Spoilers for the Season 3 finale. Don't say I didn't warn you...

She had refused to leave the body behind.

When the Medical Examiner arrived, she had to pry her best friend off of her long time mentor and she collapsed into the awaiting arms of her partner. He held her until her sobs quieted. He watched her carefully as she recounted the situation with Internal Affairs as flashbulbs illuminated the darkened hangar. Yellow police tape was beginning to surround them and the agent speaking to her nodded to him and he gathered her into his arms again.

"I have to go Rick." she said suddenly, "I have to tell Evelyn. I have to-"

"Esposito and Ryan's already doing that as we speak. You need to go home Kate."

She was too tired to argue. She nodded and the drive back to her apartment was spent in silence. As he put the car into park, he couldn't find any other words so he finally told her that he was sorry. The three words he could say in place of the three others that he was so desperately trying to convey. She was numb. Unsure of what else to say, he helped her out of the car and put her into bed gently. She curled up into a ball away from him.

"Kate?"

"Thanks Castle." She whispered.

"I'm going to-

"Can you stay with me?"

He pulled out his cellphone and sent a message to his daughter. Then he swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled off his shoes. Tucking himself behind her, he held her close to him, tightly as if he was never going to let go. He could feel the tears falling down his face and he pulled her closer to him. They both cried themselves to a dreamless sleep that night. When she woke, he was still there, snoring lightly with both arms wrapped around her waist. She turned to face him and traced a finger down his jawline. She eased out of his embrace and threw on her badge and gun. There was still so much to be done, she thought as she left the apartment with him still sleeping on her bed.

When she returned, she found him standing there frozen with a frantic look in his eyes.

"Where the hell did you go?" He shouted.

"Coffee, Castle." She said and put down the breakfast. "I went to get coffee."

"I woke up and you weren't there and I thought- You were- I thought he had…" He stumbled through his words, yelling, just like he did when he tried to tell his mother.

"Castle, I'm right here." She went to him and put a hand on his cheek and another on his chest. She could feel his heart beating slowing from its hastened pace. There was a day's growth on his face that she hadn't seen since the beginning of the second year of their unorthodox partnership. The fear in his eyes and the panic in his voice began to subside. "I'm right here." She said again, softly.

She was putting him at risk and she would have none of that. Things were going to have to change. His daughter was waiting and she remembered what it was like when a parent didn't come home. She would have none of it.

"Thanks." She said simply and handed him the coffee cup she had placed on the kitchen counter. "For being there."

He gave her a strained smile and took it.

"Now go home to your daughter." She said nudging him to the door. "She'll be waiting."

"Kate I-

"They want to kill me Castle. Me. Not you. Go home, go back to your family. I won't have you caught between the crossfire."

"Kate, you're my family too." She stopped and looked into his eyes. His cobalt blues always told the truth. It was how she had taken him to the cleaners during their Thursday night poker games. They betrayed him and this time, they spoke volumes. When she couldn't hold his gaze any longer, she distracted herself with her cup of extra large coffee. "I'm not leaving you alone."

"Remember how well that worked out last time? I'll be fine Castle. I'm a trained cop with guns stashed around the apartment. I'll be good." She attempted levity but faltered. "I need to go into the precinct anyways to pick up a few things before the Captain finds-

She paused at her sentence and sighed. "Right. I need to go in and get a few things anyways. Spend some time with your family Rick. It's important."

He looked at her the same way he had at the beginning of their unconventional partnership, trying to figure her out and unravel the mystery that was Katherine Beckett. He nodded and took his leave. She stopped him before he turned the corner and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "I mean it Castle. Thank you."

He gave her a small smile and she watched the elevators close behind him.

The next time she saw him was when she called the boys in for an impromptu meeting. Captain Montgomery had been their rock for the past decade and his family had grown to be theirs. They had too much respect for the man despite his past indiscretions to tarnish his shield. Castle had lingered after the boys had left, making sure she was still standing. She gave him a nod.

"I'll come by and pick you up for the funeral." He had said. Without waiting for a reply, he took his leave.

The battered detective collapsed on her couch, a yellow legal pad and pen laid on the coffee table, waiting for her. She had made a pilgrimage to the Montgomery home that day and sat with his wife. The widow embraced her and gripped her hand tightly as she spoke.

"Roy loved you like you were his own you know?" Evelyn's lips pulled into a sad smile as she recounted. "You, Javier and Kevin were like his kids at work. When Javier got into trouble last year, it was like he was getting a call from the principal's office about one of the kids. As much as I'd love to think that he would retire from the force, he would have found some way to get back to the precinct for you three and the rest of the squad."

Beckett couldn't find the words to express her gratitude towards her and what her family had to endure. Evelyn knew she understood the loss of a loved one. She had seen the pain in her eyes.

"Being a cop's wife, I always knew this was a possibility. But nothing prepares you for this day to come. Nothing." She said staring at her hands. She paused to collect her thoughts and quietly continued. "I'd like you to give Roy's eulogy. He trusted you and loved you like a daughter. You were with him when he died. You understand what it's like…"

Her legal pad remained empty, void of the words that she wanted to say. She looked to her cellphone next to her. She could always just ask for help, but she felt that it wouldn't do her Captain justice. Pulling a whiskey bottle from the kitchen cabinet, she poured herself a glass and picked up the pen. But 14 drafts later, she was still nowhere. Her glass and pen had been abandoned in favour of the bottle. Morning light was streaming into her living room signalled the beginning of a new day. The heavens were mocking her. She was nowhere ready for it to begin.

She stared into her closet, trying to clear her head. She shoved all her clothes aside to get to the garment bag buried within. It had been a while but it was still there; just hanging there. Unizipping the bag, a breath caught in her throat as she tried to choke away the tears.

Dress blues.

It had been a while since she donned on that uniform. Her fingers traced the sharp lines on the suit and lingered on the shield she carried on her left breast pocket. She looked over the ribbons that meant almost nothing to her to her silver nameplate.

Det. Katherine Beckett.

She scoffed as she tossed back another. Sometimes when she looked at the mirror, she didn't know who was staring back anymore. It had taken all of her to push aside the brutal and senseless murder of her mother a decade ago but the obsession and the drive had found new life. She had gone down the rabbit hole once more but this time, it seemed harder to find her way out. She took another drink and wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

Then with great difficulty, she began to write.

Castle would be there soon.