Chapter one: Moving on

Narcissa Malfoy refused to let this happen. She had already lost her husband, once again imprisoned in Azkaban this time perhaps for life, she was not about to loose her son as well. Since the end of Voldemorts hold on their lives, she had hoped he could find some measure of peace. It was not to be so. Damn people and their cruelties.

While Potter and his lot were being lauded as hero's, the Prophet couldn't seem to get enough of splashing the golden trio's picture on every page, her family had been marked as traitors. She did not mind suddenly falling from the social heights into the social gutters so much. Games of power and influence were her specialty, she had been taught how to wield the waters of social intrigues since the cradle but that did not mean it was her entire life.

Her family, particularly her son was. She had never particularly wanted to side with Voldemort but for reasons of his own Lucius had thought for sure Voldemort would win and staying on top was always most important to Lucius. She sighed thinking sadly on her husband. He was not by any means what light wizards might classify as a good man. He cared far too much for material things and could often be quiet cold and harsh. He was not a bad man either. She knew his gentle touch and the small smile he sometimes got when he looked at his son.

Glancing across the breakfast table at Draco's ashen features, she wished that Lucuis wouldn't of saved those smiles for when his son's back was turned. Lucius had been raised much the same way, and held the principle to show the boy too much approval would spoil him. Nonsense, but he had been unshakable in this area. Narcissa had tried to make up for Lucius's lack by showering her son with as much love as she could while insisting that although Lucius seemed to always be in disapproval of him that beneath it he really did love him.

She sighed watching Draco stare at his food as if willing it to leap into his mouth so that he would not have to expend the energy of bringing it there. He was much paler then usual, his shirt was rumpled and stained, and she knew he was wearing the same pair of pants for the third day in a row. It pained her to see him like this, literally wasting away in front of her eyes. Draco always looke immaculate his appearance defining who he was, to see him like this just confirmed what she already knew. She was loosing her son.

What with the beatings, the memories, his father in Azkaban and becoming a social pariah it's no wonder. Her poor baby had been forced to appear before a full wizard quart to prove his actions were under duress and that his part in Dumbledore's death although terrible should not be punished due to the fact that he was a minor and under his fathers influence.

She felt a sting in her eyes and blinked rapidly to dispel the forming tears. Lucius had finally shown how much her really did love his son by ordering him to say exactly that. Draco had not wanted to be a witness against his own father but the way the court had been swinging he would have been in the cell next to him if he hadn't.

The hypocrites wouldn't leave it at that, oh no they could not leave her baby in peace. They harassed him daily, he could not show his face anywhere without their slurs and sometimes even bodily harm. She had contacted the authorities the first time he dragged himself home from being ganged up upon, but she could see the satisfaction in their eyes as they pretended to search for the culprits. They thought he deserved what he got.

The fools.

She gripped her fork tighter. As much as she loved her husband she hated what he had done. Ignoring their sons differences, he had pushed and pushed ignoring all the warning signs and now Draco was paying. From the beginning it was obvious Draco didn't have the heart to do any of the things Lucius desired for their political climb to the top. Draco tried hard to please but Narcissa had always known he was going to be different.

"Draco darling is the duck not to your liking? I thought you liked duck." Narcissa prodded him gently. He needed to eat he was becoming all thin and bones. The dull look to his grey eyes frightened her. Draco had of course been melancholy since the trial but this? He looked as if his world had fallen out beneath him. What had happened?

"Darling what is it, if someone has hurt you again I shall…" She began fearing that it was true.

Draco shook his head sighing. "Have you read the prophet this morning? The Hero just got engaged and the whole world celebrates."

Ah, Narcissa thought gazing at him. She had never quiet been able to figure out just when Draco lost his nerve when it came to doing as his father wished. Draco up to a point could be just as materialistic, just as cunning as they were. Narcissa never showed exuberance thinking it completely undignified and she had taught her son the same and he had modeled it perfectly.

Until Harry Potter.

She still remembered the day she picked him up from the robe shop only to find her normally reserved eleven year old grinning from ear to ear and going on about how he could not wait to finally go to Hogwarts. Just that morning he had shrugged disdainfully as if bored when the Prewets had asked him if he was excited. Something in that shop had got him undeniably excited about being at Hogwarts and it wasn't like him at all.

In his first letter home his tune had changed yet he was still exploding off the pages in a most unbecoming way. He was ranting about Harry Potter, words like stupid, moronic, pratt, blind as a batt, streaming off the partchment as she had read alarmed her. It was ok to dislike someone, she had enough enemies but she had taught him the correct way to handle such emotions with the dignity befitting their family. Her son couldn't seem to handle containing anything when it came to Harry.

She had thought of course that it was rivalry which to an extent it was, Lucius was constantly pitting them against each other as was everyone else in the world and both boys fell into the molds prepared for them without a second thought. She saw however behind the fury Draco was unhappy and Potter was to blame. She detested that boy for the way when summer holidays were supposed to be happy the mere mention of his name could make her son turn into somebody else entirely. Snide was fine but explosive was not.

Then there was the fact that although they had tried to turn his eyes towards finding a suitable wife Draco was just not interested. Period. She had observed him and slowly come to the conclusion that Draco did not want any woman, and she suspected that if at all possible he might have been with a man if he had freedom of choice.

This not being good, as it did not fit into Lucius's plans, she had said nothing trying to subtle hint that he could still do his duty and be happy at the same time. Although Lucius had never had a mistress it was still done in their circles.

Draco had only laughed at her suggestions and resigned himself to duty. She had not understood why he must do things the hard way. Marry a suitable girl and keep whatever man caught his fancy, as long as he was discreet, what was so hard about that? There was no need to give it all up and languish in such misery.

The fact that Harry was marrying he Weasley girl and yet again beating him to something he wanted, marital happiness, must be what was causing Draco such pain. She did not understand their rivalry. Potter had sass and cheek and was far too headstrong for her liking but she had always thought they rather complimented each other. Of course she would never say it, Lucius would have a fit and Draco hated the boy.

Was being happily married so very important to Draco that the fact that Potter had beaten him to it enough to drive him to this point? She thought to herself.

They had done him such a disservice. Forced him to live a life he did not want to live and caged him, lovingly perhaps but still very much a cave. She loved Lucius but he was not able to be a part of their lives anymore and she knew that if he was what he would say. Lucius, darling that he was, did not understand matters of the heart.

She was going to have to unlock the cage and as much as it hurt let him fly away. She loved him so very much and to do what she was planning meant possibly never seeing him again. He might never wish to come back.

She sighed placing her fork down. "Draco. What are your plans for the future?" She asked, hoping that maybe he had met someone or had a job lined up. That maybe there could be some hope for his life here.

Draco looked up from whatever troubling thoughts were swirling in his head. "I don't know mother. Nobody will hire me, no girl would consider linking her name with mine. What is there for me to do? It's not like I need it anyway we have enough money for the both of us."

She sighed. Forward then.

"It matters because you do need friends and a life outside of the manor. This isn't healthy, and you've never been able to sit still living off your fathers money and reading all day will drive you mad and you know it. I want more for you then that and be honest you want more for yourself." She pointed out.

Draco shrugged, "true. But it doesn't change the fact that I can't have it. Like I said, no boss will hire me and no girl wants me, for husband or friend."

"I was under the impression you didn't want a wife, no man would want you for partner or friend you mean." She said, seeking to see if she was right on that score.

Again he shrugged, "yes but it still doesn't change what is."

"You're thinking about here. Here in England where Voldemorts rein has marked us so heavily. But there are places that his rein did not touch were his name is but a blurb in the papers and a distant fear. Places where nobody has heard your name and even if they knew your story they would be far more accepting." She said and watching something dawning in his eyes she knew she had just lost him. He would leave and she would be alone.

It was what was best.

-&-

For the last few months they had been planning and Draco felt some excitement for the first time in nearly two years. His mother had contacted some old Hogwarts friends of hers who lived in the states. Virginia was the particular state, and he would be moving in with them to get his feet on the ground and decide what he wanted to do.

There were papers to be signed and approval from both ministries to be gotten. To become an official citizen of the American wizarding populace was harder then he had first thought. The yanks required that not only he have identification as a wizard but that he have an identity within the muggle realm as well. Which meant a lot of paperwork so that the right people could be charmed into believing and creating identification for Draco Malfoy born in England and working in the states on a work Visa.
He didn't see why he needed a muggle identity if he was going to be living amongst wizards, his mother had shrugged. One just never knew with Americans.

The ministry here had oddly enough been the easiest to get into agreement with the whole thing. They were more then happy to be rid of him he supposed, and Draco could only return the sentiment.

When he arrived in Virginia and set up at a bank his mother would wire him half of his inheritance. More then enough to live off of for a few years while he found a job and sought after…

A thrill of excitement went through him. Anything. He could do and say and be anything. Best of all he could be him. If his father ever got out of Azkaban he would be furious perhaps even hurt but Draco wasn't backing down. He was going to make something of himself and it was no longer possible to do that in England. He was all ready to go, he just needed to get to a global apparition point and actually go.

But for a few days he had been deliberating. Taking time to be with his mother who was trying valiantly to hide how much this was costing her. Also making the excuse that he wanted to say goodbye to a lot of the things in England.

True, but it was one particular thing he had to see before he felt he had enough closer to go. He had to see Potter actually do it. Had to see him walk down the isle, and know for certain that it was done.

Then he would turn his back on a pair of haunting green eyes, that were responsible for so much of the turmoil in his life.

He needed that last bit of closure.
-&-

He could feel the eyes.

He knew this was supposed to be a happy moment, the happiest of his life. Here he stood at an alter the woman of his dreams staring up at him with such youthful hope in her eyes and such adoration. Around him were friends and family all cheering them on, and many strangers as well.

It had been impossible to have a small private wedding like he had wanted. Somehow he had let Mrs. Weasley convince him that it was better to let anyone who wished come. So many of their friends wanted to share in this moment with him.

He felt like he was on display with thousands of eyes staring at him. He had nearly panicked when Molly had gushed that so many people had expressed interest in attending the wedding would be hosted in the ball room of the Ministry of magic. So many eyes.
All of them gazing in rapture brightly up at him. All of them whispering things he would rather forget.

"Such a brave boy, lost his godfather you know poor Sirius was innocent…."

"It's a good thing he's marrying into the Weasleys, they just lost a son you know…"

"…yes they made him Godfather. It's a good thing Andromeda's still around though a seventeen year old boy is hardly fit to be a parent though it was a sweet gesture."

They whispered and they gawked, and they idolized and Harry just wanted to escape. He did not want to think about how these same people had not believed in Sirius's innocence forcing him to stay cooped up in hiding. He most certainly did not want to remember how one minute Fred had been smiling and the next such a vital life force had just been gone. He was tempted to smack whoever had dared to whisper it was good he was taking Fred's place as a son in the family, as if Harry or the Weasleys would even want that.

And most of all he did not want to think about how the last link to his parents and a good friend of his was gone. Leaving his poor son alone in the world except for him and Andromeda. How dare they, who had treated Remus like a second class citizen because of his unfortunate circumstances dare to have any say in how Teddy was raised?

And yet they watched and gushed, so incredibly ready to praise the ground he walked on yet at the same time hungry to wait and watch for any flaw. He felt as if he was surrounded by smiling vultures, ones who could scent his death and were hungrily awaiting him to fall.

The Prophet had crowned him king and made their money and boosted him into almost frenzied celebrity popularity. Now they were searching for a way to dethrone him, and they would not do it as fast as they had been able to crown him. No his down fall would be slow and steady one scandalous article after another needling into his private life his core, writing what they had no knowledge or perception of; to feed all the staring eyes with their rising hunger.

As he looked out at the hundreds of people gathered waiting for him to say I do, he found it impossible to be happy when he should have been. He was frightened at the depth of his gloomy thoughts, it was unlike him but he had been a victim of the media before and now he knew it was inevitable.

"Harry?" Ginny prodded biting her lower lip nervously.

They were all still waiting, this time with rapt attention as they scented scandal on the wind. If he said no, oh how the cameras would snap and the quick quote quills would fly across the parchment.

No one would stop to think about what was going on inside him, what he needed, his confusion. They would feed off this like they did everything else.

Did he want to say no? Was that why he was hesitating? Didn't he love her? Didn't he want to spend the rest of his life with her?

Questions raced through his mind as Ginny's eyes widened with apprehension and the moment became even more intensified.

Yes he did love her, never wanted to hurt her in fact and walking away now in front of everyone, an entire nation of people watching would hurt her badly. He did want to spend the rest of his life with her, it was why he had asked. He wanted to know what she was doing, wanted to watch her smile and watch her laugh. He loved how practical she could be and how strong she could be under fire. He wanted to protect her from herself, wanted her to be happy, and to in return be protected. He wanted arms to hold him when the memories crowded in and someone knew him.

He still wanted to say no.

He couldn't explain his sudden hesitation but as much as he cared for her and relished the thought of spending forever with her there was something off about it all. Something inside him insistently whispered that he'd missed some important fact along the road but he couldn't figure out what it was. She was in love with him. He loved her. It was supposed to add up to be equal, but it wasn't.

She had brought him joy, he enjoyed her company and she was very understanding of him why wouldn't he feel happy when he was with her. Somehow that happiness had changed since the end of Voldemort. With so many eyes watching, with her well meaning family leaning heavily on him to do right by her, the simple joy of being with her had become a cage.

He wanted out but he couldn't see any open door that wouldn't hurt everyone he had left to love.

Perhapes it made him a coward, but Harry just wasn't willing to do it. He wasn't willing to hurt any of them. He was hurting enough as it was and he refused to cause them more pain.

It's a good thing he's marrying into the Weasley family the just lost a son.

Those words suddenly took on new meaning. If he did this now, if he walked away from her now she would be devastated and humiliated. He did not kid himself, his friendship with Ron or any of the Weasleys was not strong enough to survive completely mistreating his sister, and their daughter in such a fashion. He had a choice to make, endure the eyes forever watching him or break and be free.

Free but alone.

He said yes.

-&-

As Draco fussed with the third suitcase the busboy had just helped him station in the flying carts carrying them towards a circular golden hoop in the middle of the Global Apparition station. Around him wizards and witches alike streamed in and out of the large window less room in lines holding ticket numbers and lugging travel cases. The rows and rows of hoops on the left side of the room were for disappariting into distances that could be dangerous for an inexperienced wizard or too large a group. Families taking vacations or an unlucky wizard who had never quite mastered the art. One did not want to be splinched between two nations.

The hoops were monitored by a team of wizards who helped keep track of where parts ended up. Therefore if he splinched he could not splinch anywhere but in the hoop in the states, magically tuned to this one. To the right people were Appariting into existence returning from vacations or business outside of England.

Signs fluttered with pictures of moving landscape to point the way to which hoop lead where. He was in a line in front of a hoop with tree's and a lot of Green with white misty words swirling like frog across it that read. Virginia USA App. #2 point C.

Beside him his mother looked reserved as usual the only thing betraying her upset a familiar pinched tone to her lips as if a bad smell had caught under her nose. She always got that look when she was upset and Draco hated seeing it and knowing he was the cause.

"You've got your papers? And you will be sure to owl as soon as you have an account set up? I don't want Veronica to think you are charity, you will have more then enough money to get on well. You will write me everyday won't you?" She fussed with his collar although it did not need straightening.

He let her do it knowing this was her way of keeping the cool that was so ingrained in her. Her fingers were trembling slightly and the false note of cheer told him the truth though.

"I'll be fine mother it's what I want. I'm not sad to be leaving. You should be coming with me though, why not start over together?" He grasped her hand suddenly afraid to be leaving her behind.

He was all she had, would she be alright without him?

She shook her head. "Your father is still here. I can not abandon him."

He winced. Not like he was, was left unspoken.

Sensing where his thoughts had led him she shook her head adamantly. "No Draco. It is time you lived your own life. Your father and I have tried to make you live it our way and it was a mistake. Be happy won't you darling, and write me and tell me all about it. Just because you will be surrounded by…Americans…" She said the word like it was a lemon in her mouth. "…does not mean you won't still be my baby."

He smiled at her chuckling a little. She must really want him to be happy if she was willing to give him over to people she clearly saw as little better then heathens. There was only one more group in front of him now, and it was a pair of couples. There was a short man with mousey brown hair holding the hand of a slightly taller girl with pale blonde hair. With them were two young men one with a mess of dark hair and swarthy features his arm loosely linked with a lighter haired mans as they all laughed together.

A group of friends going on holiday, there was no reason to feel such a pang of loss watching the lighter haired young man bend to whisper something into his lovers ear and watching their fingers intertwine.

He'd never even been with a man that way but he'd known for a while now that he wanted to be. He sighed, his mind despite his will lingering on the image of Harry whispering I do and tying his life to the Weaslette's.

He shook his head to clear it was far past time he started to live his own life. He watched the group disappear into Virgina and the moment he had finally come. The cart which had been flying steadily next to him dumped his cases in the middle of the hoop. He turned to face his mother suddenly wishing to drag her with him, not wanting to leave her, wanting very much to leave but not to leave her alone.

She smiled rather sadly at him as she smoothed his hair with her hands. He could feel the fine tremors going through her body destroying the outward appearance of aloofness. "Be happy please?" her voice was a ragged whisper and she immediately clamped her lips shut afterwards.

He nodded feeling incredibly shaken himself, but knowing this was something he had to do.

"And I mean it young man, a letter everyday! If I find you aren't happy I'm going to have a thing or two to say about it." She demanded firmly letting him know she meant every word.

Then she said something that he knew, how could he not, but that he rarely heard from either of his parents lips.
"I love you Draco. And I am proud of you, your father is too believe that."

He nodded blinking to dispel the moister clouding his eyes. He was a Malfoy, he was deciding his own fate, refusing to be whipped by England's censure. He would decide his own fate and travel the road with dignity.

He would not cry.

As he stepped into the hoop and caught his last glimpse of his mother before he was facing a nation of unknown wizards he promised himself no tears.

At least not until he was alone.

A/N: End Chpter 1. Draco has left and Harry just got married. What do you think of that? p.s I am an update ahead on this story and will probably be even further ahead as I don't visit quite as I do on live journal. But there is a comenting rule on that so if you like lurking I suggest staying here lol. If you don't mind being required to comment here's the link: http://slashxqueen. and then dot com of course. takes a bit of extra work to upload on Livejournal with html formatting thats why commenting is required if no one is going to comment I might as well forgo updating there and just do it here.Chapter 2 is already up on it though and chapter three will be up on it shortly after.