Hello everybody!!! Thank you to all those who read my last fic and those who reviewed. For anyone who was wondering, A Single Moment Changes Everything is a oneshot, but I may add a second chapter - I want to see what TPTB will do in the premiere first.
This is another story based on Season 6 Spoilers, so if you're spoiler-free, turn away now!
The inspiration for this one came from a conversation I had with NothatRose, and my mind went into overdrive after that. This is the most angsty fic I have done so far, and probably the darkest and most heavy one as well, but it was a lot of fun to write. So, a giant THANK YOU to NothatRose!!!
As usual, I own nothing, and all mistakes are mine.
This one isn't pretty. Don't hate me.
Consequences
Danny Messer had never thought he could hate his life more than he did at the present moment.
The physical therapy sessions he endured to recover the use of his legs were not going well at all. Danny couldn't get past the notion of going through an excruciating amount of pain to only take a few steps before his legs would collapse from the strain, and the entire process was seriously making him question whether it was even worth the pain at all.
In addition, both life at home and at work was frustrating the hell out of him as everything was 10 times more difficult to do without the use of legs and always seemed to be beyond the scope of reach from his new vantage point. The accommodation coming from his friends and family was wearing on his last nerve because it only made him feel worse by constantly reminding him that he was disabled – the caveat of 'temporary' to his disability really meant nothing to Danny at the moment.
To top everything else off, he couldn't even care for his own daughter by himself, so he just tried to stay away from her as much as he could so that the absence would be less painful to them both. It seemed like a cosmic joke to him: the one person who didn't have any clue that he was different, who could treat him the same as before the shootout, and he couldn't be left alone with her.
These days, nothing – the 'temporary' element of his paralysis, the support of his friends, the love of Lindsay and Lucy – could save Danny from his rage.
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After a particularly difficult therapy session, Danny came home completely exhausted and headed straight for their bedroom to rest. As he tried to transfer himself from the chair to the bed, his tired arms gave out from overwork and Danny pitched forward to the floor, face first. Lindsay, hearing the thud, came into the bedroom and tried to at least help Danny get back into a sitting position. Instead, Danny pushed her off him.
"You've already done enough."
Confusion crossed Lindsay's face, from both the statement and the acidic tone it was laced with. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"I got this way because I was protecting you."
Lindsay could not believe what she was hearing. "Are you seriously blaming me for you being in a wheelchair?"
With a dangerous coolness to his voice, he replied, "No, I'm just sayin'."
"I never asked you to push me to the ground and take a bullet that was likely meant for me. And how many times have I thanked you and apologized because you ended up like this while protecting me?"
"Well, excuse me for thinkin' that your thanks and apologies mean jack shit while I'm stuck in that damn thing. They're not gonna make me walk again," he spat bitterly.
"Dammit Danny, drop the self-pity bullshit! You know damn well that your body needs to heal and when it does, you'll regain the ability to walk." Danny chose to scoff at her remarks. "What the hell else do you want me to be doing – I'm trying to be there for you through everything while taking care of an infant largely on my own and working a demanding job."
"What the hell do you want, a medal or somethin' for doing all that? You have the use of your legs, so it can't be all that hard." Finally lying on the bed, Danny propped himself up on the headboard, his arms behind his head, looking so non-chalant despite the impact of his words on Lindsay.
"You're a bastard, you know that?" Danny shrugged. "Trust me, I wish I could go back and stop you from doing what you did. I'd gladly take the bullet over this."
"Then it seems to me that we're on the same page."
Before either of them knew what was happening, Lindsay's fist came in contact with Danny's jaw. Re-crossing the room, she watched as he nursed his jaw. With venom in her eyes, Lindsay spoke through her clenched teeth and kept her voice low but dangerous, aware that Lucy was still sleeping
"Fuck you Messer. I never should have married you; you're nothing but a selfish piece of shit who takes out everything on those you claim to love. I'm not letting MY daughter live in this environment. We're leaving in the morning and you're not stopping me."
His anger refuelled by the knock to his jaw, he spat out "Leave then, see if I give a shit!"
"You know, I really thought that you were the man for me, but I was wrong. And Lucy, she deserves better than you for a father."
Without another word, Lindsay left the bedroom. Danny, no longer interested in what Lindsay was doing, leaned over to the bedside table for his pain medication, taking two pills and lying back to let the relief wash over him. With the anger coursing so strongly through his veins making the process more difficult, eventually the pain killers knocked Danny out.
– Danny was back in the lab, watching another Danny walking around. Noticing that there was no wedding ring on his finger, he was disappointed, thinking that he was seeing himself before the accident, until he took another look at himself and saw that he looked older, the circles under his eyes heavy and dark, his clothes hanging off a thinning frame.
The perspective changed and he was in Mac's office, watching Mac and Stella engaged in a conversation. As he neared them, he could hear what they were saying.
"Have you seen the pictures yet?"
"No. I got the e-mail, but I haven't had a chance to open it."
"Well, you're in luck Mac, because I printed them off."
Danny got closer and he could see the pictures now too. The first one showed Lindsay in an unfamiliar place, holding a tiny infant – a boy, based on the colour of the hat – surrounded by 3 other children: a set of what appeared to be twins, a boy and girl, who looked about two years old and an older girl, maybe 8 years old, with crystal blue eyes and his grin.
Lucy.
Before he could look again, Stella had changed the picture, this one with Lindsay and the baby and an unfamiliar man, his arm wrapped around her body and kissing her on the lips. Completely confused, Danny hoped that someone would speak again. His wish was granted by Mac.
"Has Danny seen these?"
"As far as I know, he hasn't, but I'm pretty sure he heard that Lindsay gave birth."
"I guess this will just have to be another set of photos that we can only display at home. You know, it's too bad that Lindsay and Danny couldn't at least stay on speaking terms for Lucy's sake."
"Come on, Mac, you remember what Danny put her through after the shootout. It was best that Lucy not be around that. I miss them as much as you do, but they're happy where they are and you know that even though he misses them both, Danny realizes that he lost his chance and he accepts that."
"I guess so."
Danny was reeling now, learning that the version of him he had seen earlier on had not had any contact with Lindsay or Lucy seemingly since she left him during the whole wheelchair fiasco. Struggling to process the information, Danny closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he saw that he was now in his apartment. His other self was walking by him and headed into the spare bedroom, which was still the same as it was in reality, Lucy's nursery, even though he now knew that he was seeing himself more than five years later.
From the nearby dresser, the older Danny picked up a framed photograph, one of him, Lindsay and Lucy in happier times. Looking over his older version's shoulder, Danny could see that it was a picture of the family from only a few days before the shootout – he recognized the picture immediately, the smiles radiating out at him from under the glass.
Danny watched as his older self placed a kiss to the photo before replacing it on the dresser. Looking on in pain which quickly morphed into horror, Danny watched helplessly as his older self pulled a gun out of his back pocket, placed the barrel to his head and –
Danny's eyes flew open and automatically filled with tears. And with the tears came the guilt.
Terrified about what he had done to his wife, Danny hurried to get back into his wheelchair and frantically set out to search the apartment to find Lindsay.
His first stop was Lucy's room, where he found only his daughter fast asleep in her crib. Closing the door again, he headed to the living room, finding Lindsay curled up into a ball on the couch, facing away from him. Her shaking frame clearly gave away the fact that she was crying.
"Please Linds, don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."
"Leave me alone Danny. We're done. You don't get to tell me what to do anymore."
"That's not what I want."
"I'm way past the point of caring about what you want anymore. This is what's best for Lucy, and for me."
"No it's not. Please don't leave, I'm beggin' you. I didn't mean all those hurtful things, I swear. I'm so sorry."
Lindsay finally turned to him, a little surprised to see that his eyes were also wet. Pressing on despite what she saw, she looked him dead in the face and spoke. "You're apology's pretty hollow after all the things you said. Why should I even believe you?"
"Because I'd rather die than have you or Lucy get hurt and because I know I need both you and her in my life. I know that you should walk the hell out on me, but I hope that you'll stay."
"Why should I?"
"Because despite my actions and my words lately, I do love you and Lucy, with all my heart, and I know how much stress you're putting on yourself to keep us all together. The two of you are the only reasons why I'm able to still be here today. Without you two, I'm nothing, plain and simple. I swear to God, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win back your trust and your love. Please, just give me another chance."
"I don't know if I can keep doing this with you Danny. You push me away and I stick around and take all the crap you dish out until it's pointed out to you how much of a dick you've been and you apologize and swear it won't happen again. But guess what? We're here again and it's the same as before. You tell me, what's really different this time?"
Danny put his left hand up between the two of them.
"This is what's different. You're my wife and I'm your husband. Those vows we made to one another, you've been living up to them, and then some. Let me have the chance to prove to you that I meant them too. Let me show you that I truly am the man you thought I was outside that door in city hall. I don't expect you to forgive me for what I've done and what I've said, not for a long time – if ever – but I hope you're willing to take a chance on me."
Danny's eyes pleaded with hers, but her whole face was guarded, betraying nothing of what she was thinking or feeling. "I don't know, Danny, I need some time to think."
"OK, I understand." Lindsay started to turn away from him, but she stopped when he started to talk again. "I just have one more thing to say, then I'm going to lie back down and leave you alone to think.
"There's no excusing my lashing out at you like I just did, no matter how angry I am at my current situation. I can't even begin to apologize and try to take back what I said about the shootout but I wanted you to know, in no uncertain terms, that I don't blame you for me being in this chair. I know for a fact that if our roles were reversed, I wouldn't face this with as much courage and strength as you are. I have never regretted switching shifts with you on your 'Snow Day' and I will never regret pushing you out of the way at the bar. I would understand if you didn't want to believe me, but I swear on Lucy, it's the truth."
Lindsay nodded slightly to let Danny know that she had heard him, and he rolled out of the living room leaving her to her thoughts.
Once again, like in the fallout of Ruben Sandoval's death, Lindsay was faced with a choice, both options painful: She could either stay with Danny and work through the pain to potentially get to a better place, or she could walk away and deal with the pain of having to move on from Danny. She wasn't sure that she could stay with Danny after that tirade, but the fact that he swore on Lucy that it wasn't true, an invocation she knew Danny did not take lightly, was huge.
Either way, Lindsay would have to pick the option that was ultimately best for Lucy, because she was the number one priority in all of this, but she wasn't naïve enough to overlook the fact that her decision would also mark a major turning point within her own life.
Lindsay had no idea what to do.
---------------------------------------------------
For his part, Danny was trying to prepare himself for Lindsay's and Lucy's departure because if he was in her shoes he would leave, disregarding everything that he had just said in a weak attempt at redemption. The phrase 'Too little, too late" seemed completely appropriate to his current situation.
He couldn't and wouldn't blame her for leaving. Whatever decision she chose to make, he was willing to deal with the consequences, however hurtful they were to him because whatever the decision, it would be in Lucy's best interests, and that's what mattered most of all. If his dream did indeed come true, it was all his own doing and the blame would solely be his.
Knowing that it wouldn't be any good if he continued to fight the exhaustion and the pain killers, he finally gave in and tried to sleep, only to spend the next half hour staring at the ceiling with tears continually leaking from his eyes. He finally fell into a light sleep.
After what felt like only minutes of rest, but has actually been close to an hour according to the alarm clock, Danny woke up again, sensing that something was different. Turning toward Lindsay's side of the bed, he saw a small form lying on the bed beside him, facing away from him.
Danny was unsure of what it all meant and was about to close his eyes again when he felt a shifting of weight on the bed. Lindsay had turned toward him, still apparently asleep, and reached out to him, taking his hand and squeezing it before letting go once again and curling her arms around her pillow.
Danny felt the tiniest bit of hope returning to him with that one small gesture and he re-closed his eyes, determined to make tomorrow a brand new start for himself, Lindsay and Lucy.
Thanks for reading.