I have no idea where this came from. I thought of it late one night. Oh, how I wish TFA existed. After I wrote it, I realized that Elmyra had a much bigger tale to tell so I wrote that too! It is on Fanfiction as The Reluctant Burglar. If you enjoy this, check it out.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
(Note: The attached missive was recovered from a shattered Transition Device soon after Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LTD. began investigating the changes to "The Hobbit". Our firm, Biddlesmith and Monkberry instituted our own search on behalf of our client when she had not returned from her "Hobbit Holiday" and retain all rights and privileges, secrecy and quiet stuff we are entitled to. DO NOT SHARE WITH ANYONE. YOUR EYES ONLY, AMANDA! AB. esq)
To: Algernon Biddlesmith, Esquire
Biddlesmith and Monkberry, Attorneys at Law
RE: Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, LLC
From: Elmyra Pundur
Dearest Algernon,
I do not know if you will ever receive this, but I wanted to jot down a few notes for a lawsuit I may wish to have you file on my behalf. As you know, I recently turned the big 5-0 and I wanted to reward myself. Since it is the bicentennial of the publication of 'The Hobbit', I decided to indulge my inner Tolkien and go on one of the new adventures that are so heavily advertised these days.
I chose "Hobbit Holiday" from the catalog. It is advertised (and I quote): "A gentle holiday in Hobbiton! Come and see where Bilbo lives, visit the Green Dragon, and meet the dwarves!" It was rated N for Newby. I have never done one of these Book Transitions and it seemed a good, safe place to start.
I must say, I did enjoy the "Hobbit Holiday"! I got to do everything mentioned. I even took a side trip to the South Farthing to see how pipe weed is grown. Most interesting. However, things took an unpleasant turn after "Dinner with The Dwarves". I thought I would be Transitioning after the dinner. Imagine my surprise when I awoke to find myself "Riding the Ponies"! I seemed to have gotten a bad download on the Transition Device.
Where before it showed "Hobbit Holiday" and "Home", the itinerary now listed things like "Trouble with Trolls", "Running, Running, Running," and "Night with an Elf". I tried the "Abort" features numerous times without success.
That evening, as you might expect, we had "Trouble with Trolls". NOT Recommended in my opinion for anyone with the least sense of smell. Trolls and their hoard are without a doubt the smelliest things I have ever experienced! I did manage to gain a nice souvenir sword from the hoard. Gandalf picked out one of the medium ones for me. Only two pounds, he said. Nice and lightweight, he said. Easy to use, he said. Let me tell you, after "Running, Running, Running" and holding the damn thing at arm's length for an hour, two pounds is NOT lightweight! (that's for you, Borys, if you're reading….tee hee, I even corrected it this time around!)
I will say I quite enjoyed "Night with an Elf". I was much too shy to purchase it on my own, but when faced with the opportunity, well, let me just say: WOW! A most pleasant experience. Afterwards, I noticed "In the Company of Dwarves" had appeared in the catalog list. That might be a bit much!
Anyway, "A Weekend in Rivendell" is another 'Don't Miss' in my opinion. Very relaxing. Perhaps a little too singy for some, but I enjoyed it for two days. More than that just might take me a bit bored. After this is where the lawsuit issues begin to arise. Other than the Trolls, and there I have to admit to hiding in the woods as Bilbo and the Dwarves did their thing, the adventure had not been too taxing. Of course, there was the foul language Oakenshield kept using during "Running, Running, Running". I really think that could be toned down a bit. I did the best I could, but I'm no spring chicken! Yelling does not make one run a whole lot faster, dwarf!
The next item in the catalog had morphed into "Rocking with Stone Giants". While I am not afraid of heights with a nice, solid railing between me and death, I was most displeased to have to go through this section. It was wet, it was cold, it was walking along a very narrow path high on the side of a mountain with Stone Giants heaving boulders at each other. As you will discover, this was rated "OMG Extreme" in the catalog. I feel I deserve compensation for the negligence of Tolkien Fantasy Adventures for not having more fail safes. The abort button still did not work. Believe me, I tried. A few hundred times.
Anyway, I did manage to survive (obviously) but not without a few extra gray hairs. (Please make a note to add lifetime hair dye to the settlement amount). Next up was "Whips, Chains and the Great Goblin". I frantically combed through my 'Tolkien Fantasy Adventure Upgraded Version Survival Kit' to find anything of use. Thank Heaven I got it because this is the only one with the "Orc Repellent Shield". It's a nifty thin suit you wear over your clothes. You can still get trampled and stomped if you aren't paying attention, but other than that, the orcs ignore you. Please add "Temporary Blinding" to the settlement claim. As far as I am concerned, Gandalf was a bit heavy handed with the "Blinding Flash".
As long as you're adding to the tally, please add an amount for "Scorching and Singeing". My fingers have only just regrown the skin lost tossing flaming pine cones at Wargs. I will admit "Soaring with Eagles" was pretty cool. You can deduct the cost of that chapter from my claim. So worth it.
"Visit with Beorn" gets so so marks. The bread and honey were to die for, but the furniture was a pain in the butt. I would think if this is a regular stop, they could make some reasonable accommodations! An entire evening with one's legs dangling into space with no back support gets mighty uncomfortable, let me tell you! The appropriately sized beds were very welcome, and the scenery was certainly picturesque! Beorn was a most gracious host.
Now we get to one of the major points in my lawsuit. "Menacing Mirkwood" would never be in any itinerary of mine and yet I was forced to participate. No way to hide at the edges on this one. Although I could appreciate the forced weight loss from near starvation if I signed up for it, I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR IT! And don't get me started on carrying Bombur. I absolutely refused to help with that silly lard ass, but Thorin did make me carry some of the extra baggage of the ones who were carrying him. Had I been a customer with verified standing, that would not have happened, let me tell you! Instead Thorin called me (and I quote) 'a lazy whiner who needs to get her act together.' Probably true, but I did NOT volunteer for this!
So after half starving to death, this stupid Transition made me go through "Spinning with Spiders". Now, you know me, I have never had a fear of spiders. I would go out of my way to preserve them in my house, figuring they are eating other things I would just as soon not know about. Well, let me tell you, not anymore! I will be squishing and squashing any and all eight legged intruders from now on! "Development of Arachnophobia" should be good for a few million at least! I took pictures during the attack and the sticky aftermath. No jury will be unmoved by my suffering.
How much do you think I can get for having to live through "Torment with Thranduil" and "Bobbing in Barrels"? Again, I would never have added either one of these to my itinerary. Weeks in a prison cell? For what purpose? Talking with Elves? I did that in Rivendell! The barrels wouldn't have been too bad if it hadn't taken two freaking days in late fall. I am only just now getting warm!
"Life in Lake-town" will not be contributing to the settlement. I actually thought it was rather pretty. The Master was a bit of a pig, but that was expected. I was relieved to see that "Bedtime with Bard" somehow got deleted from the list. It would have driven Thorin a bit batty, I think.
I made it through "Trekking the Tundra", a very cold, boring segment. Who in their right mind ever paid for that? I suppose the UberGeek who has to see everything might fall for it. "Sitting at the Doorstep" was a little better, and more attractive than "Tundra". After that, things really heated up, literally. Fortunately for Tolkien Fantasy Adventures, the "raise safety level" worked for once. I still had to go with Bilbo to see Smaug, but the flames were only warm, not burning hot! I must say, "Smoked by Smaug" would be worth spending a few pennies on! The dragon is fabulous and the suspense (even knowing the ending) made my heart pound.
"Wallowing in Wealth" was equally amazing. Do you think TFA would be open to an exchange? I skimmed some wonderful jewels out of the dragon hoard, and Thorin (we have gotten quite close) gave me some personally. We could trade: I don't sue their fannies off, they let me keep the swag. Just a thought.
Anyway, I digress. "Breakfast with Roac" was not worth the hike, but talking with a bird was somewhat entertaining. I think some editing could take place here. Hike out, freeze, talk to bird, hike back.
I have not liked any of the latest stuff. I always thought the book started to fall apart here, and I was right. Old Goody Two Shoes Bilbo sold out Thorin. Oh, I know, he got crazed by gold and turned even meaner, but giving the competition the Arkenstone? I would have done it differently. Anyway, water under the bridge. Can't go back. Yet, anyway.
Right now I am in the midst of "Waiting for All Hell to Break Loose". Not an official chapter, it's just what I am calling it. I am behind the dwarf barricade with Thorin & Co. I thought I would finish this in case my plan goes awry. I know I signed a non interference clause, but that was for "Hobbit Holiday". As for "Battle of the Five Armies", I think TFA will just have to fix it if my actions cause trouble. After all, I never got any of the "if you do that, we'll get you" briefings.
I always thought JRR jumped the shark by slaughtering not just Thorin but Fili and Kili, too. And in what, something like six paragraphs? Two for the battle, four to say good bye and Fili and Kili get two sentences? Are you kidding me? He spent how many pages on those freaking spiders! If I have any say in the matter, things are going to be a little different this time around! Dain does NOT deserve it. He refused to help and ends up with EVERYTHING? I don't think so! My 'TFA Upgraded Survival Kit' still has a fully charged "Orc Eradicator", the "Orc Repellent Shield" isn't too badly torn, and the 'lightweight Elven Blade' rocks!
So, dear Algernon, Elmyra is heading off to save her dwarves! I doubt you will ever actually receive this missive, but now that I reread what I have written, I've changed my mind. Don't send out a rescue party, don't sue TFA (unless they come looking for me and try to drag me back!) I actually think I'm beginning to like it here.
Love,
Auntie Elmyra
To: Amanda
From: Algernon
RE: Holy Cow, look what they found!
Hey, Mandy,
The recovery team from Erebor hit pay dirt. As you may remember, we sent a team disguised as 'historians' to the mountain last year when Elmyra's letter was discovered. They have been digging through the record room ever since. Yesterday they found the attached doc mislabeled (maybe on purpose?) in a book by Bifur of all people. It is obviously written by Auntie Elmyra. I doubt it is the original. She or someone else must have transcribed it from something else.
Anyway, it's fabulous to read, but again FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
Sincerely,
Algernon
Trip Log #15: "Hobbit Holiday" June 21-June 28, 2137
By Elmyra Pundur
I am so excited! I just got back from booking my "Hobbit Holiday" with Tolkien Fantasy Adventures (TFA)! I never dreamed I could be so daring. Since I am turning fifty this year, I wanted to do something completely different. I was thinking South Pacific or the Antarctic when Anne said I should try one of the Transition Book tours.
I've heard of them, of course, who hasn't? They debuted about 7 years ago and have gotten rave reviews ever since. Some people think Transitioning is only a mind thing and that your body stays home. Nope, it sends you lock, stock and barrel. Plus a small bag is allowed. I still don't understand how it works but that's technology. Nobody ever understood television either. Anyway, when I realized it was the bicentennial of "The Hobbit", I really wanted to try it.
TFA comes highly rated and is the top of the line. I stopped in one of their Transition shops today to get an overview of the whole process. The salesman, Blix or Boris something, was ever so nice. He explained that all I had to do was pick what part of the book I wanted to experience, decide how long to stay, pay the bill and that was it. I didn't let him off that easily, of course. I asked a million questions about safety, satisfaction, problems experienced, etc. My usual obsessive pre travel research.
I give him credit, he knew his stuff. At the end of the day, I booked one week in Hobbiton. I get to meet Bilbo, see Gandalf arrive, watch the dwarves slowly gather at Bag End and then attend the dwarf dinner! Before that, I get to hike as much as I want in Hobbiton and the surrounding area. An evening at the Green Dragon is included and I added an excursion to the South Farthing to learn about pipe weed.
Boris or Blix showed me how the Transition Device works. It really is simple. TFA loads your adventure, and when you're ready, you hit the 'Transition' button. The next time you fall asleep, off to Hobbiton you go. You will automatically return on the final day. I asked what happened if I wasn't asleep. He strongly recommended that I ensure I am. Trying to stay longer by not sleeping makes for an ugly return. People have tried it and lived to regret it. Lots of nausea and headache, he said. They even provide sleeping pills in case you're having trouble getting to sleep. How thoughtful! When it's time, a big green 'Home' button lights up to give you warning.
I attended an orientation session where they explained the 'Abort' and 'Safety Settings' buttons. I won't need those in Hobbiton, obviously, but every Transitioner has to go through the session. I also signed a non-interference agreement. Basically, it says I won't try to change the story line. It's supposed to be pretty hard to do, but they have had issues on occasion with some later parts of the book. They said if they detected any changes, whoever was responsible would be in big trouble. Why would anyone want to mess with a classic?
That salesman Blix is pretty good. He got me to spring for the TFA 'Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. When I asked why on earth I would need that, he pointed out that I wouldn't (very honest) but that there was a sale on and it would make a very nice souvenir. And since it's a backpack, I could use it on my hikes. Oh, alright, you only turn 50 once! Sold!
I spent the rest of the day spending more money. I got the newest version of EverCleanClothes to take along. Super sweet. Dirt mostly falls off, but if it doesn't you just brush it off. In extreme cases, you take it off and shake it out. It keeps you warm or cool based on the weather, and it will even change colors depending on how you fasten it! Luggage? Who needs luggage! A good supply of toiletries in my trusty survival kit and I'm ready. I have set my departure time for 11 PM tomorrow night.
…
'Hobbit Holiday'
Entry #1
Wow that TFA knows what they're doing. I'm in Hobbiton! I went to sleep last night in my own bed and woke up this morning in Miss Primula's Bed & Breakfast. Nice, cozy room. Breakfast and second breakfast were delightful. I'm going to have to be careful or I will end up 30 pounds heavier. Right now, I'm standing on the Bywater Bridge watching some hobbits walk to the market. I'm heading over there shortly. The rest of the day will be a hike and more food!
#2
I've been really bad about keeping up this journal. Here it is my last day and only my second entry. I've just been so busy. Hobbits really treat you as one of their own. I can't count the number of homes I've visited. I had company on all my hikes and just loved the South Farthing. I wonder if TFA has ever considered a retirement Transition? I would certainly be interested!
Today was the arrival of Gandalf. The hobbits seemed to realize this, and I was alone when the big event occurred. I sat in Bilbo's garden and saw everything. After a farewell dinner at Primula's, I came back to watch the dwarves arrive. Just like in the book, they came in twos and threes. I won't go into a lot of detail since I took tons of images. TFA sorts through them and deletes anything they don't approve of, but I think I followed the rules for the most part.
That dinner was chaos! How Bilbo was ever convinced to join them is beyond me. Rude, loud, boorish, obnoxious. You just can't believe it until you see it. I loved it! The music and singing were magnificent. Dwarves (at least this rowdy gang) have really good voices. Thorin plays a mean harp.
Unfortunately for me, my green 'Home' button lit up as everyone was settling in for the night. I am just jotting these notes down and then I will take my pill. When I wake up tomorrow, I will add all the things in that I should have written down during the week. What a trip this has been! I might have to see what else TFA is offering! Nighty, night.
…..
#3
I barely have the strength to write this, but it has to be done. I DID NOT TRANSITION! When I woke this morning, was I lying peacefully in my bed, remembering a great vacation? NOOOOO, I woke up on the back of a smelly pony. To make matters worse, I proceeded to vomit all over the poor (now even smellier) beast. Nausea, Boris the salesman said. Nausea times ten I say! I have never been so sick in my life.
The dwarves just laughed at me and Dwalin said I shouldn't have gotten so drunk. That would be true, if I had had anything alcoholic to drink! But I followed the rules. No booze before Transition. If I wanted to drink with the dwarves, I would have paid for an extension. I didn't do either one!
I hauled out the Transition Device. Instead of a comforting green 'Home' button, the screen showed "Riding the Ponies" and a whole list of other "adventures" I have no intention of participating in! "Troubled by Trolls", "Orc Orgy"? You've got to be kidding me!
I have tried the "Abort" button. It seems to be malfunctioning. I will not panic. Repeat that ten times. It might work.
#4
Okay, I panicked. I'm much better now. Balin had to slap me a few times, but I'm good. I promise. Mostly. I made it through the Troll bit by hiding in the bushes. I wasn't made for adventure. That's why I chose "Hobbit Holiday". I did get a neat souvenir though. Thorin felt kind of bad about the slapping, so he gave me a cool sword from the hoard. He says it's nice and lightweight, only about three pounds and should be easy to use. I do NOT intend to be here long enough to test these theories! The device still refuses to "Abort" or take me "Home". Something called "Running, Running, Running" is now on the menu. Not sure I want to know what that means….
#5
"RRR" means just what it sounds like. I spent half the day running my ass off, holding that damn "lightweight" sword! Lightweight for five minutes, maybe. This should have been called "Yelling, Yelling, Yelling". I am now fluent in dwarven profanity. Thorin and (surprisingly) Dori were quite vocal all day long. I did my best, honest. I'm a little out of shape, I know, but that's no excuse for all the yelling.
I am really peeved about the food. It was so good in Hobbiton. I know they talked about how bad cram was in the book, but I always thought that food cooked on an open fire would be tasty. NOT. I am keeping track of all this for a lawsuit. Constant heart burn. This stuff is just foul. Too bad it's not f-o-w-l. I could use some chicken.
Anyway, despite me dragging everybody down (even tubby Bilbo outran me) we escaped the orcs and made it to Rivendell. Something called "Night with an Elf" is next on the screen. That could get interesting….
#6
On the off chance this journal has to be entered into court evidence, I will not go into detail. However, "NWAE"? Vavavoom! Tall, dark and handsome and quite skilled, I must say. The dwarves appear to be a bit jealous…or that might be my imagination.
I am quite concerned that I am going to be stuck in this book for a very long time. The "Abort" button has actually disappeared and a long list of "adventures" keeps showing up. They vary by time of day, so preplanning is difficult. Major lawsuit if I ever do get back. I intend to thoroughly document everything inflicted upon my person.
I have begun a letter to Algernon, telling him the terrible thing TFA has done to me. I intend to update it until I am rescued. When I have enough 'evidence' for my lawsuit, I shall send it off to him as the initial volley in my war against TFA!
#7
"Weekend at Rivendell" even without "NWAE" is fabulous. Good singing, fine food, Elrond's reading of the map. I wouldn't have missed any of it. If only I could go home now, I would let the whole lawsuit idea drop. Unfortunately, "Rocking with Stone Giants" and "Whips and Chains with the Great Goblin" are up next. I am grateful "Orc Orgy" has not reappeared….Does anyone ever pay for that? Pervert.
I spent part of the day examining the 'Tolkien Fantasy Adventure Survival Kit: Upgraded Version'. There is a ray of hope, anyway. I found an "Orc Repellent Shield" that I put right on top for easy access. You just throw it over your clothes and you're good to go. According to the package, I can still get trampled to death if I don't get out of the way, but otherwise, they should ignore me. Well, Yay.
#8
I tried to stay in Rivendell, figuring it was as good a place as any to wait for TFA to retrieve me. Elrond didn't seem to mind, but the dwarves sure did. Whether it was because they hate the elves so much or because the program demands it, I am on the road again. Dwalin told me to get my butt in gear or he would drag me along by my hair. Needless to say, that is going in the complaint!
Let's just say it's a good thing I got the EverCleanClothes, deluxe edition. Otherwise, the dwarves would have had to put up with a very smelly traveling companion. Not much has ever scared the crap out of me, but the Stone Giants? You bet, big time. Not so much the giants, but the path we had to walk. My fingers are still white and Bofur has bruises on his arms from my grip. He said he understood, but really I think he is a little put off by my neediness. Like I care.
The "Abort" button reappeared, but none of the hundred pushes worked, obviously. Bofur was just grateful I occasionally let him go.
At least I wasn't Bilbo who almost fell into the abyss. Thorin was kind of mean to him, I thought. It wasn't his fault he isn't strong enough to pull himself back up. I wouldn't have even been able to hang on in the first place. I'm thinking the dwarves would have been kind of pleased by that….
For now we are nice and dry in this cave at the top of the pass. Good thing I know the story or I wouldn't be wearing my "Orc Repellent Shield". I was tempted to say something to Thorin about the danger, but I doubt he would have listened. My standing is even lower than Bilbo's right now. Besides, after his yelling at me during "RRR" and at poor Bilbo, he deserves what's coming.
#9
TFA salesman Boris or Blix?, thank you very much for your sales abilities. Without the "Orc Repellent Shield" I would be a goner. I did do a little whacking and stabbing with my 'lightweight (not) Elven Blade', but I really should learn a few practical moves with it. Maybe later. It was all I could do to avoid the trampling. At the end, I made Nori and Bifur take turns giving me piggy back rides. For some reason, they didn't appreciate this. Hey, dudes, I'm the customer and I'm always right, right?
Bilbo went off as he is supposed to. I assume he has the ring now. The rest of us managed to "run, run, run" through the goblin realm. Good thing the "Orc Repellent Shield" wasn't picky about Tolkien's name change. It worked fine with goblins, too.
Oh, and my eyesight has mostly returned to normal, thank you very much! TFA needs to have Gandalf tone things down a bit.
I have to hand it to the dwarves, they know how to do some major killing when they need to. Even though the book says they don't have any weapons other than Thorin and Gandalf's swords, apparently TFA has done some editing, and everyone has been fully armed the whole time I've been with them. Today they put them to full use. I hope to never see another beheading in my life. EverClean Clothes are good at shedding blood, too, in case you were wondering.
#10
Wargs, Eagles and Orcs, oh my. My fingers are burned from the pine cones, but the eagle ride was magnificent. If I ever get home, I might come back just for that.
#11
Beorn's house. What I wouldn't give for a backrest. The furniture is too tall and I am tired of my legs dangling off the edge. Last night, "In the Company of Dwarves" (COD) appeared again in the list. After "Night With an Elf", I was a bit concerned. Surprisingly, it was Ori who showed up. His knees were quaking, poor guy. He told me all the dwarves had to do it starting with the youngest and he wasn't happy. I can hardly blame him. Being pimped out repeatedly to a bunch of horny old (and young) ladies must get old. I cut him some slack and we played cards all night long. The rest of them might not be so lucky, depending on my mood…
#12
Fili and Kili are pigs. They were the next up in "COD". They showed up together and assumed I would be fine with that. Acted all insulted when I said a threesome was not on the agenda. They said some really mean things. When they get whacked at the end, I will not be shedding as many tears as I expected. As revenge, I made them listen to me sing old campfire songs from my childhood. I am not a good singer and the songs are really bad. In the end, they begged me to stop. Did I? Of course not.
After a few days rest and a few more dwarves, we said goodbye to Beorn today. I will miss the bread and honey. My hips won't, but I will. I will also miss the nice soft bed.
I noticed "In the Company of Dwarves" is in the 'pending' list. Other than the two pigs, they have been very sweet evenings with the company: Dwalin was a big old Teddy Bear when it was his turn. We exchanged fairy tales. Gloin told me all about his family.
#13
I am so going to file that lawsuit as soon as possible. I kept thinking that a TFA retrieval team would eventually show up. They stressed over and over how safe their adventures were and that if anything did go wrong, they were fully prepared to assist the client. Bite me. They lied.
Gandalf has abandoned us as per the book. We are on our own.
We have been in Mirkwood for days now. "Menacing Mirkwood" the screen says. "Starve You to Death" is what it should say. I will stop griping about dwarf chow if we ever get out of this, I promise. I know how the book goes, but I begin to doubt. After all, TFA must know by now that they have made a big mistake. Perhaps this is their way of disposing of me. Ha! I will not go quietly! Just ask the dwarves. They seem to think I never shut up.
Of course, the dwarves are now hauling Bombur's big butt because he fell in the stupid river. Thorin is being mean and making me carry stuff for the dwarves who are hauling ol' lard ass. Does he have to call me a whiner? I am one, but does he have to say it? After all, they should be seeing to my needs. I'm the customer!
Before Bombur fell asleep, we had a really nice "COD" session. I now have a ton of new recipes to try if I ever have the chance to cook again.
#14
I will never spare the life of another spider, ever again, I swear. Since I have not eaten anything much for several days, there was no repeat of "Rocking with Stone Giants", but only because my bowels are empty. "Spinning with Spiders"? What kind of name is that? It makes it sound like one of those retro exercise classes that were revived a few years back. I didn't like those either. "Slaughtered by Spiders" or "Woven in Webs" might be better titles and that would still be an understatement. This is so going in the letter to Algie!
Once again, thank goodness for Bilbo. I know it's how the book goes, but I do fear one of these days the whole system will break down at a crucial moment.
Part of my lawsuit is going to be "gummed up my hair". I can forgive a lot of things, but this bordered on criminal. And it hurt when Dori combed it out. He's been quite attentive since Beorn's. I think I could grow to like him if necessary….
First half^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^?
#15
Finally, a chance to rest and eat! Ok, it's in a prison cell, but that's alright for now.
#16
Did I mention that my roomie is Thorin? Apparently Thranduil is in a cost cutting phase and doubled up all the prisoners. I guess they thought I would be safer with the 'senior leader' than any of the rest of the rabble. I didn't really complain. Thorin and I have our issues, but arguing is good for the soul. And it passes the time. I still don't know why the whole 'fall into the Elven dinner and get taken prisoner was MY fault'. The book says it has to happen, I just did it on the first take instead of wasting time on three attempts. Jeesh.
He has been telling me about dwarves. How can so much bad stuff happen to one race? No wonder Thorin is so grumpy all the time. I'm grumpy all the time and don't have any real excuses!
I think I am going to try to cheer him up, at least a little. The poor guy really has had an unlucky life.
This segment is aptly showing as "Tenantsof Thranduil".
#17
Oops. "In the Company of Dwarves" has resurfaced. Looks like it's Thorin's turn. This could be interesting, very interesting.
A/N: If you are like me, you hate when a story doesn't get updated and/or finished. Never fear, part two (then end) will be posted some time this week.