The further tales of Jack and Sam - with a few friends thrown in. Pure fluff and totally not mine. Please enjoy!
He watched her through the window, a place he'd stood more times than he could remember. But now, it was almost foreign to him. He'd moved on, this time not because of guilt or anger or loss, but because it had been time. He wondered if she felt the same or if this place, with all its excitement and adventure and friendships, was a missing piece in her soul.
They'd arrived yesterday and had decided to stay in a hotel. It was easier on everyone, they'd decided and they'd soon head off to the cabin anyway. They came in to the mountain this morning, not on any official visit, just to say hello.
It'd been a great time seeing all the old faces, but a little strange too. While all of their friends from here had attended their wedding, they'd never really seen General O'Neill and Colonel Carter together as 'Jack and Sam'. He could tell that some felt uncomfortable and didn't know quite how to relate to them. He was pretty sure that her very obvious pregnancy also made things feel a bit weird.
He couldn't help but laugh to himself. He was sure that some of the people here had the same feelings about them as one does imagining one's parents 'doing it'. It had taken Daniel awhile not to go 'ooh' when he and Sam would kiss. He frowned slightly. He was pretty sure Teal'c had taken it in stride like he did most things.
After visiting various people all day, Sam had excused herself, telling everyone she wanted to get off her feet for awhile. The problem was, he knew her too well to buy that she was tired. She had more energy in her little finger than the whole base put together. No, there was something else going on and he wanted to find out what it was.
He didn't follow immediately, but after chatting to Walter for a few minutes, he excused himself. He was pretty sure he knew where she was and so headed directly to the Gate room. As he was about to swipe his access card he suddenly stopped. No, she wanted this time alone. He needed to give her that. So, changing direction he'd made his way to the Control Room, where he now stood, watching his wife look at the Gate.
He could see the longing in her face, and the loss. A wave of sadness washed over him. This is what it had always been about. It had always been a choice between them and the Gate. They had known, very early on, that they couldn't have both. Ultimately he had given it up, not for her, but because it was time to leave the front lines and move to a more senior, but sedentary role. It wasn't really the physical age that got him – Thor had fixed that and he was healthier than most 30 year olds – no, it was the fact that he'd had enough. He'd spent most of his adult life in one battle after another, catching one more bad guy, protecting earth one more time. Oh, he was still protecting earth but the difference was now the only thing he killed were brain cells and maybe a few nerve endings in his butt from sitting in so many meetings. It had taken him awhile to get used to the change, to get to enjoy a life not lived under the influence of adrenaline and one where he actually had a life. Now, he wouldn't change it for anything.
But he knew it was different for Sam. She hadn't really been ready to leave Gate travel. He knew she had given it up for him – no, for them. Still, she missed it; even more than that, she yearned for it. He could tell by the look on her face right now, that she was dreaming of walking through that Gate again, to places new and as yet undiscovered.
He took a deep breath and slowly turned. He wouldn't disturb her – he'd already disrupted her life. He just wished he could give her this back, but he didn't think he'd be able to watch her step through again, not when she was finally his and not when they had a child to raise. Still, he knew that in the end, if that's what she wanted, there wasn't anything he could, or would do, to stop her.
He was sitting in Daniel's office, ostensibly chatting to his friend, when Sam returned.
"Hi Sam", Daniel swiveled on his chair. "Did you have a chance to rest?"
"Yes", she smiled and walked over to Jack. "I feel much better now. How about you guys? Has Daniel talked your ear off yet Jack?" she asked with a smile. After a few seconds it faded as she noticed his distracted look and the slight frown lines which had appeared around his eyes. Was something wrong?
"Jack?" she prodded.
"Huh?" He twitched and the shook his head and looked directly at her. "Oh, sorry. Hi babe", he leaned forward and kissed her. "Did you get some rest?"
Daniel looked at her and raised his eyebrow. "You were obviously enjoying my scintillating discussion Jack!"
Jack frowned. "What? What are you talking about Daniel?" He turned immediately back to Sam. "So, did you -"
"Yes Jack", she interrupted, "I got some rest. I came to see if you were ready to go?"
"Oh", he looked down at his watch. "Is it that time already?' He stood up from the stool he was sitting on. "Sorry Daniel, I guess it's time for us to head out. We're going to have an early night and we'll pick you and Teal'c up at 0800 okay?"
"Yeah", Daniel answered, still looking in concern at his friend. "That'll be fine. Teal'c is coming back with me to my place tonight and we'll be ready in the morning. We're looking forward to this."
"Us too Daniel", Sam answered hooking her arm through her husband's. Generally when they were on a base – in DC or here – they tried to remain totally professional. Today, however, they weren't in their uniforms and this was totally a social visit. Jack had refused to speak to Hank about anything related to work.
"Nope", he'd said, holding his hands over his ears when Landry had started to talk about a new project on the Alpha site. "La, la, la, la, la,la" he sang. "I'm on vacation Hank – no shop talk!"
"Now Jack, don't tell me you can get Colonel Carter to stop talking about the Gate and wormholes and all those things for a whole month?" he'd asked with a grin.
Jack allowed a slow smile to appear and then looked over at his wife, who was giving him the 'glare of death'. "Oh, I keep her distracted with other things Hank. Isn't that right dear?"
She narrowed her eyes at him and he knew he was going to get it when they got back to the hotel. "Oh yes sweetykins – you're very distracting." She rolled her eyes.
Landry coughed, not wanting to get caught up in any kind of marital banter. The two officers turned and looked at him – Jack with a pleased grin, Sam with a look of disgust, although Hank could tell it was tempered heavily with affection. These two were very obviously in love.
"So, you're off to the mountains for a few days?" he asked.
"Yup – gonna do some fishin'!" Jack said, miming casting a line. "Daniel will read, Sam will play computer games and Teal'c will hide from the insects. It's gonna be great!"
"Sounds like fun!" he laughed. "Just stay out of trouble, okay?"
"Trouble? Us?" Jack asked, looking oh so innocent.
"Yes, you! Don't think I haven't heard all the stories. Sg1 – the original Sg1 – is famous for getting in trouble."
"Ha! I knew I'd be famous one day! I have to go back and tell that to my old drill instructor. He said I'd never amount to anything!"
"I don't know if being famous for getting into trouble is really something to brag about Jack", his loving wife said.
"Not the getting in to trouble Sam – it's the getting out of it that's important. Also something we're very good at."
They finally left the SGC and headed back to their hotel. Sam glanced over at her husband a few times, wondering what was going through his head. He'd looked happy this morning and had enjoyed talking to all his old friends and comrades. Even over lunch he'd been in fine form – teasing Daniel and getting a rise out of Teal'c. He been bugging Walter all day to consider a move to DC to work for him, but when Landry caught him he'd threatened to send him through the Gate without a GDO – "and you'll never be able to come back and steal any more of my people!"
It wasn't until she'd returned to pick Jack up in Daniel's office that she'd noticed him grow quiet and introspective. It worried her because that usually wasn't a good thing with Jack.
It wasn't until they'd gotten to their room and changed into more comfortable clothing that she broached the subject. "Is everything okay Jack?" she'd asked, moving close to him.
"What?' he looked at her in surprise. "Everything's fine. Why shouldn't it be?"
"I don't know. You just seemed quiet and kind of distracted. I just wondered if something had happened this afternoon to upset you."
"Who me? No, I guess I'm just tired", he said, although she was pretty sure that wasn't true. She could usually tell when he was tired, and this was something very different. Well, he clearly didn't want to talk about whatever it was so she guessed she might as well try and put it out of her mind.
After supper they returned to the hotel and watched a bit of television before bed. When the light was turned out finally, Sam scooted over to Jack and cuddled up against him. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer.
This would normally have made her extremely happy – there was nothing she loved more than being close to him. This time, however, it worried her. It almost felt as if he were holding her in desperation – as if he was afraid he was going to lose her.
They were on the road again the next day, bright and early, but this time with Teal'c and Daniel along for the ride. Sam had insisted on sitting in the back seat in order to give Teal'c more room. "I'm fine Teal'c, and this will give me a chance to talk to Daniel about some of his work."
All of them were happy with that arrangement – Daniel and Sam because they loved to talk about all things science, Teal'c and Jack because they didn't.
"So T buddy", Jack glanced at his Jaffa friend, "How are things going?" The two men chatted about what was going on throughout the galaxy as casually as if they were discussing the latest baseball scores. Jack had a very brief thought that his life was truly weird.
"So, things going good Sam", Daniel finally asked quietly, after they'd covered some of the work he was doing.
"Yes", she smiled cheerfully. "Things have been going great."
"Good, you both look happy. I always kind of wondered what would happen if the two of you ever decided to go for it. I must admit I was a bit worried that it would be difficult moving from a totally different kind of relationship into marriage."
"Yeah, I did too and so did Jack. That was one of the reasons we waited so long. I think we were both frightened it wouldn't work and then we would have given everything up and ended up with nothing."
"But that obviously didn't happen."
"No", she smiled again, "It didn't. I sometimes still have to pinch myself you know. I wake up some mornings convinced it was all some dream – or another case of mind stamping. Then, when I realize it's true, I can't believe how lucky I am."
"I'm glad Sam", he said simply. "But tell me – how is it really? I mean, living with Jack?" He grinned.
She laughed and the two men in the front turned around. "Nothing guys. Daniel's just telling me a funny archaeology story." As she had known it would, that caused them to turn their heads forward and begin talking immediately.
"How is it? You know, I always thought – I mean, the very few times I thought about it – that living with Jack would be fun but challenging. He can be impatient and sarcastic – and has some quirks – so I always figured there would be a lot of adjustments for both of us."
"And there wasn't?"
"It was funny", she said, "It turns out he's very easy to live with. He's totally accommodating and knows how to share space. I was the one that was a pain. I'm much worse than he is and he's had to be totally long-suffering with me. Sometimes I really wonder how he puts up with me!" she said.
"Really?" he made a soundless whistle. "I wouldn't have thought that either. And he doesn't boss you around?"
She laughed. "No, in fact I had to tell him to stop asking me how I felt about every decision. I think he was terrified that he'd start ordering me around and so went too far the other way. We've worked it out now though. On the odd time he does get bossy I just start calling him 'General' and he gets it and stops. But then there are times I click into scientist mode and start babbling."
"And does he call you 'Carter' at those times?"
She turned a little red and said "no, he calls me Carter at –different – times. When I do the scientist thing he usually plugs his ears and hums."
"Yeah, that sounds like Jack." There was a pause and then Daniel looked briefly down at her tummy. "Uh, Teal'c mentioned that Jack had a bit of a hard time with – uh -"
"The pregnancy?" she asked.
"Uh huh. I don't want to pry but I was concerned."
"Thank you Daniel – and don't worry about prying. You're family!" She stopped and bit her lip, thinking about what to say. "He did have a bit of a hard time, and I think he still does, sometimes. When I first told him I'd felt the baby move I think it all became real to him and it brought back all sorts of feelings and guilt about Charlie. We had a good talk about it, and he seems to be dealing with things pretty well. Like I said, I think he sometimes gets worried but for the most part he's pretty excited."
"I had wondered about that", he nodded. "I wasn't surprised when Teal'c told me. I thought about calling but figured he was probably the best person to talk to Jack – and you of course. Jack is so great with kids that it would have been a shame if he hadn't had any, but I always kind of wondered if he'd go for it, knowing all the guilt he carried around."
"Yes – well – we kind of didn't talk about it", she admitted.
"You didn't - !"
"No – it was a bit of an accident."
"A bit? Sam, that's more than 'a bit" he said, pointing to her 'bump'. "No wonder he freaked out. He went from thinking he was going to be alone for the rest of his life to married with a child on the way in a couple of months. Knowing him he was probably still convinced that he didn't deserve any of this."
"Yeah", she grimaced. "And I didn't help anything by freaking out myself and then going all 'bridezilla' on him. Poor man, I really don't know how he coped."
"It was the black ops training Sam. He was used to dealing with highly dangerous, volatile situations! It brings out the best in him."
"Are you calling me volatile? Dangerous I'll accept, but -"
"Normally I wouldn't", he chortled, "but those first few months of pregnancy – yeah, I would have called you 'volatile'. Hell, I almost invited Jack to come off world with us and help deal with the Ori. I figured it would be safer."
She reached out and hit him on the shoulder.
"Ow!"
"You deserved it
"What are you two talking about back there?" Jack said into the rear view mirror.
"Nothing", Daniel answered quickly.
"Daniel is just accusing me of being a hormonal, emotional pregnant woman!"
"Hey, I didn't say that!"
"No, but you implied it. I may have been a teensy bit emotional for a very short time, but I'll have you know that I'm calm as can be now. Isn't that right Jack?"
"Oh yeah", he agreed quickly – too quickly. "No emotions there. She's as calm and steady as a -"
"As a what Jack? she asked suspiciously, when he paused.
"Uh, as a, as a Nox. That's it, as a Nox – but with much nicer hair", he said quickly.
"Jaaack!"
"What? Nox are good. You like the Nox, right? And they're calm and everything."
She giggled. "It's okay Jack, I'll accept 'Nox'. But really, I'm not so bad, am I?"
"No, you're great! She is guys, so you don't need to worry that she'll suddenly take out the butcher knife and start to attack you or anything."
"I do not worry about that O'Neill", Teal'c said gravely. "I do not believe that Samantha would ever hurt us."
"Really? Well that's because you've never seen her crave brussels sprouts at 2:30 in the morning. I was pretty sure I was a goner."
Teal'c turned around and considered her seriously. "Shall we stop and purchase brussels sprouts for you Colonel Carter?"
"No Teal'c, I'm sure I'll be fine. Jack, stop telling stories!"
"Stories! I'll have you know that was totally true."
"Okay, but it only happened once!"
"Believe me", he said to his two friends, "once was enough!"
They arrived shortly thereafter at the cabin. It was a little less rustic than Jack's and had a full four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Besides that it had a modern kitchen and a lovely deck which overlooked the sparkling blue lake.
Sam got out of the car and stretched. "This is so nice", she said. She turned to the guys and smiled. "And I'm so glad you're both here. It's almost like old times", she said.
"Except for the lack of people shooting, zatting or generally trying to wipe us out." Daniel commented.
"There's that of course", she agreed.
"Although, Daniel Jackson, if this is anything like O'Neill's cabin, we may have to contend with vicious small insects who are, as you say, trying to wipe us out."
"Teal'c, you're such a wuss!" Jack called as he walked towards the cabin carrying some of the cases. "Come on, let's get settled and then we can throw some steaks on the barbeque and have a beer." He turned and gave Sam a quick kiss. "Except for you. You can have milk!"
"Jack, I'm not having milk with steak! I'll have a ginger ale."
They busied themselves getting their things put away while Jack got the steaks out and the grill ready. He opened the cooler and got out the salads and chips they'd purchased. "Lunch is ready!" he called.
After lunch they spent the afternoon lounging around, talking and taking a dip in the clear lake. Sam kept her eye on Jack all afternoon. He seemed happy – joking around with the guys and generally being his relaxed, Jack self. Outwardly there was no hint of anything wrong, but she still sensed that there was something. She just wished she could put her finger on it.
She debated asking Daniel or Teal'c, but decided against it. They'd both start thinking the two of them were crazy, or were having trouble in their marriage, which was totally untrue. It was just that Jack had so many demons and every once in a while one or two of them would pop out. For some reason, she was pretty sure that's what had happened. She just wished she had an idea of what it was.
They spent the evening playing poker and Jack, as usual, cleaned up. She had accused him once of turning on his black op skills when he played. "You become a totally different person who's impossible to read", she'd complained. "It's not fair!"
He'd simply laughed and hugged and kissed her. "But when we're playing poker I don't want you to 'read me'. That's the whole point of poker."
"I know, but I'm your wife!"
"So? I'm still going to beat you. You said I wasn't supposed to give you special privileges because I married you so - ?"
"That was at work – not at the poker table - or in bed, for that matter."
"Now there's one place I will give you special privileges; as many as you want in fact!"
She sidled up to him and rubbed her hand up and down his shirt. She then batted her eyelashes at him. "But you won't let me win one, teeny little poker game?" she purred.
He canted his head to the side and looked at her suspiciously. "Are you trying to seduce me into letting you win?"
"Is it working?" she asked.
"Nope."
She stood up straight and stepped back. "Well in that case, I'm going to go talk to Daniel." She turned around and wiggled her way out of the room. He had to admire her swishing 'behind'. He was sooo tempted to go after her.
The next morning they all slept in, just enjoying not having to do anything. It was as they were sitting eating lunch that they heard a car drive up.
"I wonder who that could be?" Sam asked, standing up. She glanced at Jack, who was smiling. "Do you know who this is?" she asked.
"Maybe", he answered, through a bite of his hotdog. "Why don't you go and see."
He watched as she walked to the door and opened it. There was a 10 second delay and then he heard a squeal. The next thing he knew, Sam had disappeared out of the doorway and had run towards the driveway.
"Who is it that has arrived O'Neill?" Teal'c asked curiously. Daniel was also looking at him expectantly.
He didn't have to answer because precisely at that moment the door opened and Sam walked in with her arm around a beaming Cassie.
"Jack, why didn't you tell me she was coming", Sam said, a huge smile on her face.
"I wanted to surprise you and she didn't know if she'd be able to make it so I didn't want to get your hopes up." He opened his arms and Cassie ran towards him and gave him a big hug. "You finished your paper?" he asked. Cassie had been taking a session of summer school to get ahead on some of her classes.
"Yeah. I came as soon as I handed it in. Oh, it's so good to see you guys!" She next hugged Daniel and then Teal'c. "We're going to have so much fun! I can hardly wait."
The others all laughed. It was great to Cassie looking so happy and carefree. She'd had a rough time after Janet's death and was only now getting to where things seemed to be going well for her.
They put a place out for her at the table and the five of them talked and laughed well into the afternoon, eventually moving out onto the patio. Cassie convinced Sam to change into her bathing suit and come into the water with her.
"Come on Sam, you need some exercise! It's hot out and it'll feel great."
"It's easy for you to say Cas. You don't look like a beached whale in your bathing suit."
"You don't look like a beached whale. You look cute Sam. Doesn't she Uncle Jack?" she turned to look at the man who was sprawled out in the deck chair, half asleep.
"Mmmm", he answered, not opening his eyes.
"See Sam!"
"He doesn't even know what you asked him", Sam replied.
"Sure he does. Don't you Jack", she called over.
"Mmm hmm ", he grunted.
"There, see."
"Okay, okay, I'll go. But if there are any comments about how I look in a bathing suit -!"
Cassie watched as Sam headed back into the house. She then turned to Jack. "You're awake Uncle Jack, don't pretend otherwise."
He opened one eye and looked at her, grinning.
"Why didn't you agree with me when I said Sam looked cute?"
"I did!"
"You didn't sound like you particularly believed it."
"That's because I don't think she looks 'cute'", he replied calmly, closing his eyes.
"What!"
"I think she looks sexy", he continued, without looking at her. Unfortunately, he missed the fact that Sam had walked out at that precise moment. Cassie couldn't help but grin when she saw Sam's embarrassed, but pleased expression.
"Let's go Sam. Last one in is a rotten egg!"
The two women splashed water at each other and generally played like two kids the rest of the afternoon. Jack sat and watched them, entranced at the picture of complete joy in front of him. Considering what these two had been through in their lives, it was amazing at their capacity to still enjoy the simple things in life.
"They look good, don't they", Daniel's voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked at his friend briefly and then turned back towards the lake.
"Yeah, they do."
"I'm happy for you, you know, and so is Teal'c. It's great to see the two of you so – good – together."
"Mmmm Hmmm", Jack answered, unconvincingly.
"Okay, that didn't sound like someone who's happy. What's up?" He turned to the General and leaned back against the railing. "What's going on in that head of yours now Jack?"
Jack looked at his friend again, and was about ready to make a quick quip and change the subject, but then thought – no, maybe Daniel was the one to talk to about this. He'd understand.
"I am happy Daniel. It's Sam who I think may not be. I – think she misses the Gate", he finally admitted.
"Yeah?" Daniel waited and when nothing more was coming asked, "and that's a problem?"
Two lines appeared on Jack's forehead as he frowned. "Of course it is", he answered. "She's stuck in DC, with me, having my kid. It's not like she can just go back and join Sg1. I feel like I've trapped her in this life and she'd rather be with you guys."
"Has she said something?" Daniel asked, a frown of his own now on his face.
"To me? No, but I saw her in the Gate room. She looked so – lost – so sad. It hit me then that I'd done her a real disservice by -"
"By what Jack? What did you do to her that she didn't want? If my memory serves me correctly, she was the one who went to your cabin, after you had gone to DC without saying a thing to her. If she didn't want that life I don't think she would have done that."
"Look, maybe she's just realized now. I mean, the pregnancy wasn't exactly planned and it could be she's feeling like she has no choice now. It's not like she can change her mind at this point."
"I didn't get the feeling she was unhappy Jack", Daniel said. "In fact, she seems really content. I mean, she probably does miss the Gate, but that doesn't mean she'd exchange it for what she has now. Don't you miss the Gate sometimes?"
"Yeah", Jack answered after a brief pause. "Sometimes I do, although since I've been with Sam I don't really think about it all that much. I – have everything I've always wanted." He leaned forward and put his arms on the railing. "I don't think I've ever been this happy Daniel, and that frightens me. Anytime I've been happy in the past, I've managed to screw it up or something bad has happened. I'm just worried that Sam will wake up one day and look around and decide this isn't what she wants."
"Do you trust her?" Daniel said suddenly.
Jack looked at him, an almost angry expression on his face. "Of course I trust her. What are you implying?"
"Nothing. All I'm saying is that don't you think she'd say something to you if she wasn't happy. I don't think Sam is capable of lying. She'd let you know if this wasn't working for her – but I don't think that's the case. Like I said, she looks really happy to me. I think you're doing her a disservice by not talking to her and by assuming you know what she's thinking."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just – I don't want to hurt her, you know?"
"I know Jack, and so does she. I do think she knows you're worried though, and it's scaring her. You have to talk to her."
Jack stood up and gave a small chuckle. "That's not my strong suit Daniel." He walked to the door into the cabin. "I'm gonna get a beer, you want one?"
"Yeah, thanks." Daniel watched as his friend disappeared. He hoped that Jack would follow through and actually talk to his wife. Sometimes he wondered about those two.
"Here ya go", Jack handed him the beer and they made their way to the deck chairs and sat down, neither of them saying anything.
"Thanks", Jack finally said.
"You're welcome." Nothing more needed to be said.
"How's Uncle Jack?" Cassie asked, as they sat on a rock by the lake, drying off in the warm sunlight.
"He's great", Sam replied. "He works too hard, but otherwise he's fine."
"So things are good between you two?" Cassie wanted to know.
"Very good Cas. He's an amazing man."
"You don't have to tell me. I've known that for a long time. Both Mom and I thought you two were perfect for each other."
"Your Mom?"
"Yeah, didn't she ever say anything to you?"
"No, not really. She couldn't you know. We were both in the Air Force, and to even hint at such a thing could have caused problems. I knew she'd seen the Zatarc testing" she glanced at Cassie who looked curious. "Doesn't matter - it just was something that kind of gave away our feelings. Anyway, she didn't say anything then and later, I thought the feelings were gone so it didn't matter."
"She was unhappy when you and Pete were seeing each other", she announced in the way teenagers have of being too direct.
"She didn't tell me that", Sam looked surprised. "I thought she liked him."
"Oh, she said he was a nice guy and all, but that he was totally wrong for you. She said you would have walked over him in a day – in a nice way of course", she added quickly, seeming to realize that she'd gone a bit far. "She said that Uncle Jack was the one person who could love all sides of you."
"All sides of me?"
"Yeah, the scientist side and the soldier side and the woman side. She said that other men you'd dated all just saw one or two sides but that Uncle Jack knew the real you. Not only did he know you, but he wouldn't want you to give up any part of yourself, that he liked all of you the way you were."
Sam sat stunned, realizing that this young woman – a girl she'd known since childhood – had just articulated for her why she loved Jack O'Neill. That was it exactly – he was the first, in fact the only, person she'd ever met who'd loved her for who she was – the whole messed up, complicated package. She wasn't some ideal woman, like so many of the men she'd known had thought. No, she was a mixture of all sorts of things – some good, some not so good – and Jack loved them, or at least accepted them all.
"You're right Cas – or your mother was – and that's exactly why I love him so much." She reached over and hugged the girl – young woman now – "I love you too Cassie, and I'm so glad you're here."
"Me too", Cassie said into her shoulder. "I – you're my only family now, you and Uncle Jack. That's why I was so happy when you got together. It kind of – makes me feel like I've got a – real family, you know?"
"You do Cassie. Uncle Jack and I, Teal'c, Daniel, General Hammond – we're all your real family and we'll always be here for you."
"Thank you Sam." She looked up, her face wet with tears. "I'm hungry. Should we go get something to eat?"
They had another fun night, playing games and eating popcorn. They all ganged up on Jack – or at least so he complained – as he was winning again. Finally, all laughing and buttery and sleepy, they headed to bed.
The next morning Sam woke up early. The baby was really kicking and she couldn't sleep. She grabbed a robe and made her way out onto the deck to watch the newly risen sun as it shone on the lake.
She thought about what Cassie had said yesterday, and was surprised again at Janet's wisdom. She couldn't help but look up, hoping that her friend was there, watching them. "Janet, you have an amazing daughter", she said quietly. "which isn't surprising as you were a pretty amazing person yourself. God, I miss you. I wish you were here." She stood a moment longer. "But don't worry, we'll love her and watch over her for you."
It was a short time later, as she stood there looking out into the crystal sharp air of the new day, that she felt two strong and warm arms snake around her from behind and pull her back.
"Jack, did I wake you?" she asked softly.
"Only when I went to roll over to cuddle with my trusty hot water bottle and she was gone. You okay?" he asked, gently nuzzling her ear.
"I'm fine. The baby was kicking and I couldn't sleep so I came out here to watch the sunrise. It's such a beautiful time of day."
He continued to hold her as they stood there. She enjoyed the peace and the feeling of safety and contentment she felt while in his arms. "Did you know that Janet told Cassie you and I should be together?"
"Did she? I'm not surprised. Janet was smart."
"Yeah, I think she probably knew more about each of us than anyone."
"Well, she often saw us at our weakest so it's not surprising. She was also sneaky", he complained.
"Sneaky?" she laughed as she turned her face up to look at him. "You only say that because she could make you do things no one else dared."
He rested his chin on the top of her head and gazed out into the water. "That she could." He took a deep breath. "I miss the tiny Napoleonic Power Monger."
"I do too."
After a time of silence, while they both contemplated the loss of their friend, Sam decided that now was a good time to find out what was going on with her husband. There was something about this time of day that stripped everything away and made you feel like you had to be honest.
"Jack?" she asked, turning into him.
"Yeah?" he looked down at her, a small worried frown on his face. This was it, he thought.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
His head snapped back. "Wrong? What do you mean?" he was confused.
"You've been acting a little – I don't know, off, in the last couple of days. Oh – not bad or anything. I just know you and there's something bothering you. I want to help if I can."
He should have known, he thought. This woman was way too canny to not notice that he'd been – okay, admit it O'Neill, you've been brooding.
"It's not me", he started, "I mean, it is and it isn't."
"Okay – but you'll have to be a bit more – clear than that Jack."
"Right." He stopped and then moved away from her, returning again to the railing. He didn't know it but his move had her really worrying about what was wrong. Why didn't he want to hold her?
"I – I saw you the other day", he said quietly, as if that was explanation enough.
"Oka –ay", she said, hesitatingly. "Saw me doing what?" She knew there was nothing – not even something innocent that could be misconstrued – that she had done to worry him.
"I saw you in the Gate room – when we were at the SGC."
"Okay", she repeated. "I did have permission. I asked Landry if I could go in there."
"I know – that's not what I mean."
"Then what is it? I was just there for a few minutes. I don't think I even spoke with anyone."
"It's just – I saw your expression when you were looking at it." He said, finally glancing up at her.
"My expression? I don't understand Jack. What kind of expression did you think I had?"
"You looked – like you had just lost someone you loved – that you were letting go of the most important thing in the world. I just - I thought – maybe I asked too much of you." He finished quietly, turning back to face the lake.
It took her a moment to figure out what he was saying. When she did, she didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him. She was both blazingly angry and incredibly touched, all at the same time. This man certainly knew how to keep her off balance.
"So you watched me", she said, stepping up and standing next to him, but also looking ahead to the lake, "and decided that I was suddenly regretting everything? That I didn't want to be married to you or to have your child, but that instead I wanted to go back to Sg1 and travel through the Gate. Is that what you thought?"
"Yeah, kiinda", he answered, biting his lip.
"Kinda?"She knew she had to speak calmly – there was not point hauling off and hitting him, although she was tempted. "Jack, I love you and I love our life together and I love our baby. I can hardly wait until he or she is here with us. I do not, I repeat I DO NOT regret coming to your cabin, making love with you, getting pregnant, getting married – or anything else that has happened between us. I love you, you idiot!"
"Then the Gate?" he peeked at her out of the corner of his eyes.
"Of course I miss the Gate! It was my life for 8 years and I had some of the greatest adventures anyone could have. And if I looked sad then yes – maybe I was saying goodbye in a way. It doesn't mean I want to give up what we have and go back. I'd be crazy to want that, especially now. There is no way I would do anything that would put our child in danger – or my child's mother. I lost my own mother when I was too young. I don't want to do that to my child. Don't you get it Jack? I love you – more than anything. And not going through the Gate? That's a very small price to pay for what I get in return."
She could feel the tension leave Jack's body and he practically sagged against the rail. She knew it would be a long time – maybe never – before he truly trusted that things weren't going to fall apart at any moment. She knew she would probably have to spend a lifetime reassuring him. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. "You really are an idiot, you know."
"I know", he answered with a small smile, "but you love me anyway, right?"
"Of course I do, especially if you'll take me back to bed and warm me up. I'm freezing!"
He put his arm around her and led her back inside to their room. He then tucked her under the covers and got in beside her and wrapped his body around hers.
"The guys will be getting up soon", she said.
"I don't care", he whispered into her neck. "They can look after themselves. I've got a comfortable bed, warm blankets and a sexy wife and I don't plan on getting out of this bed for a long, long time."
"Sounds good to me."