Before you start reading, make sure that you are at least 14 years of age, and not younger… I do not wish to traumatize or give a bad influence to all the younger readers… (or do I?)…so, if you are a little kid, don't cry to you mommy, daddy or kitty about the trauma this story may cause…. Consider yourself warned.

The Big Comfy Couch

The Version That Should Stay Away From the Eyes of Little Itty-Bitty Childrens

It was another bright sunny day in clown town. Lunette got up and stretched her self into wakefulness. "Good morning Mister Sun that rises and sets behind my couch!" Said Lunette gleefully as she waved at the sun that floated above her and bounced on the roof like a balloon filled with helium.

"Good morning, Couch! Good morning, purple blanket! Good morning rubber chicken!… Golly! I feel like I forgot to say good morning to someone…. Um…. I said good morning to everybody… let me think…." Lunette was suddenly interrupted by a thought bubble that contained a picture of Molly, her adorable dolly.

"Oh, golly! Silly me! I forgot to say good morning to you Molly!" Said Lunette to Molly (no duh) who was sitting right beside her at the usual couch corner. Another thought bubble appeared from next to Molly's head. It was a picture of a rear end with a hand stuck deep it its anus with a happy face next to it.

"Well, I'm glad that your happy with that hand up your ass this morning Molly. Golly, you don't have to rub it in because I'm not pleased very often!" she giggled like a girly girl after she spoke those words.

Lunette started randomly pulling stuff out of the couch cushions. Molly was dazed, enjoying the movement of the hand that was suck up her ass. Here is a list of things that Lunette threw out of the couch aimlessly as she searched for something to do:

The rubber chicken

A dildo

A pancake

A tuna

A carrot

A cosco sized box of giant red paperclips

A rusted fishing net (and t landed on the carrot by the way…)

A rat carcass

Moldy steak

A voodoo doll

And many other things…..

"Golly, Molly, I have nothing to do!" Molly's thought bubble suggested that Lunette should go do exercise on the clock rug.

"Fuck exrcise! It's nothing but a waste of fucking time! I'm gonna go to Granny Garbanzo's. Wanna come?"

Molly shook her head.

"Why not?"

A thought bubble showed a dust bunny.

"You wanna hunt for dust bunnies? Get your mind out of the gutter, those fuckers don't exist. Get an imagination transplant!" exclaimed Lunette, annoyed by Molly's stupid search for stupid dust bunnies. "See ya later then!" Lunette skiped out of the door to find Granny Garbanzo attending her pot plants in her garden and smoking a freshly rolled joint.

"Hey Granny Gorbonzo!"

"Oh, hello, Lunetska! How are you doing today?"

"Good I guess."

"What seems to be the matter?" asked Granny Garbanzo as she offered Lunette some cocaine.

"Nothing really. Molly is pissing me off, that's all… her and her fucking dust bunnies…" Lunette crossed her arms and pouted.

"Have you seen my Snicklefritz?"

"No I haven't."

Suddenly they heard the honk of Major Bedhead's unicycle, fowllowed by the sound of the shrieking meow coming from the mouth of an injured Snicklefritz. Major Bedhead stumbled off of his unicycle, keeping his corrier bag in his left hand and a bottle of pure vodka in his right hand.

"Hey guys!" said Major Bedhead with a slur. "Sup?"

"Nothing much. we're just searching for Snicklefritz. Have you seen him?" asked Lunette.

"No I haven't. but I heard him mew in excruciating pain before I parked." Major Bedhead took a swig of vodka and started to cry when he realized that it was empty. "Ah Shit God-damn! I didn't take another bottle with me this morning!"

"I have a great idea!" declared Lunette. "Let's find Snicklefritz!"

"Alrighty!" said Majot Bedhead suddenly relieved.

"But there's one teeny itsy bitsy problem. How the hell can we find Snicklefritz if we don't know where he is?" asked Granny Garbanzo.

"Hey guys! Look! My unicycle is sitting on a trail of blood!" exclaimed Major Bedhead.

"Let's follow it! We might find some clues!" Lunette pulled out a pair of pliers from her pocket and looked at it as if it was a magnifying glass. Everyone followed the trail of blood on the pathway until it lead to discovery.

"Snicklefritz!" exclaimed Granny Garbanzo in joy as she found her precious kitty torn in half and twitching in a puddle of thick red blood.

"But he's split in half! You should be ashamed of yourself for drinking and driving, Major Bedhead. Look what you did to poor Snicklefritz!" cried Lunette.

"Bah, don't worry Lunetska! There's nohing a little surgery can't fix! I didn't learn how to sew for nothing!" said Granny Garbanzo as she picked up both halves of Snicklefritz, walked to her porch, and started to sew him back together with multi-coloured thread.

"So, Major Bedhead! Do you have any mail for me?" Asked Lunette. "Answer me dammit!"

"Oh sorry. I was just admiring how pretty the pink elephants in the sky were!" said Major Bedhead as he handed her a letter and a box.

"Oh golly! It's from Aunty McKasser!" Lunette started to read the letter.

To my dearest Lunette,

I just got back from my trip in Vegas, and boy, I gotta tell you, damn those Vegas strippers are HOT!

I spent all my money gambling, and I'm dead broke. Well, I was broke until I robbed 30 banks all over the world. If you ever wanna make good money in life, it is not by working, but by stealing that you succeed. If you don't believe in stealing, you can always make big bucks in the prostitution industry.

And if ever you get hungry while traveling and have no money for food, kill the first bastard you see walking down the street and eat him.

I brought you a gift, that's in that box. It's a surprise. I hope you like it. I'll be coming very very soon.

xoxoxoxoxox

Love,

your Aunty McKasser.

P.S. tell Major Bedhead to kill himself. I can't stand the bastard!

"Wow! I can't believe it! Aunty McKasser is finally coming to visit!"

Suddenly a fat man wearing a yellow raincoat, and a purple helicopter hat came floating down to the garden with the help of an umbrella shaped like a duck head.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked Lunette bluntly when the man landed.

"Why, I'm your Aunty McKasser! But you can call me Uncle Chester now!"

"Golly!" exclaimed Lunette in shock.

"Oh my fucking God! Pretty ducky!" said Major Bedhead ad he stared at Uncle Chester's umbrella. Granny Garbanzo had a massive heart attack and collapsed, leaving the fixing of Snicklefritz unfinished.

They both died.

No one gave a shit.

"Well, Lunette! What are you waiting for? Open your package!" said Uncle Chester.

"Oki doki, Aunty McKass- um, I mean Uncle Chester!" Lunette opened the package quickly in great excitement. "Holy shit! It's a bomb! Just what i always wanted! Hey, Major Bedhead! Catch!"

Lunette threw the bomb, but it hit Major Bedhead right in the head and his head blew off. Kids, those are the consequences of not paying attention.

"Hahaha! His head came off!" said Lunette, laughing hysterically.

"Well, Lunette, I gotta go buy me some Viagra now, I'll see you some other time!"

"Ok! It was nice seeing you, Aunty---- Uncle Chester!"

"'Till nest time, sweetie!"

"Bye now!" Lunette waved goodbye to her aunt… no uncle…. Whatever… and reentered her house. "Well that was fun! Wait 'till I tell Molly about my exiting---- Oh my fucking God! Who made this big mess!" exclaimed Lunette angrily.

Ripped up pieces of Molly's fleece body, shreds of her blue dress and the stuffing that was inside her surrounded the whole surrounding of the couch. Red stuff was all over the stuffing and the floor, the couch and the walls. Right next to the hand that was up Molly's ass was a bottle of empty ketchup.

"Who fucking spilled my ketchup all over the place!" Lunette dipped her left index into a glob of ketchup. "Mmm… Heinz… Whoever wasted my ketcup is fucking dead!"

Lunette suddenly hears little giggles. Fuzzy was licking the rest of the ketchup from the bottle and started to lick it off the floor. Wuzzy was at the other side of the couch, stabing Molly's detached nose.

"That's it! You fucking dust bunnies are DEAD!!!!!! Yelled Lunette in rage as she pulled a chainsaw from the couch, and started to chase Fuzzy and Wuzzy around. She sliced the couch as the two little pests escaped her strikes with agility.

Can you guess what came out of the couch as her chainsaw passed through it?

………………..

………………………

………………………….

(Drumroll)

………

MACARONI!!!!!!!!!! (You though I was gonna say stuffing, eh?)

It wasn't just any ordinary macaroni… it was purple macaroni.

Lunette got more and more frustrated as she missed the dust bunnies with every strike. She threw the chainsaw aside and pulled out a bazooka.

In the Folley's residence

Folley junior slouched at the table of the dollhouse, rollin his thumbs in boredom, when suddenly Ms. Folley entered the home and started beating her son with a broom. Folley Junior ran round and round as his mother beat him with the broom.

Mr, Folley came in with a cleaver in one hand and a Popsicle stickin the other and started stabing his wife and his son. Before he could kill his family and take the toy train to the home of his mistress that didn't know he was coming, the chainsaw that Lunette had threw aside durng her rampage zipped by, slicing the Folley residence, along with the Folley's.

And, now back to the couch!

Macaroni flew everywhere from the exploding couch as Lunette shot it with the bazooka. Fuzzy and Wuzzy exploded into bloody dusty bits as the couch exploded. The explosion as so huge that it blew up the whole entire house. Lunette was pushed away by the flames of the explosion.

She got up and looked at the black pile of ashes and the black smoke at rose up to the cloudless sky where her house used to stand.

"Well, that was the ten second tidy!" Lunette started to skip around in glee as she made her way into Clowntown. "I think I'll join the circus!" said Lunette out loud to herself.

"I think I'll go in the prostitution department! Golly, I think I might see Uncle Chester more often too!"

And, so lunette headed for a better life where she made more money and interacted with more people.

THE END!

Well, that's it from me for now. Please press the little blue button and review. By doing so, you will lower the risk of getting your eyes gouged out by Popsicle sticks.

I accept flames, but I prefer good reviews, so watch what you say. (giggles psychotically) Toodles, noodles:P