Story Title: Closure
Author: Tammi aka Skittlezlvr79
Category: Wrestling/Het
Rating: T
Pairing: Trish/Jeff
Summary: Tag to Tangled Web and Splintered. The former flames bump into each other and a confrontation about the past ensues.
Disclaimer: No infringement is intended and I don't own the people used in this work of fiction. They belong to themselves. The company and their respective onscreen persona's belong to Vince McMahon and the World Wrestling Entertainment.
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Jeff mentally cursed his bad luck as he stared at his ex-girlfriend.He had been so careful to avoid her and common backstage hangout's since he returned. But not for the reasons everyone probably thought. It was just hard enough to deal with knowing they were in the same arena together but it was something else entirely to actually run into her. And from her reaction to his presence, he knew she felt the same way he did.
"Jeff,"
The way Trish's voice trembled on his name told him exactly how upsetting this encounter was to her. He felt the old, familiar urge to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right well up in him. It took all his strength to resist the impulse but he did, remaining rooted to the same spot on the floor. He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, then offered her a nod. "Hi Trish."
Dismay was painted on her face. Her deep, brown eyes were shining but not in an excited way. They were watery and narrowed, anger clearly evident in the chocolate pools. She pursed her lips in a tight line and wrapped her arms around herself, as if she needed to protect herself from him.
A heavy sigh tumbled over his lips, feeling deflated at her closed off posture. "I'll go."
She opened her mouth to say something but closed it quickly, as if she changed her mind. Her head bobbed in agreement, "Ok."
A stab of pain skittered through him at her dismissal. Even though he knew that he didn't deserve anything more from her, the rejection still hurt.
"Not as badly as you hurt her." A little voice inside him intoned, as if he needed a reminder.
"Sorry that I disturbed you." He informed her genuinely and turned to go. But a pointed, angry scoff stopped him in his tracks. He turned his head so he could look at her, completely confused. "What?"
"That's all you have to say to me?" Her inquiry was heated, "After all this time? After everything…" Her voice broke on the question and she finished with a sad shake of her head.
"I thought that you didn't want to see me? I figured that I'd leave and make things easier on you." He explained quietly, his eyes tearing away from her and settling on the floor because he wasn't brave enough to see the hurt that was etched onto her face.
"Oh Please!" She laughed, a bitter sound that hurt him to hear. "You wanted to make things easier on me? Then why the hell did you bother to come back?"
He swallowed thickly, knowing that he deserved that and more. After all, if anyone had a right to unleash their anger on him, it was her. Didn't mean that it didn't sting though. "I had to do what was best for me."
"And of course, I never even entered your mind." She snapped irately, "Probably didn't even remember who I was…"
"That's not true!"
"Oh, so it went something like 'She's just the woman who's heart I ripped out and stomped all over but it's no big deal."
He winced as if she had slapped him, finally forcing himself to look at her. "Trish,"
"Spare me your pretty, empty excuses. I know exactly what you think of me." She stopped to take a breath because it was plain to see that she was fighting the tears that were threatening to spill. "I walked in on it, remember? Or did you manage to block that all out?"
"How could I forget when the moment, when my actions destroyed us, plays over and over in my head? It hasn't stopped for three years…"
She sneered at that, tears cutting jagged paths down her cheeks. "Excuse me if I can't muster any sympathy for you."
"I don't expect you to."
"Good." The glare she had trained on him softened into a pained expression. "Did you ever really love me?"
He blinked, shocked by the question. "What?"
"Did you or was I just a toy? Something you got tired of playing with and threw away."
"You know that I love you."
Her brows knitted together in bewilderment, "What did you say?"
"That I loved you." He quickly covered his earlier flub, hoping that she was too wound up to have really caught it.
"No," It came out slowly, thoughtfully and she shook her head. "You didn't say you loved me. You said that you love me."
He figured he couldn't deny what she heard, so he went with it and hoped he could twist the statement to fit the past tense and she'd believe it. "I did say that because I did…love you."
"Then why the hell did you cheat on me?" Her voice was a broken whisper of pain.
Jeff dragged his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. The question he had been dreading and hoping he wouldn't be asked again since their last conversation all those years ago was now lying at his feet. And like he had always feared, he couldn't come up with a believable answer to it. He hastily averted his gaze and remained silent, not wanting to give anything away.
"You know," He could feel her studious expression trained on him, "For someone who's never had any issue speaking his mind, the fact that you've never tried to answer that seems very odd."
That comment was made to get his attention but he refused to look at her. He knew what would happen if he did. The sight of her, hurt and pleading for the reason she so desperately needed, would break him. His resolve would crumble uselessly and he'd tell her the whole, ugly truth.
"Why won't you answer that? Don't you think that I deserve to know?" She pressed on determinedly, "Because I do!"
"I know that I owe you one," He started to explain but she cut him off.
"You're damn right you do. So don't bother giving me an excuse or a vague answer. And I'm not going to accept that damn silence anymore." One perfectly tweezed eyebrow rose, as if in challenge. "The time's come for me to finally hear the truth."
He could literally feel the last of his stubborn will fleeing him and knew that he was toast. It wasn't like he didn't want to tell her the truth because he did. Part of him needed to know what would happen once she knew that he hadn't really betrayed them, that it had all been a desperate act to save her from him and his demons.
"Please Jeff, just tell me."
"I didn't." He whispered solemnly, his eyes finding hers.
"I saw you. You were in bed with her. Naked." Trish was breathing rapidly, heavily. "I know what I saw…"
"It was staged."
She shook her head, "No."
"Yes." He swallowed nervously. "I paid her to pretend that we slept together."
"You're lying." But her words lacked any conviction and horror was blossoming on her face as she looked at him.
He didn't flinch under the scrutiny of her gaze. "You know that I'm not."
She fell into silence, obviously trying to absorb what she had just found out. He watched her throat work as she struggled to swallow.
"Trish?"
"How could you?" She choked out around a sob, fresh tears pouring from her eyes as she tugged absently on the ends of her hair. "Why?"
"Because I was so messed up that I knew if you stayed with me that I would only end up dragging you down with me." He was fighting not to let his own emotions get the better of him, "You didn't deserve to lose everything because of me but for some reason, you wouldn't leave me. So I came up with the idea of making it look like I was cheating on you because I knew that it was the only thing that would work."
"It was all a lie?" Agony reverberated through her voice.
"Yes." He felt like his own tears sliding down his cheeks, "I'm sorry that I hurt you. God, you don't know how sorry I am."
"You should be! I spent three years trying to figure out what went wrong and wondering why I wasn't enough for you!" Her voice rose with infliction. "I9 blamed myself for the way you changed, for the relationship failing!"
"Darling, you didn't do anything wrong except love a weak, stupid man. I'm the one to blame." He looked at her, silently imploring her to allow him to finish.
When she didn't respond, he expelled a shuddering breath. "I was so far gone in depression and so damn addicted that I was terrified that I would hurt you. I had to get you away from me by any means necessary."
"But I wanted to help you through it."
"You shouldn't have had to. I should have been strong enough not to give into the pain and become what I hated." Jeff felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. There were finally no more secrets between them. The slate was clean, tainted by his lies, but clean.
But one look at her and he knew that his unburdening hadn't helped her feel any better about what happened between them. "Are you all right?"
"No." Trish admitted tightly, "I'm anything but all right."
He took a hesitant step toward her and then another. When he had closed the distance between them, he enveloped her petite frame in his arms. Her body shook with uncontrollable sobs. She buried her face in his chest and he could feel the warmth of her tears soaking through his T-shirt.
"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." He hugged her tighter to his body, repeating those words over and over until his throat hurt him.
When her sobs subsided, he released her and she immediately took a step backward, away from him. Her eyes met his, "Thank you for finally telling me the truth."
"You shouldn't thank me." He informed her honestly. "I allowed you to believe a lie for years. You should hate me."
"I could never hate you Jeff." He knew what coming before it even left her mouth. "But I don't know if I could ever forgive you for what you did. Breaking my heart and acting like you didn't even care was the emotional equivalent to stabbing me in the back."
"What I did was horrible and believe me, I don't expect forgiveness for it." He stated honestly, "I just hope that maybe, someday, we could be friends again because I care too much about you to just go back to being nothing."
"I don't know." She stopped herself as other people started filing into the catering room. Their arrival officially put an end to their private conversation. "It was good talking to you Jeff."
"You too Trish."
"Bye." He watched her exit the room then closed his eyes. "Goodbye darlin'."