Severus Snape held his head in his hands as he sat on a bench round the corner from the church. There were people arriving already, he knew, but he didn't want to mingle. He didn't want to stand alone, surrounded by groups of friends chatting away, wondering what he was doing here. He hadn't planned on coming, actually, but he couldn't bear the thought of not being there for the happiest day of Lily's life. Even if it wasn't happiness created by him; even if it was Potter who had the pleasure of taking Lily Evans as his wife- Severus couldn't miss that beautiful smile on her big day. How could he have lived with himself, sitting at home, knowing that right at that moment, Lily was possibly the happiest she'd ever been? He was hurt, yes, and he never expected it to be an easy experience, but it was something he'd forced himself to endure, if only for Lily's sake. He was bitter and jealous and totally heartbroken, but he was in love. He was so much in love that he'd never dream of trying to ruin her happiness for his own gain.
As a man hurried past him in a suit, Severus realised the crowd outside the church had started to gather round the doorway. He did not hurry- he would take a seat at the back, away from the watchful eyes of wizards and muggles alike- but slowly started to make his way towards the gathering. He hung back, waiting to be the last to enter the church, avoiding contact with any glaring pair of eyes looking his way. A small boy stood at the door, handing out the orders of service.
'Bride or groom?' the boy asked.
'…Bride', Severus murmured, taking the booklet and following the direction the boy was pointing him in.
He sat towards the back of the church, trying to see who he knew. Mainly Lily and James' school friends, although there were a few people from the Order of the Phoenix. How he longed to be a part of them, if only for the fact that Lily might have given him a chance as more than a friend if he had. He had never hated himself more for the path he had chosen than right now.
He could see Lily's mother standing at the front, talking to a man wearing black robes. Was he a wizard? Snape didn't know. He didn't really care, either, for at that moment he turned round in his seat to see Lily Evans at the door. He couldn't believe he was here. He could not believe that Lily Evans was about to marry James Potter. He knew that to call her stunning would be the biggest understatement of his life; the lace sleeves of her dress matched the veil that sat on top of her red hair, partly tied up in a beautiful knot, and partly flowing gently down her back. The smile on her face was like no happiness he had ever seen her experience, and he felt a pang of regret that he had never made her that happy.
Suddenly nothing else in the world mattered. To Severus Snape, Lily Evans was everything. Everything he had ever wanted, everything he could never have, everything he would spend his life looking for.
She grinned and winked at him as she made her way down the aisle with her father. She was happy to see him and that was worth all the pain of being here. Even if nobody else wanted him here, she did, and that was the most important thing.
Severus never took his eyes off Lily in the entire service. He stood and sang with the rest of the congregation, he listened to her parents do the readings, he stayed silent during the moment when he should have shouted at them to stop, he watched them vow to never leave each other. He watched as Lily and James Potter kissed for the first time as husband and wife. He tried to look away; that was not something he wanted to see. But he couldn't. He knew he wouldn't be able to know Lily for much longer, and he needed to take in as much of her as he could before that terrible day when she found out what path he had chosen for his life. The wrong path, he knew already, but he could not back out.
Outside the church, Lily stood away from James, talking to different friends. She looked even more beautiful in the sunlight, if that was possible. Her hair reflected the sun perfectly and she appeared to glow from happiness. She posed for a photograph with a group of friends and a second later she was alone. Severus took this opportunity to swiftly move in towards her.
She leaned up to kiss his cheek, and he offered his congratulations. It was over in seconds; he could not bring himself to say anything else, she had another group of people waiting to congratulate her. He had to go.
Walking away from the church, he was glad he had been present. He had seen her at her happiest. At that moment he vowed to let her go, to get over her, to move on. It seemed fitting, that the day she made her vows to someone else, he would vow to stop loving her.
He didn't even wait until he had left the churchyard before the tears began to fall down his cheeks.