before rushing out of the coffeehouse.
==========
"Hey," he said as he stood and walked over to the kitchen when Monica entered her apartment an hour later.
"Hey," she mumbled, hanging her purse and jacket on the hooks by the door. She walked over to the refrigerator, took out a bottle of water, then walked past Chandler into the living room to sit down on the couch.
"So... How did it go today?" he asked once he had taken a seat in the armchair.
"How did what go today?" she asked. She still hadn't made eye contact with him.
"Your doctor's appointment... Rachel told me," he continued, answering her unasked question.
"It was fine," she said simply before giving him any real information. "I'm not pregnant."
"Thank goodness," Chandler sighed, relieved, before realizing that of all the things he could have said at the moment, that definitely wasn't the right one.
"Oh really?" Monica said, finally looking at him. "Would it have really been that bad, Chandler? Were you that freaked out about the possibility that you might have to be a responsible adult for once in your life?"
"Monica, it's not that, I just -"
"You're not ready. Yes. We've established that, Chandler," she interrupted. "I understand that; I'm not either. But you could have helped me out a little. Do you have any idea how scared I was?"
"I, uh... I -"
"No. You have no idea. I needed you to help me, Chandler. That's why I told you. But you were only thinking about Chandler's needs and Chandler's wants. You couldn't take one second to think about me, could you?!"
"Monica, I -"
"I'm not finished, Chandler," she interrupted again. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... I don't think you and I should see each other anymore."
"What?!" Chandler asked, shocked. "You're breaking up with me because I freaked out about a nonexistent pregnancy?!"
"I'm breaking up with you because you weren't there for me. The second I told you that I might be having your baby, you told me that you weren't ready for that. Do you really think that's what I needed to hear from you? I needed you to tell me it was gonna be okay and I needed you to be a shoulder to cry on. I didn't need you to start freaking out at one of the scariest moments in my life, Chandler."
"Mon, I understand that. But we can't just end things because of this. You've got to give me another chance. Please," he said, trying to think of anything that might change her mind.
"Maybe we just need a break," she said quietly.
Chandler was unable to block the memories of the last "break" they'd all been a part of. "Like a Ross and Rachel break? Because you know what happened after the Ross and Rachel break."
"I know," she replied, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "I just can't do this, Chandler. I need some time to think. And I think you do, too. If we're going to work, we've got to get our priorities straight. We're not gonna make it like this."
Chandler stood and looked down at Monica. "I probably shouldn't say this now but if I don't say it now, I might not have a chance to say it later... I love you," he said quietly before walking out of her apartment and carefully closing the door behind him. What he didn't hear were the four little words Monica whispered when she knew he was gone.
"I love you, too."
==========
That was a month ago, and Chandler and Monica had hardly spoken to each other since the break up. No one else knew the real reasons behind the split, but Ross knew that Chandler had somehow hurt his little sister, and he wasn't happy.
Chandler tried to clear his mind of thoughts about Monica when he heard the telephone ringing. He sighed, and reluctantly picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Joey's voice replied. "What's goin' on?"
"Nothing at all," Chandler answered. "What's up?
"Chandler, I hate to ask you to do this, but could you go over and check on Monica? We're supposed to meet for a movie tonight, and I'm gonna be late, so I called her, but I can't get an answer."
"Um... Sure," he answered. Although he really didn't want to face her right now, he knew that he had to make sure she was okay. "I'll call your cell phone if anything's wrong."
"Thanks, man," Joey replied. "I'm just sorry I had to ask you."
"No, it's fine," Chandler assured him. "Bye, Joey."
==========
Knock! Knock!
"Just a minute!" he heard Monica's voice call as he stood in the hallway waiting for her to answer the door. At least she was okay.
Monica opened the door in a bathrobe and was surprised to see Chandler standing there. "Hi," she said nervously.
"Hi," Chandler replied, forcing himself to smile at her.
"Did you need something?" she asked after an awkward moment of silence.
"No. Um... Joey called and said that he couldn't get an answer over here, so he wanted me to check on you. He said he's gonna be late for the movie tonight."
"Oh. Okay," she replied. "I was in the shower. I guess that's when he called."
"Yeah, I guess so," Chandler said, looking down at his feet.
"Well... If that's all..."
"Yeah, that's all," Chandler said, beginning to turn away from her. "No, it's not all," he said quickly.
Monica looked at him curiously. "What is it?"
"I miss you," he said, looking directly into her eyes.
"Oh..." She forced herself to look away from him. She still wanted to be mad at him. She couldn't let this go that easily. "You know, Ross was in bed with another woman just a couple of hours after his break with Rachel started. I'm sure you could find someone to satisfy you," she said, not meaning a word of it. She didn't want him finding anyone else. She wasn't ready to completely let go of him yet. And she wasn't sure if she ever would be.
"I'm not looking for sex. I don't miss that, Monica," he said, almost angrily. "Well, I do, but... I miss you, Mon... I miss my friend."
==========
I Miss My Friend
Darryl Worley (written by Mark Nesler, Tom Shapiro, and Tony Martin)
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh, but baby most of all
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be all right
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss my friend
I miss my friend