Title: Knocking On Heaven's Door

Date Started: 20th September 2003

Date Finished: 13th November 2003

Rating: PG (Only because of reference to death)

A/N: I didn't like the way the writers wrote Tess out, so I decided to do it my way.

Disclaimer: Any characters you don't recognise belong to me. All the others belong to Hal McElroy, Channel 7 and Southern Cross Entertainment.

Tess

It doesn't hurt any more. I can't feel my baby kicking. I can't feel anything. I'm lying in a big white field. I can't see where it ends. Maybe it goes forever. Maybe I can talk and see where it ends. But if I move will it hurt again? Will I feel my little baby inside me? I can't take that chance. I'll just lie here and watch to see if anything happens. 

Jo

I can't feel anything. I'm numb. I can hear sounds. But I can't figure out what it is. Is it talking? I don't know what I'm doing. Am I lying down? Or am I sitting up? My eyes are open, but I can't see anything. It's just white. Blurry white.

Tom

"She's in shock. So's Evan." Ben said.

"I think we all are." I replied. We are.

"They're not handling it. They've given them both sedatives. PJ's with Jo now."

"Good. I'll stay with Evan."

"Mm. I'm going to go see how Jo is, then speak to a doctor. I think we need some more information." Good point. We do.

PJ

My beautiful little Jo is lying in a starch white hospital bed. She's so scared. I'm scared. I want her to wake up. I want my Jo back. Why do you keep taking my girls away from me you old bastard? God. That old dog, sitting up there in heaven watching me as and subjecting me to more and more pain as I go on with my life. I know he's got some more tricks up his sleeve. And I know he's planning something else. Something good for a change. That'll be nice.

Tess

I can't hear the crying any more. Good. Crying is sad. I'm sad. But it doesn't hurt any more. And it feels good. But now it's different. No more pain. But now… loneliness? Am I lonely, here in my big white field that goes forever? I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. I'll ask someone later.

Jonesy

I want Tess. I want the headache to stop. I want the numbness to stop. I want to talk. I want to talk to Tess. I want to tell her how much I love her. Again. Why do I get the strange feeling it's too late? Why do I feel like something's different? Nothing's different.

Ben

Jesus, everything's going so fast now. I've got to sit down. But you can't sit down in this place, or else people will put you on a stretcher, and you'll disappear to the place where they take people who were crazy enough to sit down for a breather. No, I can't walk any more. I feel dizzy. Just sit down and put your head between your legs.

"Are you alright Sir?… Sir?"

I can feel a hand on my shoulder. Who's calling me Sir? I haven't been called Sir since… Oh no! No, don't put me on a stretcher, don't take me away. I didn't mean to sit down, I meant to keep walking… It doesn't matter now. Everything's going to be all right. The voice calling me Sir says so.

Tom

Two members left standing. I wonder when we'll go? Ben'll be all right. Just dizzy. Just scared for everyone. Not every one. Scared for Even, and Jo, and… Tess. Poor Tess. Poor Tess, this is the first time I've thought about her since it started. Where is she? I'd better go see her. Make sure the baby's okay. Where's the reception desk gone? There.

"Which room can I find Teresa Gallagher in please?"

"The morgue Sir. Y-" 

"Thank you."

Tess, what are you doing in the morgue? The body was taken to the coroner's office wasn't it? Or was it?…

Ben

Oh God, oh God, oh God… I've gone to the place where they take people who are stupid enough to sit down for a breather.

"Oh Sir, you're awake… you must have just had a little dizzy spell. Just lie there for a bit."

"Where am I?"

"You're in hospital Sir, do you remember how you got here?"

"Mm… With Jo and Evan…PJ and Boss… mm."

"Okay, just lie there for a while."

I'm never going to escape… this could be dangerous.

Tom

The morgue. I hate having to come in here. It's such a tragic place. Well, I'll just get Tess, then get out.

"Hello, I'm looking for Tess."

"Oh! Sir, you gave me a shock! Ah, Tess?" It's an Indian man; he looks a little like Doctor Habibe.

"Yes, Tess Gallagher, Sergeant?"

"Certainly," He walks over to the other side of the room, I follow him. "I'm very sorry Sir."

"Sorry?"

"About your loss."

"Loss?"

He opens up one of the drawers, and unzips the bag. Tess. Tess, just lying there with dark purple bruises around her neck, and a slight blue at the corners of her mouth and she's so pale, and white, and not breathing, and…

PJ

Last member standing. God Tess, do you realise that you've put the entire station out of action? Down with you, then Jo, then Jonesy, the Ben, then… The Boss. I didn't think it was possible to make the Boss pass out. What did he go down there for? Why did he want to see her again? Tears are starting to well in my eyes. Me, crying. Next I'll be on a bed unconscious, like the rest of the team. God, I'm so confused! I don't know who I'm crying for… Jo, or Jonesy, or Boss, or Ben, or Tess, or all of us? I don't know.

Tess

This isn't good, it's not going to plan, it's not going to plan, this is not good… ARGH! Why can't things just go RIGHT for a change? It hurts again, and all I can hear is crying… And it's making me cry… I don't want to cry. I want to go back to the feeling I had just as I got into the big white field… I wasn't lonely, and I couldn't feel my baby, and I wasn't hurting any more, and everything was perfect… now everything's changing, again! I don't want it to change. I want it to be the same as before. Back to… Back to before I was born. Then none of this would have ever happened. Then I wouldn't have had the sucky life that I did. Then I wouldn't have had to get pregnant by the gay doctor who I only married to save myself from me and the man I love, truly… Did I write that in the note? Did I remember everything, and everyone? What if I forgot someone? What if I forgot them, and I needed to apologise to them?!?! This is not good not good not good…

Tom

Uh-oh. Now I'm on a bed. What's happened?

"Oh thank the Lord, he's alright."

"Grace."

"Sh, Tom. It's okay."

"Tess is… she's dead."

"I know. Do you remember how you got here?"

"We were coming for the body… but it was taken to the coroner's office. Then Jo and Evan were… and then Ben… then…"

"No Tom, that's not quite how it happened."

"Mum?" It's Nelson. Little Nelson. I've got to sit up.

"No Tom, just lie down for a while. What is it Nelson?"

"Ben's awake."

"Did you hear that Tom? Ben's awake."

"I've got to see her. I've got to tell him… Tess…"

"Tom, he already knows. Nelson, go and tell Ben that Tom's in shock, then go and check on everyone else."

"Okay. I'll come back quick."

"Good boy."

"Grace, tell me what happened. I… I only remember bits of it."

"Tom… Tess was late to work. Jo went to see if she was okay, and didn't come back. Evan went to get her, then called for the rest of you. You went in, and Jo had passed out. Tess hung herself. That's why you all came here. There was no body in the coroner's office… that was a few weeks ago. You seemed to remember everything until you went to get her from the morgue. The boys and I arrived just after they brought you here."

Tess is dead. I can't hold back the tears anymore.

PJ

No more, please no more. Maggie, Tess… Jo. I looked up just as Ben walked in.

"Hey, mate, how's Jo?" He asked, sitting down, clearly agitated.

"Same. Still asleep. What happened to you mate?"

"I don't want to know. It's just lucky I escaped before they could drug me again."

"Did the doctor *say* you could go, or did you just get up?"

"Of course the doctor didn't just *say* I could get up. They wanted to keep me there Peej. They took me to the place where they take the people who are dumb enough to sit down for a breather, and they took me there, and they tried to keep me there, but when they weren't looking, when they weren't looking, I snuck away. Smart huh." He had started talking incredibly and insanely fast, "They could have kept me there forever, they could have. I remember they were trying to keep me there, and saying that I needed to stay there, but they meant forever, but I was smarter than that, and I got up and got out, hehehe. How's Jo?"

"Mate, I think we should get you back into that bed."

"Mm-mm. No can do, no sir-ee. Too dangerous, they'll keep me there forever. I know. People disappear, all the time every day." I watched him on the chair for a minute or so.

"I feel dizzy Peej."

All of a sudden, he slumped down, and fell onto the floor.