We said a year from today. A year from the 20th May 2010. Today in 20th May 2011 and just like we promised, I'm at the reflecting pool. Waiting to see him, waiting to hold him and waiting to tell him I love him.
I learned a lot while in Indonesia. I learned about the new chain of evolution in our past, I learned about the different skills and habits of our ancestors and I learned about the Indonesian culture. But most importantly, I learned about letting go. I learned about peace and tranquillity. I learned about being human. Not simply in way most people would think, but I learned how to put faith in people, and trust in their abilities and opening our hearts to a new ideal.
I learned everything that Booth has been trying to tell me for years, only I didn't see it. I was too blinded science, too blinded by the betrayals in my past to see what he had been telling me. That night when he brought up the possibility of a relationship, I had been too focused on what I thought he wanted and not what he actually did. I thought he wanted me to change, to become someone else, but he didn't ask me to. Irrationally, I jumped to a conclusion, the wrong conclusion and it had ruined our relationship.
So I sit here today, waiting to see the man I love, hoping that he will also be here today. In the distance I spot a man. He resembles Booth quite a lot but he's with a woman. I dismiss him, he's not the man I want to see. Slowly, they come closer and I see that the man I dismissed is Booth and he has his arm wrapped intimately around the woman clutched to his side.
"Bones," he says as he draws me into a hug, "How are you?"
I can barely breathe – it wasn't supposed to go like this. He was supposed to be alone.
"Bones," he asks nervously, "Bones?"
'What? Oh, I'm fine. How are you?" I can make it through this conversation. I just have to stay calm. I can do this.
Booth smiles, "Fine. Bones, I'd like you to meet my wife, Anne. Anne, this is Temperance Brennan, we used to work together."
We used to work together – that's it. That's the extent of our association? That's all I've become to him, a work colleague?
Anne holds our her hand to shake. Jerkily, I accept and quickly release it.
"Nice to meet you," she says, but I can tell she is uncomfortable in the situation.
I nod. I need to get away.
"Sorry, I've got to go. I'll see you around Booth." I grab him quickly in a hug, pulling him close for the last time. Quickly, I turn, leaving as fast as possible.
"Bones," he calls after me but I don't respond. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be different. I expected him to wait for me. I wanted him to love me but now I had lost my chance. I had blown my one shot at a happy future. Everything I learned in the Maluku islands came rushing back. No, I decided then, no. I would not listen to what I had learned. I would close off my heart so that I would never have to feel that pain again. Yet as I made the decision, I knew that I would always love the man who had so changed my life.