Title: Ray's Anatomy
Disclaimer: I don't own ER, I don't have anything to do with the show. All copyrights belong to their respected owners. Don't sue me! Instead you should hire some fan writers to work for ER so we can get the roomies together...forever..the end. ha ha.
A/N and Summary: This is the third ER story I have done and they are the same universe. So if you'd like to catch up, my first story was Caught on the Line, and the second was All Hallow's I.V. Let's face it, ER can be a total drag and very depressing...especially the past 2 seasons. So for a change, this story is a comedy! In this story, Neela and Ray get serious and make plans for their future together. Simon joins the staff...sorry! I Like Simon (and Sea Patrol) but don't worry, he will not touch Neela whatsoever...because that is just wrong. Abby, Morris, Luka, Pratt, Sam, and Gates are also around. I have more written, and will update soon ;) Enjoy! Hope to give you some laughs! Long live the roomies. Feedback is always appreciated. ;)
"Hey Neela," Morris said as he trotted over to the elevator lobby
"Hey Neela," Morris said as he trotted over to the elevator lobby. Neela was just coming down the steps when he spotter her. "You get our page?" he asked.
"Yeah, sorry for the bit of delay," she mumbled in her accented monotone, "I was a bit tied up in the lavatory."
"Yeah, those lab guys never know what the hell they're doing," he said. Neela just smiled, not seeing the point in correcting him.
"What do you need?" she asked.
"Surge consult over in Exam 2. Possible appendicitis but I wanted you to have a look."
"Appendicitis?" she asked.
"Yeah," Morris said, "Is that a problem?"
"You paged me four times in ten minutes…for appendicitis?" She said a little annoyed.
They walked down the hall over to the door to the exam room. Morris put his hands in his pocket then explained, "Sorry about that, I'm plagued with some over-zealous med students today. One presented to me with an eighteen-year-old kid. Abdominal pain, elevated white count, urinalysis was normal."
"Alright. Did you get an ultrasound yet?" she asked.
"Yeah, my student did but his anatomy's weird…probably a large mesentery."
Neela folded her arms and peered into the room at the patient. "Could be the diverticulum," she added.
Morris nodded, "That what I was thinking but either way, the kid's gonna need surgery. He's just shook up. I figured you could explain it to him better than I could…I kinda come across as a dumbass sometimes."
"Kinda?" she reiterated.
"Thanks, Rasgotra."
Neela giggled a little, "Relax, I'm just kidding."
Morris smiled, "No you're not."
"No, I'm not," she repeated before she turned and entered the exam.
Sitting on the bed was a teenage boy clad in all black attire with some eye makeup on. As Neela approached he sat up and nervously rubbed his forearm.
"Bryan, this is Dr. Rasgotra, she's a surgeon who can answers any questions you may have. Alright, Buddy?" Morris asked.
"Su-sure," he responded. "Can you stay too?"
"Sure thing," Morris said as he pulled up a chair.
Neela looked over his chart then began, "Bryan, we believe you may have appendicitis and we're going to need to take you up to surgery to have your appendix removed."
Bryan continued to rub his arms as his nerves grew, "Believe? So I might be ok? What, you would just cut me for nothing?"
"No," she reassured him, "It's not that simple. The appendix isn't always in the same spot for everyone. Yours might be hidden behind your colon or somewhere else so the pain your feeling might be from another condition."
"Like what? I, dude, I chickened out when I tried to get my ears pierced…I don't want to get cut up like a honey baked ham if I don't have to!"
Morris smirked and put his head down, hoping no one noticed. Neela threw him a look of disapproval, then continued, "Well, if you don't have appendicitis, it's possible you could have diverticulitis which is umm, it's basically an inflammation of a part of the small intestine that's near your appendix. But if that is the case, you will still require surgery to remove it."
"Well that's just great. So you're still gonna gut me. I thought the appendix didn't even do anything. How can it get messed up if it's pointless? I just, I don't want to get knocked out and cut open…that's…" he stopped and looked around.
Neela, who still was not very capable with her people skills, blinked a few times, then robotically continued, "Currently there's no known function of the appendix, but it sometimes get inflamed when there's a blockage into the cecum. Most likely from a fecalith."
Bryan looked up confused, "A what-a-lith?"
Neela blinked again, "Fecalith is like a rock made from hardened mucus or um…fecal matter."
"Fecal matter?" he asked in shock.
"Yeeessss," she slowly agreed.
"And it's a rock…blocking up… my appendix?"
"Possibly…yes," she nodded.
There was a brief moment of science. Bryan looked up and her, then down at his stomach, then back to her again. "So…you're saying I have a shit-rock stuck in me?"
Morris couldn't hold it in that time, he covered his mouth and started laughing. "That's one way of putting it, I suppose," Neela said.
"A shit-rock? There's a little rock of shit in me?" Bryan rolled his eyes, "That is so typical of my luck! Why does this shit always happen to me?"
"Literally," Morris added.
Neela rolled her eyes as Morris continued to chuckle and the patient kept rambling on. "Please, don't let this be the highlight of my day," she thought to herself.
Abby stood at the admit desk staring blankly at the board. Behind her, Sam was reorganizing the overflowing bin for the lab while she hummed quietly to herself. Suddenly, Abby's lack of concentration was interrupted by a knock on the board from the other side.
"What's the matter, can't read your writing again?" It was Ray. He looked over at her through the see-through panel and smirked.
"No…" she answered. "Some days I just don't get how I can be clearing at least two patients an hour and still be so backed up."
Ray walked around to the other side and joined her in staring at the board. "Try a suppository," he suggested.
Sam looked up and squinted, "Ray…ewww."
"Problem, Taggart?" he asked as he slighted tilted his head in her direction.
"Me? You're the one with a dirty mouth. Maybe someone should shove a suppository down your throat," she teased.
Ray smiled some more and jerked his head over to the other said, "Well then, it wouldn't be a suppository if it was down my throat, now would it?" he joked.
Sam just shook her head and mumbled to herself, "I hate doctors."
"Hey people, let's all stand around the admit desk and talk about how backed up we are with our patient load…that'll solve the problem," Pratt sarcastically added as he picked up a new chart.
Ray and Abby just looked at each other then picked up a couple new charts as well. As they began to walk away, they suddenly heard a voice from behind.
"Hey, hold up a minute everyone," it was Anspaugh. He barely frequented the ER anymore and when he did grace them with his presence, it was usually to bring them some sort of news…usually bad news. This felt like a bad news day.
"This outta be good," Ray said to Abby.
"I want to introduce you all to a new Attending, Dr. Simon Brenner," Anspagh seemed a little to happy to have him aboard. The others watched as he introduced the tall handsome blonde man standing next to him. "I've been trying to get him to come work up here with us for years, and finally it all came together."
"Thanks, Uncle," Simon said, a little embarrassed.
"Ugh oh," Abby whispered, "Just what we need, another lapdog attending." She sighed, "Oh well, I guess he can't be as bad as Clemente."
"Hey, I liked that guy," Ray added.
"Yeah, me too…aside from the paranoia, temper, showmanship, unstable relationship and his psychotic breakdown…he was swell," Abby said.
Ray frowned, "Ok, Ok…aside from that."
"…meet me later for lunch, there's some people I want to introduce you to," Anspaugh said as he patted Simon's back.
"Sure, Uncle Donnie," he said. Simon watched as he left then turned to the others and said, "Sorry about the entrance. He sure knows how to embarrass a guy. You should see him at family reunions after he's had a few."
Abby put her hands in her lab coat still pretending she was paying attention, "You've been in America long?"
"I was working in Melbourne for years. Thought it was time to try something new," he said, his eyes dancing over her body.
"Ok," she said nervously. Ray tried his best to hide his laugh behind his conveniently placed hand. She glanced over at Ray, noticing his amusement and said, "You're not helping!"
He cleared his throat, "So umm…"
"Simon"
"Right, Simon. Australia huh? You surf?" he asked in his best attempts to change to topic away from Abby.
Simon folded his arms, "Surf?" There was some annoyance now residing in his tone, "Oh I get it. Blonde bloke, in shape, Aussie, he must be a surfer. Right? And while you're at it, yes, I cook my shrimp on the barbie, wrestle crocodiles on my free time, and my toilet does indeed flush backwards."
Ray's face went blank. He looked at Abby but she was staring at the floor trying to decide if the tiling had always been that ugly. "Ugh," he finally started after some awkward silence, "I'm sorry, I ugh…"
Simon smacked Ray's back, "Nah I'm just screwing with you, mate! Look forward to working with you all. We should get a beer sometime, yeah?"
"Umm, yeah sure," Ray said blinking rapidly trying to work his way through his confusion.
"And no, I don't drink Foster's…it tastes like camel piss, alright?" he added.
"I didn't say…"
"Just kidding, catch ya later," he winked then made his way to an exam room.
Ray watched then looked down at Abby, "I am so confused. I have no idea what the hell's going on."
"Hmmm," Abby said.
"What?"
"I guess now you know how Morris must feel."
Just then Morris walked over with his hand over his ear. He moaned a little in pain then leaned up against the desk. "Awww man," he moaned again.
Ray looked over, his eyebrow slightly raised, "What's the matter, Morris? Did you try pulling quarters out of your ear again?"
"No," he said still leaned over in pain. "There's this awful ringing."
"From what?" Abby asked.
Morris looked up at them, "I don't know, must have been someone talking about me behind my back! Oh? Oh? Was it you, Twiddle Dee?" He pointed at Abby and twirled his finger in her face. Abby quickly smacked it away.
"Don't you have administrative duties to fulfill?" she nagged.
"Don't you have patients to kill?"
"Doesn't anyone work around here anymore?" Came Pratt from behind. "This isn't an episode of Scrubs people. Pick up some charts, get your asses moving and clear that board!" He shook his head in frustration then stomped away.
Abby, Morris and Ray exchanged looks with one another then, Morris declared, "Somebody's PMSing."
Abby nodded, "If by PMSing you meaning 'putting up with Morris's shit'…then yes, I'd have to agree with you one that."
"Right," Ray added. He threw his last chart down on the pile and turned to face Abby and Morris. "Well ladies, I for one am done for the day. You two enjoy yourselves. Have fun with Pratt. Let me know how Dr. Wombat works out." And with that, he made a B-line for the exit.
Sam entered the exam room and changed the I.V. bag for the patient asleep on the bed. Her nursing duties were so drilled into her head by this point in her career that is seemed she need not consciously think about what she was doing. Her movements were committed to memory. She tossed away the emptied bag and turned around to check on the next patient a bed over but something caught her attention. A mumbling, which was not unusual but she had a feeling it wasn't coming from a patient.
She pulled the curtain back from the last bed in the room and found Gates talking to himself whilst staring blankly at his chart as if he needed the Rosetta Stone to make any sense of it.
"Having problems?" she asked.
"What? No I just couldn't read the writing on here…someone needs to work on their penmanship."
Sam grabbed the chart out his hands and glanced down at it for a second, "It's an order for Demerol."
"Demerol, right," he jumped in.
Sam squinted a little then asked, "You feeling alright, Tony?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"No, no reason. You just seem a little off today," she pointed out.
"Oh," he smirked, "Well maybe you know someone who could help me get it on."
Sam rolled her eyes, "I'll get the Demerol for you. Why don't you take a break and hit the showers? Preferably a cold one."
"Oh Sam, come on," he shouted to her as she was leaving the room, "You know I love it when they play hard to get."
She tried to ignore him, which would have been easier to do if he was actually capable of shutting his mouth once in a while. Instead she swiftly paced over to the drug lockup. Her sharp turn of the corner collided her straight into Morris.
"Woah, Taggart," he said as he braced her shoulder, "Where's the fire?"
She smacked his hands off of her and entered the lockup. "Back off Morris. I've filled my quota of smart ass doctors for one shift."
"Alright, alright!" he surrendered, "Fair enough. Need me to fire anyone for you?"
She scoffed. "Thanks, I can manage."
"Ok. Seriously though, you let me know! I can at least get all tae kwon do on their ass!" he said as he attempted his best attack stance.
Sam stared. She turned around and retrieved her drugs whilst wondering if she could just lock herself in that room for the rest of her shift.