Author's Note: This is a sort of semi-crack fic, not to be taken seriously. Hope you like. :)

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Having sent Merlin to work roughly on time that morning, Gaius was feeling rather pleased with himself. Merlin was a terrible time-keeper, and he was always, most certainly, late. This morning, Arthur would get woken up on time, and Merlin would hopefully not get another heavy boot thrown at him.

As he gathered the medicines and herbs together for the ill of the town, he hummed a little tune. The sun was blazing through the window, and Gaius was in one of the best moods he had been in a long time. The physician finished packing his medicine bag, throwing it over his shoulder gently, as not to break any of the glass bottles contained within. He went over his mental checklist again, just to make sure that he had everything. After gathering the one herb he had forgotten (which had no affect on his mood whatsoever), he made for the door.

Knock, knock.

Gaius hadn't yet reached the door himself, so that must have meant that someone was on the other side. Obviously, it wasn't Merlin – he never knocked.

Knock, knock.

He shrugged off his medicine bag, setting it down on the wooden table in an area that wasn't littered with remedies. He hurried to the door as fast as he could. He turned the wooden handle, unsure of who to expect.

The door creaked open to reveal the rather tall figure of the King of Camelot, Uther Pendragon. His expression was unreadable, but the man was wearing his crown and robes. What could he possibly want? Gaius glanced him over, checking for injuries or anything that should concern him, but there was nothing. Gaius nodded curtly.

"Sire," he said, one hand still resting on the door.

"Gaius," Uther replied, sounding a little distracted. He glanced around the physician's messy chambers. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, sire," Gaius replied, stepping aside to let the king in. He moved to the centre of the room, still seemingly searching the area for something, while Gaius shut the door. "Is there a problem, sire? Are you unwell?"

Uther waved a hand. "No... no. I'm perfectly well, thank you for your concern."

"If you forgive me," Gaius began, moving from the door to join Uther in the room, "may I ask why you have come to my chambers if you are fit and well?"

"Are we alone, Gaius?" asked Uther, his expression hopeful.

Gaius, who had no idea whatsoever as to where this was going, said, "Yes."

"Then I need to speak with you..." Pause. This was appearing to be something the king was having trouble speaking about. "...About my... baldness."

Gaius' eyebrow shot up. He had not been expecting that. "Sire, with all due respect, you are hardly bald..."

"Now stop with this 'sire' nonsense. I am not here as your king, but as your friend, and I must speak with you."

Gaius nodded. "Very well. What is it you want to know about your 'baldness'?"

"My hair will not stop falling out, Gaius," Uther began to pace as he spoke, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. "And I want to know how you do it."

Gaius' eyebrow rose to the heavens. "Do what?"

Uther stopped pacing and moved to stand into front of Gaius, gesturing wildly to the older man's head. "Your hair. It's the most luxurious older-man hair I have set eyes upon. Other men go bald, but yours just doesn't stop..."

"Uther, I hardly think you're alright..."

But Uther didn't stop.

"Is it some sort of herb? A salve, perhaps? A mineral in your porridge? What is your secret, Gaius?" The last few words were almost shouted, and the king looked positively mad, hysterical. He lifted a lock of Gaius' long white hair, inspecting it.

"Is there some sort of reason for this outburst?" asked Gaius, remaining calm in the face of a manic king, a feat in itself.

Uther took a large step back. "I'm balding, Gaius, and there's nothing I can do about it. It just keeps falling out."

Gaius knew that Uther liked to be in control, and how terrible this must be for him. He was well over decade the king's senior and yet he had managed to somehow keep a good head of hair while Uther's fell out. If the man wasn't so wound up about it, Gaius would have thought it funny, but as it was, the king was unnerving him.

"I can assure you that I have done nothing to my hair in order to keep it. It must be the stress of your position as king that has caused it to disappear," said Gaius, ever the speaker of common sense, his white eyebrow still raised in Uther's direction.

"Yes, of course it must be," Uther decided, as if almost realising this for the first time. He smiled at Gaius, stretching out a leather-gloved hand for him to shake. "Thank you for your counsel."

He walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Gaius stared into space for a moment, completely dumbfounded at the odd behaviour of the king. Clearly, the stresses and strains of being king were getting to him. Shaking his head and chuckling softly, Gaius picked up his medicine bag and began his rounds.

But not before carefully adjusting his wig.

A/N: Completely pointless, I know, and Uther's OOC, but I don't care. This was too good an opportunity to miss!