This just came to me in the night like a visiting angel!
How the Doctor Feels about Rose, and the other companions in his life.
(or how I wish Davy Boy felt for me!)
There are some things you just don't say. Sometimes there are no words. Other times you have all the words but they won't come out your mouth.
And so you say nothing. And so you watch the girl who has become your universe slip through your fingers like sand.
When you're lonely you look at her picture, when she falls asleep on your shoulder you look down at her and try to marshal your emotions.
When you're holding her, and you feel like you're going to lose control, you have to bite your lips together to keep yourself from kissing her soft ones. You have to breathe through your mouth so you can't smell that enticing scent which only she seems to have.
When you run with her hand-in-hand, and you're thinking these thoughts you shouldn't be thinking, do you try to stop?
No, of course you don't. This life you lead is a whirlwind of emotion and loss, but she is your only constant. Anything you could say or do to jeopardise what you have with her is pushed down to the very bottom corner of your mind.
You're a genius, but she makes you a fool. You're a warrior, but she has made you gentle. You're the chattiest man in most galaxies, but somehow she leaves you speechless. You could run for miles, but it's only her who leaves you breathless.
And then when you think you've lost her, a thousand things you could've said, should've said, would've said if only you'd had the chance: they're all ringing in your ears and it pours out in a cry of rage.
And when she's back, you find yourself so lost in her, that you can't say anything.
So rather than using your head you just blunder on to the next adventure, and tie your tongue in knots in an effort to use every word in your extensive vocabulary except the three you really need.
And then she's gone, forever this time – no way back. And after everything, after your last chance, you still can't seem to conjure up the buried words.
So others come and go. You'll do anything to stave off your loneliness, but it's never the same and the faces never quite fit.
Which starts the problem up again... Because there are things you just don't say.
You don't let them into your world, heart, home and tell them "no".
You can't have them sacrifice their world at your feet, but reject their hearts.
They know the rules too, though. They understand the way some words stick in your throat, the way you daren't speak for fear of breaking the endless taboo.
And so they can't take any more, and they leave. However sad you are about that, you feel relief too, because you're left with only her memory.
It's so sudden, all of it – and then she's here, and she knows, and that smell, that taste, that life has returned to your arms.
The part of you which was always suppressed and hidden has broken free of your body and become a new entity. It's like an out of body experience, watching you loving her, the way you never could.
And you leave, confused but happy because you haven't lost her. Not truly – maybe it wasn't the way you planned it, maybe it's not perfect, but what matters is the way you still feel her in your heart, on your mouth, in your skin.
She's still with you forever, just forever is on her terms this time. Which is how it should be, after all...
Because there are some things you just can't say – but she knows what you mean anyway.
I was watching old Friday Night Projects on 4OD tonight...
David's so HAWT!
Ahem...
Anywhoo, please review!