April 17, 1949
Stark Mansion
"I'm just so sick of it, Pegs." Angie spat, as he ran a hand through her hair, tears welling up in her eyes. Her makeup already starting to run. "I'm sick of you running off... I'm sick of you going on all these top secrets missions... and you, not telling me anything about them. For Godsake Peg. You could be out there, getting yourself killed. While, I'm here. Stuck here worried for your life.. Feeling so stupid for falling for you, for loving you... Waiting for you. I feel unwanted, stuck here in the mansion. I don't feel needed. Pegs, do you even love me? Or am I just here as a side fling?"
"Angie." Peggy choked out, heart broken. Tears streaming from her eyes as she felt her heart breaking, shattering. For the second time. With Steve, the pain hurt like hell. It took her years to finally dull the pain from her existence. Angie at her side for the nights she woke up screaming, contorting her body as she would shake with violent sobs. Hearing his voice haunt her dreams for what seemed like an eternity.
But this, right now. In front of her, in this very moment. Peggy would have sworn she was dying. "Why would you ever think such a thing, Angie?" She sobbed out, her hands wiping away stray tears. "I love you. More than I could ever tell you. More than I could ever show. We knew it wouldn't be easy, love. We knew that the SSR would take me off. We knew that. But I still fell in love with you. God, Angie. Why would you think I didn't care?"
"Because, Peggy. This." She paused, as the tears came falling from her eyes like a waterfall. "This. Is the first time you said you loved me. You won't say it to me, when I need to here it. You just brushed it off. 'I care for you so much, Angie.'.. You don't tell me. I need to here it Pegs. And I can't do this. I can't do it anymore English. My heart can't take any more of it. Loving you, Peggy. Isn't the right thing to do. How can I ever change things? If I could.. I'd give you my world my everything."
She paused, as she started to gather up her things. "How can I? If you won't take it from me?" She stopped, and looked up at Peggy. Tears flushing down her face, makeup staining her cheeks. Standing her ground she choked out. "You can go your own way. You can just call it 'Another lonely day without me.' Peggy. I'm letting you go. So, you're not tied anymore to Little Ol' Angie. You're a free lady." She slammed the lid on her suitcase and made her way to the door.
"Angie, please. No. Don't do this. You know how much I love you." Peggy, stood up from her spot on the bed. Following Angie out the door like a lost puppy.
"No Pegs. I don't know. Please. Just stop this right now. Before I stop myself from doing this. Let me leave. Let me hate you." Angie stopped, and opened up the door. Peggy, fell to her knees. Her knees. In front of Angie, crying. Holding out a small box, that had seemed to been waiting her pocket for a while.
"Angie, will you marry me?" She held out the small box, and stood up. So she could stare into the women's eyes. Searching for an answer. But, inside the surprise, and the joy. Peggy saw the light fade from Angie's eyes. The happiness that was usually there, was long gone. There was a small sob, and then Angie shut her eyes and stepped outside of the mansion.
"Goodbye English." Angie said, simply. Shutting the door behind her, leaving for a new. Better life.
Peggy Carter had chosen to ride the storms on her own. It's was a choice that had remain leaden against her aching heart for almost two years; she never could recollect her memories without feeling the corrosive remnants of her regrets invading her agile and reserved mind—but the world had changed in a blind of eye, the pledge that she entrusted had been violated by the acts of betrayal that diminished the foundations of truth and integrity; the ideals that she carried every time she walked in shadow and dared fate with a little wager of game.
Everything was dismantled, and the people in her small circle had paid a great cost to preserve freedom and she was left to feel her detached heart fraying into splinters—the next mission was a repetitive escape she used to bury the untamed measures of grief that ate away at her reservations.
Every begrudging trial she'd endured in the shadows; resulted in holding her word to a cause of restoring the balance of power—outweighing negatives and restructuring distant trust residing in Howard, the brilliant, egoistical man who made her risk everything so that his promising future empire could be secured from the corrupt world enfolding around them.
It seemed like a muddled destiny of reformation and injustice. There was no fine line between the shades of black and grey, just blotted slash of white, but Peggy knew the value of the patriotic colors of red and blue —symbols of hope became furling embers in the darkness.
California, or as Sousa put it. 'Hell in a Hand-Basket.' Treated her well. She came down and became soon, a founder of Shield, with Howard. Soon after the fight with Angie, she was transferred over to the Los Angles division. At her request. The life that she knew in New York, was long behind her. As well as the many people she knew there. But, that's not saying that she tried. For the two years, the walls between reality, and her dreams began to fade together into a tranquil picture.
Her heart ached for the little lady in the slightly too-tight skirt. Who had seemed to make a name for herself on Broadway, like Peggy knew she would. Like she had always told Angie.
But today. Peggy picked up the phone. For what it felt like, the first time in a long while, she broke down. And no matter of alcohol was going to keep herself together. Her voice was shaky, and slightly raspier than it should have been. But, she knew this was the right thing to do.
"Hello. It's me." She started, a small laugh in her tone. A sad smile breaking across her lips. "I was wondering, you know. If after all these years you'd like to meet me? Maybe? To go over everything." She stopped for a moment to take a breath, and collect herself, as she found her body start to shake with a sob. "They say that time's supposed to heal. But I haven't done much healing. Call me when you can, Peggy."
A promise of change was coming, the reverence of her defining moment was dwindling as she cast a glance at the depths of crystal waters reflecting the illusion of serenity back to her—At first, it seemed like a silent debate, a swell of reluctance blossomed in her chest, absently her fingers curled over the curve of the payphone; hesitation pulsed in her veins. Fighting against the oppressive guilt, Peggy wanted to hold onto her untainted existence a second longer, feeling the eroded part of her heart, the layers that were bruised with unsettled grief and she refused to dial the number and release the last, real strength.
"Get a hold of yourself, Carter," she chided in an undertone breath, and felt the lashes of cold wafting breeze wavering over her fastened, burgundy lips. She couldn't afford to cling onto sentiment, to force herself to play the role of damsel in her own reverences.
Instead of dwelling on the torturous moment of battling with her betraying emotions, Peggy exhaled a steady breath, and raised her chin firmly, indignant to resurfaces of constricting pain nestled in her. She forced herself to start dialing the familiar numbers.
"Hello, can you hear me?" She started, but realized that once again. She was talking to a voicemail. "I'm in California. You know, Los Angles. All those lights, and the warm beaches you would always drag on about. I was thinking about who we used to be, Angie. When we were younger and free. In New York, with the cool summer nights, and the chill of the December snows." She smiled to herself as she looked out to the ocean in her view.
"I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. Right now, There's such a difference between us. And a million miles." She stopped, as she felt herself catch her breath, but not be able to release it. A tear falling from her left eye. "Hello from the other side, Angie. I must've called a thousand times, now. To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done." She felt her voice begin to shake, and sound like how she felt.
"But when I call you, Angie. You never seem to be home. So, Hello from the outside of my life. As I watch you prosper, and grow into a beautiful actress. At least I can say that I've tried to make things up. To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart. But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore." She paused, hitching out abated exhale, a prick of tears dispersed from her dismal brown eyes, rolling aimlessly over her ivory features; her resolve settled intently on the payphone in hand. "Call Me Soon... Peggy."
"Oh darling, I'm afraid I owe you an apology," she began, but stopped short when Angie looked up at her with wide eyes.
"Angie?" she asked, fear suddenly pooling in the pit of her stomach. "What's wron–"
The words died on her lips when Angie pulled her hand away from her chest and stumbled forward.
Peggy immediately sprang toward her, catching Angie as she fell into her arms. When she did that, for the first time, Peggy realized Angie's blouse was beging to be coated in a dark sticky substance.
"Oh, God! Angie!" she cried.
Angie's fingers flailed against Peggy's cheek. "S'okay, Pegs," she murmured.
Peggy's eyes fell upon the small entrance wound Angie's hand had covered and watched as the bright stain quickly spread across Angie's silk blouse.
"No, no, no," she cried when the magenta fabric immediately darkened as the spot grew larger.
"Peggy?"Angie gazed up at her in confusion, eyes beginning to cloud over.
"You're going to be all right, darling, I promise," Peggy frantically assured her even as she placed her hand over the open wound and pressed down, vainly trying to staunch the flow of blood. "Just stay with me. Stay with me." she screamed, eyes drawn back to Angie when she felt the younger woman's thumb clumsily trail down to rest at the corner of her mouth.
A weak smile spread across Angie's lips, and she dragged a hand to cover Peggy's which still lay near her heart. "I'm not goin'... 'nwhere without... English," she rasped, the final word falling from her lips as her eyes slid closed. Her body grew heavy and the hand covering Peggy's fell limply to her side.
"Angie!" Peggy screamed into the night, and she fell to her knees, her lover's lifeless body crushed against her chest as she began to sob incoherently, a painful hollowness already seeping its way into her heart.
Peggy bolted up in her bed, tears running down her face, hands tightly clenching the sheets beneath her as she greedily sucked in gulps of the cool night air. She looked around her bedroom, eyes adjusting to the darkness. It was still nighttime. She slowly unclenched her fingers and released the soft material. She had been dreaming.
Feeling the mattress shudder beneath her, Peggy turned to see the empty bed next to her, as always. Taking in several deep breaths, she tried to calm her racing heart and feverish mind. As she felt her pulse slowly return to a normal pace, she let her head fall back and hit the pillow before she picked up the phone next to the bed, and dialed a number.
"Hello, Angie?" She waited, but heard the tone of her voicemail. "Well, Um. how are you? I woke up with a nightmare. I was hoping you were awake. I just waited to hear your voice. To help me. But, It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry. I hope that you're well. Did you ever make it out of that diner? Where nothing ever happened?" She paused. A look of guilt filling her coffee hues.
"It's no secret. That the both of us are running out of time. So.. Hello from the other side, Angie. I must've called you, a thousand times. Just because I love you Angie. I love you some much. To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done. But, when I call you never seem to be home. But, Hello from the outside. Where you are, without me. At least I can say that I've tried. That, I've called. To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart. But it don't matter Ang, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore." She mumbled out the next few words. "Call me... sometime, Peggy."
A stab of severe, idyllic misery twinged in her heart; penetrating and forcing torrents of arising guilt to bleed out of her.
Feeling the prick of tears swell in her coffee orbs; Peggy tilted her head skyward; allowing the biting gusts wind to sweep away the remnants of her unadulterated, and immense pain; she had become a captive inside weaves of utmost despair. She was barely gripping onto reserves of unbridled strength that coursed in her veins, while she held onto her prominence for a little while longer; her steady pulse was beating against the encasing payphone-her life line.
Somehow, it felt like she was terminating her through her reluctant decision of giving Angie away; she had wished that Angie was here, beside her; venturing with determined, paces of ambled steps through the snowy landscape, holding the look of determination in her blue orbs.
Breathing in the salty air, holding her tears back, Peggy finally dialed the number for the last time, and with a shaky release of her hand; she commanded every fiber of her body to finish the task.
"Angie, It's Me. You're not answering, again. But I still love you. I always will. But, Hello from the other side, without you. I must've called a thousand times, to tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done. But when I call you never seem to be home." She looked out upon the ocean as the tears fell from her eyes. "Hello from the outside. At least I can say that I've tried. To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart. But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore." Peggy paused for a moment as she listening to the ringing of her own voice.
"I won't be calling again, Peggy." She was just about to hang up the phone when on the other end she heard the far too familiar voice answer full of sadness.
"Hiya, English." She answered, a small laugh in her tone.
"Angie..."
"I just wanna say I'm sorry Pegs. For ignoring ya'. I just couldn't answer. I didn't have the heart. It just hurt to much." She spoke into the phone, babbling like she usually did when she was nervous. Rambling over things that didn't really matter. Peggy, found it adorable.
"Angie, we should meet. I'm back in New York. Maybe tonight, we could go by the diner. And we could chat?" Peggy tossed up.
"I'd love that Pegs. Until then." Angie, answered back.
"Until then, my love."
Peggy walked in stride down the all too familiar road. Her hair done, up nice. Her make up in pristine condition, and her heart. It finally felt like it was starting to come back together. Her red dress, was a bit too snug, yet, she didn't seemed to mind as the diner came into view. A smile graced her lips as she looked forward with daring eyes, as she spotted the one and only. Angie Martinelli.
Their eyes met, and the world seemed to pause around them. Everything was silent and still as the two were walking towards each other. Angie, placed her foot on the black top of the street, eyes locked with Peggy's.
Crash
In a blink of an eye. To Peggy, Angie was laying on the ground. Mumbling something in Italian.
Peggy rushed up to her side, pulling her partner's frail body into her embrace. Tears streaming down her face.
"Angie, please." She sobbed out. "No, no, no," she cried as she felt the body in her arms begin to grow limp
"Peggy?"Angie gazed up at her in confusion, eyes clouding over.
"You're going to be all right, darling, I promise," Peggy frantically assured her. "Just stay with me. Stay with me." she screamed, eyes drawn back to Angie.
A weak smile spread across Angie's lips, and she dragged a hand to cover Peggy's which still lay near her heart. "I'm not goin'... 'nwhere without... English," she rasped, the words falling from her lips as her eyes slid closed. "Goodbye English." Her body grew heavy and the hand covering Peggy's fell limply to her side.
"Angie!" Peggy screamed as a man came up to her side. "Not again, please."
"Ma'am. I'm so sorry." The man looked at her with wide eyes, as the recognition started. "Agent Carter, Oh My God. I'm so sorry. She stepped right out in front of me. I couldn't stop fast enough." He vaguely smiled. "I'm private James Callaghan. I was in the 107th."
Peggy looked up at the man in anger, he looked vaguely familiar. But she didn't care. All she cared about, was Angie. The woman she loved, who was lying here, dead in her arms. Peggy, Had failed to protect her.
"Hello from the other side." Peggy sobbed out to herself as she looked down at the grave of her friend, her love. "I must've called a thousand times. To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done. Angie. But when I call you never seem to be home." She stopped and looked up at the sky. "Hello from the outside. At least I can say that I've tried . To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart. But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore. Because you're not here."
"Pegs, come on." James ushered her. "We can't stay here all day. You know she wouldn't want you to catch a cold."
"I just miss her so much." Peggy mumbled to herself, as she pressed her face into her husband's coat. "I don't know how I get along without her."
"Mummy, why are you crying?" Peggy's small, six year old little girl looked up at her. Brown hues, filled to the brim with compassion for her mother.
"Well, Angie." She said quietly, getting on her knees. So she was on the same level as her daughter. "This was dear friend of mummy's, and she died. Your father and I named you after her. Because you remind us so much of her."
"Like, how Steve is named after Captain America?" She pointed to her smaller, two year old brother. Who was too preoccupied with playing in the freshly fallen snow, then the sorrows of his mother.
"Exactly." She said, taking the hand of her daughter, putting on a fake smile. James, her husband. The man who she had learned to love, after her killed Angie on accident, scooped up their son. He started to walk away, Angie. Her daughter, ran ahead of Peggy and took a hold of her father's hand.
Peggy turned around for a moment, and looked back on the grave of her love.
"Goodbye My Darling." She whispered, before she turned and continued on her way. Without, Angie Martinelli.
Reviews are always appreciated.