A/N: Hi all! It's been a few years since I have been on the writer's circut in here! It's nice to be back! I've been inspired by the past few seasons of Castle, and wanted to share some of my musings. I will try to update as fast as I can, though real world problems ( not really "problems") may get in the way.
Special thanks to Diana ( Dmarx) for being a sweetheart and beta'ing for me on such short notice, and being so quick! You are awesome!
Enough rambling. Enjoy!
To The Bitter End
It's true what they say, 'no rest for the weary.'
Kate Beckett lay tangled amidst her satin sheets, fabric fisted in her spread eagle hands, frustrated. Sleep would not overcome her. Regardless of the methods she attempted, she still lay wide-awake. Soft light trickled in through the shutters of her bedroom window, and Kate's eyes focused, staring blankly at it. Her mind was buzzing with details of the past week, memories flitted across her closed eyelids, playing like a reel of projected film across a screen. For the first time in a long time, the images had nothing to do with the case, but with a certain writer who suddenly made himself very scarce.
Kate couldn't stop replaying his behavior from the previous week; the noncommittal tone in his voice, his guarded posture and heavy glances. Was it something she said?
Flipping onto her stomach, Kate slapped her pillow with her palm out of frustration, and let out a groan of annoyance. She glanced at the clock by her bedside; 1 AM, better take a sleeping pill- if a body drops, I'll need some rest.
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Sure enough, 5 AM came far too quickly. Kate took the call, jotted down the address, mumbled something resembling, "be there in twenty," and dragged herself to the shower. Her body was still heavy with fatigue, and the remnants of her sleeping pill only made it worse.
Briefly, she considered texting Castle. After considering his standoffish behavior in recent days, she decided not to, opting to let him sleep in. Besides, it had been almost a week since she had heard from him. He would probably ignore this text, too.
Kate showered, and after she had dried off, she felt mildly refreshed, and attempted to shake the remainder of fatigue from her body. She dressed for cooler weather, opting for dark jeans, a deep teal cowl neck sweater and a brown leather jacket. She slid her feet gently into a pair of dark grey boots before heading out the door.
Upon arrival to the crime scene, she noted the swarm of police vehicles, and a couple of uniformed officers standing off to the side of the street, at the entrance of what looked like an abandoned auto-garage. The sun was just beginning to rise, and in the darkness of the city, you could only see a slim line of pink peeking from the towering buildings. Turning back towards the scene, Kate glanced around for her team and the ME, finding them deep inside the musty building.
"Hey, Lanie, what do we have?"
The medical examiner didn't even glance up from her clipboard as she jotted down notes. "Victim is a male in his mid twenties, judging by his features. By the lack of a splatter pattern, I would say COD is the bullet lodged in his forehead. There is an odd residue on his temples, I'll swab it and will know more when I get him back to the lab."
Kate looked at the ME in shock, and crouched down to get a closer look at the body. "Execution style, clean crime scene, abandoned building, are we thinking gang related?"
Lanie finally glanced up at the detective and pursed her lips, "I'm not the detective, detective, but it's possible." Kate saw a small glint in her friend's eye, gave her the slightest of sassy smirks, and raised a brow.
Lanie went on, but the car that had just screeched to a stop at her crime scene, just a few yards away from the entrance to the garage, distracted Kate. She heard muffled male voices, but the uniformed officers impeded her ability to see who was in the car. Once the man came into her line of sight, Kate stopped dead in her tracks.
"Castle? What are you doing here?" Kate felt a pang in her chest at the sight of him; he didn't look like the man who'd been ignoring her calls and texts for nearly two weeks. He was clean shaven, and wearing her favorite purple pinstripe shirt. He also wore a light brown leather jacket, and he had a renewed sparkle in his eye that she hadn't seen in a while. Kate suddenly felt herself flush green with jealousy. Guess Burke was right. She was jealous of Slaughter.
Following the sound of her voice, Castle glanced around to Kate, and strode toward her. "We heard a body dropped that was possibly linked to a neighboring gang, so we-"
"We? Who is 'We'?" Kate couldn't help but leave the bitterness in her mouth woven in her tone of voice. Rick gave her a look, but seemed to brush it off.
"Detective Slaughter, from Gang Squad? He offered to let me shadow him for a bit while I write some scenes for the next Nikki Heat. "
Kate's eyes fell to the ground. "Oh, I thought you were a 'One muse kind of guy?'" Her voice was hushed, but the cut of jealousy was still apparent. She was not sure he even heard her until he responded, curtly.
"Oh, I am."
It wasn't until she looked up from the body, to where he had been standing that she realized he walked away from her. Something heavy sank low into the pit of her stomach, and suddenly, this was the last place Kate wanted to be.
What is that supposed to mean?
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Today had been, more than likely, the worst day Kate had the 'pleasure' of suffering since, well, she was shot. She was exhausted and, thanks to her session with Dr. Burke, emotionally drained.
When she finally got home, the first thing Kate did was kick off her heels, and pour herself a nice, tall glass of Rosa Regale. Sitting in her reading nook, she took a long, slow sip, and savored the fruity sweetness. It was a perfect contrast to the bitter taste already in her mouth. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, only to have an small onslaught of images from today's session play across her vision.
" He says 'Oh, everything is fine.'"
"What makes you think it isn't?"
Kate, pacing the floor, turns to him, exasperated, "Because, he's acting like a complete jackass. He shows up at the precinct with these bimbos hanging on his arm, and now he's running around with another cop!" She returns to pacing, the frustration clearly mounting.
The doctor has the faintest of smiles in his voice, "Is this other cop a woman-?"
Before he finished the question, Kate, with strong conviction exclaims, almost offended, " NO! No. What? Why would you even ask that? That's not even the point. The point is, I don't understand why he's acting like this. I mean, what did I do?"
"Well, maybe, from his point of view the question is, 'what didn't you do?' "
Well, fuck.
"Wait, what? Wh-what do you mean?"
"When you were shot, Castle said he loved you. How long ago was that?"
It was hard to hear it out loud. Kate immediately felt defensive, and it showed in her response. "Seven months ago. But I wasn't ready to hear that then-"
"What do you think he's trying to tell you with his behavior?" Burke interrupts in his cool, monotone voice.
It hits her, like a bag of cement against her chest. She pushed him away; she pushed him so far away that he was forced to move on. She lost her chance. The fears she shared with Lanie were just confirmed. "That, maybe he's not…there…anymore. That he's not ready." Sigh. "What if…I waited too long?"
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That thought still rang fresh in her mind. Frustrated by the events of today, it took a minute for Kate to realize she had emptied the contents of her glass. She decided to pour another, and quickly got up to move to the wine rack in the kitchen.
As she poured, Kate used her free hand to try and massage some of the tension in her neck. She corked the bottle, returned it to its space, and moved to turn on her iPod. She's not normally one for the angsty pop music, but Kate had heard this song on the radio once, and it was fitting. Immediately, after just a few bars, the music began to soothe her dispirited self. She relaxed a little, sipped the wine, and swayed her head to music.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
Feeling inspired, Kate grabbed her guitar, and leaned against the counter, played the chords and sang gently with the chorus.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
Kate's voice began to crack because she had memorized the next verse, and the truth in the words hit her like a ton of bricks. Damn angsty music, pulling at your heartstrings. Maybe it was the two glasses of wine she'd just indulged in, or the heavy exhaustion weighed down on her shoulders, but Kate, for a second, thought maybe, maybe, she could fix this.
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer.
Then again, maybe not. After the cold shoulder she got from him today, it's doubtful he wants to see her again. Ever.
Tears start to form at the crease of her eye, and Kate breathes in deeply, her face soft, yet burdened with the pain of feeling the finality of her relationship with Castle. Time for another glass of wine.
If you enjoyed it, please let me know your thoughts! If not, share your thoughts ( please, be nice!) as well!
-Kate.