Title: Whatever
Pairing: Alex/Mer friendship, Mentions (brief) Izzie/Alex, Meredith/Derek, Lexie/Alex, Lexie/Sloan

Whatever

"Maybe he heard how you told the shooter to shoot you." Avery says and Alex Karev feels like he can't breathe. He focuses on Meredith waiting for to laugh or make it clear that Avery was wrong and she'd never muttered such words. Her face seems to have fallen to and she simply says, "Not funny."

"Not a joke." He replies. The words sting Alex and he can't really get back to whatever he was doing before he found out about this. Gloating? Making fun of Mer? He's not sure he has the ability to conceal how upset he is, so he simply stares into space until Bailey comes along and hurries them off to their jobs.

Alex somehow figures out how to get up and do as he's told but the image is there; the image of Meredith begging a madman to shoot her. He doesn't know why it's making such an impact on him, he doesn't do people. He has no people, when you have people; you get hurt. Izzie taught him that, and that's why Lexie's not there. The minute she went crazy Alex knew he couldn't do it, he knew that if he saw her through this he'd get too attached and then when she inevitably went back to Sloan, it would hurt like hell.

So why did he care about Meredith's death wish if he didn't do people? The no people thing was a lie, really, Alex did people. He had people. Well, he had person. He had Meredith. She was his only real friend, the only one that was a constant in his life. When he needed someone to be there, she was there. When he needed someone to talk to, she was there. When he failed his boards, she helped him study. When he cheated on Izzie, she didn't completely castrate him. When he needed a home, she gave him one. When Izzie got cancer, she comforted him. When he needed a best man at his wedding, she was the one. When Izzie left him, she was there. She was his best friend, person, whatever, he didn't really feel the need to label her, she was just Meredith.

So why had she asked him to kill her? He thought Meredith had grown past her angsty and overdramatic ideas of love. He thought she finally was stable. Clearly, he'd been wrong.

He went about the rest of his day trying to forget his anger at Meredith for trying to sacrifice herself. It didn't work, by the end of the day, he had been so distracted that he had nearly fucked up his case three times.

Angrily, he stormed into the locker room. Not surprisingly Meredith was there just like she always was when he needed her. He didn't waste a second, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Meredith was shocked by this, "Excuse me?"

"Who. The. Hell. Do. You. Think. You. Are?" He said slowly, angrily.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "No, I'm not being blamed for you having a bad day. I know you like to do this blame game, but me and you? We don't do that. You know I'm not going to stand here while you get mad at me for something that's not my fault. If you want to talk about your bad day, by all means, if you want to make me the antagonist of the day, I'm leaving."

"You see though, my bad day is entirely your fault!" Alex snaps.

"Whatever, Alex, I'm leaving." She makes her way towards the door, but he quickly swoops in, blocking her way.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me why in hell you thought it was a good idea to tell him to shoot you." Alex yells. This shocks her, and she quickly backs away from him and sits down on a bench.

"He shot Derek. He wanted Lexie and the Chief dead." Meredith whispers.

"That doesn't answer my question." Alex tells her.

"I bargained, okay?" Meredith snaps, "If I had to live without my husband, my kinda dad, and my sister, well I might as well be dead. One life lost instead of four? It made sense."

"No, it didn't." Alex says, "It doesn't make any sense, because I know Shepherd would not be able to move past losing you, the Chief would be devastated, and your sister? There would be no more Lexie Grey, okay? You saw her freaking breakdown with everyone she loved alive, can you imagine, if her sister, the person she probably loves most in this whole building was shot and it was her fault. She would never get out of crazy, she'd be permanently stuck there."

"This is not Lexie's fault and she is not crazy." Meredith says defensively.

"Yeah, but who would be there to tell her that? Sloan wouldn't get through to her, you're the only one who's doing anything for her." Alex says, and Meredith considered this, "What about Yang?"

Meredith didn't answer.

"She'd get in the way of this master plan. You think she'd just let you bleed out while she fixed Derek? Sorry, to tell you Grey, but she'd save your life over saving Derek's life any day."

"She wouldn't, she'd save Derek." Meredith insists.

"Whatever, that's not true, she'd go right towards you and forget about Derek, but let's say the .000001 percent chance you're right and she fixes Derek and lets you die. Yang's PTSD is horrible as it is, do you think she'd ever step back into the hospital if you got shot here. Hell no. Her career in surgery would be dead the minute your heart stopped beating." Alex yells.

By this point Meredith's shaking and close to tears, he thinks maybe she's getting the idea. Then she says, "Owen would get her through it."

Alex literally laughs at that pathetic comeback.

"I'm serious, Alex. They all have someone else to take care of them. Mark can take care of Derek and Lexie. The chief will have Adele. Cristina has Owen. They can keep living without me."

"I have no one else." He says this quietly almost ashamed of it.

She hears him, as she always does, "Alex…"

"No, you're all I have now, Grey. Izzie left. You're it, Mer. You're the only one I still have. You're like my best friend, person, whatever. Okay, so not everyone would have someone." He says softly.

"Alex…" She doesn't know what to say to make this better. She doesn't know how to take it back. She can't take it back and she certainly never meant to hurt him or anyone for that matter.

"Look all I'm saying is, this is not okay. This is what me and you do, we try to act selfless because we don't want to get hurt, we don't think we're important enough so we'll sacrifice things were entitled to like love, happiness, life, whatever. And you know what I'm realizing? I'm a good man and I deserve things just as much as anyone else. I'm not worthless. You're not worthless either, Meredith. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for anything or anyone, ever. Okay, you can't make a selfless sacrifices, you matter to a lot of people and if you died it wouldn't be the easiest solution, okay?" He says.

At this point she's crying, "Alex…I…I'm so sorry."

He sits down next to her and wraps an arm around her, sighing, and then kissing her forehead, "Hey, it's okay. You're here now, breathing, and that's what matters, just don't do stupid shit like that again, okay?"

She nods into his chest, after a few minutes she calms down and asks, "So I'm your best friend?"

"You're my uh whatever." He says. She cracks a smile.