Author's Note: This story came from a debate from my friends about Aja's departure. You can say that this was my take on the debate. If you squint a little closer, you can see a few bits and pieces from my life. My first story on angst and I hope you guys like it. Big thanks to Peach the Hedgehog for beta-reading my story!
Disclaimer: Will never leave by my side.
Journey to Happiness
Sometimes I think about what life would be like if I hadn't made the big risks I once deemed as impossible. About what would happen if I hadn't dared escape from the living underworld I was enduring. About what would happen to me if I hadn't run away and left my parents in tears.
It was all too much. Too much pain.
It's funny how you think you can run away from a small problem and later realizing in your life that it just makes all the more worse. Like a small hole in a pair of shorts. You may ignore if for a while but before you know it, it's become as big as your fist.
Only mine's not a hole. More like burns that can never be patched up.
The city skyline was the same as usual. The clouds were dreary dark as usual, and they were musty and polluted air, and the same honks of the cars filling the city. I looked up to see that the clouds were turning to a darker shade of gray. It looks like it'll be raining again. For the fifth time this week.
I sat down on a yellow stool and laid my head on my hands. Life has never been simple, that I know for sure. But nobody told me it was going to be one difficult journey. I didn't expect for any of this to happen, the rundown apartment, the stressful job or the fact that I was living with him.
It was always like this. Every day, the same expectations for him to return would rise. Longing feeling for him to be close once more, leading to the same pain and the same sleepless nights.
I went to the cabinet and took out a wineglass, pouring it with a 1974 Pinot Noir which, I supposed, saved up for tonight. It had a dark and rich mauve color, similar to the color of ripe grapes from a vine. I took a sip and the swirl of sensations engulfed me in a whirlpool.
I felt three things at once; lightness, numbness and unconsciousness. It was a dizzying sensation, feeling different kinds of tugs all over my body. My heart gave a small pitter-patter while my head was throbbing at the same time. My palms were sweaty and I swear I could feel myself float somehow.
"This is some strong stuff," I huffed out after my mind had settled from the alcohol. I settled the glass down and stared at the clock. It was just a few minutes past nine in the morning. I have too much time on my hands.
I suddenly heard a wail from outside the door. I quickly opened it to see my neighbor, Chelsea, and her husband, Mark, enter their room just right across from mine. In her arms laid Ilsa, their beautiful baby girl.
"How is she?" I asked as I leaned on the doorjamb. Ilsa was a cute little thing. She had her mother's hair and her father's eyes. She was such a beautiful baby girl.
"She's doing great. She calls me Ma and calls Mark Pa every now and then. It makes my heart skip a beat every time," she smiled.
"Is it okay if I take a closer look? I mean, if you don't mind that is."
"I don't mind," she said as she carefully placed the child into my arms. She was definitely a beautiful sight. The fragile baby lay softly in my arms as a soft coo escaped from her lips. I stroked a little of her hair away from her face to reveal soft pink cheeks and a cute button nose. Her eyes looked up to me in a curious way and, before I knew it, she was crying for her mother.
"She loves you very much, doesn't she?" I said as I placed the newborn in her mother's arms once more.
"I'm just happy she's here in my arms. If this little girl ever ran away from me, I don't know what I'd do." My neighbor gave a warm smile. I forced my face to give a small grin to her comment.
"Chels, check out the clothes we bought for Ilsa! I'm not sure all of them can fit her though." Mark yelled from the room across mine.
"Well, I have to go then," Chelsea giggled, "I'm coming Mark!"
I closed the door right after I saw the sight of Mark embracing his loving wife and their beautiful child. It was heartwarming to see that a happily-ever-after kind of ending still exists in our world.
Such a shame only few can get a grasp of it.
I placed myself down on the old couch and sipped a bit more of the wine. With the wineglass placed upon the small coffee table beside me, I grabbed my old backpack behind the couch and started rummaging for the one thing that always cheered me up when I'm alone.
My family's photo album.
Luckily, I managed to sneak it out right before I left…home.
I miss them more than anything.
I grabbed the wine glass to take another sip when I noticed that it was empty. I stood up, took the wine bottle off the dining table and placed it beside me on the couch. Judging by the number of bottles left in the wine rack, I'd say this bottle's my fifth.
"When did I become this dependant on this… this poison?" I wondered to myself, playing with the wineglass between my fingers.
Maybe it was because of desperation. Or anger. Or maybe it had to do with unrequited love. Either way, I was becoming highly addicted to alcohol. Yes, alcohol.
I flipped through the first page of the album to see my parents' wedding reception. My mother smiling whole-heartedly in her white wedding gown while being in my father's arms. Well, arm, that is. His other one was clutching a bottle of grape wine, as always.
Our New Beginning
It was written in beautiful script just below the picture. They both looked so happy, so in love, so intoxicated with each other in the portrait. It was the perfect picture of what young people in love were portrayed to be. It was the spitting image of sweetness and dedication to one another. They were bound to have a happy ending somehow.
Yet, it ended drastically.
The marriage was not a happy one, and it led to a child's rebellion.
"You couldn't blame me though. Everything felt wrong at that time," I said to myself.
It's actually quite ironic to think that the biggest reason I ran away from home was because of the wretched stuff my father drinks every night at the bar. I hated it, despised it, and loathed it with all my heart. I detested the way my father always came home drunk with the vile liquid which always made him so frightening, especially when he comes home late at night. One minute he's calm, the next minute he's spewing away venom against mother's words.
It was disastrous. Not only was my mother deeply affected of it all, I was forever scarred. Knowing no other way to escape the painful place, I ran away.
Now, the wretched stuff has come back to haunt my present life. It's the quite the pickle, actually.
Flipping through a few more of the pages, I noticed another photo which brought back another painful memory.
I was wearing my special dress that time. My mother, herself, made it with all her heart with the silk fabric and ribbons she bought from Aunt Sasha. I only wore that dress once every year in Mineral Town.
Aja's Favorite Music Festival
The same beautiful penmanship was still present in the page. In the photo, I was singing in the middle of a beautiful stage in Rose Square. Below were the villagers and the guests Mayor Thomas had invited. Beside the Mayor, was a young and handsome businessman.
Ah, him.
The other reason I decided to run away from home was because of him.
I was petty, shallow, and stupid. I could go on and on about how silly I was back then.
"But I was in love…" I whispered softly. A very foolish reason, but it didn't make the broken heart heal any faster.
I first met the guy when Mayor Thomas decided to hold the Music Festival at the Rose Square instead of the usual place at the Church. It was my favorite festival of all, especially for the fact that I get to sing in front of an audience while Joanna played the organ. At the time, nobody knew the reason why there was a change of plans. They didn't protest, though, and soon made the necessary preparations and decorations the said event needed.
Banners were spread all out, enveloping the square in the warm, yet vibrant colors of the Fall season. Small lanterns were hung between the lampposts, adding a soft and cozy vibe to the atmosphere. Flowers, whether in the form of bouquets, long stems or petals on the ground, were strewn everywhere giving out the final touches needed. A magnificent stage stood facing the beach while the pews were lined up accordingly.
Everyone was left speechless to how much beauty we can bask in if the proper arrangements to our lovely town were made. Even I could utter a single word at the sight before me.
Then, the boats came. Professional-looking men and women came out of the boats one by one with their phones and clipboards on tow. They all looked the same with their dull three-piece suits of brown, green and blue, but one particular "boss" stood out.
We still did the usual proceedings of the Festival even though the mayor didn't offer any explanation. I sang a few pieces my mother taught me since I was young with Joanna playing the piano. Everything went out as usual. Until that "boss" came and approached me.
Oh how I tried to forget about it all. How a smooth-talking brown-haired businessman managed to capture my heart, how he convinced me to go to the city and pursue a musical career under their label, how I felt that we can reach out to the world beyond Mineral Town.
And the fight between my mother and I.
How in the world I managed to run away, I didn't want to remember anymore. It was definitely too painful to bear. The last thing I can remember is meeting him again here in the city.
"You'd think I'd be glad to see him here." I said to myself, staring at the wine glass in my hands.
The answer to that is both yes and no.
I flipped through a few more pages, and, Goddess it's so embarrassing, they were pictures filled of him and me. Pictures of us in the park, in the theatre, in a ballroom, in our new apartment, everywhere you could think of. I was happy to be with him. I was in love, I was naïve, I was so happy I could barely contain it in my heart…
I was stupid.
I could really say that I was happy when I actually got together with him. You would think that I could die peaceful right then and there. Until I knew the truth: the bitter truth.
I set the wineglass down and stared outside the window. Looking at the sun's position above, it would be nearing noon at around this point.
"He should arrive in three, two, one…."
DING DONG!
"Right on time, then."
I opened the door to see an unexpected guest. A friend I haven't seen in many years. Years that somehow came by too fast for me to even understand.
"Hey, girl! What in the world have you been doin' in the past few weeks? Haven't heard a call from you ever since I heard you lovebirds got in a spat over the phone." Claire hugged me as she softly laughed. My former best friend. We used to work in the same company until she moved away to go farm somewhere off the coast.
"I wasn't expecting you to come here. Ever since you left the office that is." I replied, still in shock. "Want to reminisce on the good 'ole days over a bottle of wine?"
"Silly you! You know I don't drink that kind of stuff! I won't be long. Just thought of saying goodbye to my buddy before going back to the farm and all." Filled with laughter, she took a seat down by the couch. I sat beside her and carefully hid my backpack beneath it while she wasn't looking.
"I didn't know you were here. I'm such a bad best friend." I confessed, thinking of nothing else to say over the matter.
"Don't be so glum, girlfriend! Life in the farm influenced me in a lot of ways, both good and bad. I got to get in shape, you know," she said while flexing out her arms, "but I actually forgot how to use computer AND a cellphone."
"No kidding! When you were here, those two things never left your bag!"
"Well, the most advanced thing in the farm must be the television I have in my house and the phone at the Inn. Aside from that, there's not much technology in there."
"Huh, sounds like a ghost town."
"Nah, it's just isolated. You get to be one with nature after all. Fishing, mining, planting and even horseback riding!"
"It sounds…lovely." I sighed. Sounds a lot like home. "By the way, you never told me where you were actually staying while you were here in the city."
"I stayed in some hotel," she shrugged," I was just looking for some investors that would like to buy some products from my farm."
"Where is this farm you're talking about? You also never told me where you lived after you left the city now."
"Oh! It's just a boat ride away. My farm's in an island that has a small, quaint village in it. I'm sure you can just search it up in the Internet. The town's called Mi—"
Beep! Beep!
"Oh man! I was hoping to have a lot more time to catch up with you. Sorry, Aja! I'll make it up to you next time!" She dashed for the door but stopped mid-stride and gave me a tender smile. "Oh, I needed to tell you something important, you know?"
"What is it?"
"Learn to look out for yourself, Aja," she said with a serious face, "Live your life to the fullest. Stand up for yourself, okay? That's what happened to me a few years back, but now I'm happy. Oh, and you try to be happy as well." And with that she raced off down the stairs and out into the streets. I looked out the window and stared at the gloomy atmosphere, being slowly shattered by a blonde girl in a yellow coat, smiling to everyone she sees.
"Try to be happy?"
Wasn't that the reason I actually run away from home? To try to be happy from all the pain I felt there? To reach my dreams of becoming a singer and having a successful career? To actually fall in love and get married and have my own happily ever after?
I'm the one outside that isolated island, the one who has so many opportunities at the palm of my hand, the one who has enough power and wealth to bring all the people to Mineral Town shoot to fame, the one who took the risk and fled the island…
The one who's not pleased, not contented and definitely, not happy with the outcome of her life.
"Who was that girl just then, love?" A manly voice called out as he stepped in to the room. He wore the usual three-piece suit many of the businessmen around the area were wearing. He held a suitcase in one hand, a bunch of plastic bags in the other.
I'm probably the only one who's being a fool here. Such a shame Joanna followed in my footsteps. Harris should've stopped her.
"I brought in your favorite Thai food. I know how much you love their shrimp rolls. I got you enough of those to last a week." He then placed the plastic bags down on the table and reached for his phone as it rang.
I should've stopped her from the very beginning. I was foolish to come all the way here.
"I've got a meeting to go so I can't be with you tonight, hon." He walked his way towards the door.
Mineral Town had supplies enough for everybody. Warm food, pleasant atmosphere, the friendly townsfolk... I let it go… I let it all go…
"See you honey!"
All for him.
"Wait, darling. I needed to talk to you about something," I croaked out.
"Well, honey, make it quick. I've got a meeting to catch up. You know how my boss is. He can cut my salary in half if I came in late for even just a second at an important meeting."
"Don't worry it won't be long. It'll be a bit…devastating, though."
"Devastating…?"
I quickly took out my hidden backpack beneath the sofa and took out the letter written for me from Harris. Dated at least a year ago.
"…Harry, darling…" I purred, but I couldn't help but wince at the mention of his name. His name reminded me too much of my past love…that I carelessly thrown away.
"Yes, honey? And you can call me Jack if Harry is too ugly of a name for you."
"I'm leaving you."
He laughed, his eyes shining under the light of the dimming atmosphere. "You're kidding, right?"
"I'm not," I said in a serious tone, "I'll be leaving first thing in the morning. And you can bet that your precious little sweetheart will be gone with the wind before you even step foot outside of your house."
"What are you saying! You know that I only live here in our apar—"
"Shush your mouth. I know all about what you're hiding. You may have fooled me when I was young and naïve but I'm not your stupid plaything anymore, Jack! Not anymore."
"What in the world…? Aja, let's try to think it all out before jumping to conclusions, now."
"Jumping to conclusions! Jack, I'm not stupid and I don't want to play games with you anymore. I'm going to get out of this mess before it gets any bigger."
"Aja, listen—"
"No, you listen, you big fat liar! I know that you have a wife and two daughters waiting for you right now in your mansion down by the highway. I've been living with you for Goddess knows how many years here in this old apartment someday hoping I'll get married and have my own wishes come true. But no, that ring on your finger is definitely proof enough that my fairytale will have to wait a little longer."
I glared at him with all my might, doing my best to give him all the pain and frustration I felt when I realized the truth. I'll be nothing more than a stupid woman who fell for his tricks years ago, in that beach in Mineral Town, under the stars, away from all the people I have left who loved me from the start. "What do you have to say for yourself now?" Instead of fibbing, he actually smiled.
"And what are you going to do now? You know you're nothing without me."
"Ha! As if that trick's gonna work. I'm tired, alright? I want to stop being the third party around here. I want to stop wishing for things I know I'll never have."
"I want to feel loved. To actually feel like someone is there with me, listening to me, caring for me, loving me with all their heart. I'm tired of being alone. I just want to feel happy."
That being said, I got my backpack and scarf by the closet and turned toward the door, where I heard Chelsea screaming for joy alongside her husband's and baby's laughs.
-0-
After the events that transpired last night, I don't know what happened next. Did I really board on a ship heading to Mineral Town? Did I wander off the streets until someone took me by the hand and helped me get to the Island? Did I really leave the apartment with my career and future in the dust?
I don't really know.
But I find myself walking the familiar streets of my home, with the scent of flowers floating through the air and the sun beating down the path with its radiant warmth.
When I was a child, I was always enveloped with love and joy in my peaceful home. There were people who loved me and I threw them all away. Should I pursue that kind of happiness again, or should I quit while I'm ahead?
"Do I have the right to be happy once more?" I asked myself, pondering upon the question, listening for an answer from the unknown.
"Yes, you do."
I looked up to see the familiar vineyard, with its grapevines ready for harvesting. The barrels stocked in one corner while the cellar was open, with a chocolate-haired lad checking the stocks while tasting the grapes. I turned my eyes towards the front door. A woman, grown old with age, stood in front, arms open and eyes smiling.
"Welcome home, my sweet Aja. It's been a long time."
I smiled for the first time in years.