Afraid to love and to live

by geekyfangirl131

Sam is the shy nerd and Dean is the popular guy. They don't interact in life until Dean has to get a tutor because he's failing his classes. They both have a secret they don't want to share. Unrelated wincest. Highschool AU

Afraid to love and to live.

Sam wasn't what you called normal. He was tall and had a pretty face. Broad shoulders and long, for a guy, brown hair. He was very muscular but he had a good heart. Seems normal, right ? Well you can't actually see what's going on on the inside. The 17-year old boy hated everything about himself. Nobody knew, nobody saw an no one ever will. He was a loner. That's one thing everybody knew. Dean on the other hand was almost everything you cal 'normal'. He had brown/blondish hair and a muscular body. He had bright green eyes and was very popular. But there still were things people didn't know about Dean even though he was popular. He shared the same secret as Sam. Neither of them knew about each other. Until one day…..

Deans POV

Dean hated school. Especially the lessons. He was bored in every one of them except for gym. So it didn't surprise him that he was going to fail his classes if he didn't start studying now. One of his teachers confronted him about it and said he could help him by finding him a tutor. Dean really didn't want one but had to say yes. The teacher had given him a time and place and was asked to wait there until his tutor arrived. And that's how Dean found himself walking toward the local library at 3 in the afternoon. He didn't know how his tutor looked but he was hoping it was a cute girl or boy. Dean didn't hide his sexuality but he didn't exactly tell everyone. Okay, no one knew he was bi. Certainly his dad. He would kill him if he knew. Anyway, when he walked into the library he started searching for a familiar face. There were some girls reading in the corner but they looked they were 14-15 years old. There was an old couple reading the newspaper, a brown-haired boy looking down on his books so you couldn't see his face and the librarian. Dean figured that either his tutor was too late or it was the brown-haired guy. Looking at his watch and seeing he was already 10 min late there was only one option left. He walked over to the table and cleared his throat. The guy looked up fear flashing hastily in his eyes then confusion overtook." Are you my tutor?" Dean asked." Uhm depends, are you Dean?"Dean smirked and said " The one and only. And you are?". " Oh, I'm Sam." The guy, well Sam said. He closed his books to make room for Dean. "With what do you wanna start ?" Sam asked while Dean sat down." I dunno. I'm crap in most of my classes. So it's up to you." Dean answered." Okay let's start with chemistry and later we can do English." Sam said while locking his hazel eyes with Deans green ones. Dean just nodded. During one of Sams explanations Dean got a good look at him. He had brown hair the almost reached his broad shoulders. He had hazel eyes and a permanent frown like he was always thinking. Dean had to admit he had a hot tutor. He was sure that if Sam sat up right and with more confidence people would check him out. When it was 4.45 Sam suddenly said " That's enough for today. You did good. We'll meet again on Wednesday, same time?" Dean was confused because they still had time left. Sam started to clean up his books. " We still have 15 minutes left. Am I that annoying?" Dean said while smiling hoping he wouldn't say yes. He liked getting help from Sam. And chemistry wasn't so difficult when he explained it. He kinda didn't want it be over. Sam looked surprised."I just thought that it's Saturday and you probably have plans. And I didn't want that reason for you not going out would be because you were stuck here with your lame ass tutor." Sam said looking down. Dean immediately said " That's not true. Uhm I mean- that's very nice of you. But I like studying with you. Do you live far from here? I could walk you home? That way we can still spend our last 15 minutes together?" Dean asked in almost one breath. He didn't know why he enjoyed Sams presence so much. But he just did. Sam looked very surprised but still nodded and smiled. When he stood up Dean was surprised how tall Sam was. He had looked so small whilst sitting. Dean saw the chance to look at Sams body and took it. He was wearing a red and yellow plaid shirt and jeans. Nothing special (except for his height). "I live 10 minutes from here. You sure you want to be seen with me ?" Sam asked hoping Dean wouldn't say yes. Dean was shocked. Why wouldn't anybody want to be seen with Sam? The kid wasn't weird or misformed in any way. "Why wouldn't I want to be seen with you ?" Dean asked very curious. "Because I'm the loner gay kid everybody hates." Sam said looking down again. Ready to walk away. Dean had heard about an openly gay guy but avoided any conversation about it as it could lead to questions to his sexuality and Dean wasn't ready for that. Dean felt the sudden urge to protect Sam. " Well if anyone has a problem with you they can come to me about it." Dean said locking eyes with Sam once again. Sam smiled and said " Thanx, that means a lot." They walked to Sams house talking about whatever they could talk about in 10 minutes. Dean found that it was really easy to talk to Sam. He didn't know why he enjoyed the company of the boy so much. When Dean was walking to his house he was thinking about why he had felt that sudden urge to protect Sam. After a lot of pondering, Dean crawled into bed thinking about Sam and looking forward to their next tutoring session. Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face. Little did he know that Sam also did and was thinking about Dean.

Sams POV

The blade cut easy. It didn't lose its sharpness despite of being used so much. And it didn't rust. Sam knew it was stupid and cliché. But he knew he deserved the pain. He was a failure. A mistake. A faggot. A nobody. People only noticed him when they were looking for someone to bully or copy their homework from. His dad hated him. He showed it on a regular base to make sure he wouldn't forget it. He made another cut in his arm. Almost his whole upper right arm was covered with scars and fresh cuts. He had no friends. Another cut. No purpose in life. Another cut. He was just a waste of space. Another one. He was useless. Another cut. Nobody cared about him. Why would they Sam didn't even care about himself. He was about to make another cut when he faltered his move. Did Dean care about him ? Maybe he was just saying those things to be nice. Or earning his trust to then laugh at him like everybody else did. He had pretended that he didn't know Dean but everybody knew Dean. He was the most popular guy in the whole school. He was on the football team. Was always nice to everyone. And he got all the girls. Yet not one of his conquers was ever mad at him for dumping them for another. He was also the only football player that didn't bully him or at least called him names. But Dean didn't know him, he was just being nice. Sam put away the razor blade and wiped away the blood. He pulled on a hoodie and tugged at the sleeves. He crawled into bed an thought of Dean. Smiling at the memory of their walk together. He slipped into a restful sleep dreading waking up in the morning.

2 months later

After all of their tutoring lessons Sam and Dean knew each other pretty well. Sam didn't do much on Sunday. Because he had no friends he had nothing to do on the weekend except for his homework. That's why he was so smart and always first of his class. His dad didn't come home on Sunday as usual. Sam was glad he had the house to himself. Glad he didn't have to walk around in fear. The fear was always there bit it lessened when his dad wasn't around or when he wasn't at school. Sam wondered what the point was in it all. It would be easier to just kill himself like the kids at school had suggested. But then he had decided to help Dean first, after that he really would be useless…When Monday came he had to drag himself out of bed. He did his daily routine. Not a glimpse of his father. He walked to school. When he arrived at school he immediately pulled his hoodie over his head. Looked at his feet and made himself as small as possible trying to ignore all the glares. He was getting his books out of his locker when it suddenly slammed shut. Sam knew what was coming yet he was always surprised. He turned to look at the guy he knew was standing there. PJ. PJ was the cliché football guy, every school and teenage movie had. He had nothing in his head, got all the girls and bullied the weak. Not that Sam was weak. On the contrary he was very good at defending himself. He just didn't do it because he thought he deserved it. Same goes for when his dad does it. PJ crossed his arms in an attempt to look tough."Good morning faggot. Oh wait scratch that it was a good morning. I mean mine still is but yours just a lot worse." He said smiling at his 2 buddies."Just leave me alone. What did I ever do to you ?" Sam almost whispered while looking down at his feet." Well your gayness plus your nerdness plus your face. That is what you did wrong. Who knows your weirdness might infect us all."Sam didn't bother responding. They just grabbed him. But usually they would beat him up outside of school. Sam guessed they wanted a change when they pushed him in the toilets. They hit him until he couldn't respond. His face was covered in blood and might have a bruised rib. Sam couldn't find the strength to pull himself up when the bell rang so he just laid there thinking that maybe his injurious would be bad enough and he might die. He wouldn't mind.

Deans POV

Dean thought of Sam the entire time. He was so lost in his thoughts thinking about how he felt about the taller boy. He decided to stop denying that he had a crush on the boy about 1 month ago. He couldn't focus on class. So he asked the teacher a hall pass to go to the toilet, he wanted to splash some water in his face. He didn't know if Sam only saw him as the boy he tutored or if the boy liked him too. Or if he should take the first step. Thoughts were overrunning his head. The last thing Dean expected to see was Sam sitting or actually laying on the floor, all bruised and bloody. His eyes were shut and his face was covered in blood. At first Dean didn't know what to do. But when realization finally struck upon him, he rushed to Sam's side. He gently tapped his face while squatting down in front of him. The blood wasn't fully dried yet so he couldn't have been lying here for long. Sam's eyes fluttered open. His eyes immediately filled up with fear. He threw his hands in front of his face trying to protect it. Dean was shocked that Sam would think that Dean would hurt him. He slowly took Sam's hands forcing them down. Sam blinked a few times when his hands were down. He could sort of focus on the face in front of him. Dean saw how relief flooded over Sam. Dean was happy Sam felt at ease with him." Sammy, what happened ?" His voice was full of concern. Dean didn't linger on the thought about the nickname. It just felt right."PJ" Was all Sam could mumble. Dean knew PJ was a bully. He actually hated the guy but pretended to like him. He was a jock , people had to like him if they didn't want to become a target too. "Come on, let's get you to the nurse." Dean said while trying to pull Sam up. But Sam pulled away when Dean finished his sentence. Sam shook his head while crawling backwards against the wall. " We have to go, Sammy. Your wounds might cause serious stuff." Again Sam shook his head."Why not ?" Dean asked."My dad can't find out." Dean knew now was not the time to ask about that. He would have to ask later." Is your mum home ? Maybe she could help with your wounds." Sam shook his head once again, looking down at his feet."She passed away when I was 4." Dean felt so stupid."Oh god, I'm so sorry, Sammy." Sam just shrugged, at least as much as his bruises would allow him."Come on, let's go." Dean said while picking up what he believed to be Sams bag."I don't want to go to the nurses office." Who said we were going there ? I'm taking you to my place. I don't live far from school." Sam blinked in confusion."Somebody's got to look at those bruises and wounds." Dean said turning around. Sam quietly tried follow, but fell down again. Dean turned around and offered his hand. Sam took it and lifted himself up, while Dean helped a bit by pulling. Sam winced in pain when he took his first few step. Dean saw him struggling and placed an arm around his waist to support him. Sam threw an arm around Dean's neck and they started the walk to his house. They walked like that. Sam leaning on Dean while grasping his ribs. It usually took Dean 10 minutes tops. But with Sam having to stop every now and then. They walked the distance in 20 minutes. They arrived at Dean's house and he unlocked the door. He knew nobody was home. They never were. Dean lived in a normal 2-story house. Nothing too special about it. Dean sat Sam down on the couch and went to get the first-aid kit from the kitchen. When Dean came back he saw that Sam hadn't moved an inch. Dean kneeled down in front of Sam. He started with Sam's face. With a precision Sam didn't know the jock possessed he started to clean of the dried up blood. He patched up the cut in Sam's eyebrow. He put some sort of oil on Sams black eye and it surprisingly didn't hurt as much as before. When Dean was content with his work he asked Sam to take of his shirt so that he could look at his ribs." I need to know if anything's broken." Dean said when he saw Sam hesitate. Dean really needed to put oil on his ribs, they were definitely bruised."Please, I really need to look at you ribs Sammy." Dean said with pleading eyes. Sam considered it for a while and nodded. Dean took Sam's hoodie and helped him out of it. Sam was wearing a plaid shirt ,the same one he wore the first day they met, and a t-shirt beneath. Sam unbuttoned the shirt and took it off. Dean then helped Sam out of his shirt. Dean felt like he was going to throw up. Sam's upper body was covered in bruises, new and old. He saw a boot imprint and knew it wasn't PJ's or one of his friends. Whose could it be ? Dean wondered. There weren't any other bullies in school, Sam didn't have any boyfriend that could do this to him. The only other figure in Sam's life that could have done this was….his father. Oh god, was Sam getting abused ? Dean realized he was staring when Sam cleared his throat. Dean mumbled a quick apology and decided now was not the best time to ask Sam about it. Dean started to rub the oil on Sam's skin. Both boys were slightly blushing at the proximity. Dean was almost done when he spotted Sams right arm in the corner of his eye. He recognized the scars as the same ones covered his own arm. He had stared at them long enough to know how they looked by heart. When Dean finished he took Sams shirt and held so that Sam couldn't put it back on. Dean wanted to know why. Why Sam would hurt himself? Why he thought that he deserved it? Just simply why." What's that on your arm?" Dean said with no emotion in his eyes or on his face. Sam quickly pulled his arm to his torso trying to hide it. Sam was too caught up on Dean touching him he totally forgot about his arm."Nothing" Sam whispered."I'm gonna ask you one more time Sammy. What. Is. On. Your. Arm?" Sam started to get scared and gave up. He was just too tired and worn out to even care anymore. What was the point in hiding it anymore? Sam thought to himself. He stretched out his arm to reveal the new and old scars that were scattered across his arm. Dean got on one knee and gently took Sams arm in his hands. Sam avoided Deans look in every way he could. Suddenly the curtains looked very pretty to Sam. Some were old and some looked like they were only from yesterday. Then Dean did something neither of them had expected him to do. He slowly kissed the scars. He heard Sam take in a gulp of breath. When he had kissed all of them he met Sams now teary eyed hazel orbs. Dean caught the first tear before it could fall."Why are you crying?" Dean asked with a voice that in a way didn't belong to him but on the other hand his voice just expressed all the worry that was crossed across his face. "Because you're seeing how much of loser I really am." Sam said silently. "You are not a loser. You are beautiful and smart. And so so kind-hearted." "Why do you even care ?" Sam asked pulling his arm from Deans grip. Blushing slightly at what he was about to say, Dean finally gathered up enough courage to say:" I care because I like you, a lot. And I don't want someone as amazing as you to hurt yourself." Dean said almost whispering." Why do you do it Sam?" He asked after getting no response from Sam. " You don't understand." Dean made a quick and sudden decision. He pulled up his sleeves and revealed his scars. Sam looked shocked and didn't know how to respond. He took Deans arm in his hands and looked at it with the same thinking face he had when they had met. Sam realized how broken and messed up they both were. He pulled Dean in a hug not caring he was half-naked and still in a lot of pain. Dean hugged him back and buried his face in the crook of Sams neck. Sam felt Deans tears on his neck. He didn't realize that he was crying too. Dean pulled back and looked deep in the hazel eyes he had started to love over the past 2 months. Dean started to lean in, giving Sam enough time and space to pull back. Instead of pulling back he leaned in. He was very insecure about kissing Dean but the moment their lips met. All of that flew out of the window. It just felt right to both of them. They shared a few kisses, when Dean pulled back resting their foreheads together while keeping his hands on Sams face." I guess we're both pretty messed up huh ?" Dean said. Sam didn't know how to react, so he just put his arms around the other boys waste. He winced a little from the pain in his ribs and chest. They just sat like that for a while. Two broken boys who had found one another. Clutching to each other like they were keeping each other alive, like they needed each other to breath. Dean suddenly remembered the boot-print on Sams chest. "Where did that boot sized print come from ? I know it's not PJ's. Whose is it ?" Sam mumbled something Dean didn't hear. He lifted Sams face up to meet his gaze. "Whose is it ? A little bit louder this time." Sam seemed to think about it for a while." It's my dad's." Sam said looking down. " Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked, he was getting angry. "Because I deserve it, because I didn't want you to think that I'm even a bigger loser or failure than I already am." Dean was ready to rip the limbs of off Sams father. He hated the guy for doing this to Sam , hated him for making Sam feel this way about himself. But he hated him the most for making Sam think he was worthless and not worthy of love. "You're not a loser and definitely not a failure. You are the exact opposite actually. I've never met someone as beautiful and strong as you." Sam blushed and doubted every single word. But hearing Dean say those words made him think. Maybe his dad was lying when he said people would only get mad and laugh at him if they ever found out. " How long has he been doing this to you ?" Sam didn't want to answer. But he wanted to show Dean that he fully trust him." Since I was about 8. My dad couldn't dad the loss that came with my mom's dead. He turned to booze to forget the pain….But with the pain going away anger took its place. Anger for me. He blamed me for her death. Said it was my fault of my constant nagging. He said if it wasn't for me the love of his life would still be alive. And in the end I started to believe him." Sam felt like crying but why would he? He already cried enough about it. It was his life and he had come to accept it." It's time you stopped getting hurt." "Maybe I deserve to get hurt, Dean." Sam muttered. "DON'T you dare think that you deserve it to get hurt like that. Nobody does." The harshness in Deans voice startled Sam. When Dean was done talking he saw that Sam had thrown his arm in front of his face to protect him from a punch that would never come. Dean imagined Sam sitting like this to protect him from the blows that came from his father or PJ. Dean gently lowered Sams arms and started kissing his face. Gentle pecks covered Sams face. He didn't know anyone could be this soft or loving. When Dean reached his mouth, Sam kissed Dean with all the emotion he had. He tried to express all of his love and trust in his kisses. It started out sweet and loving but soon they were fighting for dominance. Sam pulled Dean on top of him ignoring the pain that shot through his ribs. Dean slid one of his thighs between Sams legs. Dean pulled away , when the need for air making a bit light headed. He laid his head on Sams chest listening to the steady heartbeat beneath him. "Why do you do it ? I said why do." Sam suddenly asked. Dean knew what he was talking about but hoped he meant something else."Do what exactly Sammy?" Dean asked faking oblivion." You know, cut yourself. In my eyes you have the perfect life. You can get anyone you want, you're popular, you're smart but just need to pay attention. You are simply perfect." Sam said." I'm none of those things Sammy. I mean I finally got the guy I have wanted for 2 months. I'm bi and nobody knows. And I always have to hide who I am. Except for when I'm with you. I'm fake and I can never be as smart as you. I don't even come close. I'm a disappointment." Sam didn't fully understand yet but was getting there." Maybe we can fix each other." Dean said."Yeah maybe we can." Sam mumbled. He wrapped his arms around Dean again. They spent the rest of the day doing nothing. It was five o'clock when Sam left but before he stepped out of the door he turned around. "Dean, uhm….are we….I mean." Sam mumbled looking down. Dean lifted Sams head with two fingers on his chin." Spill it, Sammy." Sam gathered up his courage and asked "What are we Dean ?" Dean looked at Sam and saw how nervous he was about hearing his answer." Well I was kinda hoping that you would be my boyfriend ?" Dean said smiling as nervous as Sam. Then Sam did something Dean hadn't expected. He grabbed Deans shirt and smashed their lips together. When Sam pulled away they were both panting." I'd like that." Sam said smiling.

Sams POV

It had been a long time since either one of the boys had smiled like that without having to fake it. But when Sam started to walk home that happiness soon faded. His father would probably be home. And he was. When he entered the house as silent as possible, he noticed his father sitting in the living room. He let himself fall on his bed. His hart skipped a beat when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. There was no steady rhythm in them so he knew his dad wasn't sober. He slammed Sams door open. He didn't know what to do. So he just sat up straight on his bed and prepared himself."What are you doing, you useless shit. Go do something, you know, useful. Oh wait I forgot you can't do anything right." Sams dad slurred. He walked-more stumbled- over to Sam. He grabbed Sams hair and dragged him to the floor. It must make him feel powerful seeing me on the floor. Sam thought. Sam tried to stand up. And he should have known better. After 9 years of abuse he should have learned to never try to stand up. Of course his father wouldn't let him. He was about to kick in his stomach when Sam suddenly got the courage (thinking of Dean) to grab his leg and twist it. That was a very bad idea. His movement only made Sams dad angrier. When Sam let of the leg he was holding, his father kicked him in the ribs. He probably broke a few after repeating the move. He then grabbed Sams head and held him in the perfect angle for him to punch. He punched Sam a few times in his face and let Sams head fall on the ground with a thump softened by the carpet. Sam tried to crawl away. But his dad stopped him before he could get any further. He stepped on Sams leg. He started to kick and punch wherever he could. When he was done all Sam heard was the front door closing and a car driving away. This beating had been harder than the others. He didn't know why. Sam reached for his backpack and typed 'help' to Dean before he blacked out.

Deans POV

Dean was already half asleep when he got a text. Dean grabbed his phone and unlocked it. His eyes needed some time to adjust. He smiled when he saw it was a text from Sam. That smiled disappeared as quickly as it had come as he read the content of it. He jumped out of his bed. Slipped on jeans and a shirt. Grabbed his shoes and car keys and was out the door in minutes. He had ignored his parents questions about where he was going this late. He'd only been to Sams house once and that was because when the library was closed and they had no place to study. He drove as fast as the speed limits would allow him to. He reached Sams house and saw that there weren't any lights on inside. He rang the bell a few times but no reaction came. He tried the door and was surprised when it just opened. He quickly looked in the kitchen, living room and study room. The house reeked of alcohol so badly, it almost made Dean puke. He then decided to go upstairs. When he entered Sams room that feeling to throw up came back. What he saw was probably never going to leave his memory. Sam was curled up in a ball on the floor. His foot wasn't supposed to point in that direction. That once beautiful and happy face was now covered in blood and bruises. Dean rushed to Sams side, he gently tapped Sams face whispering his name. Sam slowly opened his eyes. "Dean." Was all that Sam could say before he blacked out again. Dean took his phone and dialed 911. He stayed with Sam the whole time until the surgery for his foot. When Dean arrived at the hospital the cops had just been called. Sams bruises weren't from a onetime abuse and the nurses saw it. The officers asked Dean some questions whilst Sam was having his surgery. " When did you find him?"." Around nine. I knew he was in trouble when he sent me a text saying he needed help.". " Could you have any idea who did this to him?"." Yes, I do actually. Some of the bruises are from a few kids at my school. But the worst ones are from his dad.". " Sam was being abused by his father ?" The cop asked. "Yeah, I have only known about since today. I would have gotten him out there as soon as I could but I didn't have much time." The cop saw that Dean felt guilty and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder." It's not your fault. You couldn't do anything about it." Dean just nodded but still couldn't help feel guilty. The officers saw that Dean was too upset to talk about it any longer. Dean called his parents and told them what happened. Dean was too caught up in everything that when his parents asked who Sam was, he bluntly said 'my boyfriend'. There was a silence on the other end and Dean realized what he just said. His mother broke the silence by saying: "We accept you no matter who you love, baby." Dean fell relief flood over him when his dad agreed. He didn't know how to feel. He was happy that his parents had sort of accepted him. But he was angry and sad about what had happened to Sam. He put away his phone after telling his parents that he was going to stay with Sam until he woke up from the drug-induced coma. He sat beside the hospital bed holding Sam's hand like it was the only thing keeping them both alive. Four days passed and Sam was still in the coma. The doctors said it wouldn't be any longer. A lot had happened in those four days. Dean went to the hospital every day after school and stayed there until one of the nurses told him to leave. Today wasn't any different. He sat beside Sam and held his hand. The doctors told him he should talk to Sam. Maybe it would help him wake up. So Dean started to talk." The last days have been pretty heavy. I came out to my parents. They reacted great. They fully accept me. I also came out in school and told everyone that you are my boyfriend. PJ called me a fag. But the whole football team and my friends stood up for me. They defended me." Dean was almost crying by now. He just sat there talking about how everyone accepted him and Sam's relationship. He also talked about how the cops found Sam's dad in a bar and locked him up for child abuse while waiting for a trial. When Dean ran out of things to say he started begging. "Please Sammy, please wake up. I need you to wake up. I don't know what I would do without you. Please baby please." Dean put his forehead on their intertwined hands and repeated those words like a mantra. While looking down he didn't see how Sam's eyes fluttered open.

Sam's POV

The first thing Sam saw was Dean laying down. He heard muffled sobs. He didn't know where he was or what exactly had happened but he didn't care. He only cared about Dean. He took 2 minutes to adjust because he still couldn't see straight. He then slowly ran his hand up and down Deans hair. Dean's head suddenly shot up and stared him into his eyes. "Hey, what's goi-" Sam was cut off by soft lips pressed against his. Sam was a little shocked at first but started to kiss back. It was a gentle and sweet kiss that had all of Dean's emotions in it. Dean pulled away with closed eyes and rested their foreheads together. "Why are your eyes closed ?" Sam asked. "Because I'm afraid that when I will open them you won't be awake and this will have been a dream." Dean said quietly. " It's okay, you're not dreaming." Sam said still confused but just wanting to reassure Dean. Dean slowly opened those green eyes that somehow held all the answers of the world to Sam. "I love you." Dean said. Sam was shocked. Did Dean really love him? The guy who was in the hospital because he was too much of a wimp to stand up for himself? Sam's memory wasn't fully back yet, but Sam just thought logically. Dean was getting nervous and stared because Sam didn't say anything. Sam quickly said "I love you too." When he had noticed Dean's sudden nerves. Dean pecked Sam's lips and sat back down. Still with their hands intertwined. "What exactly happened again?" Sam asked. Dean told him the whole story. From the text to his father getting arrested to Dean coming out. Sam's mouth fell open. "You told everyone at school that we are together ?" Sam asked in awe. Dean nodded with a smile. Sam was still a little conflicted about his dad's arrest. After all he still was the only family Sam had left and he was still his dad. But then again he was happy that he no longer had to live with him. A thought suddenly struck him. "Where am I going to live now ?" Sam wondered out loud. He was still 17 so he couldn't live on his own. "Well I also thought about that. And I asked my parents what to do and they said that you could come live with until we graduate. And then we'll figure it out with the whole college thing." Dean said as casually as possible. "Are you serious? I couldn't possible ask that from you or your parents! You've done enough already." Sam was once again cut off by a pair of soft lips against his. " You are living with us. Period, that's it. End of it." Dean said. Sam nodded and kissed Dean again.

One month later…

"I'm so glad your cast can get off tomorrow." Dean said smiling and grabbing Sam's hand. They were driving from school with Dean's dad's car. Because Sam still had his cast. The last month has probably been one of the best months in his life. He had moved in with Dean. It was a bit awkward at first. But Sam felt more at home there than at his own house where he had lived his whole life. At school a lot had changed too. He didn't get beat up anymore. PJ was suspended for the bullying. Like Dean had said everyone at school accepted them as a couple. They didn't exactly hang out with them. They just went with it. Sam and Dean would be graduating soon. They were already applying to colleges but boys wanted to go to Winchester University. It had a great mechanic program for Dean and an awesome science division for Sam. They really didn't want to be separated. The boys arrived home and walked inside. Dean's parents were standing there waiting for them with huges grins across their faces. Sam and Dean looked suspiciously at each other. "Guess what came in the mail today?" Dean's mom said breaking the silence. Realization dawned on both boys. Sooner on Sam than on Dean. Dean's dad held out 2 envelopes with the Winchester University logo on them. Both boys took their own but were too afraid to open them. "Let's do it like this. I open yours, you open mine." Sam proposed. Dean nodded and took Sam's envelope and handed his to Sam. They took a large gulp of air and opened them. Sam and Dean eyes scanned across the page. They looked up at each other. Both of their face full of anticipation. " And did I get in?" Dean asked first. " Yes you did Dean." Sam said smiling. " You did too !" Dean almost yelled in excitement. They looked at each other for 2 seconds before falling into each other's arms. "We did it Sammy, we did it." Dean's mom soon joined in for the hug. Dean's dad just patted them both on their back. They all pulled out of the hug. "I'm gonna start making diner. I'm proud of both of you." She said while walking to the kitchen. Sam was dumbstruck. Was she really proud of him? He never knew how it felt. Dean's dad followed Teresa (Dean's mom) into the kitchen. The boys went upstairs to their room. They shared a room as long as there were no sexual things going on. And there definitely weren't … Dean didn't want to because he was afraid Sam would flinch at that much human contact. And Sam still thought Dean would think he was ugly and realize what a loser he really is. Both boys wanted to but didn't because of the love they have for each other. When Sam closed the bedroom door behind him. He was pushed against the door with his wrists. He didn't flinch like Dean half expected him to do. Sam saw that Dean had faltered his actions so he decided to continue them. He pressed their lips together. Dean snapped out of his thoughts and kissed Sam back. Soon Dean's hands were traveling down Sam's sides. His hands resting on his hips. Freeing Sam's hands in the process. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and pulled him closer. Dean's tongue ran across Sam's bottom lip. Begging for entrance, which was easily granted. Dean explored Sam's mouth with his tongue. One of his hands intertwined in Sam's long brown hair. He gently tugged it, earning a moan from Sam. Sam reached for the hem of Dean's shirt. But before he could go any further Dean needed to clear some things up. Dean pulled away , getting a whimper from Sam. Who was having an internal panic attack. What if he was right? What if Dean finally realized what a big loser he actually was. Sam was tearing up and couldn't stop it. He didn't want to lose Dean. Dean was all he had. The first tear fell. And Dean didn't register it at first. When the second one fell, Dean stepped back into Sam's personal space and caught the third one. "Hey Sammy, what's wrong?" Dean's eyes and voice were full of concern. Sam didn't try to hide it. "Please don't leave me Dean, please don't. You're all I have left. Please don't leave me, I love you." Sam was full-body sobbing now. "I'm not gonna leave you baby boy. Why would you think that?" Dean asked. "Because you're gonna realize what a big loser I am." Dean would never do that." Sammy, I pulled away to ask you if you were okay to go further. I would never leave you." Dean said while wiping away the fresh tears that were falling. "Dean, you don't have to lie to me." Sam said looking serious all of the sudden. "I am honest. I am not lying. I love you and o would never ever even consider the thought of leaving you. Nor the thought of you being a loser. Because in my eyes Sammy, you are a hero. My hero. Do you realize you haven't cut yourself in over a month? And neither have I. We saved each other. And we still are. If I hadn't met you I would probably not be here. Same goes for you. I am proud to call you my boyfriend." Dean said stern while holding Sam's face in his hands. " You really mean that ? " "Yes I do. I really do." Dean said. "Good, 'cause after that speech you would have a hard time getting rid of me." Sam said smiling in full on dimple-mode. "Now let's continue what we started , if you want of course." Dean said with his panty-dropping smirk. "Why wouldn't I want to? You know what, don't answer that. We've done enough talking." Sam said. He then grabbed the back of Dean's head and clashed their lips together. They kissed with all the love they had for each other. (Insert overly detailed sex-scene here). After Dean came shouting Sam's name, he collapsed next to Sam on their bed. Sam crawled up against Dean and laid his head on Dean's chest. Dean wrapped an arm around Sam and pulled him closer. He kissed the top of Sam's head. The last thing he felt was Sam's smile against his chest before he happily fell asleep. Knowing he would have a good and happy future with Sam.

Epilogue

"Dean? Where are you?" Sam shouted when he walked into the kitchen again. He had searched the whole apartment twice already. He spotted something on the counter and turned around. It was a simple sticky-note that read 'Meet me at the library.' Sam didn't know what Dean was up to this time. But he wanted to figure it out. While Sam was walking to the library he remembered how he had walked the same road once on his way to help a jock get his grades up. That seemed like a lifetime ago to Sam. And in a way it was. It had only been a year since they had finished college. They both had good jobs and a nice apartment together. They were happy. Sam worked at university as a professor and Dean worked as a car-mechanic in a garage not far from where they lived. Life was good for both of them. When Sam arrived at the library he saw a dim light coming from the main entrance. He walked up the stairs to the doors. He opened the door and was mesmerized and shocked at the sight in front of him. The boring old library was transformed in the most magical place on earth. The biggest focus was on the middle area of the library. The bookshelves in the middle were decorated with twinkling Christmas lights. One of the tables was decorated with old and new books. All of the other tables were pushed to the sides. And when Sams says the table was decorated with books, they were actually just stacked around and on the table with candles between them. But Sam loved that. It gave him a feeling of warmth when he was surrounded by books. Still oblivious of what was going on, Sam saw Dean entering the dim light that the Christmas lights gave off. He was wearing a simple black tux with a black tie and white shirt. Dean looked hot in a suit and they both knew it. "Dean, what's going on ? What's all of this ?" Sam asked. "This is the place that we first met." Dean said while walking over to Sam and grabbing his hands. "That die I came in here for the first time, I wasn't aware of it that the day I was meeting my probably nerdy tutor for some help that I didn't want, my whole life was about to change. There are a thousand things that I could say right now. About how perfect you are, how we saved each other, how I wouldn't have you any different. But I'm not going to talk about the stuff you already know. I want to talk about the little things. Like when you stumble my first reaction is to grab your arm and every time you even think about falling our arms instantly find each other. How when we're in a group of 10 people we still have our own conversation without saying a word. We have a conversation with our eyes and mouthing words. About in a crowd of hundreds I'd still recognize that brown mop of hair. It's in those little things that we show our love. So Sam, Samuel, my Sammy would you do me the tremendous honor of becoming my husband ? Will you marry me?" As Dean said those lasts sentence he got down on one knee and opened a tiny black velvet box. Sam was overrun with emotion and could only say one thing. "It's Sam and yes, I'd love to." Dean jumped up and placed the simple silver ring on Sam's finger. He hugged him tightly and pulled him in for a kiss. That night while Dean was asleep on his chest, Sam though about how years ago they were two scared boys. One afraid to love and the other afraid to live. But Sam knew that he would never have to be afraid ever again as long as Dean was by his side.