The year was… Actually, I have no fucking idea what year it was 'cos the dragon ball "age" system is fucking stupid. Anyway, Frieza was going to kill the Saiyan's.

"Lord Frieza, are you serious about killing all the Saiyan-Jins? They're so weak what's the point?" Exclaimed Zarbon in his fruity voice.

Frieza calmly walked over to the green haired trap (hint hint) before bitch slapping him to the floor. "First of all, just call them saiyans you fucking weeb. Second of all, I run this bitch, okay? Do they call you Lord-emperor-Frieza-San?"

Dodoria raised a grotesque, chubby finger. "They call him daddy."

…

Frieza's eyes were covered by his (nonexistent) bangs to show disgust/uncomfortableness like in anime. Zarbon cleared his throat as an awkward silence hung in the air for several minutes. Finally, Frieza managed to process what dodoria had said. "Who? Who calls him d-daddy?" Came Frieza's shaky voice.

"Why, his various sex-slaves within the grunt ranks of the planet trade organisation of course, what did you think I meant Lord Frieza?"

Again, Frieza's nonexistent bangs covered his eyes anime style. With a shudder, Frieza sent a death beam that pierced through dodorias body, killing him.

"..."

"Ahem… S-Shall we start over Lord Frieza?" Zarbon asked.

"I think that's a good idea. The saiyans are a threat to us. Maybe not now, but potentially one day they could revolt and cause me trouble." Frieza explained. Zarbon nodded as he tried his best to come up with a plan.

"These Saiyan's," Zarbon began, "are nothing to take lightly now that I think about it. Get several of them together on a full moon and what you have is a force that could rival the power of even you IceJinns. What do we do Lord Frieza sama?"

Frieza tapped his fingers together like the super villain he was. "I'm not quite sure yet. Perhaps we could-"

A lowly pto soldier barged into the room. "Lord-emperor Frieza sama! I come beari-"

Frieza blasted straight through the man. "Go find out what he was trying to say from another grunt, Zarbon." The tyrant said absentmindedly as Zarbon left the room briefly.

The doors parted and Zarbon returned. "Lord Frieza, it appears that planet Kanassa has been purged!"

"The fuck? Who could have possibly done that?"

"You won't believe this sir, but it was a group of low class Saiyan Warriors led by Bardock."

"Space Jesus. Even the low classes are capable of such things? That settles it Zarbon, we need to END these monkeys. Make sure all saiyans are on planet Vegeta in two days. Meanwhile, I want you to tell dodoria to go take care of that rogue leader, Bardock."

"Um Lord Frieza? You just murdered Dodoria."

"Fuck, you're right! Okay here's the new plan…"

-x-

"Say hello to my 'lil friend!" Yelled the batshit crazy Saiyan as he destroyed the purple alien, Cui with an energy attack. The battle was over. Bardock dusted off his hands as he grinned at the remains of the pto warrior.

"Well I'd say that's a pretty good job! I killed Cui and these other guys and all I lost was all my friends! Oh well, sucks to be them. I'm hungry as fuck anyway…" Said the insane warrior as he got in his pod and headed for the planet he lived on.

The scarred Saiyan landed on planet Vegeta and made his way to the hospital. He clutched his bleeding head and groaned. "What the hell kinda dream was that? I swear I saw the whole planet blow up…"

With that, Bardock fainted. A few hours later, a doctor came along and found the injured low class.

"Holy mother of Namek! What the hell happened to you Bardock? You suicidal nutcase, how do you even function with those kinds of injuries?" Said the doctor.

"Whatever. Let me just float in the healing sauce-"

"Healing fluid," the reptilian doctor corrected.

"Yeah that. See you ugly s.o.b's in a few hours." Said the low class.

The doctor regarded his scooter with surprise. "Are you all seeing this? Look at this man's power level!" The doctor continued to stare at the unconscious Bardock as his colleagues took out their own scouters.

"Oh my lord! Bardock's power level is over ten thousand!"

"No way! He could rival the power of the King! Let's hope he doesn't wake u-"

The healing fluid drained in an instant and a naked Bardock stepped out. He put on his armour as well as his headband and arm and leg things. "Bardock! Why the hell did you get out after only a minute in there? How did you even get healed?"

Bardock shrugged, "the plot needed to progress. I'm the main character so I used my bullshit plot bending powers and yeah, here we are."

The doctors were too shocked to say anything.

"So, can one of you measure my power level or something?"

One of the doctors turned to the others. "I-is this real life?"

"Do I gotta snap some necks or are you freaky alien genotypes going to tell me how strong I am now."

"..."

"I don't have all fucking day! Frieza's gonna be here any minute and you little nerds wanna stand around like we've got time to kill?" Yelled the Saiyan.

Fearing for his life, the doctor pressed the button on his scouter. "13,000 units."

Bardock grinned sadistically before running out the room. "Frieza doesn't stand a chance."

The doctors waited until Bardock was out of earshot before talking. "He does know that Frieza's power level is 500,000 units, right?"

"He'll probably be fine… Actually, he's going to die. But the world will be a better place without a madman like that."

-x-

Bardock ran through the hallways of the hospital.

Frieza's here. I just know it… Was it a vision I had? Is that what these dreams are?

"Bardock you son of a bitch, get over here right now and hold your children!" Yelled a female Saiyan who was laying in a hospital bed. Bardock groaned as he walked over to his mate.

"What the fuck do you want?" Said the male Saiyan.

Gine scoffed. "What, no greeting or asking me how I'm doing? Where have you been the past few months? Did you even know that I just had your sons? Come over here and take them off my hands."

"Hell no. How strong are they?"

Gine rolled her eyes. "See for yourself…"she mumbled in annoyance.

"Let's see here… OH COME ON! Two and ten!?"

Gine pretended to be looking at something in the opposite direction of Bardock.

"..."

Bardock sighed. "Well what are their names?"

"Kakarot and Yamcha. Kakarot's the one that looks like you and yamcha's the one with short hair."

Bardock left the room disappointedly. "They won't last long, probably gonna die on their missions."

Bardock opened a door and found himself on the roof of the building. He looked to the sky and saw an all too familiar ship.

Frieza. I know what I must do.

Bardock flew to meet the ship, and began fighting through many waves of pto soldiers in an effort to get to Frieza. Meanwhile, on planet Vegeta, the soldiers in charge of shipping off Saiyan babies to purge planets were blissfully unaware of the imminent death.

"Hmm, this one's called Kakarot and he's meant to go to… Earth. But there's only one pod left, and there's still this other baby to deal with."

The other soldier picked up the remaining baby. "Let's see here… Ah! We're in luck, these two are twins! We can just throw the in the same pod. Have fun on earth!"

The small pod then rocketed off into the dark abyss that is space. It flew past the battle between Bardock and Frieza. "This is the true power of the saiyans! Final ultramite, magic supreme, generic cliche boomburst!" Yelled the bandanna wearing Saiyan as he shot his ultimate attack. In was futile. Frieza's supernova absorbed the energy blast and continued on to destroy the planet of the saiyans.

Bardock watched on in horror as Frieza appeared in front of him. The IceJinn laughed callously. "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"NANI?"

A broken Bardock was sent flying by the tyrant. He kept going, past the dying planet of Vegeta and into the ominous void of space. By some miracle, the severely injured Bardock smashed into the tiny ship housing his two reject children. "I-I don't believe it… I'm saved!"

Weakly, the Saiyan pressed the "open." button on the pod. He crawled inside, regarding his sons lovingly. "My children…" He said gently. "... Piss off! This is my pod now!" Roared the Saiyan as he threw Yamcha away, aiming for the void. Luckily for the baby, the pod shut automatically and he bounced off the metal and his the cushioning, albeit unconscious.

Bardock groaned as he reclined in the seat. "Oww… My entire body's been burnt. I need to rest. Hey, kid…. Uh Kakarot or whatever? Could you shut the fuck up please? You're really pissin' me off."

The baby Kakarot, who had been crying from birth up until now, only screamed louder at this.

"For crying out loud, shut the fuck up!"

The baby continued to cry.

"Grr, fine. Don't say I'm not kind..."

Bardock picked up his infant son and began rocking him. Soon enough, the baby stopped crying. Bardock grunted.

"Don't expect anymore of this coddling stuff. If I've got to raise you little accidents on my own, then I'm gonna whip you into Saiyan Warriors that our ancestors would be proud of."

Bardock flipped a switch, releasing a gas that began lulling him to sleep. "Four months till we reach our destination." A robotic voice said. Bardock nodded before falling asleep with Kakarot still in his arms and Yamcha face down on the floor.

"Ya better not piss on me, kid."