Chapter 1-Ami and Solitude
I stood on the bridge, alone. I stared down at the still water down below. The surface was calm but the under current was turbulent. Storm clouds gathered overhead and lightning flashed through the sky. Rain started to come down. Soft at first, then increased in intensity. I stretched out my arms and hugged the rain.
Ami Mizuno. That name was revered and feared at my school. No one could beat my scores in years. People envied and hated me. As if my high scores were there to reflect on their failures. I didn't mean to, really.
Even the teachers didn't know what to do with me. In the early years, they would give me higher grade curriculums to keep me interested. Now in high school, they felt that there was nothing they could teach me anymore. So, they tried to forget me.
Loneliness was a funny thing. At first, it was painful. Excruciating almost. Humans were inherently social beings and I craved some kind of connection with just about anybody. I tried to be less shy. I tried to be more approachable. However, it was hard for people to get over their first impression of me. The snobby one. The genius girl. The cheater. So, over time, I stopped trying.
By the time I was in Grade 2, I had gotten used to my loneliness. Like a parasitic twin, it became part of my identity. It was then that I found the wonderful world of books. I could feel myself leaving my body and entered the world of fantasy. I would talk to the characters in the books as if they were my old friends.
So, day after day, I spent in solitude. When I returned home, the house would be empty. After a day of not talking to anybody, I would continue my "vow of silence". I understood why my mother was not here more. As a doctor, she had people to save. She regretted it and had let me know many times. I would always smile bravely at her and told her not to worry.
My father left one day, abruptly. He decided he wanted to be a bird flying free in the sky without any attachments. So mom and I mourned his leaving for a little while and then we both carried on. There was no point crying over spilled milk. I blamed him for my sadness at first. Mom used to come home for dinner once in a blue moon, but it got less and less when it was just the two of us. As I got older, I understood his reasons and I appreciated his honesty. Yet, on some days, I just wished he would come back.
After their divorce, I became independent. I couldn't rely on mom because she already had too many people relying on her. I couldn't rely on dad because he wanted to fly free. I couldn't rely on friends because I didn't have any. In the end, I could only trust in myself and my ability to take care of everything.
Solitude. Loneliness. Whatever you called it, it was the one constant in my life. I had gotten so numb that I didn't feel the pain anymore. I had believed that my life would continue to be this way and I made my peace with it.
I was that frog that got stuck at the bottom of the well. Looking up, I could only see a slice of the sky. Void of interactions, the well was my entire world. Until one day, a strange girl named Usagi showed up and she threw me a rope. Hesitant and untrusting, I batted the rope away at first. The well was comfortable; I didn't want to know what I was missing. Her giant heart eventually melted my icy exterior. So, with a leap of faith, I grabbed onto that rope and I was pulled out. The world turned out to be much bigger than I imagine. The world turned out to have people like Usagi.
Hope penetrated my heart and slew the demon. Just like that, I was free.