The first time Damian finds out about this 'Instagram' website, he thinks it's utter nonsense. That's largely due to the fact that Dick's account includes pictures of Damian (quite a few pictures, he furiously notes) that he never even knew existed. Therefore, in his mind, any hatred he feels towards it is wholly justified.
However, then he realises that there are entire accounts dedicated to pets. Cats, dogs, pigs, horses — he was sure Grayson even said something about a rooster. That makes Damian slightly disgruntled, because surely there are other pets that have done more to deserve all of that attention. Like Titus — Titus was a true hero, in his opinion. Titus sometimes joined him on patrol, and had protected him, and others, on a number of occasions. If a rooster could receive such a large amount of appreciation, surely Titus — wonderful, heroic Titus — deserves much more.
So Damian immediately walks to his room, opens his laptop, and creates a new account.
'Titus Wayne' becomes an instant hit.
…
At first, Bruce doesn't notice that anything is off. He walks past his secretary, who is giggling more than usual, but he really doesn't think it's odd — she giggles a lot. There are a bunch of other workers, all gathered around her, and they all have wide grins on their faces. Again — nothing overly strange. Bruce makes sure to shoot them a large, Brucie grin as he passes, and no one acknowledges him (which is slightly odd, but at least he doesn't have to deal with dazed sighs, and fluttering eyelashes).
And then he hears what they are talking about, and pauses his stride.
"Oh my god, did you see what he was wearing? That beanie was so cute. I need it for my little pup."
"If it's good enough for Titus Wayne, then it's good enough for my dog too."
"Oh my god, did you watch that video of Titus Wayne chasing the frisbee? Adorable, I tell you."
"Titus Wayne?" Bruce doesn't realise he's spoken aloud, until they all turn to stare at him.
"Mr. Wayne!" one of them — Bruce couldn't remember his name…P-something maybe? — exclaims. "We were just talking about Titus Wayne."
Bruce stares.
"Your dog," his secretary prompts. "You know, the one you've been posting pictures of on Instagram?"
"I haven't," Bruce mutters. He has a good idea who has though.
…
"Damian's going to be furious, you know," he tells Dick, sounding more than a little exasperated.
"I didn't do anything," Dick replies dryly. "And I assume you're talking about 'Titus Wayne'?"
Bruce raises one eyebrow.
"My bets were on Tim," Dick continues, "except I call him, and apparently the first he heard of it was from Kon. Apparently 'Titus Wayne' is quite the celebrity."
"Well Jason sure as hell didn't do it," Bruce says flatly. "And I'd blame Steph, but she hasn't been at the manor lately. And Cass is still in Hong Kong…"
He and Dick stare at each other.
"So…Damian did this?" Dick sounds amused. "I want to be shocked but…when I think about it, it's really not that surprising. He loves his pets a lot."
Well, Bruce still thinks it's a little surprising. He's still mulling over it when Barbara walks in, her phone clutched in her hand.
"Titus Wayne saved a little boy!" she exclaims. "Pushed him out of the way of an oncoming truck — look, he was on the news and everything! Damian posted the video up."
Dick raises one eyebrow. "You knew it was Damian?"
Barbara snorts. "Please who else would it be?" She tosses the phone to him. "Now — watch. That dog is pretty damn awesome, I have to admit."
Bruce really wants to point out that he was the one who had bought 'that dog.'
…
The whole 'Titus Wayne' thing starts to wear a little thin after he receives a number of invitations — public appearances, parties — with the name "Titus Wayne" included on them. Damian looks immensely proud, and Bruce stresses that no, Titus will not be attending any public events with them.
"Titus is a rising star Father!" Damian yells. "He must be treated as such — "
"No is no Damian," Bruce snaps.
Damian scowls, and then makes a point to tell everyone at the party exactly why the guest of honour hasn't arrived.
…
Bruce has spent years trying to to convince Jason to visit the manor.
Now he spends a large portion of his time coming up with ways to get him the hell out.
Because Jason has apparently decided that a great way to mess with Bruce's head is to invite strangers into the manor — strangers, who all desperately want a glimpse of Titus Wayne.
Bruce is seriously starting to regret buying that dog.
And Jason won't leave either. Somehow he's there, everyday, with a new group of people — and they crowd the manor, and pat and coo at Titus (who sits there, wagging his tail, and loving the attention). Damian has started adding ridiculous accessories, that look more like something Dick would have chosen. There are ridiculous hats, spotted bow-ties, and even a strange pair of star shaped sunglasses.
Everyone seems to love it, except for Bruce, who really just wants 'everyone' to leave.
(Seriously, how the hell can one dog be this famous?).
…
Titus Wayne gets dog-napped, and there's a ransom note left behind. Bruce wants to bang his head repeatedly on the wall, except Damian looks close to hysterics, so maybe that isn't the best idea.
"I'll kill them!" his son screams. "How dare they take Titus, I'll — I'll show them — "
Bruce tells him that he isn't killing anyone, so Damian calls the police instead. Two officers arrive, and apparently they're fans too, because they're almost as passionate as Damian.
"We'll get him back son," one of them murmurs seriously. "We'll do everything in our power to find Titus Wayne, and bring him home."
"I'm a huge fan," his partner adds. "I've been hooked, ever since Titus Wayne stopped that bank robbery."
…What bank robbery? And why can't anyone just call the damn dog 'Titus'?!
He must gave been gaping, because the first cop glances up, and nods sympathetically. "I understand, Mr. Wayne," he says. "We're very upset too."
(Okay, Bruce is seriously having a chat about this with Jim later on).
And then Titus returns to the manor, because apparently the dog has become an ace crime fighter, and has escaped his captors all on his own. Damian hugs him (which makes the whole thing worth it, Bruce decides, with some reluctance), and one of the officers snaps a picture.
It ends up on the "Titus Wayne" Instagram page, and Bruce — well, he might have saved a copy.
…
Eventually the Titus Wayne hype dies down, and Bruce is immensely pleased. Because sure, Titus is a great dog, but the constant mentions of the dog were driving him crazy.
He walks past Damian's room, and see's his son hunched over his laptop, his brow furrowed in concentration.
"What are you doing?" he asks curiously, walking inside.
"I'm setting up another one of those Instagram accounts," Damian replies, without looking up. "Alfred needs one, don't you think? Perhaps "Alfred the Cat" or…Alfred Wayne? Or is that simply a blatant copy of Titus Wayne — Father?"
Bruce decides that the next time Damian wants a new pet, he's saying no.
…
AN:
…Yeah, no idea why I wrote this, other than the fact that I absolutely love Damian. He is adorable, and writing Damian fan fiction has become one of my hobbies (so expect a lot more in the future).