Anon: Would you have enough time/interest to write a little fic where either Sanji or Zoro is for some reason forced to take a polygraphy test and the other one is asking some stupid embarrassing questions…?

Here you go anon!

Lie to Me

"I still can't believe the station just gave it to you, Zoro!" Usopp said excitedly while Zoro plugged another wire into his computer from the polygraph machine. Outside the one-room apartment, rain pelted heavily against the windows, a loud constant drumming filled the air occasionally accompanied by loud claps of thunder that shook the room.

"Yeah, Zoro this is so cool!" Luffy bounced up and down happily next to Zoro on the floor, tugging at Zoro's police uniform that he had been too lazy to take off since he got home. Luffy and Usopp had been playing video games on his TV when he arrived; apparently the power had gone out at their house. Sanji had been in the kitchen, having been dragged out of his own apartment into Zoro's to cook for the two idiots.

"So you actually know how to read this thing?" Usopp asked, jumping at a particularly lively explosion of thunder. Zoro shrugged.

"Yeah, more or less, I've administered the test once or twice with more modern equipment." The polygraph machines at the station like this one were recently replaced, the machine now hooked into the computer instead of writing the readings on a piece of paper, but the wires and attachments were pretty much the same.

"How come Sanji gets to take the test first?" Luffy whined in Zoro's ear, pulling on his short green hair in annoyance.

"Yeah, why am I taking the test?" Sanji huffed from his spot on the floor, wiggling his fingers that were currently strapped and connected to the lie detector equipment. His blonde hair was slightly wavy and damp after being completely drenched from the trip over in the rain as Usopp and Luffy had neglected to bring an umbrella for Sanji too: a borrowed white tee hung from his lean frame and tightly tied grey sweats just barely rested at his narrow hips.

"Luffy's an open book and the worst liar there ever was! It'd be pointless to test him!" Usopp mocked and gave Luffy with a playful shove.

"Am not!" A small wrestling match broke out on Zoro's living room carpet.

"Oi oi! Don't knock anything over this time!" But Zoro's words lacked any real conviction; he was too busy trying to focus on hooking up the machine and not on the way the cook was biting his thin lips in place of a cigarette or how his drumming fingers were only inches from Zoro's knee… Seriously, this damn cook had been nothing but trouble for Zoro since he met the bastard. It's not fair that one man can be this freaking attractive.

"It's all set." Zoro declared, efficiently drawing the fighting to a complete halt as the two morons scrambled to Zoro's side. "Start talking." He ordered.

"What?"

"Just start saying some things, talk about your day, I don't care."

"Okay… I woke up, went to the restaurant as always. Today I had a shorter shift than usual, this storm was making business really slow so we closed up earlier. I got home thinking I could catch up on organizing my recipes and books but no, these two idiots showed up and roped me into coming here. I made us all diner, and now I'm right here taking a shitty lie detector test for some reason."

Everything was normal on the monitor, the machine was working all in accordance. Zoro could tell Sanji was getting nervous with all of this attention on him: Sanji was a total narcissist but if it wasn't from praise he tried to avoid the spotlight. He kept getting little spikes here and there on the monitor; his heart rate was slowly rising.

"Alright, it looks like the thing is working. So, what's your name?" Zoro prompted.

"Are you stupid?" Sanji asked with a dead neutral face.

"You're name's not 'Are you stupid' quit lying." Sanji kicked Zoro's shin. "Ow. I just need a few starter questions, it makes reading this thing easier. So I'll ask again, what's your name?"

"Sanji."

"There you go. Are you a chef?"

"Yes."

Zoro asked at least another 15 round about questions, rephrasing the same question a few times. There more they got into it the more Sanji began to relax, responding with ease. Though Usopp and Luffy looked like they were going to fall asleep from boredom.

"Uggggghhhhhhhh. Zoro this is boringgggggg." Luffy nagged loudly, slumping onto Zoro's shoulders.

"Alright, alright. You can start asking actual questions and I should be able to tell if he's lying or not. The simpler the answer the better so try to keep it to yes and no questions." Zoro grumbled as he shrugged Luffy off.

"Okay okay, I've got one. Did you really start smoking when you were 12 or is Zeff making that up?" Usopp asked.

"Yup, I did." Sanji smirked. "I thought it would make me more mature, I was sick of the shitty old man treating me like a little kid. I paid a guy on the street twenty bucks to go buy them for me."

"Truth." Zoro confirmed.

"Yeesh, you were a dumb kid." Usopp teased.

"Watch it long nose." Sanji snapped.

"Uhh…. Ever been skinny dipping?" Luffy asked.

"Of course I have." Sanji said with a sultry grin.

"Truth."

"OH OH remember that time I found that pink dress in your closet? Did you ever wear it?" Usopp laughed out. Sanji's cheeks grew a shade darker.

"NO."

"Lie!" Zoro declared happily.

"What?! I am not lying!" The blond howled, his face a vermillion red.

"Sanji, are you a cross dresser?!" Usopp nearly fell back from laughing so hard.

"I AM NOT A CROSS DRESSER!"

"Okay, okay, that wasn't a lie." Zoro managed inbetween laughs. "I guess it was just a onetime thing, huh curly cue?"

"Shut the fuck up marimo." Sanji growled. Luffy and Usopp were still a giggling mess on the floor, barely pulling themselves together.

"I've got a question, why do you wear your stupid hair like that?" Zoro questioned, gesturing to the bangs that hung over one of the blond's eyes.

"It's fashionable." Sanji said with a shrug. Zoro raised an eyebrow.

"The polygraph says otherwise." Sanji glared at Zoro, shifting his eyes around before settling back at Zoro.

"I… I just don't… It's dumb…" Sanji said quietly while looking down.

"What does that even mean?"

Sanji sighed before pulling up his bangs. His matching swirly eyebrows were drawn up in a worried scowl, his eyes looking down at the ground. Zoro couldn't believe how ridiculously cute the blond looked.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sanji, you look fine." Usopp assured.

"You don't look dumb, cook." Muttered Zoro. Sanji dropped his bangs in surprise, a small smile tugged slightly at his lips. Suddenly Sanji's eyes opened wide and he lifted his head to sniff the air.

"Shit, the cookies are going to burn!" He tried to stand but the equipment on him didn't allow it. Usopp and Luffy were up in a flash, bounding towards the kitchen, pushing each other to try to be the first.

"YOU EACH ONLY GET TWO!" Sanji yelled after them. Sanji slumped down back to the floor and sighed. "They're going to eat them all, the greedy bastards." He muttered.

"Soooo…. You're a part-time cross dresser?" Zoro teased. Sanji elbowed him in the gut.

"Not funny marimo, it was a ONETIME thing. I owed someone a favor…." He trailed off. Zoro shuffled slightly in his spot on the floor, suddenly finding it impossible to get comfortable. "Buuuut I am not a cross dresser. I'm straight."

"You can be a cross dresser and be straight you know." Zoro scoffed. "And come on, no one is dead straight." Sanji's face flushed a deep red and immediately looked away like looking at Zoro would burn him.

"Hell no, Marimo."

"You're telling me you've never thought about kissing a guy before?"

"It may have crossed my mind but I'd never act on it!"

"So you're bi?"

"More like…. Figuring things out. Something's come up in my life and I'm not really sure how to handle it."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"I plead the 5th!"

Zoro was right in front of the blond at this point, trying to get the blushing man to make eye contact with him.

"So… You have someone in mind?" He said slowly, willing Sanji to look back at him.

"It doesn't even matter. They're as asexual as a fucking plant." Sanji said softly in exasperation, running a nervous hand through his hair in a way that made butterflies try flutter in his stomach. Zoro took a deep breath to steel himself and then used a hand to turn the blond's face to look at him.

"Hey Sanji? I kinda really like you." Sanji looked back at Zoro with those wide blue eyes, blushing so furiously that the tips of his ears were nearly glowing pink. The heart monitor on the computer was going crazy.

"Do you like me too?" Zoro asked. Sanji gave him a light push.

"What are you in middle school or something?"

"That's not an answer."

"I… Yeah, I do."

Zoro leaned in, causing Sanji to gasp quietly as he attempted to close the small gap between their lips slowly. Just as their lips barely touched, Usopp and Luffy came charging in and Sanji nearly leaped a foot in the air.

"Holy cow Sanji those cookies were so good!"

"God damn it you two get out of my house!" Zoro yelled. Sanji laughed beside him, nudging him slightly.

"It's fine, marimo. We have plenty of time for you to 'help me figure things out'." Zoro turned back to Sanji in surprise.

"You mean… You want to be… A thing?" Zoro threw out awkwardly.

"I don't see why not? I may be a little…confused, but I'm not a coward. I like a bit of a challenge. That is, if you're willing?" Zoro couldn't stop the grin that spilt across his face.

"Yeah, I'd like that a lot actually."

"Good. Now get me out of this thing, I need to go replace what those two no doubt mowed down in my kitchen."

"It's not your kitchen cook!"

"Every kitchen is my kitchen, especially this one!"

Zoro could fight back a smile the rest of the night.