CARLISLE
Note: This is the first of a series of humorous oneshots about the Cullen family. Hope you all enoy! Reviewers will get big fat cookies!
That Doctor
"Lydia?"
"Yeah, Shirley?"
"Who on earth's that doctor over there?"
tense pause
"Which doctor?"
"What do you mean, 'which doctor'?! That doctor!"
"Shirley, this may shock you, but there's more than one doctor in working in this hospital."
"I have a degree in chemistry. I'm not an idiot, Lydia!"
"Then don't act like one!"
"I'm not- Wait! Look! There he is! The one carrying the syringe!"
"Ohhh, you mean that doctor…"
another tense pause
"Who is he?"
"That's Dr. Cullen. Shirley, honey, he's way out of your league."
"Hey!"
"Well, it's true. He never even looks at any of us nurses."
"Why not?"
"Firstly, he's married. Secondly, he's married. Thirdly, he's married. And fourthly, he's amazingly, completely, totally, utterly and stupendously gorgeous. Do you really expect for him to even give us a second glance?"
sigh
"It's not like we're ugly…"
"Shirley, I told you, that's not the reason!"
"I mean, maybe if I cut my uniform shorter and wore fishnet knee-highs…maybe some more makeup…some of those bunny ears I got for Halloween…"
"Shirley! He won't notice you!"
"How do you know? Have you tried wearing bunny ears?!"
awkward silence
"Ohmygod, Lydia! You have!"
"No! No of course I haven't! No way would I be that desperate!"
"You're blushing! Lydia, you're blushing!"
"Am not!"
"Lydia loves Dr. Cullen, Lydia loves Dr. Cullen…"
"Shut up! Look, he's coming towards us!"
Yet another tense pause
"Damn, he walked right past us."
"He going to meet his kids."
"He has kids?!"
"Sure. He has three sons."
"Sons?!"
"Uh huh. If you're quick you might get a glimpse of them."
frantically running footsteps
Curious
"Um…excuse me…Carlisle, are you busy?"
"Why hello, Emmett. No of course I'm not busy. How are you?"
"I'm okay, thank you."
"Not having any trouble keeping away from humans? I know how difficult it was after I was transformed."
"It's hard, but being with Rosalie helps. Calms me down, y'know?"
"Yes, I know. I feel the same way about Esme."
"Right, yeah…are you sure I'm not disturbing anything, Carlisle?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Oh, good. I just thought you might be…sleeping."
"Emmett, vampires don't sleep."
"Yeah, I know, Rosalie explained all that. It's just…"
silence
"Just…what?"
"Well, I saw you lying in on the sofa when I came down a few minutes ago."
second silence
"I didn't hear you coming down."
"I know, I was quiet."
"Ah…well, Emmett, I wasn't sleeping…I was, erm, spending quality time with Esme."
"Oh."
yet another silence
"I hope that doesn't…disturb you, Emmett."
"Nah, not at all…I mean you're married…so of course you're gonna do…you know…it."
"Quite right."
"So, vampires can, you know…"
"Yes, I know. And yes, they can."
"Oh. Okay. Right."
"Right."
door opens
"Oh! Well, hello, Esme!"
"Hi Emmett! Hello, Carlisle! What were you talking about?"
"Nothing!"
"Not much, dear."
pause
"I'd better go…bye Esme. Uh…thanks Carlisle."
"You're welcome, Emmett."
"Goodbye then, dear."
hurried footsteps leave the room
"Carlisle, dearest, what was that all about?"
"Emmett was…curious."