Disclaimer: I do not own Frank Donovan or the UC crew would be nice. Other characters are mine. Don't have money, so you can't sue.
"Were you really going to do that to the girl?" Jake's question kept invading his thoughts. Looking down at the papers in front of him, Frank Donovan threw the pen down. Leaning back in his chair, he thought back to the previous day's events. Jake almost getting killed. A Chicago cop shot almost bled out. Who the hell was he to play god with their lives? he thought. Upon hearing a knock, Donovan looks up and sees Alex standing in the doorway.
"Paperwork is done. Case is over," she said placing the files on his desk. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." he replied taking the files. "Any word on Jake?"
"A few bruised ribs from the vest and a sprained wrist. The Doctor put him on medical leave for a week. Not that he will listen." Alex said sitting down.
"Leave that to me. Is there anything else I can help you with Agent Cross?" he asked looking at her.
"Yea. Something's been eating you since the case has been over. Care to talk about it?" she asked.
"No."
"No." she repeated. "Because its me or?"
"It's none of your business Agent Cross," he growled at her.
"Like hell it is. You're our boss. What affects you, affects us." she yelled back. "Like it or not, we care about you. We're worried about you."
"You're dismissed Agent Cross." Donovan glared at her.
"Look Donovan," she started to say.
"Out!" he yelled pointing to the door.
Glaring at Donovan, Alex turned around and walked out the door.
"That went well. At least he didn't shoot you." Cody smirked.
"Is he okay?" Monica asked.
"No. Something's eating at him." Alex replied picking up her purse. "I'm going home for some much needed rest."
"I'll walk with you." Cody said grabbing his coat. "At least it hasn't snowed yet.
Coming Monica?"
"Just need to give Mr. Sunshine my paperwork." she replied walking up to Donovan's office.
"Did Alex send you in?" Donovan asked not looking up from his paperwork, knowing it was Monica in the doorway.
"No. Just turning in my paperwork. Why?" Monica asked.
"Nothing. See you Monday." he dismissed her.
Unsure to ask him another question, Monica decided against it. "See you Monday boss." she said closing the door.
Donovan stood up and walked over to the window. He watched his team leave for the night. He knew they meant well. He knew they were starting to like him, he smiled to himself. Even Jake was starting to like him. Walking back to his desk, Donovan sat down and again tried to concentrate on the paperwork there. Frustrated, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. You clearly mean everything to her. She's your break from your life. The scene on the steps with Sasha flashed in his mind. Realizing his was not alone; Donovan opened his eyes and saw Monica standing in the doorway. "I thought you left for the night?" he asked.
"So did I, but against my better judgment and Cody thinking you would probably shoot me, I wanted to know if you were okay." Monica stated.
"I'm fine." he replied.
"Really?" she said raising an eyebrow, "and this coming from a man who says he never bluffs. Well, Agent Donovan, I'm calling your bluff."
"Monica, don't try to analyze me." Donovan smiled, leaning back into his chair.
"I profiled Jake and Alex for you. Now I think it's time I profiled you," she said standing up. "I know it has something to do with the Wilkes case. Now, it can't be Wilkes."
"Monica." he warned, watching her pace back and forth.
"We understand that you were concerned for Jake's safety, so that's not it. You were worried the cop would bleed out. So, the only possibility left is Sasha." she stated. And seeing Donovan's reaction to her guessing game, she was right.
"There's nothing there Monica. Stop trying to fish for something." he replied through clenched teeth.
"Nothing there? The hostility you are showing at me right now has nothing to do with the fact it hasn't snowed yet. You can talk to me." she said softly, sitting back down in the chair.
"No."
"Give me one good reason why you can't? Anything said would be between you and me. I don't think Cody had the chance to bug your office yet." Monica smiled.
"Between you and me? Between Profiler and the case?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Between two friends." she replied.
Wondering where to begin, Donovan stood up and walked over to the window. "You're right. Sasha. How she could blindly love and trust a man like Wilkes. Do anything for him," he stated.
"She loved him. People do stupid things when they are in love." Monica replied.
A woman you keep your secrets from. A woman you see, what? One weekend a month, maybe?
'Stupid things," he said, "is not worth risking your life for."
"Are we talking about Wilkes and Sasha or you and someone?" Monica asked quietly.
How rare is it to find someone like that, eh?
"How rare indeed." Donovan said.
"Excuse me?" Monica asked confused.
Sitting back down in his chair, Donovan looked at Monica straight in the eyes. "Anything I say now is strictly between us." he grated out.
"I understand." she replied getting a little uncomfortable with those eyes staring her down.
"The scene with Sasha on the steps. The way I was taunting Wilkes about his woman. Stroking her hair, provoking him into thinking if the cop bled out she would never make it to court. Telling him how rare it is to find a woman that understanding about only seeing him once a month." Donovan stated closing his eyes. "My speech hit close to home."
"You are human after all." Monica stated, noting the anguish in his face. Surprised by he statement Donovan just looked at her. "Cody has always implied that you were built somewhere by the government." Donovan smiled at that comment. "Someone you cared about was put into a situation like Sasha?"
"No, it got her shot." he replied coldly.
"When we first met, it was a love/hate relationship. She loved to hate me." Donovan smiled, remembering their first meeting.
"She sounds interesting." Monica laughed.
"She was." he replied laughing. "We met at a dinner party in Budapest. She wouldn't give me the time of day. It took some work, but I found out that she was a guest of the US Ambassador."
"So, she couldn't stand you from the beginning. For some reason I don't believe it was your charming personality that won her over." Monica remarked. She was amazed at how open he was being with her. The guilt he was carrying about what happened.
"No, it wasn't my personality. It was my warm, caring smile." he laughed, grinning at her. "I was young and full of myself. I wanted to meet her. A few days after the dinner party, a friend told me that she was planning on doing some sightseeing. So, I decided to speed the process up to meet her. I knew some locals that owed me a few favors"
Monica stared at Donovan in disbelief. Letting the words he was telling her sink in. Donovan started to laugh as he watched Monica realize what his was going to say next. He walked over to small refrigerator in his office, taking out two bottled waters, handing one to Monica.
"Thanks." she said opening the bottle.
"As I said, I was young and full of myself." he said watching Monica roll her eyes at him. "We didn't have a chance to talk much that night of the dinner party. We shared an all too short dance before my pager went off. She was unlike any woman I've known before. She was a fresh breath of air. I wanted to get to know her."
"So, you had your friends kidnap her off the streets in Budapest. How romantic" she said sarcastically.
"You make it sound so cold and calculating," he said walking back to his chair.
"Your words, not mine. I was going to say unlike you." Monica added. This would be one hell of a funny story to tell the others, she thought to herself, only knowing that heartache was coming.
"They didn't exactly kidnap her. Made it look like they wanted to rob her." he said wanting to clarify what happened.
"And you happened to come along to rescue her, right? Save her from the bad guys, sweep her into your arms and flash your warm, caring smile at her to win her heart." Monica said in disbelief, putting her hand up to her face.
"Yes." he responded.
"But something happened." Monica guessed.
"Something happened." he agreed. "As I was talking to one of my friends, the look of fear on her face went to anger. That's when I realized she could understand Hungarian."
"She found out what you were up to?" she asked amazed.
"She understood the instructions I was giving them. She kneed the one and punched the other." Donovan explained grinning.
"And what did she do to you?" Monica asked.
"That's the best part. After calling me every name she knew, she punched me right in the face." he said remembering that day. Monica broke out into a hysterical laughter. The image of this man trying so hard to impress a woman, only to have it backfire by her understanding the language and then hitting him. Monica would have loved to have met this woman.
"Then what did you do?" she asked trying to stop laughing.
"I tried to explain my reasons why, but she didn't want to hear it. After the street incident, I found out she was the goddaughter of the Ambassador." he said. Monica started laughing again.
"That must have went over well." she smiled.
"Oh its gets even better. She worked for the State Department also. She worked for the US Ambassador in London. For the next two months, I had to report to her. She was my boss." Donovan stated.
Monica was laughing so hard; she had tears coming out of her eyes. Wishing she could have been a fly on the wall at their first meeting. Still, she thought, after listening to Donovan talk, she had a hard time seeing that side of him.
"Let me get this straight. In order to get to know this woman you met at a dinner party, you had her kidnapped..."Monica started to say.
"Robbed." Donovan corrected.
"Robbed, kidnapped. All felonies, from a normal person's point of view. You had this done to get to know her. It blows up in your face, or I should say, punched in your face. She was to be your boss for the next two months. I'm dying to know what happened next." Monica stated.
"It was a shock to both of us. It was awkward at first, well, for her anyway. She did try to make my life hell. About once a week I would ask her out to dinner, she would refuse. Three weeks before she had to go back to London, I stopped asking her." Donovan said tossing his bottle into the garbage.
"You don't seem like the kind of man that gives up that easy." Monica stated. Knowing full well what he was going to say next.
"I don't. When I want something, I get it." he plainly stated.
"No matter what the cost." Monica threw at him. "She could have been married or engaged. Did you think of that?"
"Of course. I found out what I needed to know about her. I have my ways." he joked. Knowing that the man in front of her never joked, Monica knew if he needed something, he got it. Frank Donovan had more connections than Cody's computer. When the AG's son was kidnapped, he had a satellite retasked. Usually, only the President can have that done. "She wasn't married or engaged. In those three weeks, she learned to trust me. We had lunches together, got to know each other. I explained to her why I did what I did that day."
"A simple introduction at the dinner party wouldn't do?" Monica asked.
"No. I told her that the moment I first saw her, she was different. Walking up to her and introducing myself wouldn't leave an impression." he tried to explain his logic to Monica.
"Leave an impression? And what kind of impression did you think staging that little felony in the streets of Budapest?" Monica asked amazed at his train of thought.
"She wasn't to know it was a setup. On her last night in Budapest, I took her to the Opera." he said.
"Ah, I can see where this is going." Monica replied.
"You do?" Donovan asked, intrigued.
"Let me guess. It was a moonlit night in Budapest. After the Opera you took her walking along the Danube and swept her of into your bed." Monica commented in distaste. Well, she thought, I was beginning to like him.
"You're right. It was a beautiful moonlit night. I did take her for a walk along the Danube. As for sweeping her into my bed Monica, I will not discuss my sex life with you." Donovan growled at her.
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. It's been clear from the beginning that you wanted to sleep with her. It's just the underhanded way you did it." she replied.
"All I got that night was a kiss on the cheek. The next day she went back to London and her life there." Donovan said quietly.
"After all that, she went back to London. What was the point of telling me this?" Monica said raising her voice. "How does this have anything to do with what happened today?"
"I'm a patient man Monica. It was two months before I saw her again."
"Ah, a convenient stop in London." Monica laughed.
"You could say that." he replied grinning. "For about two years we would see each other. Once a month, if we were lucky enough."
A woman you keep your secrets from. A woman you see, what? One weekend a month, maybe?
"She never complained about it. She knew my job took me places that I couldn't tell her where or why. She never asked. We just enjoyed the time we had together." he marked sadly.
Monica could see the happiness in his face when he spoke of her. She also can hear the sadness, the regret in his voice.
She's okay with that. She's your break from your life. How rare is it to find someone like that, eh?
"Then she got transferred back to Washington. Again, we were lucky if we were able to spend a weekend every other month together. So, one day I showed up on her doorstep. I told her after traveling around the world and back, one weekend every couple of months was not for me." he said.
"You broke it off with her?" Monica asked shocked.
"No, we moved in together and I ended up joining the FBI." he answered.
"So you could spend more time with her." she added.
"Yes. The only times we were apart was when one of us had to aboard. Which wasn't very often." he explained.
"Okay, I still don't understand." Monica said.
"She would do anything for me. I would have done anything for her. I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of, but I make no apologies for. I've made my share of enemies." Donovan explained. "Some of my work came back to haunt me."
"And because of this.." Monica started to say.
"Changed our lives forever." Donovan finished. "I never told her about the threats at first. I casually made sure our home was safe."
"At first you never told her." Monica repeated. "Eventually you told her?"
"I had no choice. The bastard kidnapped her." Donovan revealed.
"Kidnapped her?" Monica whispered.
"Yes." Donovan said standing up. He was getting tired of sitting in his chair. He started pacing around his office. "You understand, what I'm about to say can't go past these walls." Monica nodded her head indicating she understood. "He waited until she was leaving to go to work. He followed behind her for a few miles before running her off the road. It was over twenty fours hours before anyone realized she was missing."
"The State Department didn't realize her not showing up for work suspicious?" Monica asked, watching him pace around the room.
"No. They knew she wasn't coming into work that day. She had an appointment that mid morning. She was already missing thirty-six hours when I flew back to Washington. The man who kidnapped her blamed me for his sister's death. She was killing innocent people to help further her lover's cause. She was killed in the crossfire. He never believed his sister was capable of killing."
"So, to feel that he avenged his sister's death, he wanted to make you suffer like he did." Monica guessed.
"Yes. When we finally found her, he had her tied up in an abandoned farmhouse in Virginia. She was alive. From what we could see, she had a few bruises on her face. She would put up a fight until the end. I went in after her." he stated leaning against the wall.
"And?" Monica prompt him.
"And against my better judgment and my years of training, I went in without making sure the area was clear. He stepped out of the shadows pointing his gun at me. By the time I noticed he was there I had her untied from the chair. The rest happened too fast. I don't even remember pulling my gun. I can still remember seeing the flash of the muzzles. The smell of the gunpowder. I don't even remember the other members of the HR team rushing in.," he said sitting back into his chair.
"What else happened?" Monica asked, afraid she already knew the answer.
"I looked over at him and his was dead. I turned to her, ready to beg her forgiveness for not telling her what was going on. She was lying on the floor, shot in the abdomen like the cop. She was bleeding out. The paramedics barley got her to the hospital in time." he said stone faced.
"Where she died?" Monica asked.
"No. She didn't die." Donovan said looking at Monica who was surprised. She thought that is what he was going to say. "They were able to treat the gunshot and give her a transfusion."
"But..." Monica stated.
"Our child died that night." Donovan whispered, tears filling his eyes. Monica had no idea that he could ever be that emotional. How he must have suffered. "Her appointment that day was to confirm her pregnancy. She was three months pregnant."
"You didn't know." Monica stated.
"No. She had a feeling she was, but wanted the doctor to confirm it before she told me." he replied.
"And you feel guilty about it all."
"Hell yes I feel guilty. If I would have told her from the beginning of the threats and pulled some favors, she would have been better protected." Donovan said angrily pushing up from his chair.
"You don't know that. If he was bent on revenge, he could have done it anywhere. What else happened?" she asked.
"What else? After all the pain I caused her. I stayed with her day and night to make sure she was safe. After everything that happened. Her getting shot, losing our child, she never blamed me. She believed and trusted in me so much, that she couldn't blame me." he stated.
"What happened Donovan?" Monica asked again.
"I did the worst thing possible," he growled. "The day she was discharged I took her back to our home. I had her brother there waiting for us, to make sure she was okay."
"What happened?" she asked.
"I walked away from her." he yelled. Monica looked at him in shock. "I walked away from her since I couldn't stomach the thought of something in my past coming back to hurt her again. I explained that to her. I have to live with the guilt of losing our child, a child who would have been five this year. I couldn't risk losing her too. I walked away from her."
"What did she say to you?" Monica asked feeling his pain.
"After all that happened, she told me that she understood. She stilled loved me. I haven't seen her since." he replied.
"Well, I think you need to talk to her. You both seem to have a lot of unresolved things from the past. How do you feel know?" she said placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Better. I've been carrying this around on my chest for so long. Thank you Monica. Thank you for caring." he said.
"Hey, that's what I'm hear for. That's what all of us are here for. To help each other. And in my professional advice, find her and talk to her. You might find out it will help you both some more." Monica replied.
"Your professional opinion? Turning doctor on me now." he laughed.
"Laugh now. Wait until you get my bill. Good night Donovan. Remember my advice." Monica said walking down the stairs.
"I will. See you on Tuesday Monica." he replied.
"Don't you mean Monday?" she asked.
"For you Tuesday. You had enough to deal with." he said watching her walk out the door. Going back up the stairs into his office, Donovan picked up the phone and dialed. "John, it's Frank Donovan. I need a favor." he asked sitting into his chair.
The End?